I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter! But I'm going to be back on a regular updating schedule now!
*Fighting Ana*
Chapter Four: In Denial
The bright, white lights of the room burned her eyes. Eleanor tried to lift her hand to cover her face, but something stopped her.
Where am I?
She glanced around the room, trying to make sense of the blurry shapes. On her left was what seemed to be a lamp and a painting of something that she couldn't define. To her right were two blurry figures, and she could tell that one of them was dressed in purple and the other in white. She recognized the white top the lady was wearing. It had a nametag with writing that was too small for her to read in her condition.
Am I in the nurse's office?
"She's awake!"
A pair of hands wrapped around her arm. "Eleanor? Can you hear me?"
She slowly shrugged the hands away and groaned as she attempted to sit up.
"Agh!" Her head ached, and worsened the more she lifted herself up. "Jeanette..." Dizziness swept over her and she reached for her sister.
Jeanette carefully pressed Eleanor to lie back down. She turned to the nurse and asked, "Will she be okay? Should we call an ambulance?".
"N-no!" Eleanor tried to yell, but the loud noise increased the pain in her throbbing head. "No hospital... please..."
The nurse sighed at Eleanor's weak attempts to talk. She responded, "I've already called Miss Miller and she's on her way. I've informed her that I called for an ambulance, too, and it should be arriving shortly."
Eleanor huffed and tried to push herself up with her arms. "I said.. No!"
Her heart was pounding hard. It felt as if it would beat right out of her body. Eleanor grasped her chest, eyes wide, breathing jagged and panicked. Within seconds, she could feel her body was drenched in sweat.
The nurse quickly moved Jeanette aside and careful pushed Eleanor flat on her back. She reached for the oxygen mask against the wall and strapped it over Eleanor's nose and mouth. The machine came to life with a whir. Eleanor jumped a little, startled at the sound of the harsh, creepy rasping, causing her heart to pound harder.
"It's okay, Eleanor." The nurse tried to soothe her. It hardly worked. The pressure in Eleanor's chest tightened and she clawed at her shirt, pulling it out from her body in an attempt to relieve the burning pressure.
Two more figures - this time in white uniforms - appeared in the doorway of the nurse's office: the paramedics.
x
The bed was horribly uncomfortable. She awoke to the sound of beeping coming from the heart monitor next to her. "Ugh..." she groaned. The breathing tubes under her nose irritated her cheeks, and the IV needle on her hand hurt every time she moved.
"Eleanor," someone called out. Eleanor slowly turned her head and saw Miss Miller. "You're in the hospital, Dear.".
"N-no! No, I said no hospital! Get me out of here!" She trashed about on the bed, trying to yank the tubes and needles away from her body. Brittany was quick to act and grabbed Eleanor's arms, pinning them down.
Miss Miller came up to sit beside Eleanor, resting a hand on her sweaty forehead. "Eleanor, what happened?"
Eleanor struggled against her sister, but it was impossible for Eleanor to use all of her strength in the state she was in. "Nothing. I'm fine!"
Jeanette stepped closer to the bed and put her hand on Brittany's shoulder, signing for her to release Eleanor's arms. Brittany did so, and Jeanette spoke up. "Your blood-sugar level was dangerously low and you were severely dehydrated. And your heart...".
Jeanette took a moment to gather herself. Brittany looked at the floor away from her sisters.
Jeanette continued, "You've been starving yourself for days. Why didn't you say something to one of us?" Tears formed in Jeanette's eyes. "We could have helped you before you got this bad.".
Eleanor's face contorted from anger. Help? They think I'm sick? I'm trying to make myself look healthy and they think I'm sick?!"I don't need help!" Eleanor yelled. "I want to go home!"
A nurse appeared in the doorway. She seemed to be in her late thirties and her dark hair was pulled tightly into a ponytail. Her nametag read: Carol. "Hello, Miss Eleanor." She entered the room and walked towards Eleanor's bed and opened the blood-pressure cuff. "I need to take your vitals. Can you extend your arm for me, please?"
Eleanor refused. "No," she said, "I want to go home now."
Nurse Carol smiled calmly at Eleanor. "The sooner you let me do my job, the sooner we can get you out of here." Then she waited.
Eleanor glanced between her sisters, Miss Miller, and the nurse. "Fine." Eleanor extended her arm. Nurse Carol wrapped the cuff around Eleanor's arm and slid the end of the stethoscope underneath the cuff in the bend of her arm.
The room was oddly silent.
When Nurse Carol finished taking Eleanor's vitals, she completed writing down the details on the paper.
"You're looking better than you were when you first arrived." Nurse Carol smiled and held the clipboard to her body. "A doctor will be in shortly to discuss the next steps for you. You're very lucky, Miss Eleanor.".
As Nurse Carol turned to leave, Eleanor stopped her. "Next steps?" She asked, "Next steps for what?".
"We're trying to get you out of here as soon as possible." She replied. "The doctor will arrive soon to discuss everything with you."
Miss Miller sighed and put her face in her hands. What have I done so wrong? She thought. How could she do this to herself?
The doctor arrived quickly, knocking on the door and opening it gently. It shut almost silently. "Good evening, Eleanor. And Miss Miller, it's nice to see you." He approached the bed and shook their hands. "I'm Doctor Ryan."
Miss Miller reached for her purse, fished out her wallet, and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. She gave it to Jeanette and said, "Go downstairs with Brittany and get something to eat. We need to talk to the doctor alone, please."
The girls did as Miss Miller asked and left the room, leaving only Miss Miller, Doctor Ryan, and Eleanor. The doctor pulled the rolling chair closer to him and sat down.
"Eleanor," he began, "Do you remember what happened before you arrived at the hospital?"
Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Yes." She bit her tongue and looked away.
"Can you tell me what happened?" He clicked his pen and readied it at the top of the first page on his clip-board.
Eleanor paused. I fainted because I hadn't eaten anything. "I fainted."
Doctor Ryan raised his eyebrow and Miss Miller watched Eleanor attentively, making Eleanor nervous. She didn't realize how self conscience she was of her actions until she had to face them.
"Maybe it would be best if just you and I talked, hm?" Doctor Ryan said. "Miss Miller, would it be alright if I spoke to Eleanor alone?"
Miss Miller was unsure at first, but agreed.
Doctor Ryan tried again. "Eleanor, do you know why you fainted?"
"I hadn't eaten anything." Eleanor bit her lip from frustration. Why is he making me say this? What does it matter? I'm almost perfect…
He scribbled some words on his paper before he spoke again, "Why did you stop eating?"
"I…" Eleanor's eyes began to water. This isn't fair. I'm almost perfect. "I didn't want to eat."
"You've lost a lot of weight compared to your last physical exam seven months ago." Doctor Ryan pulled one of the papers from the stack and read off her previous weight. Eleanor cringed. "You're not underweight for your body weight and height, but that's still almost half."
She fought back more tears thinking of the body she used to have. I was fat. Eleanor clenched her hands into fists at her sides. "I know I have."
"How long has it been since you've had a proper meal?" Doctor Ryan asked.
"I don't know." Eleanor honestly tried to remember. How long had it been? "Maybe… a couple months."
Doctor Ryan wrote more on his paper. "Eleanor, I have reason to believe you have Anorexia Nervosa."
"I have.. What?"
Doctor Ryan set the clip-board on his knees and looked Eleanor in the eyes. "It's an eating disorder that makes you starve yourself to lose weight. It's very dangerous and life-threatening."
Eleanor took a moment to comprehend what he was saying. Anorexia nervosa? "I'm not sick. I don't have a disease."
"It's not a disease." Doctor Ryan assured her. "It's a disorder. With some therapy and a strict diet plan, you'll be back to your old self in no time."
My old self? Eleanor scoffed. "No." She said. "I don't want to go back. I look fine."
"You need help, Eleanor." Doctor Ryan set his clip-board on the bedside table. "And you're not allowed to leave the hospital until you agree to a healthy plan. I have to know that you will follow through with it when you go home."
Eleanor looked at the wall. If I agree, I can go home. There was only one way for her to leave, and that was if she complied with the nurses and doctors. They just have to think I'm getting better. She glanced down at the hospital blanket. I don't want to be here.
She looked back at Doctor Ryan. "What kind of diet plan?"
X
Eleanor stepped inside of her home and took in the lovely smell of chocolate chip cookies. They were freshly made by Theodore and stacked tall on a plate on the kitchen counter.
David and the boys had made themselves at home in the Miller household and had pre-ordered pizza for everyone.
"Thank you, Theodore." Eleanor faked a smile at him and gave Theodore a hug. "And thank you Dave, Alvin, and Simon."
He hugged her back gently. "I thought you would like the cookies. We guessed you all would be hungry…" Theodore paused. "Hospital food isn't the best."
Eleanor forced a laugh, hoping it sounded believable. "You're right; it's not." She grabbed a cookie and admired it's soft texture. They were still perfectly warm. Just do it. She took a bite. It practically melted in her mouth. She couldn't remember the last time she had one of Theodore's delicious cookies.
"It's delightful." Eleanor took another bite, savoring the taste. But don't eat too many. She noticed everyone staring at her, as if to make sure she wasn't going to spit out her food. "Let's eat!"
She saw their hesitation before they relaxed all began eating, making conversation with each other. I only have to do this for a few days, maybe a week. She thought as she stacked food onto her plate.
Eleanor remembered the photo of the beautiful model. You'll look like her soon.
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