Warning: Chapter 5 can be a perfect end to the story if you wish.

This chapter is, more or less, my original ending and it contains the death of a major character. It contains some elements which people may find odd/distasteful, but which, in context, I think make sense for the characters. And yes, it is smaltzy, but Tommy would want to ease her pain...

Barbara looked outside their bedroom window. It was not long after noon, but it could easily have been dusk. Leaden clouds shrouded the sky. The rain had stopped for now, but the kerbs were choked with shredded autumn leaves washed into piles at the edges of the gutter. The large beech trees near the park were bending over then snapping back to attention as gusts of wind foretold a coming tempest. On the morning news, they had predicted the storm of the century. Savage winds, treacherous seas and a deluge of pounding rain were expected to hit southern England in a few hours, with the storm due in London shortly after.

"It's going to be bad, Tommy."

"I know." Her husband smiled weakly at her. "So much for England's green and pleasant land. I had hoped for some sunshine or maybe just one lonely cloud."

Barbara swallowed hard as the sound of Jerusalem threatened to become an earworm. This was not a mighty, glorious day. Tommy was not a soldier in a fight for English honour. She looked over and smiled at his attempted humour. His eyes softened as he looked at her. Even now one look could make her stomach somersault.

"Barbara, I need to see Winston and Stuart. Would you mind calling them before the storm hits?"

Barbara nodded. "Matthew, you look after Daddy."

The five-year-old boy looked up from his game of steering his toy truck over the hills and valleys of Tommy's legs under the bedclothes. "Okay, Mummy."

Barbara scooped Charlotte up in her arms as she kissed Tommy. "Back in a minute."

She hurried to the phone and dialled Winston. "Hiya. He wants to see you and Stuart. I think he feels his time is near." Her voice caught on the last word.

"I'll call Lafferty now and come straight over. We should beat the storm. How are you coping?"

"I'm not really, but I'm holding it together. I'm just glad his mother died last year. It would have been much harder with her fussing. Judith and Peter were here earlier, but Tommy asked them to go home and remember him alive." Barbara sniffed loudly.

"Bloody cancer!"

Barbara nodded as she searched in her pocket for a tissue. "We thought he had it beaten."

"I know, Barb. After everything you've both been through, it's so unfair. I'll ring Stuart."

"Thanks. See you soon."

Barbara walked back to their bedroom trying to compose herself. In the six months since they had learnt that cancer had aggressively invaded his bones, they had lived with the knowledge that this day would come. That made it no easier. She knew she had to go on, for their children, but she had no desire to live without Tommy by her side.

She watched him talking to Matthew then pushing the lock of hair out of his son's eye. Matthew Thomas Lynley was so much like his father in looks and mannerisms that it sometimes hurt to look at him. Disease had robbed Tommy of his thick hair and handsome face. He was now emaciated, and his leathery skin had a sallow hue that matched his thin grey hair, but propped up on his pillows in his navy and white pinstriped pyjamas, he still managed to look regal. None of that mattered to Barbara. She loved him and the family they had created.

"They're coming," she said as she climbed onto the bed beside him.

He put his arm around her and nestled Charlotte into his other side. Tommy had wanted to spend as much time with his children as possible. Barbara knew that he hoped that despite their young ages, they would remember something about him.

"Thank you," he said wheezily. "There are a few things I need to tell you."

"Tommy."

"No, it's time Barbara. We both know that."

Barbara felt tears well in her eyes. "Not yet, please Tommy."

He kissed her forehead. "Listen to me."

Barbara's tears fell onto his chest. "Tommy..."

He took a deep breath. She could see that talking was tiring him. "It's important to me, Barbara. I want to be your lover and friend and a father to Matthew and Charlotte as much as I can be, even though I'm not here in body."

"You'll always be that."

"Even though it might be painful, will you try to keep my memory alive for them?"

"Of course. I... they will always know you loved them."

"And I don't want you to be alone or lonely. If you find someone else..."

Barbara looked at him. He was smiling, but she was horrified he could even think that of her. "I won't!"

"You don't know that." Tommy stroked her head and gently kissed her hair. "I don't want you to feel guilty because I will be happy for you. I know you'll always love me, but you can love someone else too."

"Not like this. I could never love anyone the way I love you."

"Just remember what I said. I made my mother miserable because I didn't understand that. I won't impose that burden on you too." Tommy's grip was weak, but he pulled her as close as he could. Barbara helped by burrowing into his side. "I wouldn't trade a day of being with you for even decades of life without you, or even life as we were before I got sick. You and the children have made me the happiest I have ever been."

"I'd trade a few days to have you live longer. Tommy, I..."

"Shush, don't upset yourself. If I could, I would make love to you; you know that. Come up here and give me a kiss."

Within the hour, Winston and Stuart arrived. Barbara reluctantly left Tommy to go downstairs. The wind howled through the entrance foyer as she opened the door. Their two friends stood bedraggled on the step. "Come in. This weather is shocking."

"Half of London is closed down," Winston replied as he shrugged off his coat. "How is he?"

"Weak. I don't know how I'm going to do this."

"You'll cope, Barbara," Stuart said, "you'll give each other strength."

She led them upstairs and ushered them in. Tommy looked up and smiled. "Matthew, take Charlotte and Mummy downstairs and have some cake. I need to talk to Uncle Winston and Uncle Stuart."

Matthew raced over and grabbed his mother's hand and tugged her towards the door. "Is it chocolate cake?"

"Yes." Barbara frowned at Tommy who nodded.

Barbara took them downstairs, cut two small slices of cake, and waited. It was only five minutes before Winston came down. "Finished your cake?"

"Yes," Matthew said. He glared up at his mother just the way his father had often done. "It was only a small piece."

Winston smiled then ruffled the boy's hair. "You can go back to Daddy now."

The boy ran back up the stairs. Barbara turned to Winston and raised her eyebrows. He smiled. "Matthew's so much like him isn't he?"

"I think that's going to be a blessing and a curse. Why did Tommy want me out of the room?"

"He wanted to remind us to look after you and the kids."

"He worries too much."

"Of course he does. He knows you. He knows you will try to do everything yourself, and he needs us to make sure you don't wear yourself out."

Barbara tried to smile but felt the tears coming. "We don't deserve this."

"No one does. Now go back upstairs and be with him."

Stuart was just leaving as Barbara entered their bedroom. He rubbed her upper arm. "Maybe an hour, maybe less, " he whispered. "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "Will it be peaceful? I'd like the kids to stay with him as long as possible."

"It should be. He asked me to give him another shot of morphine. It was almost due anyway from his chart. He should just drift away. Go and say goodbye."

Barbara had never seen Stuart without his blustery wit. Now tears ran openly down his face. She could not speak, or she would lose any control that she was somehow mustering. She walked over and sat on the bed. Little Charlotte, with her mop of wavy red hair, crawled over to her father who pulled her against him. Matthew seemed to sense the mood. He abandoned his truck and snuggled in beside Charlotte.

"Kiss your father," she squeaked. Tommy smiled across at her.

"Love you, Daddy." Matthew wrapped his arms around Tommy's neck and kissed him.

"I love you too, Matthew. Very much. Remember that." The boy looked at his father and nodded.

"Dadda! Dadda!" Barbara lifted Charlotte up to Tommy.

"Love you too, Princess." He kissed her before Barbara tucked her down beside Matthew.

"Thank you, Barbara, for everything."

"And you. I love you, Tommy." She leant over wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Goodbye. Oh, God, that sounds so final. I need you, Tommy."

"It's only au revoir, not goodbye. I'll be waiting for you." He gave her one of his special smiles. For a moment all the years drained away, and she saw Tommy as he had been - proud bearing, wavy hair, and deep brown eyes that just made you fall in love with him. "I love you so much, Barbara."

She smiled and nodded then snuggled into his chest. Wordlessly, the family clung together and waited.

Tommy's breathing became more shallow. Barbara listened to his heart slowing. She thought he was either asleep or unconscious until his arm tightened around her. He sighed heavily. "I love you..."

"I love you too, Tommy."

His heart stopped. She listened in vain for it to start again. His grip softened, and his head fell gently on top of hers. Barbara could not move. Oddly, it seemed peaceful lying there together, as if Tommy had enveloped her in a wonderful loving cocoon. She wanted to remain like this forever.

She had no idea how long they stayed cuddled together. Fighting back the tears, she knew it was time. Barbara nudged her son. "Matthew, go and find Uncle Winston for me."

The boy returned shortly with Winston and Stuart. Barbara was standing by the window watching the growing storm with a sleepy Charlotte in her arms. "Barbara?"

She turned to Winston and nodded. Stuart walked over and took the girl. Winston went to hug Barbara. "No!"

Winston stepped back. "Sorry, I..."

"I know. I just want to keep the feeling of Tommy holding me as long as I can. If you hug me, I lose that. Daft, I know."

"No, it's not. Do you want us to read to the kids, give you some time alone?"

She nodded her head quickly. "Not alone. He's still here. I can feel him."

Barbara no longer tried to hold back her tears. They cascaded over her cheeks and fell in large drops onto the carpet. Without warning, light filled the room. Thunder shook the house and the lights flickered before resuming their steady glow. Rain began to hammer on the window. She looked out to see that lightning had cleaved the tree opposite in two.

Stuart looked at Barbara with misty, sorrowful eyes. "When beggars die there are no comets seen; the heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes."*

Barbara smiled through her tears. "I told him once he was my prince."

"He loved you, Barbara," Winston said.

"I loved him more."

"He asked us to give you this." Winston handed Barbara a thick envelope with her name neatly written in Tommy's hand.

Stuart reached under the bed and pulled out a large box and Tommy's laptop and put them on the small desk by the window. "He also asked us to give you these. The first letter explains it all."

Barbara reached out with a shaking hand. She opened the box to find hundreds of envelopes all arranged in neat lines for her, Matthew and Charlotte.

Barbara looked back at her husband lying peacefully on their bed. "Oh, Tommy."

"Come on kids," Stuart said with forced cheer. "Mummy needs to say goodbye to Daddy."

Barbara locked the door behind them. She sat on the edge of the bed and with fumbling hands opened the first letter. Several sheets of papers fell out, all handwritten.

My Dearest, Dearest Barbara,

I have been trying to find words to help you through this day. You have always known how to bring me solace, from our very first case together. I know, by contrast, I have driven you mad at times. For that I am sorry. Knowing you were always there and that you forgave me and loved me for all my faults and foibles gave me strength.

I know how much being apart hurts; and if there had been any way to stay with you, I would have done it. I love you as much as any man has ever loved a woman. I would say more, but that would be a foolish vanity. What we have can never die even when our bodies fail. It will live on in you, and our children.

I want to stay as your lover and friend, and as the children's father, as long as I can. In the end, I know only time dulls the pain. So if these letters are too raw for you, put them aside. Maybe one day you will find comfort in them.

I have tried to write some words of wisdom for all the occasions I could think will affect Matthew and Charlotte. There are letters for them starting school, one teaching Matthew how to shave, and one for the father-son sex talk that I hope goes better than the one I had with my father. There are also letters about how to treat women properly, how to cope being an earl and living with everyone's expectations, a reminder to respect you when they get to that rebellious teenage stage, and one for Charlotte on her wedding day. I even have one for you if you want to remarry.

I also had the bright idea to do some videos. They are on my laptop in a folder called, not very originally, Videos for Barbara, Videos for Matthew, etc. Some are on similar topics for the children but yours, well you'll see. I am grinning at you now. Remember that look? The one that you could never resist and had us tearing off our clothes as we raced to the bedroom.

The following letter was the one I wrote that first night when we didn't know what the future held, and you were worried I was going to do something stupid. I never gave it to you, because life turned out well for us, but I want you to read it now.

I won't tell you not to cry, although I wish I were there to hold you. Whenever you feel sad, take some strength from knowing that I am still there for you, in your heart.

I love you, Barbara. More than words can ever say, but you know that.

Tommy

At the bottom of the page, he had drawn a heart with their initials. She opened the second letter.

My friend, my new lover, my life,

I cannot tell what the future holds, but I want to spend it with you. Last night, in your arms and experiencing your love, I found myself. My true self, not the one I want to be or think I should be, but who I truly am. I have no wealth without the gift of your love. I want to race upstairs now and ask you to marry me, but until we know if I am ill, that would not be fair. What the doctor might say today scares me, but I know with you beside me, we can cope with anything, even the worst of news. You calm my fear and give me hope, and an incentive to live every day as fully as I can.

So I will write it all down in the hopes that one day I can share all my thoughts and dreams with you.

Today, it is enough to say that I am overwhelmed by love, yours and mine. My heart is free and I want to revel in everything we have together. And now I am going to go back upstairs and make love to you again. I will never tire of that.

All my love, always,

Tommy xxx

In a different pen he had added.

There is a letter on my laptop for every day we were together. They are in a folder labelled Love Letters for Barbara. Don't read them all at once. T xxx

Barbara did a quick calculation. That would mean he had written her over 2,000 love letters. Barbara laughed then stroked his face. "That is so typical of you to try to control everything, but the letters..." Her vouce gave way to sobs as she tried to breath through tears and choked up sinuses. "Are beautiful. Thank you."

She climbed back into bed with Tommy and pulled his arms around her and snuggled her face into his chest. His familiar smell was comforting. "I can't leave you yet. The world can just wait a few minutes."

Another lightning strike lit up the room, and the echoes of the thunder shook her. "I know, Tommy. I love you too."

*Julius Caesar II ii 30-31