I would like you all to know I'm at a crepe shop and I'm looking at a giant jar of honey on a nearby table. Seriously, this thing is MASSIVE. But that has nothing to do with anything and I felt the need to share with someone. Getting down to business, here's some forward momentum. Thanks for your patience and continued readership. I hope this doesn't disappoint.
Without a warning it comes flying, and when it strikes my world changes; all reason left behind. Without a warning it comes flying, and it's to late to resist it for my fate is sealed. And I know my heart's no longer mine.
"You're awake," Alex said quietly.
Olivia sat up straighter in the uncomfortable chair and tried unsuccessfully to get the kink out of her neck. "You, too." They looked at each other in silence. "How're you feeling?" Olivia asked as her mind kicked back into action.
"Sore." Turning her head back to stare at the ceiling, Alex closed her eyes again. "Why are you here?"
"You know were were in a car accident," Olivia began slowly. Alex gave a slight nod, but didn't interrupt. "When the ambulance came the paramedics said you were repeating my name. They looked in your phone and found my number."
Alex's breath hitched and her face crumpled before she let out a sob. Olivia took her hand and held it tightly between her own and watched helplessly as she cried.
When Alex calmed down a bit, Olivia hit the call button. A male nurse came in and silently took Alex's vital signs, before letting them know that the doctor would be in momentarily. When he left he kept the door open a crack and it wasn't long before Doctor Westphalen entered the room.
"Good morning, Miss Cabot. Good to see you're awake," she said as she picked up Alex's chart. "I'm gonna look you over a bit and I'm pretty sure you'll be on your way to the med-surg ward. Your vitals are excellent and as long as your incision sites aren't seeping, you'll be good to go."
Olivia grudgingly let go of Alex's hand while the doctor performed her exam. She couldn't be sure if holding Alex's hand was comforting to her or causing her more distress, but it made Olivia feel connected to Alex, so she was going to keep doing it until Alex said not to.
"Well, I'd say you're ready to go. Everything looks good, so I'll call for transport," Doctor Westphalen said brightly, which was a definite contrast to the tension in the room. She replaced the chart on the end of the bed and glided out the door.
Several tense minutes passed before two men in scrubs showed up to move Alex to the med-surg ward. They opened a cabinet and took out the ubiquitous white plastic bag with Alex's personal effects and handed it to Olivia. One of them unlocked the wheels at the foot of the bed while the other did the same at the head. Soon they were rolling Alex down the hall to the elevator while Olivia followed clutching Alex's things to her chest. As they made their way through hallways and corridors, Olivia took a second to look in the bag she was carrying. The only thing in it was Alex's purse. Realising that Alex's clothes were most likely cut off in the ER, and remembering that she herself had no change of clothes, she decided to run out to the get some clothes and a few comforts of home for herself and Alex. When they finally arrived in the room that would be Alex's, the porters left and a member of the nursing staff came in to explain the care she should be receiving while on their floor.
"I'm Sarah. You must be Alex," she said as she looked at the chart, "and you are?" she asked as she looked to Olivia.
"Olivia Benson. I'm her emergency contact."
"All right. Alex, you'll be here for a few days for observation. We'll monitor your vitals to make sure there were no complications from your injuries, like throwing a clot or developing an infection, but for all intents and purposes, you're here to rest up until you're strong enough to go home. If you have any questions, or experience excruciating pain, just let one of us know. OK?"
Alex nodded and watched as Sarah replaced the chart at the foot of the bed and left the room.
"A couple of days isn't so bad. At least you're not here for a month or something," Olivia said to try and lighten the sombre mood that seemed to permeate the space.
"Yeah."
As much as Olivia wanted Alex to be awake and alert, when Alex was asleep she wasn't crying or freaking out or giving curt responses or avoiding eye contact. She wasn't sure what to say or do to make Alex open up and it irked her. "I'm gonna run to the store and get some things. I noticed you don't have any clothes and I only have what I'm wearing right now, so I'll find something that's comfortable for us. I'll be back in a bit, OK?"
"Whatever."
Olivia grabbed her purse and left Alex staring intently at the wall.
###
Just over an hour later, Olivia returned to the hospital with two shopping bags full of things she figured would be nice for her and Alex and two orders of biscuits and gravy from Lorraine's across the street. Opening the door slowly, she noticed Alex still staring at the wall. The expression on Alex's face was one of defiance and irritation. Olivia decided to just act like things were getting better because, at least in her mind, they were. Alex was awake, in less pain, and was getting closer to being released. Those were all things to be happy about, but Alex was still in a funk.
Olivia put the bags down on the chair next to the bed and started taking their contents out and sorting everything out on the bedside table. "I went to Target and got some lounge wear for you. Nothing fancy, just loose fitting and comfy. There's some fuzzy socks in one of these bags," she said as she reached deep into the last bag. "We both know you get cranky when your feet are cold," she said, smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood. "I got something similar for myself. I also got some toiletries and stuff. And I picked up some biscuits and gravy from the diner across the street. Bethany took me there early this morning while you were sleeping and they were really good so I got you some because I know it's your favourite breakfast and-"
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"What?" Olivia wasn't sure she'd heard correctly.
"Why. Are you. Being. So nice. To me," Alex enunciated with bitterness tainting each word.
Folding the hoodie in her hands and placing it on the table, Olivia looked Alex in the eye and shrugged. "Why would you even ask that? You need someone, and we were close once, and so why not me? If there's someone you'd rather have with you instead of me, then let me know and I'll get them here. For what it's worth, Alex, I still care about you, but if you don't want me here, say so."
Alex sighed in frustration. "There isn't anyone else to call. No friends. No family. No one."
"You have me. You've always had me whether you knew it or not," Olivia offered. When her heartfelt words were met with a scoff from Alex, the emotional roller coaster she'd been on plunged swiftly into an angry loop. "Why don't I just call that fiancé of yours? Robert, isn't it? I'm sure he's worried sick that you aren't home in your penthouse at the top of a glittering ivory tower!" That certainly got Alex's attention. She turned to look at Olivia with an expression of shock and confusion. "How do I know about your fiancé? Word gets around, Alex. When I found out you were back, I was so happy. I just...I couldn't..." Remembering how she felt when Casey Novak had mentioned in passing that Alex Cabot was now a bureau chief still made Olivia's heart race. She'd waited years to hear that Alex was back and she couldn't wait to see her. "I called you. I called you a lot. And you never called back and I figured you were probably overwhelmed with people trying to get in touch with you again, and settling in at your new job, and any other reason I could rationalise for you not calling me back. And then Casey mentioned something about you being engaged. And I got it. You didn't want me anymore. Robert's Wall Street money is a million times better than a cop's salary, and he's more socially acceptable to be seen with than some dyke detective." Olivia took a deep breath and let it out between clenched teeth. She hadn't intended to chastise Alex for the choices she made, but Alex was being standoffish and aside from a brief moment where she apologised for something (Olivia still didn't know what) when she woke up from the anaesthesia, she was downright prickly.
Several tears rolled down Alex's cheeks. Olivia had every right to be upset with her; not just for the situation they were currently in, but for so much more. She would explain it all to Olivia eventually, but she couldn't right then. Emotions were clouding everything and nothing was coming out right. "Robert and I broke up."
That little tidbit of information took the wind out of Olivia's sails. "Really? When?"
"Yesterday. I got home from work, and we fought, so I got in the car and I left."
"Where were you going? What's in Paramus?"
Alex swallowed with some effort and sighed. "This wasn't the destination. I was headed to East Amherst."
Olivia knew that Alex's mother lived there, and she also knew that Alex's mother had died while Alex was in witness protection in Wisconsin. "You were on your way to your mother's house?"
"There was a box of personal items that were sent to her when I left for witness protection. All my furniture and clothes were given away, but photos and jewellery and trinkets were boxed up and shipped off to my mother as my next of kin. I just needed to see those things again," Alex said flatly.
A few pieces of the puzzle were fitting together. Olivia was grateful for Alex's sudden willingness to share even a little bit of what had happened, and was hopeful that this would lead to Alex opening up a bit more in her own time. "What did you and Robert fight about?" she asked hesitantly.
"He found some journals I kept while I was gone. They were in a box under some scarves on the top shelf in the closet. He was digging around to find a place to hide a diamond heart necklace engagement present for me when the box fell and he saw what was inside. He read some of them and freaked out." Alex looked away and started to cry. "They were all about you."