Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Warning: Since I'm not a native English speaker I can't authentically imitate dialectic speech. But as you might notice in this chapter, I tried anyway. If anyone needs translation just let me know!
Chapter 5: Teacher! It's too cold in here!
The nervous tickling in his muscles is the only thing keeping Naruto on his feet as he has never really been a morning person. There is an excitement in all of his thoughts, even the simplest ones. Yesterday, after the meeting, he had flittered around crazily; trying to find supplies for the travel and also tools like kunais and scrolls should he need to defend himself. It had almost been midnight by the time he was finished with all the preparations; exploding tags painted and dried, seals drawn and hidden away, wires secured and bag packed to perfection.
And now as he stood inside the gate, waiting for his travelling partner, feeling the weight of it all; the expectation, excitement, he could not help but to think silently to himself whether he was heading in the wrong direction or not. Logically he should be able to rely on Jiraya and besides, this would help him get a better picture of the situation; the supposed tension between the villages. But still, after the first rush of excitement to be trusted by his old teacher the reluctance to head out started to make itself known.
"You're up bright and early, Brat!" as he hears the call he contemplates telling Jiraya that his age is on par with his, but decides that he likes being referred to as young rather than old. Therefore he replies as happily as he is able this early in the morning:
"We're not all old men, sleeping in coffins and what not."
"Coffins?! I'm old, not the UNDEAD!" the reply borders on outraged and so an amused Naruto decides to push it a bit further.
"Sometimes I wonder…"
"Tsk, let's just get going, I'll debrief you of our mission on the way."
"Is that so wise? What if someone overhears?"
"Ah, to be young and ignorant again!" the dramatic wistful look was exchanged for a sly one as he lays his arm around Naruto's shoulders before starting to drag him out of the village.
"Don't worry; I'll know if someone does."
Naruto however, felt that relying only on that seemed foolish, so he decided to wait until tonight when they made camp to question Jiraya about everything. Besides, there were other things he wanted to ask now; now when he had had the time to digest everything that this new place entailed.
"How are you doing?" the question seemingly startles Jiraya, who stops by the edge of the forest to regard Naruto closely before replying.
"Fine, why?"
"You have seemed unhappy since I arrived here. Now you seem happy. Why?"
Jiraya slowly rocks back on his heels, looking up into the clouds, contemplative, before replying airily:
"That's a good question. But you see; I have secrets too." At this Naruto snorts before replying haughtily:
"When you say that, I really don't wanna know."
"…Why?"
As Naruto for the first time since they stopped by the edge of the forest, turns to Jiraya he notices that the other seems disappointed somehow. But truthfully, Naruto do want to know what has been bothering Jiraya; he just can not make himself play along with Jiraya's childish behavior. If Jiraya wanted to play hard to get, then let him. Naruto has his own problems to deal with.
What role would he like to play in this life? Where is he needed? What does he want? He is forced to shake all those thoughts off in order to reply to Jiraya. But before he does, he jumps up onto the closest branch in the tree above them, signaling that he thinks it is time to go.
"Because your secrets usually have roots in what most people would call 'harassment' and 'molesting'. And I'm in too much shit right now to be a witness in some trial…" at the end of his sentence Jiraya had joined him in the tree, and they finally take off.
"What do you think of me? Really! I might have peeped a few times but I'm not-"
"When you died your lawyer showed up." Naruto drawled in response as he ducked under a branch.
"- and you will not tell a soul." Jiraya quickly snapped back.
"You think any sane person would brag about that?" the accusative tone in his voice propels Jiraya to reply so quietly any normal person would not be able to hear it over the sound of air moving past their ears.
"Naruto, listen, I-" But Naruto does hear and takes pity on him, interrupting him quickly.
"You don't have to explain yourself. Right and wrong gets blurred when the whole world feels like hell, I know."
"Thank you."
"Still, I was never dumb enough to get caught…" the sly words are immediately responded to:
"Excuse me?!" the yell echoes through the wind cut forest as the mountains in the horizon moves closer.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
As the last part of the campfire turns into embers and Naruto feels his eyelids sting as he stares into the glowing coals, he senses something under the surface of his skin that he should know, but feels forgotten. He sighs heavily, feeling the emptiness of his stomach, as the only dinner tonight had been some pills to keep his energy up. He throws a glance at Jiraya who is in a foster position on his right, with his back to him, giggling at times at something he is writing down. Something Naruto feels no obligation or curiosity to look into.
He returns his gaze to the embers again, feeling his eyes dry up again but wills himself not to close them. The guilt his heavy on his shoulders. He, who has preached so much about peace, are heading for a blacksmith specialist to get weapons in preparations of war and at the same time scout out what the other villages are getting. HE! The image of himself that he had been so proud over during the last years of his life seems to crinkle and blacken, as if It were the thing being burnt in the fire and not some oak twigs. His eyes are screaming for mercy by now, but he has no strength to close them and go to bed, not when there are so many decisions to make.
In the end he absent-mindedly calls out to his teacher who by now is on his stomach, still giggling, seemingly reading something entertaining. The reply he gets is just as absent-minded which is why he quickly picks up a bright piece of coal and lobs it in the other's general direction, provoking a shrill scream from the older male.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Sssssh!"
"Don't shush me you little devil-spawn-rascal-disaster-"
As Jiraya settles down again after a brief fire, were the only thing lost were some pages of his book, he sprouts curses and in general curses Naruto. Said man sighs as he sits up straighter, preparing to put Jiraya straight about what he think about all of this. It is the right thing to do; Jiraya has never done anything to deserve being lied to by him.
"I don't want to take any part in preparing the village for war." He finally spits out in the middle of Jiraya's rambling, cutting him off short.
"Excuse me?"
"I said-"
"I know what you said; I'm just questioning your sanity." Jiraya snarls "Do you even know why we're going to war?"
"Do I need to know? I know we're going to war because for some reason you can't act like adults-"
"We're out of options and don't you dare say this is childish, this is serious business and-"
"NOT CHILDISH? You've all had some sort of play up for years, putting in stand-ins and what not, and not only that, as far as I can understand you've never even tried to create a long lasting peace because-"
"That's unfair."
"Because if you had, you wouldn't have this B-teams and "we're all tools"- shit always in function! If you would've liked to have a long lasting peace you'd go into the conference room unharmed, prepared to make sacrifices financially and time-wise. You would have been honest with the other Kages and tried to establish not who of them you are allies with, but who of them could be possible business partners! You wouldn't have looked for signs of them betraying you, you paranoid geezer!" At the end of Naruto's furious rant Jiraya just stares at him before quietly murmuring:
"Naruto there's a lot of people around here who has grudges from life, who can't forgive, who-"
"And just accepting that is going to make everything fine? Just letting them go to war so that this whole thing gets more infected is the way to go?! What the f*ck Jiraya!"
Jiraya, despite by all appearances seemingly being in his twenties, suddenly looks very pale; his eyes sunken and the embers throwing looming shadows behind him, leaving him to look fallen and almost defeated. When he speaks, it's tiredly but forceful as if he tries to convince Naruto of something he expects him to get immediately. Like it is a universal truth.
"After everything that has happened, I feel that, humans are too destructive. Everything sooner or later falls apart in their hands; it's much harder for them to do the right thing, than it is to do the wrong. In the end, we'll never achieve peace…"
Naruto studies him quietly before he too, quietly whispers:
"Everything is a circle, sooner or later everything happens, that's just how things are, Jiraya. What we can do, however, is regulate how often they do occur…" Then after licking his dry lips, he continues again, his voice now more forceful and steeled. "Under my years of living I realized that children are taught about pride, honor and loyalty, right and wrong. But everything that is learnt has to have a basis. A starting point. In the end there're only two of them. Hate and love. It's instinctual, a mother loves her child just because, you hate the man who harmed you, a stranger that saves your life make you trust them and you love your own life."
He stops to look sort of disappointed in his own words as if he, himself, feels that he's not saying the right things, but in the end he continues after taking a deep breath.
"Back then, when someone wanted to protect what they loved, they felt satisfaction when they succeed, and then after generations of being taught this, people started to yearn for that satisfaction and in the end they valued the pride they felt for their honor more than the thing or the one they loved from the start. It sort of dissolved when you put yourself into the center of everything. Parents teach their children that it is okay to do stupid things for their pride and honor while ignoring other issues in favor of this. "Pride" and "honor" is something a single person has. "Love" and "joy" you can share and by doing so, one helps others to realize what is important. You know this already, right?"
"But you said hate was just as basic as love…" Jiraya murmurs dejectedly as if he does not get why he is being lectured on something that obviously holds no real value in the end.
"And it is; we're human. It's natural for us to hate things that have done us wrong or scared us. But stronger men do not stop on the road to their dream to take revenge; they do not let fear break them down. They look at a person and see his or hers problems, forgive them or at the very least ignore them. Because Life is not all about you and them." the scolding look Naruto by now gives Jiraya does not have any effect whatsoever on the other man who has now adopted a slightly pitying look, but still Naruto continues on, hoping that something he says will stick in that mind of his.
"Because everything you do affects everyone else, big and small. Sometimes so little that it's hardly noticeable. But we do affect each other, you can never deny that. And to give up and just say that you can't hold on or you can't forgive them, obviously means that you have to stop and ask yourself why. Why can't you forgive them? Closure could be one reason, but it could also be that you feel broken yourself, that just because someone has done you a great injustice or ruined your life, then you have the right to do so as well. But you never do. You have just as large right to do that injustice to him, as he had to do it to you." By now Jiraya has propped up his chin on his elbow and is nodding politely, provoking Naruto to speak a bit louder, more frustrated.
"What he did and what you feel is obviously connected, but it will not solve anything. It will not make things undone. So it's just as big a waste as the deed was from the beginning. Someone kills your wife, so you kill his. Two women are dead, and two hateful men wage war. It seems simple when you say it like that, but the real test is when you wife dies and you live on, not stopping on your way to pass on the hate. Then you'll give yourself right. We'll never have peace. You're a Konoha spokesperson, peace starts with you." By the end of the sentence Naruto gestures with his palm towards the other as if to hand him something.
"There're too many holes in that theory." Jiraya sighs as he looks, slightly sad, at Naruto's outstretched palm. Naruto however just shrugs, distancing himself emotionally from the disappointment of failing to make one of his role-models understand his thoughts.
"I know. But I only lived 55 years so what do you expect? The answer to everything?"
"…still, it's worth thinking about." Jiraya tries to placate the man who he can, despite everything, see is a bit upset.
"Everything is. Just don't give up yet. There's still time, we're still alive, well you know what I mean, and so far there's been nobody around to tell us fate really exist. So let's believe in what we felt from the beginning, ok?" The last bit is said so airily that someone who just joined the conversation would never suspect Naruto himself to actually believe in it. But he does.
"Sure." Jiraya murmurs as he turns away from the fire to lie down to sleep. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
The small blacksmith village at the edge of the Iron country is covered in a cold, grey fog that looms over the stone walls surrounding the village as we arrive out of breath from the climb up the mountain. A guard, sporting a white counterpart to our jounin uniform, hidden inside the wall a few meters away from the gate, emerges from seemingly nowhere and pierces us with a cold stare, but does not say anything. Which is typical for those who have lived too long in these cold mountains; they all appear to have become as cold and sharp as their home environment. It is not like Konoha itself does not have the same phenomenon, but it is easier to detect it abroad.
Some sort of falcon, almost invisible due to its camouflaging feathers, calls out to the village down in the valley where it is located. The call is quickly smothered by the grey fog, quite the opposite of what one would expect in this vast landscape.
I look away from the guard whose outline disappears and reappears depending upon the winds' movement of the fog around us to think. My eyes, tired from having focus to hard on the white guard instead focus on the dark, dull black figure that I know is my teacher. Silence reigns for one more minute before I decide that whatever Jiraya is trying to do, or tell the guard through his gaze, he is failing at it pretty well. And so I clear my throat loudly, making the guard startled turn in my direction, and say as solid and concise as I can:
"We have an appointment with Tetsuji." And after this I throw myself headfirst into a short staring contest with the well-wrapped guard who after a while nods, almost with his whole body due to his sturdy clothes disturbing his mobility. And with that he knocks on the oak gate that opens up a tiny bit to let us squeeze through. Once we are on the other side and well on our way on the muddy path inside the village Jiraya walks closer to me and hisses out from within the darkness between his scarf and hood:
"I told you to let me handle it!!!"
"I was going to. But then again, I didn't know you were going to flirt with 'im!" it's hard to speak with my lips dry and smarting.
"I have more experience than you when it comes to dealing with these people and-"
"'These people'?! They're not aliens! And for your information I've been here before!!"
"I thought you didn't like war and therefore you wouldn't involve yourself with weapon makers!" the mocking, condescending tone makes me whirl around and step so close to him I can smell the alcohol fumes from the sake he sips whenever he thinks I am not watching.
"These 'weapon-makers' of yours are people too. In times of peace they needed help to relocate to other business! I helped! I probably know more about them than you do!" the last hiss cuts my dry throat so I turn around and continue walking down the road towards the building where Tetsuji's family and workshop is located.
It is not until I am almost by the door and have knocked once already that Jiraya appears by my side again, breathing heavily and stinking even more of alcohol, muttering under his breath about 'immature brats'. I do not comment on it. Whatever helps him shake of the fear from before.
The guilt of having scared him is still heavy in my chest. But I square my jaw and focus on the iron door that by now is shrilling horrifically as someone inside pushes it outwards to open it. By the time I have pushed Jiraya's muttering form out of the way and side-stepped the door myself a short, hairy, stumpy man with clear grey eyes peers up at my hooded form.
"Who're you?" the voice is raspy despite the man's youthful appearance and I find myself grasping for an answer. But before I can open my mouth Jiraya choppily interjects:
"We're from Konoha. Let us in. It's freezing out here."
The little man only nods quietly before letting us into the entrance hall where I recognize a metal box as the shoe warmer and put my soggy shoes on the warm metal before pulling off all of my layers of jackets and pants. Leaving me in just some cotton slacks and button-up shirt. But inside the house the air is even dryer than it was outside and way warmer, so in the end I feel as if I would like to pull of my shirt as well.
We enter the kitchen as the man starts to look through a cupboard, and I lean thankful on the warm wooden wall as Jiraya sits down in the wooden couch by the grey fireplace. It is not until shining metallic cups of warm rosehip tea are presented to us that I sit down beside Jiraya. As Tetsuji starts talking, I notice that the stiffness in my knees has not quite left my body yet.
"Well, everythin' is readi when you want it. you coul' take it and go righ' awai, but I reckon you want some rest, yes?"
Since Jiraya only nods I quietly answer in his place:
"We would be very grateful, thank you."
The man nods in Jiraya's direction before asking:
"Should I get you some futons?"
"Yes, please." I can not help but to feel a bit annoyed. I know he is tired, and have drunk a lot, and had a tough day. But still. He is my teacher.
When Tetsuji returns awhile later to tell us he has placed two futons in the other room I shake Jiraya a bit to wake him and point him in the right direction. And after having gathered his wits enough to know what he is supposed to go, he walks slowly through the door and disappears into the other room's gloom.
I continue to drink the thick, red tea knowing that I will have trouble sleeping in this smothering heat. After awhile Tetsuji, who until now had been browsing through some books, clears his throat jerking me out of my daze.
"So whi is it?"
"Why is what?"
"The war." When he sees that my confused facial expression did not dissolve from his words he repeated himself.
"Whi is it war again?"
The dry sigh that leaves my whole body carries quiet words that have Tetsuji nod in understanding. The contemplating silence that follows is broken by him as he murmurs a bit tiredly:
"It's almos' like 'tis fate." I only grunt in response, too tired to try to convince him of that it is not.
"And to think it was onli a year 'go tha' we we'r goin' to stop this weapin pruduction." This immediately has me wide awake again.
"Huh?"
"Hm?"
"What happened? Why didn't you?"
"Well, ther' was that assassinasion o' that cousin to the fire countri daimyo and after that…Well, allies rushe' to their allies, so to speak." He suddenly stops his slow explanation to peer suspiciously at me.
"Whi don' you know this?"
And I can only shrug. Because I do not want to tell him that I never stopped to consider why we are preparing for war. Do not want to tell him that despite my age and experiences, I did not figure out sooner that something needed to be investigated in Konoha. I should get back fast so that I can get hold of Tsunande. Because she has never done this you're-just-a-kid-so-you-don't-get-to-be-treated-as-a-colleauge-shit. She will answer all of my questions. A fire of anticipation springs to life in my chest. War I do not like, but working to help people solve things I do. Therefore I turn to Tetsuji and ask quietly:
"You think it would be possible for us to move out early tomorrow? Before breakfast?"
He merely nods and answers:
"I'll have the packages ready for you."
A true businessman to the core.
Note: first of all; Many, many Thanks to Frostius, cheesy, Lady Artemist, everything but nothing, bob and artsycherry! Your reviews really brightened my day! Also thanks to dundee998 and Crytpon89 who has really given me good feedback on what you like! I am very grateful. (Also, I know that the last chapter's last part was very confusing, but that was sort of the point, so please have patience with me…)
Lastly, a sadistic experiment: if I receive 15 reviews more before Thursday (it's 31 of them right now) then the next chapter will be up by Friday. If not, I'll prioritize the next chapter of Secrets instead. Evil? Yes, but that's why I called it sadistic.
So please review!