EDIT 2016: This chapter was probably the one I wanted to rewrite the most even before I actually considered doing it. I read somewhere it might stink of cliche to write complicated dreams, so a lot got edited out from the original nightmare sequence, and P'heer moments also got toned down. For now. I like it much, much more now, so hope you will, too. Enjoy!

Water crashed into solid wood of the boat, as if trying to find their way in. Water surrounded it from each side, the world reduced to dirty greyish blue merging with clouded skies on the horizon. It felt like the boat would keep sailing forever, with no destination, lost. Just like her. P'Li listened to splashing waves, their somnolent language dragging her fears out.

Before the embark, they travelled on foot what turned out to be a great relief and help to keep all her worries at bay. Now thrown into uncertainty and passive waiting, P'Li was starting to feel like a helpless victim of circumstances beyond her influence again and despised it. She would rather walk herself to exhaustion like each day before.

-o-

Zaheer and Xai Bau moved fast and only stopped by in a small town - P'Li suspected the exact same one Xai Bau intended for their parting with her - to replenish their resources on a market. Due to Xai Bau's demand, they covered their faces and moved separately not to attract attention.

Daigo might be dead, but as a famous figure on the island he had supporters sympathizing with ideas to restore Fire Nation to its former position. After the war, spreading of similar thoughts meant heavy reprimands, but the distance of the island and lack of restrictions allowed them to proliferate, and people like Daigo got away with their crimes with impunity. The road to peace wasn't as sure and straightforward as everyone presented.

P'Li was more than happy to cover her distinct tattoo and move freely. At first, the idea of going anywhere and buying anything dazed her, but after a while of hesitation, she relished in distraction offered by various stalls. Sometimes, she noticed Zaheer looking briefly to check on her, but at enough distance to let her forget about the two of them for a while.

Her stomach grumbled. She looked around self-consciously but luckily neither of her companions were around. It couldn't have been longer than an hour and half since her lunch. Xai Bau's cooking didn't improve at all, but she was always so hungry she gobbled down her share, earning few barely noticeable nasty glimpses from Xai Bau. In her opinion, he decided not to speak about his disapproval of her presence there, but his unvoiced judgement stung no less.

Be that way. I won't spend any of their money than absolutely needed just to become more of a burden than I already am, she decided and stubbornly ignored delicious smells of dumplings, roast duck and numerous sorts of noodles.

She needed clothes, though, since her old ones barely held together and presented a memory she desperately wanted to leave behind. P'Li used to enjoy dressing up, then insecurity of her unusual height kicked in and she started to prefer dark colours as if to appear invisible. She picked exactly according to those criteria, dark maroon of cheap quality.

"I'll carry it for you," Zaheer offered and took the pack from her hands. She didn't know whether to feel irritated with his constant care or wonder if she really looked that pitiful to him.

In the evening, the bag contained two small surprises. A beautiful brush adorned with tiny amber and red gemstones and a sac full of dumplings.

How did he…?

Back at the market, it took a long time till she tore her eyes away from both, dumplings one of her favorite, brush both a luxury and a necessity. Her hair might be shorter than she ever wore, but she couldn't look at its disheveled state any longer.

After a pleasant jolt of surprise, embarrassment followed. Just how obvious she must have been, how pathetic if he felt the need to appease her like a child…

-o-

After three days, they boarded a ship. Xai Bau paid a lot of money to have it all for the three of them, but warned them to keep quiet and not to talk to captain or anyone else. P'Li considered the order pointless. She barely spoke and Zaheer enjoyed his time alone.

Two day less until the end of their voyage to Earth Kingdom. Zaheer showed her on map the exact area where, as she figured, the rest of their group awaited. Some names and places she remembered vaguely from her school days. Even though they used to spark her interest, now she only wondered how cold and unwelcoming they soon would turn out to be for an outcast like her.

If I stuck out in school, what about an entirely foreign country?

P'Li had been trying her best, but failed, to stop the intrusion of thoughts, her stomach awfully heavy with anxiety. She didn't get to regret her decision yet - if she could call it such, since the other option was death, probably. That didn't make the aftermath any easier, though. Should she feel content enough with the fact that she was being kept alive, with adequate conditions, for the price of feeling unwanted and barely tolerated?

Zaheer cares, though. At least… he did, although probably just out of pity. But since our departure, he's been ignoring me completely. During our meals together, he looks away and never speaks.

It confused her to the core. She might have liked the space at first, but now she was exposed to loneliness. Just like weather around her, it seeped in slowly and unnoticeably until she felt cold weight all around her, dragging her down. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get to know the young boy a bit better.

Air Nomad philosophy and culture never ceased to amaze Zaheer as a source of infinite wisdom and enlightenment. Their way of life represented a clear example of living without rulers, freely and without restrictions, and worked efficiently while each member of society prospered, not only the lucky few who possessed the most of power.

After Fire Lord Sozin's genocide, their message and heritage almost disappeared and faded to oblivion, Order of the White Lotus selfishly hiding and preserving what little was left. After their revelation, the organization fell into decline, their name and prestige providing its members lifelong wealth. Instead of caring for everyone's well-being, they ended up enforcing a system which favored only them. Not many were open to see it, though, the actual members even less so, but thanks to a man with a vision, a hope for change appeared once again. Xai Bau and few of his friends established Red Lotus, with a mission to return the world to its original nature and knock down oppressive governments.

After leaving his home to join him, Zaheer had access to the most valuable knowledge in the world. And right now, his mind couldn't find peace necessary for continuation of his studying. His master had his own theories why was it so, but Zaheer denied it.

"You should know where your priorities lie by now. Are you willing to lose sight of your goal just because of one life, instead of dedicating yourself for thousands? Let that girl be. She will never grow out of her past if you keep watch over her constantly like she might break."

Overacting as usual, but he's partially right. She likes being alone more, after all. I should just forget about it…

A soft knock on his door jerked him from his attempts to concentrate.

"Come in," he called. Instead of Xai Bau, like he expected, it was P'Li slouching awkwardly through his door.

"Hi," she spoke shyly, keeping her eyes at the rough floor. "Mind if I stay for a while?"

"No, not at all."

"Thanks," she murmured and closed the door behind her. He gestured on tatty carpet - better than the bare board - and she sat down awkwardly, Zaheer's scroll between them.

Despite her improved appearance - the bruise on her cheek fading to yellow, her face and lips a healthier colour, her hair brushed and pulled back in a simple ponytail and dark red bandanna covering her forehead - she didn't seem happier.

A strange air of uneasiness hung around her, as if she didn't feel completely safe in her environment. Zaheer decided to break the tension and start a conversation.

"How can I-" he began at the same time as she finally spoke. "I wanted to-" Both of them stopped and waited for the other to finish.

"You first," Zaheer said to avoid another long silence.

"I just wanted to ask how long will it be until we reach the Earth Kingdom."

"Just two or three days. Why? Is something bothering you?"

"Not at all. I'm fine," she dismissed, but her eyes, shifting nervously, betrayed her.

Zaheer, once again, realized how difficult and uncomfortable it must have been for her, rely on people she had just met and even come to ask for his help when she had no idea what to do. Xai Bau's well-meant advices could wait.

"It isn't pleasant, being stuck at one place with two strangers and doubt your own decision, is it?"

She blinked in surprise. He hit the nail on the head.

"You could say so." Blush of embarrassment colored her cheeks after she admitted it.

"It's none of your matter. I shouldn't have interrupted you-" she got up and tried to quickly leave his cabin.

"P'Li," he spotted how she froze every time he called her by name, as if not used to it.

Did that tyrant deny her humanity so much he didn't even bother to address her by name? I don't really want an answer to that question.

"Just few words," he came closer, tilting his head back to look her into eyes properly. "No one deserves to experience what you had been through. It takes time to heal, but you don't have to overcome it all on your own. Our paths crossed under worst circumstances imaginable. I know I'm no friend of yours… but if there's any way I can help you, you can count on me."

Her eyes glistened as she turned away from him.

"I should have probably said it sooner, but…" she took a deep breath, "thank you. You've done so much for me, even though I have no way of repaying you. I'm… I'm such a wreck, aren't I?"

"No, you're not. Trust me," his hand lightly touched her shoulder, "every beginning is difficult."

"I can't ever be sure things are getting better," she confessed, voice barely above a whisper. "For a while, it seems so, then the next moment fear is gripping my chest so tight I can't breathe. My own mind is becoming an enemy of mine," she breathed out. "I feel so weak."

"You are far from weak," he assured her. "Just surviving for this long is a proof of that."

"Xai Bau probably doesn't think so," corners of her lips stretched into sour smirk.

"Forget about him. Sometimes I think he's too experienced for his own good. Now… if you want to stay, I can definitely think of something to do."

She nodded slowly. "Alright."

At first Zaheer explained her the rules of pai sho, but after few games of him winning, P'Li gave it up.

"I bet you suggested this just to feel smart," her dry tone showed no signs of previous jitter.

"While it's true that Xai Bau always beats me, I think you were really getting into it in the last game. The key is to anticipate the opponent's moves, tactics and reactions."

She didn't appreciate his tip.

"Is this all you do in your free time? Play pai sho and read?" she looked at him curiously.

"I also meditate at sunrise, but if you meant something more exciting, I spar with Xai Bau or others to practice my combat skills. That's always a thrill, all of them are exceptional benders."

"And you aren't?"

"No. I was born as a non-bender, just like Xai Bau. However, even without bending, neither of us is helpless. He trained me in every martial art he knew, and now I am just as good as him."

"One could mistake you for relatives, even though you don't look alike."

"I doubt that. Xai Bau travelled a lot and that enabled us to meet. I joined him almost immediately. I respect him like no one else. He does have his flaws, though, just like everyone else."

"I noticed," she replied wryly.

"You can't take him too seriously. He was the same to me at first, considered me just some upper-class kid who tagged along. The beginnings were rough, but eventually, I got better and proved my worth," he smiled mirthlessly at distant memory of what he once was. A rebellious teen, dissatisfied with everyone and everything, seeking validation in books and looking for someone who would understand. Without a second thought, he packed his things and left his family, didn't care about the way it could affect them. They were probably better-off without him, but he wished he had been more considerate.

"So that's what he expects? That's his cost for decency?" the idea clearly disgusted her.

"No, no such thing. I chose to follow him and he had to be certain I can keep up. Xai Bau is far from heartless, I can assure you. All the wrongdoing he witnessed hardened him, but he dedicated his whole life to help as many people as possible," he carefully chose his words to give her basic picture, but not reveal too much. "A single life means little to him. He would even give up his own if that led to a better world. He isn't hostile towards you for any personal reason, but doesn't see how helping you changes the bigger picture."

"Trying to put me off is another thing entirely," she argued. Zaheer didn't believe that was his master's intention and was about to protest when door opened and this time, no one other than Xai Bau stood there.

"Dinner's ready. Oh," his sight stopped on P'Li, sitting on the floor along with Zaheer, pai sho board between them. "So this is where you've been. I didn't know what to tell Zaheer when I found out you disappeared."

"Did you hope I jumped overboard?" she shot him with a glare, her voice biting.

Xai Bau pointedly ignored her remark, but his lips formed a thin line.

"You should go eat before it gets cold," with that he turned around and left.

"Wow… he isn't used to people getting sarcastic with him. I sure wouldn't dare to talk to him like this." Zaheer only hoped that he would forget about it.

"He isn't going out of his way to be thoughtful, so I don't know why I should take it," she shrugged, then stood up before he had time to tell her it wasn't a wise attitude to hold.

"Let's not keep him waiting too long."

Anything he had to say about it had to wait.

The next day Zaheer approached her first and they spent most time in his cabin again. Several rounds of pai sho and P'Li was starting to get a knack of it and won last few games, but she never shook off the suspicion Zaheer had let her. It helped until they managed to shake off the awkwardness and start talking more openly.

Zaheer must have noticed the source of her nervousness - she wanted to avoid talking about herself and stray away from anything painful - and let her decide what she was interested in. After overcoming her initial restraint, she grew curious and asked without thinking - the world, technology, Earth Kingdom, his own interests (pointing at the number of scrolls he had).

He turned out to be quite talkative, and after getting to a subject he was especially passionate about, almost to the point of lecturing.

Zaheer admired Air Nomad philosophy and from the way he spoke about their society, she concluded he must have viewed it as the perfect world. She didn't know enough to argue, but couldn't help but feel sceptical. As far as she was concerned, they used to live reclused from the rest of the world, without material possessions, their moral strictly pacifist, and it brought them to their own end. P'Li simply couldn't believe that no one would try and usurp more power, destroying the precarious equality.

The biggest flaw of his, in her opinion, was idealism to point of blindness towards reality. He did it before when talking about his master, and now when his eyes shone with visions of new world. He was patient, though, and more than willing to satisfy her curiosity if it meant making her feel better. He even borrowed her some books from his collection for evening reading. They mostly contained records and theories about nature of the world, each form of bending and the Avatar, which was fascinating, but difficult to process after three years without a lot of mental activity.

P'Li wasn't sure how she felt about him - time spent with him soothed her, but she would give it up in a second when she remembered what she used to have. Her own dreams taunted her with reminders of that, as if she wasn't meant to ever regain her peace of mind.

"Wh-where am I?" she was back in her eleven-year-old self, and just woke up in her old room, in her old, soft bed. "How did I get here?"

"Just sleep, you don't have any school today," a drowsy voice she didn't hope to hear ever again mumbled on her left. P'Li turned around and found Lien-Hua, slumbering and drooling all over her pillow.

"Lien-Hua? You… you're here? You're alive?"

" 'course I am, what kind of stupid quest'n is that?"

P'Li jumped to her feet, an enormous wave of joy rushing through her body.

Could it be… It never happened?

She recognized the colours, even the smell of her room. She was home.

She ran down the stairs to her parents' bedroom. "Mom? Dad!" she shouted, not caring if she woke them up.

"What's the matter, P'Li? Did something happen?" her mom walked out of bedroom door, dressed in her nightgown, a headband lopsidedly covering her forehead, her hair messy. Just like she remembered her from every morning.

"Mom! I'm so glad to see you!" she hugged her tightly, breathing in her unique scent.

"Carefully there, you'll break my ribs," Liu laughed as she hugged her daughter back.

"I had a terrible dream, Mom! I thought you're all gone, that I'm alone," she weeped like a baby, but she didn't care. Everything was alright.

"Aw, come on, don't be such a child. Didn't I tell you countless times, you need to get stronger and stop to be so damn emotional all the time," her ringing voice had gradually changed into harsh and hateful, fingers gently caressing her shoulders suddenly gripped them painfully and Daigo threw her on the floor mercilessly.

Her body's fear response jerked her awake. She lied awake in her own room, eyes stinging, dull, hollow ache filling her chest. For a while, she felt like crying but tears didn't come. Maybe there just wasn't any more to spend.

They are gone. I can't hide from it anymore. I might never find the same love and acceptance again, but this way, I will never get past it.

She got up and went out to clear her head. Since her escape, closed, dark rooms always managed to make her feel like she was suffocating, to some degree even this spacious cabin. The air was cold, but not chilly with drizzle anymore. She sat down next to the railway again and watched the horizon, inky blue sky and a soft lullaby of waves. It would have been peaceful if it wasn't for the feeling of irreplaceable loss in her chest.

"P'Li? What are you doing here?" a shadow fell on her as Zaheer came closer.

"Sitting. I don't know what else could this be," she replied, without the edge she used around Xai Bau.

"No need to play words with me," he squatted down next to her. "What's wrong?"

"Just a nightmare. I'm fine now." Several days of bonding weren't enough for her to discuss it further.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered tentatively.

"What good would it do?" she replied with a defeated shrug.

"According to some teachings, people should share both happy and sad experiences of theirs with others - for joy to grow, to dissipate the sorrow."

The way he said it made her think of his favorite gurus whose quotes he had been occasionally slipping into their conversations. It would fit - another advice which might sound pretty to ears, but hurt to follow.

"I have no intention of reliving it again," she shook her head, but thought about it. She would give anything for that crushing burden to vanish and let her breathe easier. So what if it took some more pain? She was well used to worse, after all.

He understood before, when I first came to talk to him. And it helped. What do I got to lose now?

"I miss them," she revealed. "My family," she rushed to continue before she could change her mind. "I lost them all, except for my sister. Her presence made those years in captivity easier to bear, but when Daigo found out she didn't display any remarkable talent for combustionbending, it was just a matter of time until he got rid of her. We tried to run away one night, but that was the last straw for him and he…" her voice broke and she couldn't finish her sentence. Zaheer put his warm hand over hers. Simple contact comforted her and after a while, she found enough strength to continue.

"It's been a long time since then, but it still haunts me. For few months, I stubbornly trained in hope to take him down by the only thing he kept me for... I still think that if it weren't for that escape attempt, s-she could still live," she choked on her words and pushed her eyelids together tightly to stop herself from crying.

"It wasn't your fault," Zaheer argued in calm voice, like when he had explained the Future Industries to her. "Daigo could have been waiting for an opportunity to do that for a long time, your attempt only played right into his cards. He knew that grief, and guilt, too, would keep you from rebelling against him. Or he would find a way how to use her to manipulate you. This might sound harsh," he wavered, "but death was your sister's release. Maybe it's time you found a path towards your own."

She pondered his words thoughtfully, then confessed another one of fears that plagued her mind. "I don't think I can ever stop missing them. The pain just doesn't stop, no matter what."

"Deep wounds like these take their time to heal. Rushing the process would only hurt you more. Being locked away, each day a reminder of what you lost, the process couldn't even start."

"And you think now it can?" she asked abruptly. "People looked down on me before all of this happened, what now when I'm some kind of third-eyed freak?!"

"The society we live in is faulty and full of condemnation for those who don't fit some artificially defined image of normalcy. Still," his lips twitched, "I find it hard to imagine anyone looking down on you," his eyes lifted to the top of her head.

Despite her better judgement, she snorted with laughter and didn't stop until tears were coming from her eyes.

"That was terrible," she jokingly glared on him, corners of her mouth still turned upwards.

"I know," he admitted, his tone timid. "I normally leave bad jokes to other, uhh, members of our group, but I couldn't pass up such an excellent opportunity."

"On more serious note," he started again, "you can count on me, as I said before. I can stand by you as long as you need regardless of what anyone says, if you want me to. It's not much compared to comfort of real family, but everything starts somewhere, right?"

P'Li only now realized that she felt lighter. Definitely. It was, as he said, just a beginning, but for now, more than enough.

"Sun will soon start rising," he pointed to a bright blaze starting just above the horizon. For some reason, her failed mission was the last thing on her mind now.

She yawned, suddenly feeling tired and uncomfortable from sitting on cold board so long. She decided to skip the rest of the show and go back to her cabin.

"Thank you, Zaheer," she smiled softly.

"Don't mention it," he returned it and let her head back to her own cabin. Her doubts about him had vanished and P'Li had her mind clear about him - she didn't want him to leave.

So, I hope you enjoyed! Maybe the difference isn't as visible to someone who doesn't nitpick their very own writing to pathological detail, but it feels better for me, which matters just as much. I incorporated avatar-dacia's headcanon about the appetite of young combustionbenders, so that felt like a fitting piece of puzzle, too. Thank you for every piece of feedback, it really matters a lot to me!

Kat