6. Disconnect/Departure(2/2)
The papers lay in front of her on the coffee table.
The house was dark except for the fire that was going in the fireplace in the living room, casting eerie shadows on its walls.
Her fingers incessantly pushed on the button of the pen she was holding, the clicking sound reflecting the unease and doubt in her heart.
Hadn't this been what she wanted? Wasn't this for the best?
They didn't even live together anymore, so what was the point of extending both their suffering? They both needed to be free from each other and signing those papers would help them achieve their individual freedom.
Nothing was keeping them together anyways and it had been this way for over half a year.
Orihime reached for her glass of wine and held it in her hands quietly as she took a breath and sighed in frustration.
They'd tried, hadn't they? Their relationship had lasted 6 years, of which one was of marriage and they'd been happy, right?
She smiled in nostalgia above her glass and closed her eyes, bringing up all of the fond memories they'd shared, briefly wondering if those papers lying on the table would truly bring the relief she was looking for.
The loss of their first child had thrown everything into disarray, true, but if she was completely being honest with herself and objective about the last few months, she had to admit that the main reason why their marriage failed was because of their emotional disconnect from each other. They'd strayed far from the way they used to be, from the devotion they'd had for each other in the beginning, and from the passion their love for each other used to evoke.
Now when she thought about her estranged husband, she only felt weary and lonely.
It'd been almost a month since the last time she saw him when he moved out and it got easier being alone the more time passed, or so she kept telling herself.
Her heart made a jump in her chest however when she heard a key slide into the key slot of the front door. She lowered her feet on the carpeted floor and moved to stand, recognizing his spiritual pressure instantly now that she wasn't lost in her thoughts anymore.
He stepped into the hall and took a moment to locate her before he turned his head to his left and saw her rising from the couch furthest from him. "Orihime, hey."
"Hi," she whispered, placing her wineglass back on the table before running a hand through her messy bangs and hastily put up bun. "What are you doing here?"
"I came up to pick up the formal suits I left behind," he answered, closing the door behind him. "I have a business dinner with some investors tomorrow and important meetings after that," he added quickly when he saw her eyes roll away from his.
Orihime sighed and smiled softly at his ever present kindness. He wasn't obligated to give her an explanation for his actions, not anymore. The way he spent his time did not concern her. "Good luck with that," she said friendly, wrapping her knee-length soft green cardigan around the black leggings and thin black tank top she was wearing and sitting back down, pulling her legs underneath her as she went back to stare at the papers on the table. "I left your best suits in the closet. They're all the way to your right when you open it."
Ichigo followed her gaze and frowned briefly when he saw all the official looking papers on the table. He didn't need to ask her what they were, he was expecting to receive his any day now. "Okay, thanks," he said quietly, his chest heavy with regret as he climbed the stairs to what was once their room. His heart did a small hopeful jump however when he realized that she hadn't signed them yet.
He was still in love with her, but the loss of their child last January created an emotional rift between them that had only grown the more time passed and conversations with her only ended in vicious and hateful fights. There was only so much rejection a man could take after trying to reach out for her so many times.
So when he left last month to live with Chad in his condo downtown, they hadn't discussed what this meant for their marriage, but he didn't expect anything good to happen when the weeks of silence between them dragged on, dwindling his hopes of being able to save their relationship.
Orihime lifted her head again when he came back down the stairs with a suit bag hanging from his right shoulder. "Did you find the ones you need?"
Ichigo nodded gratefully and placed the bag on the floor behind the sofa sheltering the living room from the income hall before rounding it and sitting on it in front of the table with her to his right. He let a few moments pass them by in silence, his eyes staring at the bundles of paper pensively. "When can I expect mine?"
She rested her chin on her drawn up knees and shrugged. "As soon as I'm ready to sign all of these..." she whispered, her beautiful eyes shining with the light of the fire next to her.
He made an acknowledging headmovement and glanced her way briefly, her small frame so very much appealing to him, his attachment to her still strong. "For what it's worth," he said, catching her attention. "I just want to say that I'm sorry."
A wry smile appeared on her features and she shook her head. "So many things happened, it's impossible that all of it is your fault..." she said softly, closing her eyes. "I take part in the blame, too."
Their eyes met then and his heart beat faster when she smiled again. "I'm sorry too, Ichigo," she whispered, lowering her legs again and reaching for the papers. "But I want you to know that you made me happy. Truly. I regret nothing."
He squeezed his eyes shut at those bittersweet words because to him they felt scathing, only underlining the fact that he had failed, failed their marriage, their intimacy and most of all; her. "Stop. Just stop," he protested, beginning to stand. "This can't be it," he said, reminiscing about everything they went through ever since she and him met; from their high school days to the time when he lost her to Aizen, that time when she almost died in the Soul King's palace and when she started dating her first boyfriend in college. He remembered asking her out for the first time and her telling him 'no', he recalled how his heart had ached, how his soul had longed for her, how his days had felt meaningless and empty. That is, until she finally agreed to date him and they began their relationship and he realized that she was the one for him, that he would never let her go. He vowed that he would protect her, their love and later, their marriage.
He didn't understand how they'd gotten to this place where they were now sitting around divorce papers, numbly exchanging apologies to each other, ready to throw away everything they'd worked hard to build together. He didn't care about maintaining the peace with her anymore; He wanted her back and they needed to get back to the way they were, he couldn't let it end like this. It wasn't supposed to end like this.
They'd been through too damn much.
Orihime closed her eyes in an annoyed manner, having guessed what was about to happen. "Ichigo, we've been through this."
"How can you just sit there and contemplate killing our marriage?" he cried to her, watching her begin to stand in turn, dropping the bundle of papers she was holding back on the table. "We can't give up, Orihime. Please."
"Kill, huh?" Orihime echoed sarcastically, folding her arms against her chest angrily. "I seem to be getting good at that, wouldn't you agree?" she said spitefully, watching him regret his unlucky choice of words. "But tell me though... Just how am I supposed to kill something that's already dead?" she whispered back vindictively, her eyes fixed on him calmly. "Hmm? Just because you suddenly seem to realize that you want to fight for it, doesn't mean you can save it. You're too late," she spat viciously with a shake of her head. "It's too late."
"Well, I can't do it on my own," Ichigo replied softly, swallowing past the heaviness that seemed to have settled in his throat. "If I'm the only one fighting, I'll surely fail."
Orihime closed her eyes and shook her head in denial, biting her lips. "Then it's over because I'm done fighting," she said stubbornly with a derisive shrug.
"Why?" he pressed on courageously, looking past her hurtful words and straining to see the loving and warm woman he fell in love with. "Why did you stop trying? What could've happened that made you want to give up on us? Our future? On me...?"
She chuckled lowly and rolled her eyes and face away from him, shaking her head, his emotional outcry enraging her. "Oh, give me a break!"
"No! Answer me!" He hollered, stepping up to her. "You owe me at least that much of an explanation!"
"Because I can't live being married to you when I know I'm the only one to blame for the loss of Aiko! There, I said it! Are you happy now?!" she screamed back in frustration, her teary eyes looking at him with a fury he had seldom seen her express. The words she uttered next felt something akin to taking a blade to the heart. "How can you stay married to a woman who loathes herself for being unable to save her own child? I feel dead inside, Ichigo. I can't love you when there's nothing left within me! I can't keep doing this, this hateful, spiteful, hurtful and desperate dance we do every time we see each other, I just want it to be over! I need it to be over-"
Her last words went muffled against his chest when he embraced her and held on without saying anything.
Her shocked eyes filled with tears and softened when she felt his cheek rest on the top of her head. "L-let go," she whimpered, lifting her hands to push against his chest, feeling the urge to run away from those strong protective arms of his. "Let me go."
"No," was all he said, not moving.
"Let me go!" she now sobbed, pushing harder and crying louder when her trashing barely phased him. "Ichigo! Let go! Let me go! Please...!"
"Never. Use your powers if you want to, but I'm not budging. I let you go once before, remember?" he whispered to her, tightening his hold on her enough without hurting her. "In the nursery, all those months ago. And when I did, I lost you. I don't ever want to lose you again. You're mine."
"Stop it," she whimpered, bending through her knees in a weak and desperate attempt to break free of his hold. His words pierced through her guilt and shame like streams of light through a curtain of dark clouds and she didn't want him to save her, she didn't deserve to be. "Please... Stop and let me go..."
"I love you, Hime. And I know you love me," he told her, pouring all of his hope, despair, need, anguish and passion he felt for her into his voice. "I had no idea that you still harboured feelings of guilt over Aiko's death. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for not seeing how much you were and are still suffering. Please."
"Stop..." she whimpered softly, although by now her fingers were clutching the fabric of his blue shirt desperately as her tears freely flowed. She'd never blamed him, never wanted for him to feel responsible for the way she felt. It had been her responsibility to deliver their daughter into this world safely and she'd failed, miserably. "Oh God...!" she sobbed, unable to deny that his touch and compassionate words felt and sounded amazing and that she'd missed him during those long, lonely months. How could she have thought that he couldn't comfort her? That his love somehow wasn't enough? He was the love of her life, the man who always gave everything he had to fight for her, the only one who could respond to the needs of her heart without fail.
The grip she had on her anger, guilt and shame loosened itself at those thoughts, her arms hesitantly wrapping themselves around him, her face pressing against his chest and her heart wishing for him to lift her up from this dark place she'd lost herself in. "Ichigo..."
Ichigo closed his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed together in compassion as he let her cry out the months of loneliness, agony and despair she'd felt after the death of their baby.
"I'm sorry," she whispered after a while, taking a step back from his embrace, lifting her tear-streaked face to his. "I didn't stop to think about the fact that you lost her too."
A small, forgiving smile formed around his lips and he closed his eyes, shaking his head. "What you experienced was worse," he murmured.
"No, it wasn't," Orihime said, more tears falling down her face. "What I did was selfish. I couldn't let go... You were in need of as much comfort and understanding as me and I completely neglected you while I was chasing after our daughter who is out of both our reach." She moved in and wrapped her arms around him again. "I was too blind to see what I still have... I still have you," she murmured, her eyes resting on his gratefully. "My greatest treasure in this whole world."
He smiled happily at her and tightened his embrace, letting a tear escape when he pressed a kiss against her forehead.
"I love you," she whispered against his chest, smiling when her ears caught the sound of his strong and reliable heartbeat.
They were looking at the crackling fire in the fireplace afterwards, her giggles echoing through the house as they played at who could burn the most sheets of the divorce document, one paper at a time.
"Hey, no cheating!" she laughed, reaching for the bundle of papers Ichigo was about to ball together at once. "We agreed; because you're so much stronger than me, we'd do it one page per time!"
He laughed and gave her half of the sheets he was holding, kissing the side of her head from his sitting position behind her. She was resting in between his legs, clad in nothing but his blue shirt now that they'd made up emotionally and physically. "Do you blame me for wanting to get rid of this crap as fast as I can?"
Orihime giggled and rested the back of her head against his chest with a sigh. "No..." she confessed, balling up the sheets he'd given her and throwing them into the fire. "I don't ever want to see these kind of papers again."
"Exactly," Ichigo agreed, crumpling up the last few pages of the document and tossing them next to hers in the hearth.
"So," she whispered, pulling his arms around her for him to embrace her. "I want you to come home."
He winced at that and closed his eyes apologetically. "And I want to too, but I've committed myself at work to go on a few back-to-back seminars in Nagoya and Kyoto over the next couple of weeks."
"Oh," Orihime whispered, crestfallen. "When do you leave?"
"My train to Nagoya leaves after tomorrow's business dinner," he told her, pressing his lips together when he felt her tense up.
"Wow," she said, voice trembling a little. "Ikumi-san's agency seems to be doing really well, huh?"
Ichigo nodded silently against the side of her head. "I'm sorry, Hime..."
"Don't be," she said, trying to sound unphased, but failing as her shoulders began to shake and her hands tightened her hold on him. The thought of having to let him go now that they'd finally found each other again was unbearable. "I mean, neither of us expected for us to make up tonight, right?"
"No," he admitted, nuzzling her hair soothingly. "I'll call you everyday."
She turned herself around in his embrace and kneeled in front of him, sighing with a resigned smile. "You better," she grinned softly, leaning into his caressing hand against her left cheek. "I'll miss you..." she murmured with a mischievous smirk, pulling his shirt off both her shoulders seductively. "But not tonight."
He pulled her to him with a wanton smile, kissing her lips lovingly and drinking in her breathy moans as he lowered them on the floor again with her on top, reclaiming their intimacy one caress at a time.
She would have a surprise waiting for him upon his return, the result of their renewed promises blessing them with another child and a second chance for their marriage.
Once again, I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for your ongoing support!
AN: I never take requests and the same will be true for this story. All major events of the plot will be explained at some point, but seen as how I plan and write chapters weeks ahead before publishing them, and as the more observant reader has already noticed, there is a certain method to the seemingly randomness of these chapters. Although each chapter could be a standalone, each one is connected, divulging important plot elements for later chapters.
On to the next one...
-BDP-