Clary P.O.V

So you guys have heard Jace's side right? Well did he ever take how I felt into consideration NO. Not once so you know what why don't I for these next few chapters share some memories and stories with you shall we? Theres alot to go through so I might as well take you into the most important ones there is and most I say im going to have to cut back alot.

So why don't we being on the day all of this stuff started to happen shall we? The day we were..um in his office late at night.

"Ms. Fray, Mr. Herondale would like to see you in his office at this moment in time"

"Okay thank you Helen goodnight"

"Goodnight Clary"

I hung up my desk's phone/pager and smoothed down my skirt. I hadn't talked to him for the past two days so I wondered what this could be about. I walked in and I couldn't help but see what made him so attractive to me. His golden hair was hanging down in his face the crease between his eyebrows showing he was hard at work. Not to mention his mucsels that were straining against the white of his shirt. He looked up and those eyes of his made me melt instanly but I didn't show it. A moment later I was helping him look for some paper work when our hands touched. Nervous I pulled mine away blushing but he just took my hand back. "I don't bite" he said and once again I felt that panf of feelings rush through me. He was so tall and me over here in my heels so short next to him. Without thinking I threw my arms around him hugging him tight. All my emotions were running wild and I just was so depressed lately. Then I asked him If I would ever be okay and he gave me those funny lines that lifted me up just like when he called me his angel. When he said he'd do anything for me though I guess something inside me snapped and my hormones took over. Everything we did sent pleasured shocks through me and all I could do was scream or moan his name. His lips felt like warm velvet against mine and I loved it. He was all I wanted in that moment everything he did was new and amazing. Did I think about Sebastian...no honestly I didn't Jace was all that I wanted and at that point I really wanted him inside a part of me other than my mouth. "Jace" I had screamed after he had gone in and thats when my nails had dug into his skin leaving slashes. Instantly I thanked the gods that we were the only ones in this building. I could feel his chisled body on top of me and I wanted to rip his shirt off but I didn't. When i'd done it I hadn't even been aware my hands had travled inside his shirt but I remembered the feel of his back muscels I still did actually. To be honest I felt kind of proud to be able to say I had left those Slashes along me. It showed so many things and when I had saw them I just wanted to stare at them all day. He just made me feel so alive and that was something Sebastian had never done. The way he touched me was gently and sweet but at the same time it was rough and I just didn't know how to feel about it. I remember when he'd pulled off my thong and the embarrasment had set in. I seriously had to wash everything else and that was the only thing left in my damn drawer. Then when we stopped the way he sucked on my neck just oh my god everything he did was amazing. I went home that night to be greeted with a skype call from Sebastian.

"Hello Clary"

"Hey baby"

When he wasn't looking I walked away and put on a turtle neck so he wouldn't see the hickey Jace had given me.

"Why are you wearing that?"

"It's cold"

He just smiled at me and we talked like that for a moment until I heard a females voice in the background. When he heard her voice he looked up and got this look in his eyes that I wished he still gave me. I felt my heart break inside like I would never be good enough ever. "Who's that Seb?" I asked genuinly curious but he was still looking towards her. In the reflection of his eyes I saw her. She was pretty with dirty blonde hair and green eyes not to meantion stripped down to her underwear. "You're cheating on me" I said and he looked at me like I was stupid. "I am not" and I became angry "I CAN SEE HER IN YOUR EYES YOU IDIOT!" He rolled his eyes and looked at me "seriously clary? she's just showing me what a real woman is like you're a lingerie model but yet I can't touch you?" "We've been over this!" I screamed whiping a tear from my eyes and he seemed to feel bad but it went away. "You don't even try to touch me all you do is hit me!" he quickly sent the girl out of the room. "Speak of that how did that story get out?" I sucked in a breath and he glared at me. "Jonathan accidently said something ple ase Sebastian he's your best friend!" "Yeah sure Jonathan said something i'll see you when I get back you whore." He hung up and I threw off the sweater neck crying more than I thought imaginable. That's when I though about Jace his smile and- I slapped myself instantly. No I can't and I wouldn't. Scared to admit any feels I had for Jace I crawled into bed and took off all my jewlrey placing it nicely on my stand and laid down. Watching TV for a bit I tried to be calm but then Isabelle called me.

"I heard what you and Jace did!"

"Oh my god don't even"

"And you weren't drunk!"

I started busting out crying and he said my name worridly. "Can you come over?" I begged trying to control my tears. She agreed and thirty minutes later I was greeted by the face of Isabelle rushing through my bedroom door. "What happened?!" she asked sitting on my bed begging for the details. I spilled everything to her from the time with Jace to my skype call with Sebastian and when It was over she looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Clare bear"

"Don't"

"Clary please don't"

"Don't what?"

"We know what's going to happen"

"Yeah I guess we do"

She spent the night with me that time and when I woke up she helped me get ready and drove me to work. "Have a nice day" I got out and closed the door "easy for you to say." I walked up to the doors and opened the I could feels eyes on my hickey that was barely visable through my scarf. The worst part was everyone knew me and Jace stayed late in the office together so I got alot of questioning glances. Riding the Elevator up Helen greeted me smiling and took a look at my neck the smile growing bigger. "Don't even" I laughed and walked back to my desk placing the coffee and everything else down. I really should have a talk with Jace I thought and I knocked on his door walking in. Still ingoring anything I felt for him I walked over to his desk and told him straight up I couldn't do this anymore.

"Leave him then!"

"I can't do that"

"Why?"

"You know why.

He knew why I couldn't do that. He knew it perfectly well he was just being stubborn. Even if I did break up with him me and Jace wouldn't be anything. All we would be become was a weird fifty shades of grey affair. When he said leave Sebastian for him though I thought it was completely stupid. The thought was unthinkable and undoable. So he told me the truth I had feared all along if it was the truth. I was some stupid charity case. I felt completely stupid to believe someone had genuinly given me a fair chance. I was just another pretty face who knew nothing and had to have everything handed to her. I wasn't even pretty I was worthless and a whore not to mention a horrible person. Crying I ran out of the room him coming after me. Making sure not to slam the door I sat at my desk trying to do my work. I couldn't concentrate though how could I after what had just gone on in there. So I just started filling out my paper work the best I could trying to forget everything me and him had ever done or said. Not having any idea of the complete hell to come all because of some strange boy named Jonathan Herondale.

The next two chapters will still be memories about her and jace and some of what happened when Sebastian came home also you'll see how she got fired