JJ sat in the squad room, everyone was working on the case but not getting very far. JJ couldn't concentrate. Thankfully when she got back to the hotel last night Emily was asleep so she didn't have to deal with a ton of questions from her friend. She didn't sleep much last night. She just replayed what had happened over and over in her head. The more she thought about it the worse she felt. She was ashamed of her actions and how she had treated the ME but she had panicked and her first instinct was to run.
As much as she wanted Maura, and god she wanted her, she couldn't help the insecurity that she felt over her own body. She had never been an insecure person when it came to sex and body image but after what had happened with Hastings and Askari she was terrified of anyone seeing her body. Not to mention the emotional scars that had been left behind. Truth was she was absolutely terrified of being with someone sexually again, but she was even more terrified of being in a committed relationship with someone.
JJ sighed inwardly, she hadn't seen the ME all day and she had to admit, she missed her. She figured she had two options. She could lie and tell Maura that she didn't want to be with her and that it was mistake or she could tell her the truth about why she had run off last night, which would mean eventually telling her about the events that occurred a few months ago.
Either way, she would have to speak to Maura at some point.
Maura sat in her office going over some lab results but she was uncharacteristically distracted. That never happened. Maura was always focused and never distracted. Groaning quietly under her breath she leaned back in her office chair, momentarily forgetting about the lab results in front of her.
Her mind replayed what had happened last night. For the life of her, she just couldn't figure out why JJ had run off like that. Although she had improved her social interactions and her ability to read people, JJ was a mystery to her.
JJ was the first person in a long time that she genuinely liked as well as felt majorly attracted to. It was no secret that her love life had been a bit of a disaster. She was wary about getting into a relationship again, serious or casual. But she felt a pull towards the blonde agent that meant she couldn't help but be drawn to this enigma of a woman.
Although she was hurt about last night she was more worried and concerned for JJ more than anything. She debated going up to the squad room to look for JJ but decided against it, she would let JJ come to her.
JJ fiddled with her hands nervously as she paced up and down the floor outside the morgue. She had been there for nearly 10 minutes, gathering up some courage to talk to Maura. 'Ok you can do this JJ. If you can tackle serial killers on a daily basis, you can talk to someone.'
JJ made her way through the morgue before she reached Maura's office. She knocked the door and entered when she heard Maura saying 'come in'.
The ME was sitting on the office couch drinking tea and eating her lunch when JJ entered the room. She looked a beautiful as ever, JJ noticed, she was wearing a grey pencil skirt, with a white blouse finished off with black high heels.
"Hi." JJ said sheepishly as she entered the office.
"Hi." Maura replied not really knowing what else to say. All of a sudden there was an awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to do.
"Do you mind if I sit?" JJ asked hesitantly. Maura replied by scooting over on the sofa, making room for JJ.
"I don't really know where to start…" JJ trailed off nervously, looking down at the floor.
"Just take your time." Maura reassured her, she could see how nervous JJ was, she was obviously trying to tell her something important.
"Well first, I just want to say sorry about last night." JJ said apologetically, looking Maura in the eye. "It was nothing you did." JJ wanted to reassure Maura just in case she thought it was her fault. "And make no mistake I wanted you so badly last night, so badly." JJ emphasised making Maura blush slightly, hearing this woman say she wanted her was a turn on to say the least.
Maura pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. "Then what happened?" Maura frowned.
"I-I was f-feeling self-conscious I guess." JJ stuttered out, trying to find the best way to describe it.
"What? Why?" Maura was a little shocked, she couldn't understand what the woman had to be self-conscious about, she was gorgeous.
JJ looked down to the floor once more, unable to form words.
"Hey." Maura said tilting JJ's head up and grasping her hand. "You can trust me." Maura promised her.
"A-a few months a-ago, I was k-kidnapped, tortured and nearly r-raped." JJ said squeezing her eyes shut when she heard Maura's shocked gasp. JJ just continued. "I have a lot of scars because of that, when you starting unbuttoning my shirt I suddenly remembered that I actually had them and I freaked out." JJ finished, finally meeting Maura's gaze.
"Why?" Maura asked quietly, trying to get over her initial shock.
"I thought you'd be disgusted by what you saw…I knew you'd be disgusted." JJ corrected towards the end.
Maura moved closer to JJ and cupped JJ's face looking her straight in the eye. "I could never, ever be disgusted by you in anyway."
JJ looked into Maura's eyes and saw nothing but truth reflected in them. "Thank you." JJ whispered.
Maura leaned forward and kissed JJ gently yet firmly. JJ was surprised by the action but responded quickly. The kiss was different to the ones they had shared last night. It was emotional as well as full of reassurance and comfort.
Maura pulled away resting her forehead against JJ's gently. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Maura asked softly, not wanting to push JJ too far.
JJ shook her head slightly. "I can't tell you right now but maybe one day, it's just too hard to talk about." JJ admitted but she knew if this thing with Maura went anywhere then they would need to discuss what happened at some point.
"I understand, but have you spoken to anyone? Someone in your team maybe?" Maura asked remembering that JJ said she hadn't spoken to her family in years.
"No, I just deal with it on my own." JJ stated basically putting an end to the conversation and Maura understood not to go any further with her questions.
"Ok, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here." Maura offered, giving JJ a peck on the lips.
"Thanks." JJ replied, knowing she probably wouldn't be taking the ME up on that offer anytime soon.
"Why don't you come over to my house tonight? I'll cook and we can have a couple of drinks." Maura suggested.
"That sounds great." JJ replied with a smile although she was worried about where tonight might lead. "I should get back upstairs, lunch is nearly over." JJ said standing up.
"Yes, I need to get started on an autopsy anyway." Maura said also standing up. "Come over around 6pm tonight." Maura finished.
"Sure, I can't wait." JJ said with a smile, giving Maura a hug and a kiss before saying goodbye and making her way back upstairs.