HELLO HUEHUE

The past few days I've been reading like a hella lot of angsty fanfiction, and I wanted to try my hand at it. The chapter before this (Going Against the Stereotypes via Love) is the apology in advance for this fic bc I am sincerely sorry if I break anyone's heart with the angst I'm going to try here /sobs.

Why?

/

Add didn't know how he would describe it, but he was sure heartbreak was the equivalent of getting crushed by a train. But he smiled, he still smiled around the other because he liked to relish the moments they shared even though he knew there was nothing but friendship in their relationship. And it honestly hurt so bad Add thought death was a better option than living with his unrequited love.

But Add never wanted to distance himself from the other, even if his friends saw how it hurt him so much that it was unhealthy. Raven would never know how much it hurt the silver haired teen every time he smiled and the smile wasn't meant for Add, but for someone else Add saw was much more important in Raven's life. If someone asked Raven who his favorite person was, Add would guarantee it wouldn't be him.

And it wouldn't be.

Add knows, he knows who it would be. He asked Raven himself and the tan male answered with a soft laugh like the answer was obvious.

"You, of course!"

Raven lied, and Add could tell. Still, Raven insisted he was his favorite until Add had blown up in his face that his favorite was in fact his girlfriend. At this, Raven sighed and admitted it was true, which broke Add's fragile heart more. It was his fault, anyway. And Add never stopped loving for the Raven haired, glancing at him with longing when the other wasn't looking.

Add could remember his deceased mother's words,

"You love too much, Adrian, you have so much love in your heart that you want so badly to drown someone with it, make them happy with it," she said. He blamed it on the size of his heart that he couldn't bring himself to detach from Raven.

He would watch as the third wheel as Raven and his blonde girlfriend would act so happily around each other, doing things couples do. Add had to force himself to be happy for his friend. And when they would have a small lover's quarrel, Raven would seek Add for advice. And he can remember the last time Raven did so.

He had acted like he wasn't interested, because he wasn't in all honesty. He was tired of hearing about her, how Raven would rant and then say how much he loved her and that the fight was his fault. Add's responses grew less and less enthusiastic every time Raven would seek him. And Raven had gotten tired of it, and they fought.

They fought with shouted curses of, "How are you even my friend?" and "You act like you don't care."

"I thought you were my friend."

Add didn't do most of the shouting, only retaliating less than half of the time. For the majority of it, he bit down his sobs and tried not to cry. Because the words truly did hurt, and Raven looked furious with him because you're not acting like the Add I know.

To his surprise, Raven looked so worried when the dam broke and the tears started to fall. Add wanted the ground to swallow him; his love was watching him sob and whimper and Add never wanted to display such a weak side of himself. He wanted Raven to see him as someone strong, someone who could hold themselves up no matter what happened.

When Raven had tried to comfort him, tried to apologize and that you're still my friend and I'm sorry, Add screamed at him to get out. To get out and never come back because Add was finished, he didn't want to love someone who had made him fall so hard without the intention of ever loving him back. Because it hurt.

His heart squeezed itself agonizingly and it hurt. He didn't want to be just friends.

He screamed at Raven until his lungs hurt and the tears didn't stop, and Raven didn't leave until Add threw the vase resting peacefully on the coffee table at him, missing by a few centimeters. Raven left reluctantly, but lingered outside the door only to hear the heart wrenching sobs and the "Why?"s.

Why, what? Raven thought. Add would never tell him.

Weeks and months flew by and Add refused to speak with the tan male, he completely shut himself in. He didn't attend school, he didn't accept the invitations of hanging out from his friends. He wanted to pretend everything wasn't real, Add imagined what it would be like if he was the one dating Raven.

He imagined little scenarios of the two on dates or snuggling, or what their arguments would be about. Would they be over small and trivial things? Add wanted to know.

When their graduation came around, Add left the ceremony early. He didn't want to risk having to have a conversation with Raven, it would only hurt more. And when he was speed walking home, someone had grabbed his arm and turned him around and Add breathed out the other's name.

"Raven,"

Because the tan male had predicted he would try and avoid him again, so he followed and started questioning him. Why did he avoid Raven for so long? And why did one of Add's friends approach Raven and blame him for not returning Add's feelings?

"What feelings?"

"Something that doesn't involve you, Raven." Add managed to snap at him, feeling relieved his voice didn't waver. Raven quickly dropped the topic and asked where the other would be attending university. Add described it, making sure he included the detail that it was on the other side of the country. Raven looked disappointed, Add remembered their promise to attend the same university but he couldn't be around Raven anymore, it just hurt too much.

And they separated.

Until years later and Add was working as a forensic scientist for the local police department. He was buying himself a cup of coffee when Raven had spotted him and sparked a conversation. Add cried, he hadn't seen the other in half a decade and it only caused a massive influx of emotion to wash over him. The people on the streets gave them looks and some gave Raven disapproving glances. Raven ushered the blubbering man into a cafe and sat them down in a private booth.

"You missed me so much you started to cry?" Raven joked and Add could only bite his lip. Add wiped his tears and they talked about what they had been up to, Raven making sure he didn't bring up his girlfriend seeing as Add's smile had fallen slightly the first time he mentioned her. Raven grew curious.

Hours of sitting and chatting, Raven asked Add something the silver haired male did not want to answer.

"Add, do you... like me? As in... love?" Add's happy smile quickly faded and he turned his head down, hiding his quivering lip and the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Ah, because I was thinking about it the year after our graduation! You know? And Elsword said something about feelings you've been hiding and sometimes, like, I could feel you watching me and I thought I was just imagining it..." Add didn't want to hear more and he excused himself, his voice cracking pitifully as he fumbled with his bag strap and managed to knock his coffee over. He could hear Raven calling out for him and his heart managed to break itself into more pieces.

How could Raven do something like this?

He hailed a cab, thanking whatever god was listening that the driver didn't ask why the man was outright sobbing in the back seat.

Add cried into the shoulder of his friend Elesis, whom Add had called over because he needed a hug buddy, and they watched old Disney movies. Add inhaled cup after cup of ice cream that Elesis brought over. She was a life saver sometimes, and if Add wasn't gay he would have been going out with her already.

The next month, Add got an invitation to go to Raven's wedding. He almost didn't attend but Elesis had dragged him along, saying her brother was going and he invited her. Add held in his tears as he watched Raven kiss his bride, someone who would never love Raven as much as Add loved him.

Add left before the after party, tie undone and suit jacket unbuttoned. He was, again, sobbing as he called for a cab.

Surprisingly, Raven found him again. His presence being announced by the soft clack of his dress shoes.

"Add..." Raven breathed and Add had turned around, finding it funny how a scene like this played back in the past. Add smiled painfully and opened the cab door.

"I hope you love her as much as I loved you."

He got in, the yellow car whisking him away as Raven stood on the foot path watching Add, the boy who had captured his heart back in high school but had never confessed his feelings to, disappear beyond the traffic.

"Why didn't I say it?"

END

YELLS I'M TERRIBLY SORRY OMG OK THIS HURT ME AS MUCH AS IT HAD HURT YOU

Originally, Add was never going to tell Raven he loved him and the fic was going to end at the wedding part. The part where Add got in the cab and how it reveals Raven had loved him too was completely unplanned but ahaha I just thought it would add to the angst /bricked

(also I didn't go back and read through for mistakes so I'm sorry I'm lazy aha ahahaha)

Tell me how you thought the angst went? Please? I've never written anything like this before huhu and I just hope it went well uvu.

Reviews and requests are a godsend and Flames will be used to burn my grade cards! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

-BoxPrince