Writing is such a good release valve. Everything that happens, you can just remember it, write it down, and then see what actually happened.
Things seem so different when you try watching from someone else's perspective.
Anyway, enough rambling, there's quite enough of that in the end note; you came here for the story, right?
It's mostly introducing some characters.
The girl sitting next to me is quite peculiar. Her name, from what I gather, is Misaki Kawana. She's a member of the photography club.
However, that's not what's peculiar about her. The peculiar things about her are her books.
A stack of books rests on her table; a mixed bunch, photography books as well as general fiction. As the class goes on, she uses every free moment she has to look at the pages of the one open book on her table.
The pace at which she goes through the pages is almost unnatural. I'm a fast reader, but this girl is in a whole other league.
And to round it off, the one time I decided to interrupt her, she completely stopped what she was doing, politely gave me the pencil I asked for, and then went back to her reading like I never even spoke.
It's like a controlled obsession.
Maybe that's her way of coping. Being in this place, you can't help but feel like something is missing, like you've become empty in a way.
The conditions that brought us here, they only take away. In their wake is left a void that we all scramble to fill in some way. It's no different for those who had it this way from birth. The feeling that something is off is simply part of being human.
And yet, we need to occupy ourselves with thoughts and actions that serve to remind us of that very fact; the fact that we indeed are human, no matter how...disabled.
I quietly sigh, looking to my watch as a means of distracting myself. Lunch is just about to begin.
Finally, when the bell rings, I'm one of the first to get up and leave. Still, someone is faster.
It's Misha and Shizune. The event from a day ago flashes in my mind, making me grin.
"Micchan, would you mind doing a favor for two cute girls?"
"Depends on the favor."
"You were right Shicchan, he would try and bargain!"
Being read so easily kind of surprises me. No doubt, Shizune is a legitimate threat in this class, and should be handled accordingly.
When obviously outmatched, you can flee, gamble, or outgun. The difference is crucial.
However, with no metaphoric guns to wave around, I'm forced to the less desirable option, gambling.
No doubt that Shizune is a strong personality, constantly being followed around by the girl with amazing hair. Still, I need something more if I'm to risk it.
Glancing to the side, I catch sight of the two girls behind me watching us. Judging from their looks, it seems that this isn't a terribly new scene to them. There's my chance.
"Alright, I'll help the council with whatever you need, but I expect that I'll get a favor in return."
Shizune leans back, adjusting her glasses. She looks...satisfied?
"Not many people care about the council. I'm impressed. I mean, Shicchan is impressed."
I guess translating every word isn't easy, even with experience.
The two lead me to the council room, a former classroom too big for any one class from this school. Preferring not to comment on it, though, I patiently wait until Shizune works through a formidable pile of variously colored folders.
There's a little board on the far wall listing the member's names. Hakamichi Shizune, Nakai Hisao, as well as Mikado Shiina. So the entire council is from my class?
I also didn't know Misha's actual name is Shiina. For some reason, the oversight bothers me more than expected.
Shizune finally finds it, handing it to me just as she throws a glance at her friend.
"Get this to the class representative of 3-1, the sorry job of dealing with 3-2 is ours to do."
Misha pauses, suddenly remembering something. "3-2 is Lilly's class..." Her expression changes into a strange neutrality, something that doesn't seem to fit the apparently cheery girl.
Before she can get any more flustered, I decide to interrupt. "Right. Do I need to report back here?"
Just as it came, the expression fades away. Misha beams a large smile at me.
"Nope! We'll meet in the classroom after lunch."
"Sure thing, Shiina."
She pauses again, this time looking at me with a slightly embarrassed look. A light flush creeps onto her cheeks.
"Uh..."
"What's wrong?"
Before she can say anything, Shizune crosses her arms and stomps her foot, surprisingly loudly at that. Guess she's tired of our little conversations.
As I leave the council room behind me, realization dawns on me. I have no clue where 3-1 is...
Fortune is on my side today, 3-1's classroom is just a little ways' off from my own. I let myself in, facing a few scattered groups of students.
A cute looking blonde approaches me with even steps, despite her need to rely on a cane.
She's about as tall as the rest of them, but there's some kind of brightness about her that makes her stick out a bit.
"So, the big bad council decided to get someone new to do their work? Welcome to Yamaku, by the way."
I hand her the folder, taking my seat atop an empty desk.
"Never hurts to have friends in high places. And thanks."
She smiles, leaving the folder on the teacher's desk. It's something about her, maybe the aura of calm she has about... something is in stark contrast with the rest of us, but I can't quite tell what.
She lightly tosses her hair, never once moving her soft hazel eyes away from me.
"So, how are you finding your stay here?"
"Room service is the worst I've seen. At least the hostesses are pretty."
She raises her hand to her chest, chuckling softly.
"It's a lovely thing, keeping your sense of humor. So many here forget how to make jokes."
"Guess they do..."
"So, you're off to the cafeteria now, I presume?"
"Yeah..."
She notices my smirk, returning one in kind.
"No, I'm not going to tell you how I was just heading there before you found me. As class rep, I do have to deal with the paperwork you deliver."
"You're breaking my heart miss..."
The last word slightly startles her, as she notices that we haven't introduced ourselves.
"Miss Enomoto. You can call me Saki, though."
"Tokarev Mikhail."
We shake hands. As expected, her skin is soft, well cared for, but her grip is firm, not nearly as feminine as I expected it to be.
"I can't keep you company, Mikhail."
Suddenly, a boy with glasses, and hair as dark as a raven's wing steps to her side, eyeing me curiously.
"A new student?"
Saki turns slightly towards him, maintaining her usual calm smile.
"Why yes, poor boy got rounded by the council."
I frown, looking over to the boy.
"Mikhail Tokarev, at your service."
He takes my hand, giving it an energetic shake, his eyebrows raise slightly.
"I'm not a woman."
I shrug. "Do you have to be? Manners are a sign of any good gentleman, or butler."
He grins. "So, you're a butler then?"
"No, but I do service better than most." It draws a blush from Saki, and a laugh from the boy.
"The name's Matsumoto Katakana, I'm heading off to the cafeteria."
"I'm coming with, if you don't mind."
He glances at Saki, who is already eyeing the folder on the desk, then back at me.
"Let's go. Time's wasting."
"Ya govoryu na russkom, yesli eto delayet vas boleye udobnym."
"Thanks for being considerate, but I think Japanese will do just fine."
We somehow managed to get to an empty table, a sandwich in front of both of us.
"So...how'd you fit in?"
"Well enough, I guess."
The question itself is pretty useless as anything other than a conversation starter. As each hour passes, I jump between being glad to be here and being angry over the same thing.
"And the people from the class, they treat you well?"
"Out with it."
He shrugs. His heart wasn't in it anyway.
"Naomi, my girlfriend...she's in your class. Guess I'm interested in a bystander's opinion."
I go over the faces from my class, trying to find the one with Naomi's name. Yet, no matter how much I try, I can't come up with anything.
"Sorry, nothing is coming to mind. Hardly know the girl."
He frowns a bit, which makes me feel like some kind of idiot. If I wanted to, I could've gotten to know all my classmates, including the girl of his. Maybe some part of me thinks this is just a temporary deal, that soon enough, I'll just go back.
But try as I might, I can't come up with any reason I'd want to go back.
Kanon is lost to me, my family won't be there for me.. Heck, I hardly have any friends there.
The one person I knew for sure was my friend jumped off a goddamn roof; The idiot.
But giving up isn't the way. There has to be a place for me here, some way I could calm down this restless mind.
"You been to town yet?"
His question drags me back to reality, and I start devouring the sandwich. It doesn't last long, so I'm quick to continue the conversation.
"No, not yet." In the town below, there's a lot of small convenience stores to choose from. Most of them should have everything a student such as myself would need.
Katakana takes a long look at me, then takes a bite from his sandwich.
"You need a ride down?"
"Wait, you can drive?"
He nods, then points at me.
"No, can't. Condition."
His eyebrows rise a bit, but he doesn't push it. It's the safe move.
"Well, thanks for the offer, but I think I can make it on my own... " I take a second to think, remembering something. "Then again, I wouldn't mind some directions. I'm looking for a specific item."
By now, we've both finished our food. Some students are already leaving.
"What would that be?" His voice gives away the hint of interest.
"Well, I am Russian..."
He grins. "Say no more."
Eventually, I part ways with Matsumoto. He supplied me with an address though, a place called 'Aura-Mart'.
I make my way up to the classrooms, taking solace in the fact that my odds of falling are significantly lowered when I'm surrounded by people the way I am now.
Arriving into the still fairly empty classroom, I notice Suzu, who is oddly enough awake, as well as Misha and Shizune.
I give a wave to Suzu as I make my way to the student council.
"Misha, could you give me your phone number?"
The two exchange glances, with Misha naturally being the one to speak.
"Sure...but why?"
Because I love you, and because I love your hair...
"I'm going into town tomorrow morning, so I want to be able to call on someone should I get lost."
They glance at each other once more, and Shizune gives a small nod. It must suck having to get someone's sign-off on everything. I wonder what she did to deserve that kind of loyalty.
"Here you go Micchan. Just don't go calling me at the middle of the night, ok~!"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Having acquired the digits, I sink into my seat. Just as I do, a flash of cyan, or teal, or turquoise, or whatever, alerts me to the close proximity of my usually passive classmate- Suzuki.
"Hey Mikhail."
"Hey Suzu. What's up?"
"I kinda overheard you talking about going shopping tomorrow morning. I was wondering if I could tag along."
Technically, if she is to come with me, I'd be the one tagging along, since she knows the area better. Of course, I know better than to spout nonsense like that aloud, and instead wait for her to say something else.
She doesn't say anything, just sitting down at Lelouch's table. Strange guy, that Lelouch. Rumors claim he's some kind of British nobility.
"I'm just tired of having to force Miki or Molly to babysit me."
"Come on Suzu, I'm sure they don't mind."
"Are you going to bring me along or not?"
Even at a glance, I can tell she's becoming sleepy again. All things considered, It's better to bring her along.
"Alright then, I'll meet you tomorrow morning in front of that weird mural, wear something cute."
She smiles, slowly sinking her head into her arms. Lelouch won't appreciate this.
Before I can do anything, she's out, and the desk's rightful owner is giving me a dark look.
"What are you looking at? You think you can take me? Come on, I'll take you on right here bro." My boasting is followed by the mandatory fist slam onto the table.
He rolls his eyes, taking his place at Suzu's desk.
Explaining would be too much of a bother anyway, so it's easier to just let him think I'm some kind of idiot. The world's full of them, and besides, what some random Brit thinks of me is hardly important.
Telling the difference between pretenders and those with real pull is an important skill, one my dad made sure I learned well.
The people in power are never the hysterics, and never the timid. You're looking for the one in the second row, just close enough to matter, far enough to be able to see the larger picture.
Those are the players, the ones you have to look out for.
One such person is coming in. My homeroom teacher, Mutou-sensei.
As I float through the lazy stream of students pouring out of the school, I'm struck with an awful truth. I don't have anything to do. Well, save homework, but that won't keep me occupied for long.
Perhaps I could check the library out. People say Yamaku has quite the collection.
I turn my head, immediately losing my drive. Having to plow my way through so many people...I don't like reading that much...
What else then, try mingling with my dorm-mates? Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen.
Eventually the crowd spits me out in front of the mural wall. The same disturbing image is splattered from side to side. Yet there's something oddly charming about it. Sure it's strange, but...
Ok, I'll be the first to admit I haven't the slightest clue when it comes to art, but all these faces, limbs, nondescript body parts...this kind of looks like a person.
Maybe it's supposed to express how an individual can feel torn and spread thin, by actually showing a person torn and spread thin. I find myself liking the artist.
As I take my time, analyzing the details that slip past the casual observer, trying to drag out as much meaning as I can from this, quite interesting, mural. Before I know it, the mass of students is gone. Only the chairbound students, as well as the slow-moving, hand-holding couples remain. For a moment, I think I saw Miki and Adolf.
I turn my head back to the wall, noticing that I'm not the only one mystified by the mural.
A ways off from me, at the far side of the wall, stands a girl. Middling height, messy hair. I want to say auburn... However, all of that has nothing to do with what catches my attention.
What catches my attention is the fact that she doesn't seem to have arms. Her sleeves are knotted halfway down, leaving nothing to guess at.
For the two days I've been here, I've seen lots of different conditions, lots of different...well...disabilities. However, I had yet to see something this striking, this...unconcealed. The girl just stands there, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
And then she turns to me.
"Do you like my mural?"
I blink once, words frozen somewhere at the bottom of my throat.
Her mural, as in she made it? She painted the thing with no arms? It can't be just simple overcompensation, can it?
The look in her eyes, her fairly pretty green eyes, it makes me pause; think.
She is looking at me, but it's like she's not seeing...me.
I've heard it said that the eyes of an artist see this world very differently than a regular person does. Maybe that's why her gaze seems so distant...so suppressed.
"Yeah, It's very nice work. Mind if I try to guess what it's about?"
A look of uncertainty briefly invades the girl's face, quickly being absorbed back into her usual neutral expression.
"Go ahead. I probably won't mind."
Probably? Ah, nevermind, I should just get on with it.
"It's actually supposed to represent someone. A person struggling with him or herself, feeling torn between all the forces that pull away at the heart."
She says nothing, simply staring at me for a while. She then looks over at the mural, slightly tilting her head.
"I never saw it that way."
Wow, I'm wrong? "Shoot, thought I had it." Come on, it has to be a person, it has the faces and all...
She slowly frowns, a trace of what looks like anger mixing in with her passive expression.
Her voice is even, emotionless. "It's just a mural. Why see it as anything more than that?" It kind of reminds me of my mother's.
I consider her question for a moment. Why see something more than the apparent and obvious?
If you didn't life would quickly become bleak and repetitive... kind of what my life was.
The kind of life where it's easier to fall into habits, letting yourself become boring and predictable. Nothing changed, but I preferred it that way. I loved my life the way it was; I was happy.
But now, it all seems so far away. I can't even remember why I lived like that.
Here, in this place, I saw more new things then I would in years back there. I...I don't think I regret it...
"Why not?"
She hangs her head, sighing softly.
"It would be too hard to explain. Too many words, all jumping in front of each other, making a giant mess of words I don't know how to use."
What I thought was anger now looks like sadness. It's the subtle motions, the small signs that seem to tell this girl's mood.
"Try. I have time."
She doesn't react to my words, instead fixing her eyes on the sky above. Again her expression changes, this time to a look of peace... maybe not exactly peace, but calm.
"Just deciding to try something new is trying something new in its own right."
Her words aren't meant for me in particular. It's more like she just threw them out there, to see what happens.
A small smirk forms on her lips, and she lowers her head to look at me.
"I'm doing an exhibition."
"Good for you."
"And then there's this boy. He comes by the studio."
"Going somewhere with this?"
She shakes her head, slowly closing her eyes.
"He says I talk a lot sometimes."
I decide to sit down. Keeping track of this conversation is becoming increasingly troublesome. Still, I do want to help this girl out in any way I can.
She mentioned the mural, the boy, the exhibition, and finally the idea of trying new things.
Maybe...maybe she needs inspiration? A new experience to kick-start the artistic flow? I don't know how I'd help with that...
"Rin! There you are, finally!"
A blond-haired boy walks up to us, taking a moment to catch his breath. He comes closer to the artist, placing his hands on her shoulders.
His touch appears gentle, caring even. It's not some spur of the moment thing, he intended to hold her like that. I can tell he relaxes when she doesn't try to shake him off.
I smirk, looking once more at Rin, the artist girl with no arms.
"Is this the boy you mentioned?"
She nods, smiling. It's strange to see her smile. Even more so when I see the way she smiles. It looks fake, yet feels honest. Exactly the opposite of my own in the mirror this morning.
I look at the two of them; her, nuzzling her head in his shoulder, and him, holding her with a kind, happy smile.
Maybe...maybe there is a way, after all.
It's risky no doubt, but after Lelouch, I think I found my courage for something like this.
"You, boy, mind if I have a word?" My voice sounds stronger, more confident than usual.
He glances at me, then at the girl in his arms. With a shrug, he lets go, taking a few steps in my direction.
"You're the new guy. Tokarev, was it?"
"Yes, but that's not important."
He tilts his head to the side a bit, looking confused.
"Look, all that matters is that I know what you two need right now, and that I can help you."
Bold words, coming from a man like me. But this will work, I'm sure of it.
"Tomorrow evening, I need you to swing by my room, 116."
He frowns, leaning back. "Look man, I don't even know you."
I frown as well. I need this to work out. "I need you to trust me."
He crosses his arms, taking a step back.
"Why should I?"
Suddenly, a voice comes from behind him.
"Why not?"
It's Rin, wearing the most sly smile I've ever seen. The blond boy takes a long look at her; She stares back, saying nothing.
After a few moments, he shrugs again.
"Sure, why not. I'll come by."
Turning on his heel, he starts walking back to the strange red-haired girl.
"Come on Rin, let's go."
I smile, waving my hand at them.
As they disappear through the pompous gate, I go over my little idea once again, nodding in satisfaction with myself.
It's a longshot, but then again, me ending up enrolled in Yamaku academy was a longshot too. Things seem to have a way of working out when you need them to.
Giving the mural one last look, I start heading back to the dorms. It's been a long day.
Having taken the time to formulate most of the plot, I can safely say there won't be any long breaks waiting for ideas to come.
The characters not directly involved in Mikhail's (or the other two stories) will have their stories neatly tied up, leaving no loose ends. For me specifically, that means I have to find something for Emi and Rin.
Also, I've thought about the Dark vs M chapter thing, and decided to go with both. Yep, both.
I'm quite proud of the idea, there should be some powerful feels, but it's a monster to write, so apologies in advance if it takes long, I want it to be the best I can possibly make it.
Yes Vault, it is the OTP, your little ship actually makes for some delightfully dark content. Also, paragraphs seem to have some serious beef with me, I can't get along with 'em. This is about the best I can do without hurting my own aesthetic tastes.
Reviewer MonsterAbe, I'm glad you like my work, and I promise I'll try not to keep you waiting too long.
Before the big dark chapter, I'm planning to do a backstory chapter; Any suggestions?
Anyone goes really, sans Kenji, the adults, Adolf and Katakana (their backstories are their to tell, after all). Keep in mind that if nothing comes up, I'll do Saki, just because I can.
It does make my heart jump with joy every time I see a new review, but I guess you can't win everyone over. It's a dangerous drug to get hooked on :D.
Anyways, that's about it. Next one will be up as soon as I physically type it out, everything else about it is already done.
Review, like, follow, favorite, tweet, whatever. The important thing is that you enjoy the read. :D