A/N- Hello all! RL has been a bitch lately. I'm so tired… and I have an awful cold. Or maybe it's strep. Anyway, the internet at my house isn't working, so all I can do is write. And write I have! Hopefully, the school internet will be working by now so I can update…
This chapter is transitory, but introduces some plot! I need all the reviews you can give me. An English teacher at my school just told me that my writing style is rubbish, and the short story I asked her to read "Needs plenty of work." Believe me, nothing makes you feel more like crap than being told you can't write and having what may be strep throat.
Enjoy!
"Are you awake? Hermione?" Harry's soft voice, the same one that had murmured to her as she had fallen into a decidedly deep sleep, rumbled deep in his chest.
"Yeah," she said stretching. "You know you could have left, right?" She must look like a mess. Her hair lapsed back to first year at night. It took a shower and some magic muggle shampoo to make it look like anything but a bushy mess.
She could hear him chuckle, and opened her eyes to see him buttoning a white shirt and throwing robes over that and a pair of slacks. His hair was just barely messier than hers was- pointing every which way as it had done since their days in school.
Hermione let herself wonder for a moment what it would be like to wake up to Harry getting ready for work every morning. But then reality hit and she brutally shoved that thought away.
"I wouldn't do that, Mione," he said, attempting to fix his hair in her mirror. "Do you have something that would help?" He gave her one of those irresistible puppy dog looks, a mix of cute helplessness and hope.
"Check under the sink in the bathroom," she called out, walking to the kitchen. "I'll start the tea if you'll make the bed." Harry's answer came as she boiled the water, pulling her red silk robe tighter around herself.
She tried to run her fingers through her hair, but failed miserably. "Calm down, Granger," she muttered to herself. "It's not exactly the first time you've ended up in bed together." And hopefully not the last, she finished in thought alone.
From the bathroom, she could hear a shout of joy as Harry succeeded in finding the potion she used to control her hair. It made her smile to herself as she started the tea, humming quietly.
She grabbed two mugs from the cabinet above the stove, along with a teapot. "Tea's just about ready," she said louder.
"What was that?" Harry asked, sliding into the kitchen, hair still charmingly askew, but more presentable for the Ministry. "Thanks, love."
Hermione just shook her head, watching him with fond eyes. "Nothing. Are you ready for work?"
"Yes," Harry said uncertainly, then snapped his fingers. "I knew I was forgetting something. I need to leave now to stop by my place. Left a file there."
He pulled her into a hug, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "If you need anything, Floo me." The hard muscle of his body against hers was disconcerting. What had happened to the skinny kid she had known when she was twelve?
She clutched at him for a moment, and then forced herself to release him. "I know. Off to work with you."
"What are you doing for dinner?" Harry asked, almost out the door. "I could bring take out."
Hermione smiled, leaning against the door frame. "Sounds good."
The moment she heard the door to the stairs close, her smile dropped from her face and she sagged against the door frame. She could not decide if her relationship with Harry was healthy or not. When she was around him, she was on a roller coaster of emotion- comfortable and happy one moment- overflowing with depression and a deep rooted anger the next.
When she was without him she was not just extreme- she was racing against time and crashing into crazy nights. Either feeling everything with an acuity that was bordering on painful, or dead to the world. Numb. Floating through life in a fog that held no meaning. There was some sadness, some happiness. Exhilaration pierced with smoky gray darts of depression.
And what about Harry? Was he happy that she was back? He had asked, begged even, for her to return. Now that she was in London, living in her flat, sending him off to work with a cup of tea and a kiss, did he regret it?
No, she told herself firmly. I will not start down that path. I need to do something. She needed to visit Kate.
Kate. That would be fun. The tall blonde agent who had helped Hermione since the beginning had been totally shocked by Hermione's- or rather, Lily's- decision to leave the modeling world. She had an office in London, where she had promised to meet Hermione to discuss what would happen next.
Hermione walked through her flat, stopping at her living room where she sat down with the large tome Harry had asked her about just days ago. It scared her as much as ever, facing the possibility of never getting better. More even, if she considered the fact that Harry could be affected as much as she was.
She finished her meager breakfast, then showered and dressed, wearing one of her favorite dresses. With a high neckline and no sleeves, it gave her a decidedly strong appearance, the cinched belt accentuating her waist and the pale grey a shade darker than the diamond around her slender neck.
Inner self strangely calm, Hermione stared at herself in the mirror. When did I become this? she asked herself. A few inches taller with the heels, whiskey colored eyes hidden beneath large sunglasses, usually untamable hair in a loose bun at the base of her neck, few freckles hidden with makeup, Hermione Granger looked like Lily Black.
No surprise there, Hermione thought. Who am I kidding? I'm her. She is me. That thought was sobering. Lily Black was kind, but distant. She watched with far away eyes, almost mechanical in her movements. But then something would change- her eyes would become desperately alive, filled with the bone deep terror that Hermione Granger couldn't allow herself to feel in the moment. And then the moment would pass. A grin would spread across her face, sudden pallor disappearing as cheeks turned rosy. A night of wild partying would follow, until work the next day. And the cycle would repeat again.
At least Lily Black had never been in a war. At least Lily Black had an amazing career- the kind teenage girls dreamed of. At least Lily Black had never killed a human being. At least Lily had chance to have children, to marry, to live.
Because Hermione Granger had lived through war. Because Hermione Granger had never graduated from Hogwarts. Because Hermione Granger had killed, and maimed, and yes- she had even been tortured. Because Hermione Granger would never bear a child, the man she might love she had always thought of as her brother, and she had stopped living a while ago.
Harry strode out of the elevator, and into the Auror department, a small smile on his usually grim face. Despite the hero worship most of the wizarding world had shown in the time after Voldemort had been defeated, they were still capable of spreading rumors about their savoir. And one of them was that he was almost never happy, "since he broke up with that nice Weasley girl, anyway."
Ignoring the usual whispers trailing behind him, Harry entered the break room, making his way over to where his partner was sitting with two other men, and one of the few women in the department.
"Morning," he said cheerfully, sitting down with a thump. "Anything important today?"
Alexandra- or Alex, as she preferred to be called- raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Well. What's made your day, sunshine?"
Her partner, a middle-aged wizard who everyone called Woody laughed. "Methinks Potter finally got laid."
Ben, Harry's partner, shook his head. "Nah. The only girls in Potter's life are taken, or too good for him."
"Sure," Harry grumbled, still unable to hide his grin. "Pick on the new guy."
"You won't be new for long," Alex informed him. "We're getting a fresh shipment of rookies in next Monday. The Ministry just went through a hiring spree. They had to redo the basics for the ones who weren't in your little Army."
After the war, Harry did not get to begin the Auror Academy for almost two years. He had actually started just a few days before Hermione left- at her urging of course. It was one year of training, in everything from Magical Law to defensive and offensive spells used only by the Aurors. When he finished, he was partnered with Benjamin Rainer- a tough Auror who had known Moody before the man's untimely death.
"Well it is about time," Harry mused thoughtfully. "How many are we getting?"
"Just four or five," Woody replied. "The usual." He sighed as he poured a cup of coffee. "You would think not even five years after the war people would still remember what it was like."
Ben closed his eyes, the said gruffly, "You're surprised? They never remember the sacrifices made for their safety." He stood, then nodded toward Harry. "You did a good thing, Potter, when you ended that bastard's life. But you learn not to expect much in return."
Harry stood as well, then said, "I know. The 'public opinion' can turn so quickly. Do you remember the Triwizard?"
"Hell yeah," Alex said with a smirk. "How many guys did the Prophet say your girlfriend slept with?"
"And then as soon as she becomes famous in her own right they love her," Harry said with a scowl. "And Hermione wasn't my girlfriend. She only ever went out with Krum."
"She wasn't as much of a looker as she is now," Jackson said, sitting down next to them. "Morning." Harry glared at him, not at all surprised at the blonde man.
Alex and Woody exchanged glances, and then rose to join Harry and Ben, leaving Jackson alone at the table. "Sorry, Jacky," Woody said calmly. "We've got that one case of a S. M. D. out in Surrey." Suspicious Muggle Deaths were becoming less common, but still happened far too often for anyone's comfort.
Harry was visibly upset about something, as Ben noticed almost right away. He commented on it as well, in his straightforward manner.
"What's bothering you, Harry?" Harry looked back toward the staff room where Jackson was sitting with his other colleagues, enjoying the brief time they had in the morning before the paperwork started.
All of a sudden, Hermione's face when she woke up in the morning swam to the front of his mind. "Blondie." It wasn't entirely her beauty, although that was certainly part of what he was feeling. It was the way she had been moments before- totally relaxed and liquid in his arms. Breathing softly, at ease in the same arms she had been sobbing into the night before.
"You don't like the way he was talking about your friend?" Ben asked. As always, he was intuitive.
Harry's forehead wrinkled for a moment, and finally, he nodded. "Yeah. Hermione and I-"
"Hogwarts buddies," Ben suggested. "We all know what it's like. Boarding school friendships are always close."
They had arrived at the desk, where the secretary handed them a thin file. Ben accepted it, looking over the details of the death. They had left the Department when Harry spoke again.
"Yeah. We're Hogwarts buddies. But it's a lot more than that. She's been through Hell and back for me." Harry looked at the floor, stopping before they reached the corridor with the lifts.
Ben paused as well, then spoke again, tone darker this time. "I remember that. She was held by Bellatrix Lestrange, wasn't she?" Ben spat her name like a curse. "I was amazed she got out of that one. The House Elf helped, you, right?"
"Yeah," Harry said. "She wouldn't give me up. You ever get Crucio'd by Bella?"
"Nah," Ben said shaking his head. "I wasn't on her radar, thank God. But I knew the Longbottoms."
The Longbottoms had died not long ago, while still in St. Mungo's. Harry had attended their funeral. "They might have it better than Hermione does." Harry said slowly. "The Frank and Alice Longbottom were torture for a few hours. Hermione was held for days."
The older man frowned, and looked at Harry with troubled eyes. "What do you mean by that, Potter?"
"No one has ever studied the long-term effects of the Cruciatus curse," Harry said quietly. "Everyone who had enough time under it either went crazy or died. Hermione didn't die."
Ben's eyebrows shot up. "Are you saying that Granger is-"
"No!" Harry said loudly, then glanced around. "I don't know. I don't think so. But she's falling apart. I don't know what to do."
"Are you in love with her?" Ben's quiet query took Harry by surprise.
Instead of answering right away, Harry hesitated. "I love her. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with her. I know more about her than anyone else, and vice versa. There is no way you can be that close to someone and not love them. I'm also attracted to her. That's obvious- Hermione is a beautiful woman. I'm just not really sure."
Ben nodded. "Okay. That's a jumble, no doubt. But why are you telling me?"
"I want you to meet her," Harry said. "I want you to meet the girl who made me who I am."
Ben snorted. "Don't give me that bullshit. You want me to tell you if she's going nuts."
"Maybe," Harry admitted. "I wouldn't know. But you have some experience with this."
Ben had been eighteen when he had married, right out of Hogwarts. The young woman he had married had a hereditary magical condition that ran in some of the pureblood circles. The condition had developed because of intensive inbreeding. He had watched as his beautiful young wife went crazy, trapped inside her own head until she took her life.
"You're right," Ben said. "I do. But if she is going crazy-"
"But maybe she's not," Harry interrupted. "She has as many problems as I do. Maybe even more. But that doesn't mean she's crazy."
"Okay," Ben said with a sigh. "When can I meet her?" He started walking to the lifts again, and Harry followed, the lost grin again taking over his face.
Hermione walked into the tall building in what could be arguably called the busiest section of London. She paused outside the door, hesitating before entering the building. Through the glass doors, she could see a large image of her own face, hair spread out for a shampoo commercial. She winced slightly. Even with her large sunglasses, they would recognize her.
No use waiting, she said to herself, then entered the building, keeping her back straight and walking with confidence. The inside of the building was crisp and modern, her face dominating the wall behind the receptionist, and the faces of other models she knew on the other walls. There was an area to wait, done all in white and glass.
The receptionist, probably a girl interning for the summer and hoping to get a job later, didn't look up when Hermione approached the desk. She didn't take off her glasses, half hoping the receptionist didn't get an opportunity to look behind her often.
The click of her heels on the floor stopped, and Hermione waited for the girl to look up from magazine she was reading.
"Hello, my name is Anne-Marie and I welcome you to the London Branch of International Modeling Agency. How can I help you?" the girl said in a bored voice.
Hermione grinned a bit. "I'm here to see Kathrin Pierce." Her tone was cold, but polite. It was enough to make the girl look up from her magazine- if only to check the appointment book.
"Do you have an appointment?" The girl said pointedly. "Ms. Pierce will not see anyone without an appointment."
"I'm not just anyone," Hermione said wryly. "Kate will see me. I'm Lily Black." When she heard Hermione's fake name, the girl looked up, large brown eyes wide.
She glanced at Hermione's face, then spun her chair to look behind her. Then she spun again and faced Hermione. "Right away, Ms. Black!"
She stood, sliding out of the area behind the desk, motioning for Hermione to follow her. "Would you like anything to drink? Tea, coffee?"
"No thank you," Hermione said taking off her sunglasses, and putting them in her purse. "How long has the ad for that French shampoo been up there?"
Anne-Marie looked surprised at the question. "It's been here since at least June. You didn't know?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, this is the first time I've visited the London office. Kate mentioned something about them using the ad for décor, but I never thought it would actually happen." She laughed nervously.
By that time, she and the receptionist had reached the small circle of chairs around a coffee table in front of Kate's office. Hermione sat down, folding her legs neatly and picking up a magazine. "Tell Kate to finish whatever she's doing. I have time."
The girl nodded, and knocked on the door to the office, then opened it, peeking her head inside. "Ms. Pierce?"
Hermione could hear her friend's voice as she snapped at the receptionist. "I told you I was not to be bothered today! Gustavo, hold on a sec, would you, hon? What is it?"
Hermione could see the girl quailing under Kate's annoyed assault. "Don't be so hard on her, Kate," she said, putting down the magazine and standing, making her way to the door. "I told her you would see me."
Kate squealed when she heard Hermione's voice, leaping up from her seat behind the large, cluttered desk. "Lily!"
Hermione entered Kate's office, giving the tall blonde a hug. "Kate. How are you doing?"
"Fine, fine," Kate said with a wave of her hand. "You look good!" Hermione laughed.
"Thanks. Are you going to introduce me to…" Hermione trailed off as she looked at the man gazing at her with obvious interest.
"Gustavo," he said, rising and offering her a large hand. He had to be at least six feet tall, towering over her. "I've heard a lot about you, Ms. Black." He had a light accent, one that made Hermione smile.
Hermione took the hand, giving it a firm shape. "I'm sorry I can't say the same thing. Kate?" She gave her friend and former agent a raised eyebrow.
"This is Gustavo Montoya, a fashion designer from Mexico. He was here to discuss the models he wants for his fashion show in London this week," Kate said, walking to the bookcase that housed albums with pictures of the various models employed by the International Modeling Agency. "I was just about to show him some pictures."
"I don't need any," Gustavo interrupted. "I want Lily." He crossed his arms and examined her face, running his eyes over her body. "She is perfect."
Kate paused, then looked at Hermione, a carefully innocent expression coming over her face that Hermione knew meant she wanted Hermione to take the job.
"Lily," Kate started. "This would be a great opportunity-" Hermione sighed. This needed to be done- but, did it need to be done so soon?
"No." Hermione said flatly. "Not going to happen, Kate." She crossed her arms. "I told you that I'm not modeling anymore." She hoped she sounded convincing.
Gustavo shook his head. "How old are you, mi jita?" He scanned her face again. "Your eyes tell me ancient, but your body tells me twenty."
Hermione's head rose, eyes flashing in anger. "I'll be turning twenty-one in September."
"Then why quit this career?" Gustavo said, voice smooth as honey. "You'll make money. You already are a star."
"No," Hermione said. "It's simple. I don't need model anymore. I've traveled the world for two years. I did what I wanted to do, I saw what I wanted to see. Now I am done."
Both Gustavo and Kate were obviously surprised.
"Lily, darling-" Kate said with a wide smile.
"Surely you don't-" Gustavo began.
The both stopped and looked at each other, then Gustavo spoke again. "I could make it worth your while."
"Money?" Hermione asked with a derisive laugh. "I've got enough of that to live off of for years. I already have a job doing specialized research somewhere else. I'll be paid more than enough." However, in the back of her mind, the idea did sound appealing.
"Ms. Black," Gustavo said slickly, "Do you have a new man in your life?"
Hermione startled visibly. "So what if I do?"
"Has he ever seen you dressed in the finest French silk lingerie? Or the latest fashions straight from the States? " Gustavo asked. "Has he ever been to one of your shows?"
"No," Hermione said. "And I don't think-" She stopped, and thought for a second.
"Please?" Kate asked. "Lily, honey, you just left the modeling scene. You can use this to publically announce your departure. It would be good PR. And it would give your friends a chance to see you up on the runway."
Hermione hesitated, then spoke. "I need to think about it. When is the show?"
"Saturday," Gustavo said. A large smile was growing across his handsome features. "And I will give you as many free passes as you want."
Kate grinned, and clapped her hands. "Great. When can you get back to me?"
"By Thursday," Hermione said slowly. "I'm still not sure if I want to do this."
Gustavo nodded. "Of course not. But do you want to look at some of what you might be modeling. Will you take a look?"
Hermione nodded, and she and Kate sat down to review the book he had brought with him. It was full of sketches, all showing slim women with pale skin and wild hair modeling various outfits.
"I love your hair," Gustavo said softly. "The wildness behind the demure features. The riot of curls. The gentle eyes. I've seen some of your shows, about a year ago. You inspired me." His fingers played in the loose bun at the base of her head, then quickly yanked out the pins that held it up, letting her heavy hair fall down her back.
"See?" he said. "Beautiful."
Hermione smirked. "You are an awful liar. What other colors did you make this in?" She pointed a dress, drawn on a model with blonde hair. "Just about any other color than orange would go better with my coloring."
Kate looked down on it with a critical eye. "I can see that on you in a dark blue, Lily. What do you think, Gus?"
"I will see that it is done," he announced. "Anything else, Ms. Black?"
"Yes," Hermione said smartly. "My bobby pins."
Gustavo chuckled and handed them to her with a smirk. "Of course."
Hermione and Kate continued to peruse the pages of the book, pointing various dresses and styles out to each other. Hermione particularly like a pair of slacks and blazer in the "Work" section, and a bathing suit in another one.
Kate gasped, then pointed to an evening gown on another page. "I love it. Lily, you have to wear this Saturday."
"I didn't say I was going Saturday," Hermione said quickly. "Email me the pictures later. I've got to go." She stood, grabbing her purse and giving Kate a quick hug. "I'll call you Thursday."
Kate stood as well, leading her to the door. "You should come to lunch with me. There is this lovely Italian restaurant not far from here, we could grab a bite."
Hermione smiled softly. "What time?"
"Late lunch sound good?" Kate asked. "We meet at Anthony's at one?"
"Sure," Hermione said, giving her friend another hug. "I think we need to catch up."
"Definitely," Kate agreed. "Hey- What are you doing tonight?"
The question caught Hermione by surprise. "I'm having dinner with Harry."
Kate pouted prettily. "You think you and your man would be interested in swinging by one of the hottest parties in London?"
"I don't think so," Hermione said with a laugh. "He seems eager to have me to himself for a night."
It was after Hermione left the building that she realized that she had never told Kate that Harry was not actually her man.
What do you think? Should Hermione do the show? Vote at my poll!
Please review. I need all the happy thoughts I can get right now. Every time I pass by that teacher's room, my stomach curls. I know every author gets rejected at least once, but it REALLY hurts. I never knew how much until now.
I'm going to be stuck in the woods this weekend, getting eaten by mosquitos and other creepy-crawlies. Wish me luck!
Review, vote, donate coffee to a tired IB student. Believe me, they need it. :)