Bella POV

Drifting...

Peaceful...

Happy...

done...

I could feel myself drifting as if I was floating on a vast lake of water. I was peaceful and comfortable. Was this what it was like to die. Did I die? I tried to think back. I remember going to the cliffs and feeling the wind and sea spray against my skin. I remember the image of Edward pleading with me not to jump and then...I..jumped. OMG I jumped, what the hell was I thinking. I remember the water, wave after wave crashing on me. The current grabbing hold of me and pulling me down. I did die, didn't I. Poor Charlie and mom, poor Jacob, poor Edw...I could not bring myself to think his name. It still brought pain. Wait a minute if I'm dead how can I feel pain still?

Then I remembered something hot tugging on me in the water, solid ground underneath me and someone telling me to breath. It was Jacob, he had puled me from the waters. Why did he have to save me, I was happy with my decision to die or was I? I am so conflicted. If he had saved me why do I feel like I am drifting away now?

I was starting to feel more pain now and it was making harder to remember. Did Jacob drive me home? Yes he did and we argued before I slammed the door in his face. I remember leaning against the door and crying. A voice in the dark calling my name. I know that voice, but how could it have be her? Alice...

Had she really been there? Then there was Carlisle and Esme. Was I imagining them too like I had imagined Edward? Thinking of their names pain rips through me again and now I start to feel heavy. I feel like I am being weighed down and there is this annoying beeping sound coming from somewhere. I try to to move my arm to push away what ever it is that is making that sound but as I do I feel something cold grab my wrist gently and a calm voice say "Careful, you don't want to hurt yourself" Once again it was the voice in the dark speaking to me. Alice.

I try to open my eyes. They feel so heavy, but I win the fight against my eyelids and open them just a crack. My eyes take a while to adjust. The room I am in is dimly lit and I can see various medical equipment. I feel someone squeeze my left had again and turn to see who it is. Alice. Is she really real? Is she truly here? Is he here? Opening my mouth to speak I realize that my throat is killing me. swallowing hard I try again

"A..Alice..ar..are..you..rea...reall..y..her..here?" My voice is rough and broken sounding. She picks up a cup with a straw in it from a side table and holds it up for me and I reluctantly take a small drink, only to help sooth my throat. She then gives me a sad look. "Oh Bella, of course I am really here. We have all been so worried about you. I have been trying to see your future, but its been all fuzzy. Why Bella, why did you try and kill yourself?" I give her a sour look, remembering that she was no longer my friend. I had no friends. "Why d..do you care. You al..l left me" I snapped at her, she looked sad again...odd.

Now that my head was a little clearer I noticed that I not only had an IV in my arm, I also had some sort of tube in my nose. How dare they, they are undoing all the work I have done. I start to try to pull out the offending tubing but Alice's steel grip stops me before I can do any damage. "LET ME GO" I try to scream, but my voice is weak. "Please Bella be calm, your just going to hurt your self" I was too caught up with trying to get away from her to notice the sound of several pairs of feet running towards the door. When the door flew open I was caught a little by surprise but did not stop my struggling.

Immediately I started to feel a calming sensation flood my body. Jasper. I tried to fight it, but I was too weak. "Bella, we are just trying to help. You need to remain calm and keep the IV and feeding tube in." Carlisle says. When did he move to the side of the bed? "Wwhy. Why doo any offf you carrre? Whyy not jussst let mmee diee" My words were slurred as if I was drunk. "Jasper, let up a bit" Carlisle asks. Instantly I start to feel my head clear a bit. Esme approached me and said "Sweetheart, we care about you. We could never let you die or do anything to harm yourself" I had fully intended to give her a cold stare and say something nasty, but when I looked into her face I seemed to lose my strength. Her eyes were so sad but so caring and full of concern. As I looked around the room, her look seemed to be reflected on everyone else's faces as well. Even Rosalie.

I relaxed my arms to show that I was was done snuggling, Alice kept her grip on my hands, but relaxed as well. Looking down in my lap, not daring to look at their faces when I spoke I asked "But why do you care? You all left me. Edw...Edward said..." I was almost crying by then. "What did Edward say to you?" Emmett spoke for the first time. I had to admit, I missed his voice He always made me laugh. "He said that I..I was not good...good enough. That you all did...didn't want m..me. I..I was b..bad for you" by now I was sobbing. I felt a set of cold arms wrap around me and looked up through my tears to see that Esme was now holding me, hugging me to her chest.

A loud crash out in the hall brought my sobs up short and a moment later Emmett came back into the room. When did he leave? He looked pissed off but at the same time sad and apologetic. He came over to kneel beside me and say "Oh Belly-bear, Whatever he said to you it's not true, you know that right? He over reacted to what happened on your birthday. He told us that he talked with you and you both agreed that us leaving was for the best. We never wanted to leave, believe us" I looked into his face and could see that he was telling the truth.

But it still didn't make sense "But I'm human, nothing, just human. Why would I really matter?" I say. "Darlin' your just as much a part of this family as any of us and you have never been just human. If you were 'just human' you would have run away scremin' when you first me us" Jasper said with a smile, his southern accent seemed to be a bit thicker than I remember it being. I could not help but smile back but it didn't reach my eyes. "Bella, we are telling you the truth, you are part of this family. I'm sorry my idiot brother made you feel otherwise, but he was just trying to protect you. I am also sorry that it took me so long to realize it was well, when we left I realized that I really missed having you around...sister" Rosalie said. That caught me by surprise and I just sat there for a moment, mouth a-jar. She never really spoke to me, directly anyways but now she is calling me her sister! "Over protective fool" I heard Alice growl.

I was still a bit confused "But I still don't understand, Edward said..." "He lied Bella, he lied thinking he was protecting you and he made me promise not to look in to your future. I'm so sorry, if I had not listened to him none of this would have happed..." I cut Alice off "Alice, none of this is your fault. I did this to myself. When Edward left, when all of you left I felt like my whole life was ripped from me. I not only lost my true love and mate, but I lost my family and a life that I had chosen. I tried to move on and live a normal life like Edward wanted me to. After the shock of it all I tried, for the sake of Charlie and my mom. But I was so empty, I felt like I was hollow, a shell. Thats why I did what I did" I could feel pain ripping through my body when I remember my 'zombie days'. I could not look into any of their faces, but I felt Esme's arms tighten around me and it was comforting.

I feel the indention of someone sitting down on the end of the bed "Bella?" I look up to see Jasper sitting there. This has to be the closets he has ever been to me. "Yes Jasper?" "Can I apologize for what happened on your birthday? If I hadn't been so.." I cut his off and say "Jasper, there is no need. I never blamed you for what happened" "But I could have..." He tries again. "I'm serious Jasper. There is no need, I don't blame you at all" I say with a smile, this time my smile is a bit bigger and brighter. This time I seemed to convince him that it was true. I looked around at the family, my family and they all seemed to be smiling now. But there was someone missing. "Where's Edward?" I ask, this time it did not hurt to say his name.

I can see their smiles falter a bit then Carlisle says "He has been off on his own for a while. But he checks in once in a while. He said that being around us was too painful and it kept reminding him of you and how much his missed you" "Idiot brother" Alice grumbles again. That almost makes me laugh. "Don't worry, he will check in soon and when we tell him where we are he will come back, he misses you too much to stay away much longer anyways" Esme assures me. I nod a little in agreement and just leave it at that.

Unconsciously I start to yawn, the emotions of every thing was really draining "I think we should let you sleep some more. You need to leave the IV and feeding tubes in for a while, ok? But when you wake again maybe we can start you on some light, easy to digest foods" I just nod again, I'm not sure how I feel about eating. But my eyes getting very heavy again and I can't think too much into it. I feel Esme pulling me back down onto the bed and pulling the covers over me. Some one kissing me on the forehead and I drift off into sleep to the sound of someone humming a lullaby. My lullaby.