A/N: The style of this chapter is somewhat different than the rest. I thought it was necessary so we could really know what Elizabeth was going through at this point. Hope you enjoy!
Elizabeth descended the stairs to find her mother and two youngest sisters donning their bonnets in the entryway.
"No, Lydia. Here borrow your sister's. It's much nicer than yours and she'll have no need for it. I'm sure her fiancé will replace it with something much nicer."
"Mama," Elizabeth said, startling her mother. "I hadn't realized that you'd left your room. Where are you off to?"
Mrs. Bennet looked at her daughter as if she'd grown an extra head. "Where am I off to? Why, off to announce your engagement, of course! Where else should I be going? Your Aunt Philips will want to know and the Lucases must be told."
"Mama, I must beg you to wait. Mr. Darcy would not want any public announcement to be made until after he's received permission from Papa. He's in with him now. Can you not wait until their interview is over?"
"Posh, child! As if Mr. Bennet would say no. No, great men would much prefer to have the announcement made for them. It saves them the trouble. Announcing the engagement must fall to the women. I'd have you come along but, I'm sure, your fiancé would much prefer you to remain here with him. Not to mention, we must find you something suitable to wear for such engagements. We must find you a dress that better suits your new station. I will speak to your father upon our return. Come along girls!"
Elizabeth tried, in vain, to call back her mother but she was no match to her sisters' voices. She kept begging with her sisters and mother to stay – to wait to make the announcement. But they weren't to be moved. Already they were planning what gifts they were to expect from their new brother. Did their lack of manners know no bounds? Maybe Mr. Darcy wasn't wrong about her family. No, she knew that he wasn't wrong. That was what had made his proposal sting the most.
She wandered into the parlor, hoping to pick up her book, in an effort to clear her mind. Dwelling upon her mother's choice wouldn't make it any better. It wasn't until it was too late that she realized her mistake. Mr. Collins was still in the room, pacing.
"Cousin Elizabeth," he called before she was able to escape the room.
Turning to him, she faked as cheerful a disposition as she could possibly muster at the time. "What can I do for you Mr. Collins?"
"Please take a seat, my dear cousin," he said, indicating a nearby chair. She wanted to stand just to thwart him, until she recalled how long winded he could be. He remained standing. "I know your time at Rosings may have lead you to believe your station in life was above where you'd thought it to be. Lady Catherine is condescension itself. While she does like the preservation of the ranks to be observed, she is willing to allow those below her to sit with her from time to time. She knows that those beneath her cannot ever hope to attain anything beyond their little world if they do not experience anything outside their sphere. I fear her kindness has been an evil to you. You've forgotten your place. She would be most distressed to know that her condescension has been so ill used. I know not under what circumstances you pressed yourself upon Mr. Darcy, but if he feels honor bound to continue with this engagement, he will do so. It lies with you to release him from such an obligation. I beg you, dear cousin, to think about what you are doing. He will resent you. I will grant you have a pretty face, but how long will it be before you lose your looks? How will he feel then? Tied to a country nobody when he'd been planning to marry a titled lady from the ton. Not to mention that Lady Catherine will be most seriously displeased. If you will not think of your own future consider how ill you are repaying her kindness."
Her anger rose with every word he uttered. "Mr. Collins, I thank you for your advice on this matter. However, any discussion regarding my engagement must be between my father, Mr. Darcy and myself." She stood and began to quit the room.
"What do you hope to accomplish with this charade? You know you have no business marrying that man. Not only does he travel in worlds above you, he is already betrothed to his cousin. Surely you know this? Do not set your self up for failure, dear cousin. And do not tear that august family apart to keep your pride!"
Elizabeth turned around to face her cousin, anger evident on her face. "Mr. Collins, I will again thank you for your advice on the matter. I'm going for a walk. I shall ponder your words on my ramble."
"I knew you would understand, Cousin Elizabeth. But, I must also counsel you to hold off on your walk. It looks as if it is to rain."
Elizabeth chanced a glance at the window. Dark clouds were indeed beginning to roll in. She guessed she had fifteen minutes, at most, before it began to pour. "I am sure you are mistaken, Mr. Collins." Barely able to contain her anger, she excused herself and made her way outside.
Ten minutes into her walk, Elizabeth found herself wishing she hadn't been so hasty in her exit. The clouds were being pushed in by a cold spring wind. Five minutes ago those dark clouds had covered the sun, blocking what little heat it had offered. She had no bonnet since her sister had taken hers; her shawl and gloves lay abandoned on the front entrance table. Still she carried on.
Her life was spiraling out of control. She felt trapped. What was she to do? Marrying Mr. Darcy seemed the most likely scenario. But, how could she marry a man she didn't respect let alone like? Was she destined to spend her days alone at Pemberley? Pushed aside, resented by a husband that didn't view her as an equal? She'd always hoped to have a marriage based on affection and respect. She didn't want to end up like her parents. While she didn't doubt that there had been some affection when her parents first wed, clearly there hadn't been much respect. Love could fade but respect should endure the test of time.
Without warning the skies opened up and a heavy, cold rain began to fall. She spied a copse of trees not too far off in the distance. She hurried as quickly as she could to find cover but was still thoroughly soaked before arriving. She turned, leaning against the tree, to watch the rain drench the countryside. A roll of thunder could be heard overhead. The weather perfectly reflected her mood. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, hoping to create some kind of heat. She debated making a run for home but the thought of even more cold rain kept her in her alcove. She was a good twenty minutes from home. Hopefully, the spring storm would pass quickly.
Sliding down the tree to rest her tired feet, she found the ground to be drier than expected. Not that it mattered at this point – she was soaked. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she did her best to keep warm. What she wouldn't give to be back at home. She'd even brave another lecture from Mr. Collins!
Mr. Collins. The thought of that man made her ire rise. How dare he start lecturing her on marrying Mr. Darcy! She didn't want to marry the man, anyway. If he'd really wanted to help her nullify her engagement to Mr. Darcy, he should have stopped her mother from running off to inform the entire neighborhood of their impending nuptials. His implication, that she was the one that trapped Mr. Darcy, irritated her most of all. If only Mr. Collins was aware of the fact that Elizabeth's desires perfectly aligned with his own!
Elizabeth wasn't sure if her shaking was due to how cold she was or from her anger. Why hadn't her father come to her defense? He had the power to stop all of this. Instead, he'd blamed her for her situation. He was the one pretending to be sicker than he was. If he'd just been honest, she wouldn't be in this position! Her eyes began to sting as she held back tears. No, he was right. She'd been unfair to Mr. Darcy. He'd come to her in honesty, delivered in the worst proposal imaginable, but honesty, nonetheless. While she hadn't directly lied to him, she was lying by omission. He deserved to know how she felt about him. But, what to do now that, due to her mother's thoughtlessness, the engagement was all but official? Should she continue to play along, hoping that her feelings changed? Or, should she be brutally honest, hoping that he didn't hate her for taking advantage of her?
And what of this new Mr. Darcy that she'd met. He was someone that she felt she could both love and respect. He'd gone out of his way to assure her comfort. He was kind, loving, and thoughtful. What had happened to effect such a change? Was it her new, conceived status as his fiancée? Or, did he just remember the feelings of losing his own father. Which one was the real Mr. Darcy: the one she met in Hertfordshire or the one that had aided in her swift return home?
Teeth chattering, her mind kept turning in circles. She still didn't know how she felt about marrying the man that ruined her sister's happiness and had spurned his childhood friend. Would he do that to her one day? Toss her aside on a whim. And what to tell poor Jane! Was she to remain in the dark as to how her future brother-in-law had ruined her dreams? Or, should she tell her sister all, counting on her sister's goodness to not hate him forever? She didn't know what to do! If only she had a way to turn back the clock 48 hours! Back to the night of Mr. Darcy's proposal. She'd have turned him down and hoped for the best. At least then she wouldn't have to worry about Jane's feelings or having to deal with Mr. Collins.
She leaned her head back against the tree. If only the rain would stop. She was exhausted and longed to take a nap in the warmth of her bed. She was so cold; shivering seemed to just make her colder. If only the rain would stop, the sun would help warm her up. How long had she been here? She had no idea. Everything was running together. She thought she heard a somewhat familiar voice but wasn't sure. Everything seemed a blur. It was like she could sense the real world but couldn't grasp it.
She felt something warm touch her face. It felt so good. She leant into it. She felt the heat began to pull away until – suddenly, she was engulfed in warmth. She tried to cuddle into it. The heat felt amazing after being stuck in the cold, soaking wet. She couldn't quite tell but she thought she was being carried. She wasn't sure how long she was in this position but, at some point, she heard more voices. They sounded hysterical. She wanted to tell them that everything was okay, that she was fine. But, she couldn't get her mind to communicate that to her voice.
At some point, she knew not when, she felt herself submerged in warm water. It was so warm, it hurt. She tried to struggle out of it but was held firmly down. Finally, it began to feel comfortable and she relaxed. She found the warmth she'd been seeking for, what seemed like, forever. She felt herself being moved again – and wrapped in something warm. She finally felt at peace. She laid her head back and fell asleep.