The moment he laid eyes on Wendyl, 'If You Only Knew' by Shinedown began to play.
A sad smile crossed his features for a breif moment, but he took in Wendyl's new look as he approached. He had cut his hair short, it was spiked up messily. He wore dark blue jeans and a tank top, his breasts, were nonexistant. He looked..., confident and happy.
"Hey," Raven greeted, taking a seat across from him.
"It's nice to see you again, I mean, outside of school." He began, his smile hadn't changed, Raven noticed.
"Yeah, it's been a while..., hasn't it?" He remarked with a crooked smile.
The other male nodded, his eyes roaming over Raven, no doubt searching for that boy he once knew.
"I guess, I should tell you something big and kind of important about me, since you know, you did the same," he took a deep breath before saying, "I'm gay."
The silence hung in the air, but it wasn't tense or anything, Wendyl was just thinking.
"How many people have you told?"
"Only the goth kids, and well, Kenny knows," He shrugged, slightly uncomfortable still with others knowing since it was such a small town.
"Of course he would... But I'm glad for you," Wendyl smiled over at him.
And so, for the next few hours, they just sat and talked. Catching up with each other for the last eight years. Sure, they had a few classes together, but they never spoke any more. It was like they were getting to know each other all over again.
Eventually, they came to the subject of his depression.
"Have you gone to a therapist for it?"
"No...," he sighed.
"You've worked, you should have money saved. You might even be able to go free, because your parents make so little," Wendyl advised.
His head fell into his hands.
"I know. I know. I just..., I just feel like even if I went, nothing would change. You know me, I'm not good at this whole..., talking about feelings business. I'd rather just..., you know, let my fists do the talking," Raven had looked up during his miniature speech, his sleeve had fallen slightly, enough to reveal the pale skin beneath, the pale, crisscrossedly scarred skin.
Wendyl saw, he always had, and his eyes pierced Raven's.
He just sighed, dropping his arms back under the table.
"What if..., what if I don't want to 'get better'?" He asked quietly, his eyes glued to the table.
The silence between them stretched, but Raven didn't lift his head.
"Are you saying, you would rather die than live?" Wendyl eventually posed the question, his voice nearly cracking.
Raven took a deep, steadying breath before replying. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Because, all this," he guestered around to the coffee shop, them, just everything, "Is temporary. I've steadily felt worse and worse, for years. I have since realized, I do not want life. I want to die. I am tired of these feelings of nothingness and despair. I am so fucking tired."
He didn't realize it, but his eyes were leaking tears.
Wendyl moved to sit with him, pushing him further into the booth, but his arms wrapped around Raven's larger frame as his eyes too, cascaded.
"God Raven, why didn't you say anything? You stupid..., stupid..., stupid boy," he cried as he held the taller boy to him.
He said nothing, knowing there was nothing he could say anyway.
Eventually, Wendyl held him at arm's length.
"You can always, always talk to me. I don't care what time it is, if you need me, you fucking call me."
Raven weakly nodded, not daring to look at him.
"You fucking better," he growled.
"Y-you know, it's not very manly to cry," Raven weakly cracked a joke, a smile attmpeting and failing to form.
"Shut up," he shoved the other male before sliding out of the booth.
"I'm serious," he sobered, leaning on his hands upon the table.
"You're not alone Raven," he said quietly, his piercing gaze penetrating Raven's onyx colored eyes.
Raven looked down and away first, and Wendyl left without another word. The pale skinned teen stared at the tabletop, that familiar anger welling up inside of him. He was angry at himself, at Wendyl, at the world. He was just so fucking angry.
It was useless anger, and just like that, it it drained away. Within minutes.
Left, empty and just sad. Crushingly sad. Like always.
There wasn't any rage left. He barely had the energy to stand. But somehow, he did it.
Michael and the other goth kids were just entering as he moved to leave.
He looked passed them, unwilling to meet their gazes.
"Hey, Raven, we texted you, but we never got any replies. We figured you were sleeping or something," Pete said with a slow smile in his direction.
"Sorry..., didn't notice it buzzing."
"So what were you doing here?" Firckle's accusatory tone was hot with anger.
"Talking with a really old friend," Raven replied, unfazed.
He still wasn't looking at them, just waiting to leave the building as they were currently blocking the entrace. Michael silenced Firckle with an icy glare, motioning to the others to move so Raven could get by.
"Text me later, I'm going to go take a nap."
"Will do," Michael called after him as the taller teen exited the coffee shop.
The goth kids looked at each other, that was..., really unlike him.
Firckle stomped off however, as Henrietta stared off after her friend. Raven usually came to her if and when he actually wanted to talk. So, she was understandably worried, but she knew there was no use in pushing him.
Raven walked home, slipping further and further down. The darkness descending over him once more. It was like it welcomed him back almost. It was cold, in the dark, but he almost didn't notice. His mind his prison once more, he noticed very little on his way home.
A blond teenager saw the darkly dressed teen, he even smiled and waved, but got no response. He was slightly crestfallen at this but he smiled again, thinking he probably hadn't heard him, he had some earbuds in his ears afterall. And so he went back to his shoddily built little clubhouse out of fallen sticks, his smile never leaving his face.