Think of Me
Sequel to So I Thought
D Gray Man
Visitor

The morning should have brought relief to her, but her arms still ached from last night, breathing was still a challenge. She was still in pain. Her head didn't throb as bad and she was able to get up and move around, walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror. She looked at herself, only draped in a nightgown. It didn't fit her figure very well and was kind of large and loose. She'd usually wear a robe over it, but she didn't. She stood there looking at herself in the mirror for a long time and a sudden hate built in her. A hate for everything that was happening. It was burning, growing inside of her and she didn't know what to do with it. She knew she hated all of this, that the hate was going to burn her apart if she didn't do something with it. She walked into her bedroom, where the twins still slept and then opened her bedroom doors. She walked down the hallway quickly, trying to burn off this energy that suddenly wanted to consume her.

Walking wasn't doing it for her, so she ran. She ran at an even pace at first, but after she cleared the stairs and the front door loomed in front of her. She pushed it open and then she ran as fast she she could, running out of her new home's gates. It was early enough that nobody but servants were even moving about. A few looked at her as she ran by them, but none even tried to stop her, none of them called out to her as her bare feet beat against the cobbled pavement. Soon she was out of the best section of town and to the less savory part, the path now dusty and sometimes a little muddy. She didn't care about any of that, only that the energy didn't seem to be draining, the hate was still strong.

She somehow managed to run even faster, cutting down backstreets, running as fast as she could manage, her breath coming in harsh pants as she tried to push her body even faster. She turned down this street and that street, trying to escape the energy that the sudden offset of hate created. She ran and she ran and then finally she ran into an area she had not been in since she was young, since before she became an Exorcist.

The graveyard where her parents were buried. She made her way to the grave-site and collapsed in front of her family's graves. Her father had a grave, her mother's grave, her brother's grave and her sister had a grave as well. She was thought dead, though she was not. She touched her mother's grave and now the anger had finally burned off, the hate had ceased and the energy had dried up. Her fingers trembled, but pain had nothing to do with it. She lean against her mother's grave and curled into herself.

The first sob rocked her a moment later. She closed her eyes tightly and stayed where she was, sobbing to herself. She wished her parents were alive, that her brother was alive, that she had never become an Exorcist and that her sister had never become a Noah. So much pain had come from this all and she hated it. She had to get away from this. She had caused the death of an innocent man...Where had her own innocence gone? How could she do such things? It was so unlike her. To be here crying, it was not like her either, but she felt so weak, everything felt so pointless. She hated all of this, but the hate was burnt up. She couldn't get to it so she had no strength to stop herself from crying.

So, as the weak, coward she was, she lay there, curled against her mother's grave and cried. She cried for things she could never change, no matter what. She cried for things that could never be, that never would be. She cried until she was crying tearlessly, the water drying up and leaving salt stains on her pale cheeks. She cred until their shadows were cast over her pale body and unknown amount of time later.

She looked up at them. They both looked sober and worried. Their mouths were set in identical frowns. Jasdero's eyebrows were furrowed over his eyes, as if he was trying to figure out something and Devit sighed. He reached down for her, lifting her into his arms.

"You didn't make it easy for us to find you ya know" he said then he jumped into a nearby tree, Jasdero following. They jumped from the tree onto a building and then they hurried back to her house. They had left her balcony open and they entered her room that way. Devit only held onto her with one arm, keeping her against his chest before swinging her onto a chair. An Akuma – the doctor in fact – was waiting for her by it. As soon as she had been sat down, he grabbed her ankle and looked at the bottom of her feet.

"She doesn't have any glass or anything in this foot." he said. He did the same with the other foot, he called that one clear as well. Then he checked her head, which was healing at its usually speedy rate. He left then, leaving her sitting at her vanity, waiting for someone to say something. It was silent in the room for a very long time. Jasdero began to gently brush out her hair, pulling leaves and twigs out of it from when she had curled up in the graveyard. The silence was starting to bother her. She could feel Devit's eyes on her, but he didn't say anything.

Then she heard him make an annoyed sound and he walked up behind her, but she avoided his eyes in the mirror that she was now facing. He stood there, looking at her once again. She knew she was being a coward, but she didn't care.

"Raina..." His voice was carefully controlled. She wasn't sure if he was mad or not. "Why did you run off. Me and Jas woke up when the front door slammed. We thought something happened to you."

She didn't answer him, so he went on.

"It was hard to follow your scent because by the time we got around to following you, there were a few more people out and your scent was marred by theirs. We almost didn't find you, do you know that?" He asked. She knew he really wasn't looking for an answer so she didn't answer him. "Raina, why are you being so reckless?"

"I'm sorry" She said at last. "I just...I hate how my life is. You guys are great, that part I have no problem with...But I...I'm betraying people who cared for me. Who cared enough to leave me in peace even though they saw my choice to stay with you. They turned their backs on what I was doing, for my happiness and now...Now I'm here doing...horrible things. Terrible things!" She stood up, tearing her hair away from Jasdero and she turned to look at them. "I'm not like this!" those words were a scream, desperation clear in her voice. She crumpled then, holding onto the chair to hold herself up. "I'm not like this! This isn't like me! I'm an Exorcist damn it!"

"Raina you haven't been a fucking Exorcist in a while, grow up" Devit snapped. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock. Then anger clouded her judgment. She was angry, how could he say that to her? After everything she had been through – for him nonetheless!

"How dare you! I'll always be an Exorcist! I always was one! I was chosen by the Innocence! By God!"

"Raina, all that shit about "God" is a fucking lie! They brain wash you idiots at the Order so you believe you're doing something good. It's just to make you into fucking cannon fodder! All you were doing was-"

"What Devit? What was I doing? Destroying Akuma? Saving lives! Fuck you Devit, you have no idea what you're fucking saying." Her words snapped at him. She stood up straight now. Jasdero stood in between them, looking unsure to what he should say or do.

"You were saving lives, sure, but does that make you an aid of God Raina? It doesn't make you fucking anything! And it doesn't even matter anymore, you're not an Exorcist anymore! You'll never be one again!" Those words stung, almost as if he had slapped her.

"Fuck you Devit! Get out of my house! Get out right now! I don't want to see you for a while" She pointed at the door. Devit's teeth snapped together, his golden eyes glowing with real anger and she faltered for a moment.

"Good, I was tired of fucking seeing you anyway!" he cracked back at her. He stormed to the door, grabbing Jasdero as he went. He shoved his brother out the door and then went to step out himself. She kept her look stern so he wouldn't try and take advantage of her emotions. "You'll be lucky if I ever come back" With that, he slammed the door and was gone.

His words bit into her, they hurt more than if he would have hit her. She turned and sank back into her chair. It was early morning and somehow she had manged to fuck up her life more than it had been the night before. She didn't cry, she was out of tears but she sat there looking into the mirror wondering if there was something wrong with her. She wondered if she was some sort of monster or something. She always seemed to piss everyone off at the wrong times...She wanted to cry, but instead she just looked into her eyes in the mirror, just sitting there. She didn't study her other features, just her eyes. She just looked into her own eyes and tried to think this all through.

It must have been a while later. The door opened and someone walked in. Someone stood behind her. Their hand was on her shoulder and she was pretty sure that they were talking. The words didn't register.

Suddenly her mirror was broke, the shards flying past her face. One nearly cut into her face but was blown away by a wind. She turned to look into the blue eyes of her sister, who then slapped her. She nearly fell out of her seat, she was just lucky she wrapped her fingers around the back when she turned.

"What the hell is up with you? I've been trying to get you to respond for like ten minutes! And where the hell are Jasdero and Devit?" His name brought tears to her eyes. She looked at her sister again, somehow her body seemed to have more tears. "Ah! Did I hit you too hard? I'm sorry, I didn't mean too..."

"No...Devit left..." she replied

"Oh? Where did he go?"

"Home"

"He doesn't have to leave till tonight though"

"We got in a fight...He said he might not come back" Her voice broke on the end part of her sentence and she fought hard to keep the tears back. She looked up at her sister though and her sister looked angry, the anger was not directed at her though.

"Idiot! Ugh! I'll go find him. I'll drag him back her and make him apologize to you on his hands and knees!" She was angry, that much was clear by the way the wind lifted her hair up just a little. Her temper affected her power quite a bit. "Stay here Raina. I'll be back with that idiot by dinner!" Then she ran to the balcony, opening it and jumping off the edge. She was gone before Raina could protest or thank her.

So she was alone in the house with the Akuma again. She looked at herself in the broken mirror, the cracks making her look something like a monster. She looked into her eyes and then they hardened. She stood and she started trying to reach for the ribbon that tied her nightgown to her. She manged to reach it after a few minutes and ripped the damn thing off herself. She picked out new clothes for herself, out of the clothes that weren't her's. She had noticed in her closet there were clothes for Devit and Jasdero for when they were able to stay there. Black pants that were a little big on her so she had to find a belt and roll them up, and a white shirt along with a black coat. The sleeves were also big so she had to roll them up as well. She combed her hair out and put it in a long pony tail then looked at herself in the mirror. She looked nothing like the girl they had been forcing her to be over the past couple of months and now she looked like herself again. She nodded stiffly to herself and walked out into the hall. She grabbed the first Akuma she saw, whom looked shocked by her outfit change.

"I want more clothes order, right away. Clothes like this that will fit me. Do it now" then she walked away from the Akuma who had not moved. She walked into the kitchen where Akuma were working on her breakfast probably. Instead of talking to one of them, while many tried to ask her what she was doing, she walked to the stove where water was boiling for tea. She poured it into a nearby cup and got the tea herself.

She felt more like herself, more independent that she had in a long time. She spent so much time clinging to the past but not looking to the future. Whatever, she had to...She didn't know yet, but she wasn't going to stick around here and just do nothing while she waited for the Earl's next orders like some sort of dog.

One thing made her falter and stop for a moment as she walked out of the kitchen, stirring sugar into her tea. Devit...She knew more than anything, she needed him. She wanted him to come back. She was walking past the front door when she heard a soft knock on it. She turned towards it and since there were no Akuma around, she might as well answer it herself. She opened the door and dropped her tea, the glass shattering and spilling hot tea on the pants of his leg.

"Ah! I'm so sorry" Were the first words to come out of her mouth and the red-headed boy at the door smiled.

"Its no big deal Raina" Lavi grinned at her and then she realized that her house was filled with Akuma and he was an Exorcist. She slammed the door shut behind her and stepped close to Lavi, to keep from shutting her baggy outfit in the door. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"What are you doing?" she hissed. "My house is filled with Akuma!"

"Why is your house filled with Akuma?" he asked. His brows furrowed and she made an annoyed sound before grabbing his wrist and tugging him around the length of the house to the garden gate. She opened the gate, as she knew it was unlocked from the inside, and walked inside. She closed and locked the gate after Lavi had walked in as well. Then she went to the one edge of the garden where there was a bench and sat down. Lavi sat down on the other side.

"What are you doing here Lavi?" She asked.

"I came to see you" He answered. Before she could ask how he knew where she lived – that she was alive – he glanced away "I saw something about a man being killed at the Fitzgerald Manor, in France. I know that you're from France and that your last name is Fitzgerald so...I came to see if it was you. Which it was"

"Lavi, you should leave" she said softly.

"Why?"

"I'm not an Exorcist anymore." That much was true, no matter what she argued against Devit earlier. She wasn't an Exorcist anymore.

"What? You didn't let them-" he started but she shook her head and he stopped.

"No Lavi, I destroyed my own Innocence. It was killing me"

"You're not one of them are you?" his tone wasn't critical, it was calm, he was doing his job as a Bookman right now. She shook her head again.

"I'm completely human" she answered. "But..." She stood and turned around, so her back was facing him. She took off the coat and the shirt underneath it. She heard him protesting her taking her shirt off, even if there were plants and a high wall keeping people from seeing, but his protests cut off as he saw her back the scars that marred the upper part of it. He saw her arms, her shoulders and how the scars wrapped around them and he was silent. She put her shirt back on and sat down, laying the coat across her lap. He was silent for a long time and so was she. They sat there for a long time and then he took a deep breath.

"Tell me what happened" So she did.

When she was done, he looked like he was thinking and she was silent, looking at the scars on her hands. He held out one hand to her and she looked at it for a long moment, unsure of what he wanted.

"May I see your hand?" he asked and she placed her hand in his. He looked at the ring Devit had gotten her and at her scars. Then he placed her hand on her leg before looking at her. "You...did something no other Exorcist could do, you destroyed your own Innocence" He said. "I've never heard of that happening, at all"

"Neither have I...But I did it" She sighed.

"What's the matter Raina?" asked Lavi and now he sounded like Lavi, not a Bookman.

"I don't feel myself...Ever since I lost my Innocence I just...I can't be myself without it. I'm defenseless. I try to be myself, but I just feel like a shell of what I had been before" she said simply. She didn't need to lie to Lavi, at least she didn't feel the need to.

"Raina, you haven't changed at all" Lavi said with a grin. "At least, you don't seem changed to me. I think, you're just afraid of getting hurt or something silly like that. So what does it matter that you don't have your Innocence? You're still Raina, the craziest girl I know"

"Crazy?" she asked, her brows furrowing. "Why am I crazy?"

"You fell in love with a Noah didn't you? Crazy" But his tone was teasing and friendly. She smiled. "See, ya even look like your old self"

"Thanks Lavi" She grinned at him.

"Anytime" Then he stood. "I should go...I'll come back and see you soon though Raina" She walked with him to the gate of her manor and there she hugged him tightly.

"Don't come back here Lavi..." She whispered in his ear when she did. He looked at her, clearly confused but she smiled at him and then he smiled back.

"See ya around Raina" Then he walked away. She watched him for a while before returning to the manor, careful to step over the broken cup. She was smiling to herself, humming an old lullaby as she walked to the kitchen to get more tea.

Devit slammed the door to his room open with his foot. They had just gotten home, taking the long way so he could burn off some of the anger. He didn't know why he was so angry, he just was. It was probably built up or something but he didn't care. He didn't feel bad at the moment, but he could see Jasdero did. Jasdero went right to the bed and sat down, playing with a lock of his hair.

"She started it" he told him, trying to defend himself.

"Did she?" asked Jasdero, looking up, his golden eyes sharp. Devit felt a sliver of anger run down his spine. Jasdero and him never argued. He was the leader of the two though, the stronger one.

"Shut up" he told Jasdero, pacing around the room.

"Why? Because you probably made Rai cry!" Jasdero was on his feet now too.

"She not crying...She's probably..." But as he thought about it, she just might be crying. What he said to her had been harsh. He didn't mean to hurt her though. He had been mad and now that anger disappeared. He tried to cling to it, keep it with him, but dread came instead. What had he done?

"What have you done?" Fae cried, running into the room. Wind slammed into him, sending him against the wall. He pulled out his gun and aimed at her.

"Green bomb!" He and Jasdero shot at the same time. It seemed Jasdero was on his side again, their small fight already over. Her wind destroyed their attack and she used it to pin Jasdero to the wall, his gun dropping out of his hand.

"Jas!" Devit tried to go to help his brother but the wind was pinning him against the wall too. Suddenly he was on his knees, the wind straining to keep him against the wall yet. It was uncomfortable, his body didn't bend that way. It was painful to be like that as well.

"What have you done?" Fae repeated, walking over to him. She was just a little taller to him with him on his knees. She used her wind to force his face up, to make him look up at her. "You will go back to my sister's house and apologize to her" Her voice was deadly soft and angry. Her eyes were sharp and threatening, the gold seeming to flare. "She was a mess when I left her, she was very unresponsive to me before that. You will go. Now" and the wind let him go as well as Jasdero, letting them both sprawl onto the floor. They were quick to push themselves up, guns in hand, but Fae was already shutting the door behind herself.

They looked at each other and Jasdero gave Devit a very hard look. Devit sighed and looked to the side. "Fine" he grumbled. "I'll go...apologize" He bit his lip. "What if she's still mad at me though?"

"She's not mad" Jasdero replied. "She's probably really upset!" Devit didn't tell Jasdero, but he was afraid of that too. He had seen Raina cry way too often over the past year and none of those tears were his fault which was why he could hold her and comfort her. These tears would be his fault though and that was what scared him. He never wanted to be the cause of her pain and here was, being the exact cause. He gripped his gun tighter, his grip threatening to break the tool he used. He had to go to her, make sure she was alright.

The hurried back out of the manor and to her home. It took longer than Devit would have liked, even running as fast as he could manage. Jasdero kept up easily, his blonde hair blowing out behind him. They ran as fast as they could and soon were at Raina's home. They saw her open balcony from the other side of the large wall and they jumped onto the wall and onto the balcony from there. When they walked in her room, she wasn't there.

"Raina" Devit called for her and when she didn't answer, he knew that she wasn't there. She wasn't in the room at least. He would have heard some movement. He saw her nightgown on the floor, which was strange. The Akuma usually cleaned up such things. He walked further into her large room, looking for where she might be. The door opened and she walked in...wearing clothes that were clearly theirs from the look of them. She was drinking tea and appeared to be reading a book as she walked. She set the tea down on her vanity and laid the book on the chair. She looked up at them and she froze then.

Then she seemed to relax, her eyes becoming hostile and fiery and...and...she was just like her old self in that moment. It made him feel...well, like Jasdero shouldn't be there at that exact moment. Jasdero must have felt that thought. He touched Devit's shoulder quickly.

"I'll wait downstairs for you two to make up" and instead of walking past Raina to exit, he jumped down, via the balcony again, closing the doors before he jumped.

"R...Raina, look, I'm sorry" He said, trying to sound honest, because he was sorry, he was just distracted.

She crossed her arms over her chest, rolling her weight to her left leg. "Are you?" she asked in the snappy tone she used to use all the time. Yes, this was his Raina, the one he had fallen in love with. He didn't realize how much he wanted that side of her back until now.

"Yeah...I am" He walked closer to her and she held her ground, intensifying her glare at him. "Raina, I'm really sorry. I promise I am" He was close enough to reach out and touch her arm so he pulled her one arm off her chest and took her hand. She couldn't pull it away if she wanted to. She didn't try.

"I don't believe you" She said, her voice stubborn as all hell. He pulled her closer and she stumbled up against him. "What are you doing, jackass?" She yelled looking up at him and before she could yell anything else he silenced her by kissing her. She slapped him. "Asshole!"

He let go of her and she stepped away from him, turning her back to him, clearly angry yet. He didn't mind. She was still...herself. She wasn't crying or helpless. She was being stubborn, strong, beautiful.

"Why are you wearing my clothes Raina?" he asked.

"Because dresses are stupid. I hate them" she huffed, half-turning to look at him. "I wish I had been born a man"

"That would be awkward for me" he said walking around the room, circling towards her bed.

"Why is that?" She asked watching him, pretty carefully too.

"Wouldn't it make me gay then?" And then finally she laughed. She walked towards him and he stayed where he was. She tackled him onto the bed. He let her, else she probably would have just hurt her head.

"Well, I'd be extremely sexy for a man, so of course it would" She said, pushing herself up a little so she could look at him. He smiled and pulled her back down so he could kiss her. He was ecstatic about her being her old self, he just hoped that it would last longer than a day, than an hour, he wanted her to stay like this, forever, always. This was the Raina that he had fallen in love with.

This was the side of Raina that he wanted.

So much slapping...Anyway, this chapter can almost be called a turning point. I bet you all loved the part where Lavi pep-talked Raina. She's back to her old self! But for how long? In the next chapter the Earl will tell her what he plans to use her for next. Leave me some reviews to read!