Hello guys, 6th chapter for you =)
It's kinda fluffy and mainly flashbacks, I thought we all deserved it after last chapter!
As usual, thank you for your alerts and reviews! And a special thank for Lara : I can't answer you directly, but your reviews are very much appreciated, thank you so so much!
And on with the reading ;)
I do not own any of the characters.
P.s : only one more week 'til GLEEEEE !
P.s 2 : I apologize for any mistake, they are all mine, and I still don't have a beta !
Brittany didn't know how to feel on her way home. It all reminded her of back when she had been dating the latina, and the first few times they had expressed their feelings to each other.
The situation had obviously been incredibly different then, as well as the outcome, but today's improvement in their relationship allowed the blonde to think about those moments without the pain to become too much to handle.
'Improvements. Is that really what it was ?' she wondered as memories took over her mind.
*One month after the party*
Brittany was sitting in front of her computer talking with enthusiasm. She was so full of life and spirit when talking to her family back in France, never running out of things to say. She wanted her parents and sister to know everything there was to know about her life in Lima, and she also was eager to hear about France. Moreover, speaking french, letting her mind fly so fast it could make her dizzy, felt amazing. The words were coming out of her mouth so easily and correctly that it was addictive.
She loved being here, loved hearing and talking english everyday, but sometime a break was nice. What was even better was to not be the one with the accent, the one who makes mistakes or misunderstands others. It wasn't a big deal for the blonde, but still, having a nice conversation in fence was refreshing.
She had told her parents about her and Santana. They didn't mind really even if they had been surprised. As long as she was happy, they were too. And she was, so so happy. Everything had been going wonderfully ever since the party. Of course, there had been talks and looks, judgements and jealousy, but nothing she hadn't expected. Besides, Brad and Karen, her host parents, had also been very understanding and accepting. Even Rachel was slowly coming around.
Santana was so amazing, she was caring and sweet and romantic and funny and smart and everyday even more beautiful. Brittany was on cloud nine.
Every morning they'd meet on the high school parking lot, and would go together to their first class, where they would always seat next to each other. In order to do that, other students had had to move around to different seats, but with Santana being… well, Santana, nobody complained.
They would eat lunch together, mostly with the glee crew. They were all so nice and it was easier to hung out with them. Nobody in that club ever looked at them like they were anything but teenagers in love. After school, hey usually went to Brittany's place, did their homework, listened to music, hang out with Rachel even. The blonde had insisted, she didn't want the brunette to feel left alone or something. Besides, she liked hanging out with her and would have missed it too much if they didn't anymore. Santana had also taken Brittany out on a few dates, which had all been wonderful. To put it simply, the blonde was living a dream with the latina.
As the conversation was coming to an end, she looked at Santana, lying on her bed looking at her with a small smile. She had arrived 10 minutes ago and just patiently waited for Brittany to be done. She didn't seem to mind at all. She had told the blonde on many occasions how she loved to hear her speak french.
She had to admit, she loved that the latina was content just listening to her and being in the same room as her. It felt good to have her here.
She finished her Skype session with her family, closed her computer, and joined Santana on the bed. She straddled her slowly making her way up to give her a kiss. Then she just laid on her, her favorite position these days, and whispered : "Sorry I made you wait for me"
"It's ok Britt, I could watch you speak french forever. Besides I understand you need to talk to your family that much" Santana replied simply, hugging the blonde tight. Brittany breathed in her delicious smell, thinking she would never get tired of it.
"I heard you say my name though…?" Santana asked, now smirking.
"Oh really, you sure ? Maybe there is a french word that resembles your name you know ?" Brittany teased.
"Naaaah, I recognize the way you say my name, you can't fool me frenchie!" Brittany laughed at the name calling, finding Santana adorable.
"Hmm, well maybe I did say your name then ahah" the blonde paused, before facing the girl in her arms. "My mother was asking me about Florian."
"Flo-what ?" Santana couldn't repeat the name right.
"Florian. Hm, yeah I haven't told you about him. He is, well he used to be my… Huh" Brittany suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She hadn't meant to keep this from the latina, but it just never came up when they were together.
The day after the party, she had skyped with her former boyfriend, telling him that it didn't feel right anymore, that a year was too long, and that she had met someone else. He seemed sad but understood. And that was it. She never thought about him, didn't miss him at all or nothing. That was probably the reason why she never mentioned him to Santana.
"Your what Brittany ?" The latina asked suddenly standing up and taking a step back from the blonde, eyebrows knitted.
"My boyfriend." She said looking down in shame. She knew Santana would not be happy.
"What ? Are you kidding me ?" She exclaimed in disbelief. "This all time we have been… You had a boyfriend ?"
Before Brittany could contradict her, the latina continued, her anger evident.
"So what am I huh ? Just amusement to make time pass faster until you can go back to him ? I can't believe this, I'm so stupid!" She cried, turning around to leave the room.
Brittany quickly grabbed both her arms in panic, forcing her to face her.
"NO! No Santana, you don't get it, that's not it all. It's just a big misunderstanding. He is not my boyfriend anymore, I broke it off with him a month ago, I swear!" The tone of her voice was pleading and beseeching.
"Yeah right, so why didn't you tell me then ?" The latina asked, still very angry, but not moving anymore.
"I just didn't think to tell you, it didn't matter, it never came up. I promise you…" she was cut off by another scream.
"You didn't think to tell me that you have a fucking boyfriend ? Are you serious with this shit ?" She said surprising Brittany. The latina rarely cursed in front of her.
"Santana, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I only have a girlfriend, a beautiful girlfriend, YOU." Brittany's voice was now imploring.
She broke down in tears, kneeling on her feet in front of Santana. She was sure the latina was going to leave the room, leave her alone. Because that's what she did, she always took the way out, always escaped.
But instead, she kneeled as well, and forced Brittany to look back at her.
"Do you promise ?" She asked as seriously as she could.
"Hein ? I mean what ?" the blonde wasn't sure what was going on.
"I asked you if you promise me that you broke it off with him the day after the party…?" Santana repeated more shakily this time.
Brittany could tell she was as scared as her.
"I promise you San, I swear I did" she said between sobs.
"Have you spoken to him since ?"
"No I haven't! You have to believe me, it's just you. And you not just a fling or whatever to make time by faster. You're so much more, I can't even…" she was cut off but the most amazing lips touching hers.
They kissed softly for a good while, both relieved by the turn of events.
After a moment, Santana broke off the kiss and smirked.
"What ?" The blonde asked
"You called me you girlfriend" she continued smirking.
"I don't understand. Is that bad ?" Brittany was very confused.
"No it's not bad, not bad at all. I just… I was going to ask you if you wanted to be mine, but constantly chickened out. But now I see that there's no need anymore"
"You were going to ask me ? Why ? Was I not your girlfriend already ?" Things were getting more and more confusing for the blonde.
"You've been my girlfriend for 2 weeks in my mind Britt" Santana answered perfectly.
"You too" Brittany, kissing her 'girlfriend' again, feel in happier than she ever had.
They held each other for a while, both enjoying the calm after the storm.
"You scared me" Brittany said timidly.
"You scared me too."
"I know, I'm so sorry honey, I didn't mean too! I swear! I thought you were just going to run away from me and… I would be so alone. I don't know what I would do with myself if you left me. I can't even…" The blonde was about to start crying again.
"Britt, Britt look at me. Please ?"
When she did, the blonde saw nothing but love and adoration in the most amazing eyes on earth.
"You don't ever have to be without me, ok ? I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Where would I go if you're here ?"
'Parfaite' was the only Brittany could think in that moment. (she's perfect)
*Another month later*
"Why do we almost never go to you place San ? I haven't even met your parents, it's weird."
Brittany and Santana were enjoying a quiet saturday afternoon on the park. They often went there to feed the ducks and just lay down on the grass, look at the sky and making the most of each other. Things had been going incredibly good. It was like they had always known each other.
Of course, they had their minor disagreements, but nothing ever relevant.
"I have never met your parents either" Santana trie to joke, but Brittany was not going to let it go.
"It's not the same and you know it. They are way too far, and I have not seem them in forever either. If they were here, I would have introduced them to my amazing girlfriend already. Ughhh that would be so awesome!" She let her mind imagine the scenario briefly before focusing on the matter again. Santana smiled at the sight.
"Come on, please I'm serious here" she paused, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. "Are you… ashamed of me ?"
"What ?! No of course not. You're perfect, beautiful, funny and smart and everything else. How could I be ashamed of you ? WHO would be ashamed of you ?" She asked incredulously.
"Then why ?" Brittany needed to know. Things were so great, she just wondered, or was scared that maybe it was too good to be true.
"Brittany I don't… My parents they're not… My dad left us when I was little, and my mother she isn't… Whatever, I don't want to talk about it." The conversation was obviously over, as Santana stood up and started walking away in the direction of the car. She motioned for Brittany to follow there, so she did, quietly thinking.
'C'était quoi ça ?' (What just happened ?)
They were supposed to both sleep at the blonde's that night. The three Berrys went to see some relatives, and Brittany decided to stay home to spend some time with her girlfriend.
Now she wondered if she was maybe going to spend the night alone missing her.
The drive home were quiet, nobody saying anything. The french girl didn't to piss Santana even more, so she kept silent as well. Arriving by her house, the latina parked the car and waited, facing forward and still holding the wheel, tightly. Brittany didn't move one bit, and barely looked at her, fearing what she would see.
"I'm sorry Britt…" Santana whispered, holding back her tears. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's not your fault, you had every right to ask me those questions. I just, I really don't like to talk about my parents or my home." She continued as quietly as humanly possible.
"It's ok." Brittany still didn't understand, but she could here so many things in Santana's voice. Her shame for snapping at her, her embarrassment for almost crying, and the pain she felt talking or thinking about her folks. She wanted nothing more than to make everything better for her.
"It's not though, you've done nothing wrong and I reacted so badly. Can I… Can I still stay with you tonight ?" She looked so scared of the possibility that Brittany would say no, it was unbearable.
"Of course silly, please please stay the night!" The blonde answered immediately.
Santana looked relieved and smiled through her tears.
A while later, they were lying on the couch, watching a movie. Brittany didn't even know what it was about, too focused on holding her girlfriend. Today's events had obviously shook her harder than she pretended.
Suddenly, probably feeling her girlfriend's worry, Santana started talking, still facing the television.
"When I was 13, my dad left. He just left us, my mother and I, with no explanations, no goodbye, nothing but a lousy text to my mom telling her that he was leaving and never coming back. He took a few stuff, and just walk out on us one day. He was the only home when he did that. I have never heard from him or seen him since. No phone calls, no emails, no birthday cards. My mother, she… Nobody could blame her really, but she didn't take it too well. Now she's almost never home either, working all the time, always between two planes. I myself barely ever see her. It's like Lima isn't her home anymore. So yeah, that's why you haven't met them yet."
Santana spoke fast, with no emotion. She was like a robot speaking of things that she didn't care about, like it didn't concern her. It made Brittany uncomfortable. She didn't know how to react, what to say. How do you console and comfort someone who doesn't even look sad ?
"I'm so sorry honey. I don't know what to say…"
"There's nothing to say Britt, it's ok. Please, let's not talk about it anymore. I just want to enjoy a night with my girlfriend"
Her tone was now pleading, emotions were back in her face. Brittany could only nod and hold her even more tightly.
After the movie, the girls went up to Brittany's room for the night? The day had been long for the both of them and they couldn't wait to we in bed, holding each other to sleep. There had not been intimate yet. Not that it hadn't been hard to resist, but Santana had insisted on any occasions that she wanted them to wait. Brittany respected that but it was sometimes very frustrating.
Laying in bed, Brittany, who usually was the small spoon, decided to be the big one that night. Santana was still shattered from their earlier talk, even if she did her very best at hiding it, and the blonde felt the need to protect her and take care of her.
"Santana ?" Brittany asked quietly after a while. She knew the latina wasn't sleeping, because she was rubbing her hands and arms with her.
"Hmm ?" was all she answered.
"I'll never leave you like your parents. I'll never leave you alone."
Those were simple words, but they were so full of promises and hope that the latina couldn't hold her tears anymore. She cried softly, turning around to face her girlfriend and kissed her. Gently at first, but then with more and more force.
Brittany took control and straddled her, keep their lips together. Then she started to work her way to her girlfriend's neck, while one of her hand slowly reached Santana's right breast.
"Britt, what are you doing ?" Santana stopped her, out of breath.
"Don't you like it ?" The blonde suddenly felt embarrassed and hurt.
"Yes, yes I do like it, I like it very much honey!" She tried to reassure her.
"Then what is the problem ?"
Brittany was trying her best to not feel rejected, but it was hard.
"I just want to make sure we are both ready for this. I used to just hook up and go at it with every girl around and I don't want that with you."
"So basically, you're telling me that you would accept to have sex with anyone… But me ?!" She didn't understand what Santana was saying, and it scared her as well as upset her.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." When she saw her girlfriend's face break down in hurt, the latina understood the misunderstanding and suddenly yelled : "NO! You don't get it, honey, please, look at me!" As she said that, Santana grabbed the blonde's face with both of her hands, forcing her to do as she was told.
"I just want our first time to be special. You are special, very special to me, and I want you to always remember it as a magical night. I know you've never done it with a girl before, so I really want you to enjoy it as much as possible. I'm afraid you might regret it if we don't do it right. And I… It never meant anything to me in the past. Now it means the world. You're everything I ever wanted. I don't want to do anything to mess it up. I don't want to just 'have sex' with you… I want us to lake love, I want us to be together completely, like really, really be together." The latina looked down and let go of her girlfriend's cheeks.
"Ughh, I'm not good with talking about this kind of things…" She added in frustration after a minute of silence
Brittany sated at her in disbelief, taking in all that she had just been told.
"Je t'aime." She said out of felt like she couldn't hold it in anymore, or just would explode with too luck feelings. She had never said those words like that before, to anybody, besides her parents and sister, but that was normal.
She had imagined saying them, but always thought she would feel incredibly vulnerable and insecure. Instead, she was bursting with love, happiness and glee.
"I love you Santana" she repeated in english. "I love you so much, and even more for wanting our first time to be perfect. But whatever the circumstances, it would always be perfect if it's with you and it would always be 'making love'. ALWAYS. I'll never regret sharing our love together."
Santana was speechless. Brittany was pretty sure that it was to soon for the latina to say it back, but she knew here girlfriend loved her back. There was no doubt in her mind. She would wait for her to be ready to tell her, she would wait forever.
So instead of doing nothing and making her feel obligated to respond, she leaned in and kissed Santana's lips with care and love. The kiss rapidly turned into a heavy make out session as both girls started to undress the other one.
They did not sleep much that night. Instead, they discovered each other's body, sharing so much love that never one of them fully understood its force or its strength.
Right after falling asleep, Brittany hold Santana as tight as possible, and whispered in her ears : "Oh and San, you're very very good at talking about this kind of things… I love you mon amour."
*Two weeks later*
"Close you eyes honey, please!" Santana said laughing at her silly girlfriend.
"Whyyyyy, I want to see..." Brittany whined, trying to pout. But she herself couldn't contained her laughter.
Santana had driven her to her place by surprise right after high school was over that friday, claiming got be kidnapping her.
At that moment the blonde had wondered what she meant : "But San, this can't possibly be kidnapping. First, you would have to be forcing me to go with you, which you're really not because I'd go anywhere if it is where you are, and second, you would have to be a bad person to do that. And you are definitively not."
She was thinking hard saying that, and Santana had laughed at her adorableness.
The last two weeks had been even more wonderful than before. Brittany didn't know how that was possible, but is apparently was. Not that she complained. Their first night was everything they had both dreamed, and their bond only became stronger. They never got tired of each other, wether it was just hanging out in the park or in school, in the intimacy of Brittany's bedroom.
The blonde had been telling Santana how much she loved her everyday, every chance she got actually, since that day, but the latina had not said it back yet. Brittany wasn't getting impatient, she knew her lover was guarded and scared. She just hoped that was the only reason she hadn't said it so far.
"Keep you eyes closed, it's almost done, please!" Santana pleaded.
"Alright alright…!" Brittany laughed. "Soooo, it's just you and I this afternoon and this night ?" She asked with interest.
"Yes Britt, just you and I" the latina answered knowingly.
"Hmm, interesting…" The french girl's eyebrows went up and down.
"Ahah, you're even worst than me babe" Santana replied absent-mindedly, occupied with setting up the last details.
Suddenly thinking of something else, the blonde asked : "What about Rachel and Brad and Karen ? Won't they worry ? And I don't have any cloths or whatever for tonight and tomorrow!"
It was cute how worried she was over her host family. She had grown very attached totem, considering them her family.
"Don't worry Britt, I took care of everything. I went by your place at lunch break to get your stuff and I called your host parents last night to ask for… you know, permission."
"Oooh, that's why you ditched me today at lunch then! I wondered…" Santana felt guilty all of a sudden, but it was for a greater cause.
"Thank you" Brittany added in a whisper, smiling. She looked so adorable and dorky with her eyes closed, it was ridiculous to be this cute.
"Ok, you can open your eyes" Santana told the blonde about five minutes later, both sounding excited and anxious.
When she did, the french girl could not even decide where to look first. They were in Santana's huge bedroom, huge like the Berry's living room.
Candle jars were all around the room, enlightening subduedly it. Flowers were covering most of the floor, and soft music was playing on the background.
But what finally got Brittany's attention was the three pictures of Santana and her. One was on the bedside table, another was hanging on the wall, and the last one was by the latina's desk. The blonde didn't even know her girlfriend had printed them, she had absolutely no idea. The sight brought tears to her eyes.
A blanket was spread out on the floor at the end of the bed, with food all over it, as well as champagne. Brittany noticed pretty rapidly that it was only french food, which was very hard to find in Lima. She had mentioned them every once in a while, and didn't think that her lover listened hard enough to remember. Some of the stuff that were on that blanket must even have been imported directly from France.
'C'est fou le mal qu'elle a dû se donner pour faire tout ça!' (It's crazy how much trouble she must have gone through to do all of this!)
"Santana this is…" Finishing that sentence was not possible, Brittany was speechless. Once again, her girlfriend was taking her breath away.
"I had help with the set up, Rachel did have a few good ideas, or whatever"
Brittany laughed. Santana was still pretending to dislike her 'sister'.
"And I had your parents help me to find tome of this stuff and mail them to me. It was too hard to do it on my own, I mean look at that thing, I can't even tell you how to say it's name!"
"It's 'camembert' Santana, it isn't that hard to say, come on try!" The blonde encouraged her girlfriend.
"Caaamunnbiwwtt ?" The latina seemed pleased with herself until Brittany burst into laughing.
"Whatever I'm never trying to speak french again in your presence." She pretending to be pouting.
"Oh and on what other occasions would you do it then ?" The blonde teased.
"With my next french girlfriend, duuuh." The answer came matter-of-factly.
"Right, those come around quite often AHAHAH!" Brittany suddenly grabbed the latina's shoulders and brought her close to hug her and kiss her cheeks and neck.
"Thank you San, for everything, it's beautiful, I love it. And thank you for going through all of this trouble. I have absolutely no idea how you did it. Correspond with my parents I mean. They're not exactly the best english speakers, and neither are you in french." She finished winking. "But that's ok honey, you'll learn, eventually" she added when Santana pouted.
"We'll see about that!" Was all the latina said for a while, content with the hugging and kissing. They started swaying slowly to the music on the background.
"You're welcome Love" she added later.
The term of endearment didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, but she kept quiet, feeling that her girlfriend wasn't done talking.
"There's so much I want to tell you, so much you deserve me to tell you and…" Santana looked down shaking her head and closing her eyes.
"It's ok honey, you don't have to say anything. This…" She waved at the room they were in, "This is more than I could have ever dreamt of. You're more than I could ever have dreamt of and more than I deserve. You're like magical."
"Oh Britt…" The latina looked between the two most beautiful eyes she had ever seen with so much emotion and love, before continuing : "Baby see that's when you say this kind of things that I know for sure that you DO totally deserve me and more, and you deserve to be told everyday how wonderful you are. You are the most perfect person I have ever met in my life. You're kind, funny, beautiful, caring, sweet, surprising, intelligent, charming, fabulous, and so so lovable. The list goes on and on… In one word, you're phenomenal. I didn't even know someone like you could exist. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, scared that you were just a dream, a result of my imagination. You have no idea how many times I have to pinch myself to make sure you are real. You… I just can't believe someone like you ever took the time to get to know me. I don't even know why you were interested in me in the first place. I'll never know. But what I do know is that I will never find anyone remotely as amazing as you, not that I would ever want to. You're it for me, I don't need anybody else. You know sometimes you meet people in your life, and they change it. Well, that's what happened with you. You changed my life forever, you changed it for the better. When I'm with you I feel like the real 'Me', and that never happens with anyone else. I never want to go back to the way it was before, I never want to not have you in my life. You make me a better person."
Santana stopped talking suddenly to just look at her girlfriend. Brittany was now fully tearing up, she could not believe how lucky she was to call Santana hers. She loved her so much it was incredible.
Finally, the latina pecked her lips briefly, and whispered, with her eyes never leaving the blonde's : "I love you Brittany, I have loved you since that party I think. I love you when you speak french to me, because your eyes turn mischievous. I love you when you wait for me at lunch break by the fountain, because I never have to wonder where you are or look for you and I always enjoy eating with you. I love you when you text me in the morning wishing me a good day even though you could do that 40 minutes later when we meet in school. I love you when you try to stare at me discreetly, thinking I don't notice, which I always do, because it makes me feel adored. I love you when you call me every night we spend apart to wish me a good night full of 'beaux rêves', because you'll never know how much hearing your voice appeases me. And I love you because you have never pressured me into saying it back. You are always so patient with me it's almost unbelievable. But I DO love you Brittany, I love you every minute of every day, I love you everywhere and all the time. All I ever do is love you, you're all that's on my mind from the moment I wake to to the moment I go to sleep. I will never stop loving you, I promise you. I'm yours forever."
Nobody moved, they just stared at each other with as much love and adoration possible. If Brittany was speechless before, she was now mute, struck dumb with her lover's declaration. It was the first time that she declared her love to her with words. She had done it so many times by her actions, but this was just breathtaking.
There was only one thing she could say : "I love you too, so much, you have no idea. And I'm yours, I'm so totally yours too, for as long as you want. I'll never stop being yours if you let me."
That night had probably been the best one of her life. She never forgot anything from that night. Brittany was now back at her place, sitting on her couch and watching outside the window as lazy tears were coming down her face as the memory ended.
What she had told the latina was still true, she was still hers so completely it was ridiculous. She had always been hers and never belonged to anyone else. She thought back to her ex-lover's words : 'I will never stop loving you, I promise you. I'm yours forever.'
She would have to fight to remind Santana of that, to remind her that they were meant for each other and that no one could ever love her as much as she did.
Right before going to sleep, she made a call.
"Hello ?" The voice answered.
"Santana, hi again, it's me, Brittany."
"Brittany, is something wrong ?" The latina sounded sleepy, which was almost perfect.
"No, everything's fine don't worry. I just wanted…" The blonde a deep breath, "I just wanted to wish you a good night with lots and lots of great dreams and beaux rêves. And tell you that I love you."
She spoke slowly and distinctly. It almost felt like a few years ago, except that then, Santana you tell her that she loved her too or something resembling.
"I… Huh, thank you Britt. Good night to you to…" The patina's voice was clearly shaking. She didn't hang up yet though, and Brittany didn't either. She was listening to the love of her life breathing, and to her ear, it was better than music.
Finally, after 2 good minutes of silence,, Santana spoke : "It still does, you know ?"
"What ?" Brittany had no idea what she was referring to.
"You voice, it still appeases me. Good night Britt." And with that she hang up.