a/n: Hey there! Long time no see... As you can see, I'm still alive and still working on this story. It's almost done now, so don't give up on it! Here's the next piece.

Disclaimer: I don't own RK

Chapter Five:
Engagement Dinner

Kaoru was nervous. She didn't get nervous often, but when she did... She blew out her breath slowly and placed a hand on her suddenly queasy stomach. Tonight was the engagement dinner where they were supposed to officially announce their betrothal. The thought made her sick. She didn't love Enishi, didn't even like him. She barely knew him. The few balls that her mother had put together to force them to spend time together hadn't been enough time to get to know him.

So she was nervous. The things she did know about Enishi made her even more nervous. He was cold. He didn't like Kenshin. And she got the distinct impression that he thought he could control her. Maybe she was reading too much into the brief conversations they'd had, but the last one in particular had painted a picture she didn't like.

"Kaoru." She turned at the sound of Kenshin's voice. "Pacing will not change the way this evening will pan out."

"I know. I know that." And she did know that, but she couldn't quite get her feet to agree with her. "I just... I have all this nervous energy and nothing to do with it," she continued softly.

Kenshin looked at her for a moment, simply taking her in. He hated that she was so nervous, consumed with worry over her engagement. He knew what it was like to be sworn to someone that you did not love. However, he had managed to escape his betrothal. It seemed as if Kaoru would not be as lucky.

She gave him crazy thoughts. He wanted to save her from this engagement. And if he was truly honest, not all of his reasons had to do with her unhappiness over the marriage. No, he was... Dare he even think it? Jealous. He had tried to avoid such thoughts over the last few months, but it was obvious that he'd formed some sort of attachment to his charge. More than a desire to protect, he wanted to have her for himself. Keep her safe for his own peace of mind.

He swallowed and shook his thoughts away, knowing they were dangerous. Self-destructive. He couldn't have her. She belonged to another already, even if they both wished it weren't so.

"I understand," he finally answered quietly. "Perhaps a walk through the gardens will help settle your nerves."

He watched as she walked towards him and stopped and offered her hand. He took it wordlessly and they started through gardens. He tried to not read anything into their laced fingers.

As the hours ticked away and her engagement dinner ticked closer, Kenshin watched as Kaoru fell apart at the seams. She went from pacing, to ranting, to raving, and finally to throwing a tantrum. If it wasn't such a serious situation, he probably would have found the entire scene amusing. She was something else when she got all fired up. Her eyes blazed to life and her cheeks grew pink. Over all, she just... glowed. It was at this point that he forced himself to look away from her.

And it turned out that it was time for him to leave her, anyway. Yahiko came to find them and tell them that the Queen was looking for Kaoru. It was time to start the never ending ritual of getting ready for the evening. Kaoru absently thought about the fact that she spent probably half of her life preparing to impress people that she really couldn't care less about it.

But she dutifully went about what was expected of her. She allowed Tsubame to dress her in a lavish gown of her mother's choosing and did so with minimal complaining. She'd done her complaining and it had gotten her nowhere. And she was drained. She'd spent all afternoon in a nervous tizzy, fretting about while Kenshin watched, and it had exhausted her. And, oh God, Kenshin had seen the entire thing.

That thought alone made her want to crawl in a hole and hide forever. She knew she had been behaving childish lately... But could you really blame her? She couldn't stand the man she was supposed to marry. In fact, he made her stomach roll. She would give anything to get out of this agreement. Anything. However, knowing her mother, that would be impossible. There was no escaping her fate. It had been as good as sealed.

So with a sigh, she shook her thoughts off for the moment. Perhaps she would see a new side to Enishi this evening. Perhaps he had been just as unwilling in this as she was. Oh, who was she trying to convince? His eyes said he didn't care one way or another, it didn't matter to him. She would not find an ally in him.

She closed her eyes briefly. She had almost given up hope. Early on, she'd thought maybe there was a way out of this marriage. She wasn't thinking that anymore. Her mother was determined, the Yukishiro clan was determined. But she was also determined. She was determined to get out of this. She had to.

She opened her eyes and saw the renewed fire in them as she looked in the mirror at herself. She nodded and even cracked a small smile. Her father had raised her to follow her heart and always follow through. She was going to do that. She was going to go against everything her mother had ever taught her. And she was going to enjoy every last minute of it.

Kenshin was not allowed into the dinner party. It had come down from the queen directly. He had taken the news with a stiff nod and slipped away from her as fast as he could, lest he decide that he owed her no loyalty. And it was true. He had sworn his loyalty to Kaoru and her father only. The queen... She did not deserve his loyalty. She was destroying her only daughter and he was being forced to stand aside and do nothing.

He clenched his fist and fought the urge to do something violent. He had given that life up. He did not have to resort to violence to relieve his feelings. He licked his lips and forced his breath out through dry lips. If he was going to be honest with himself, he was far too interested in his charge. He'd grown quite attached to her and he didn't want to let her go. Especially when she made it so obvious that she didn't want to go.

He sighed and headed towards the music room. It was the only place he could possibly get some peace of mind tonight. It would take all of his effort, and even that may not be enough, to keep his thoughts away from the dining hall where Kaoru was being forced to make merry with her betrothed.

As he walked in, he was drawn to the piano. There he had sat with Kaoru too many times to count. More often then not, she would doze with her head against his shoulder as he played something for her. He found his thoughts drifting to those times, the memories jumbling together pleasantly. What he loved most about that was the way that he felt so... peaceful when they were together there. Her lithe body fit next to his so perfectly. And the fact that she was so comfortable in his presence that she could nod off, on his shoulder of all places, pleased him.

It also made him frown. It should not elicit any emotion in him at all. He was her bodyguard for all intents and purposes. But even as he thought it, he knew it was not true. He and Kaoru had formed a bond in the months that they'd been in each other's company. He would not deny that. However, if anyone were to ask him about his feelings for her... He would deny it vehemently. In other words, he thought sadly, he'd lie.

Dinner was... tense. There was no other word for it. You could practically cut the tension in the air with a knife. Not that Kaoru had expected it to be enjoyable by any means. After all, it was only her, Enishi, Tomoe, and her mother at the table. Her mother made a majority of the talking, seemingly happy with the minimal responses she was getting. Tomoe didn't say much, just taking everything in. Enishi would answer if the queen asked him a question, but was otherwise silent.

Maybe her mother was oblivious to the tension. It wouldn't be the first time, Kaoru thought sourly. She had a knack for only seeing what she wanted to see. Like now. Kaoru knew that her mother saw them all sitting together at the table, but what she was really envisioning was the future she desired. In the future, she would be at the head of the table with Enishi at the opposite end.

Kaoru was trying to figure out when would be a good time to burst her mother's bubble. Not there really would be any good time to do it. So, rather, she was waiting for an appropriate opening. The opportunity came sooner than she anticipated. But as soon as the words came out of her mother's mouth, she knew she couldn't stay silent any longer.

"So the wedding will be set for two weeks time."

What? Kaoru started. Surely she had heard wrong. Two weeks? There was no way... Her wide eyes flew from her mother to Enishi, who was nodding his head. No. No, she was not going to go through with it. Just... no. She couldn't wrap her brain around anything past the word, 'no.'

"No," she whispered. It came out much softer than she intended and she imagined that it had something to do with the shock coursing through her entire body.

Her mother's brows furrowed. "What do you mean, 'no'? It's as good as done, Kaoru. Two weeks is plenty of time. Tomoe and I have been planning the wedding for months."

Of course, she thought. That's why there was this sudden push and disregard for her opinions on the matter. The wedding was planned. Had been planned for months. It didn't matter what she thought or how she felt. It was as good as done as far as her mother was concerned. No. She found herself on her feet. She was not going to do this. She couldn't.

She fled.