Chapter 6: Colliding Memories
"You're not trying," Malfoy accuses. Hermione pulls herself to her feet and it takes more effort than she cares to think about.
"Well if I had a little more than 'clear your mind and keep me out' to go off of then maybe I would have more success," she answers wearily.
"You're tired and you're emotional," he continues his critique. "Both of those are getting in your way. Instead of keeping me out, you're inviting me in to see the things you want to hide. You are focusing too much on what you don't want me to see instead of keeping me out. You need to focus."
"Focus? Wow, your advice just gets more descriptive," she replies sarcastically. "I am focusing, but 'keep me out' isn't anything to go on. How?"
"You and your stupid theory," he vents and turns away.
"What was that?" Turning back to her, his eyes narrow.
"You can't learn anything unless you understand the magical theory behind it," he spits.
"Well, I'm sorry if I like to understand what I am doing."
"Go pick up a book. There should be one in the library or you can order one. Read it. We'll meet back here next Saturday. I rather not, but that seems the most opportune time given the golden idiots don't wake till noon or have quitches to keep them busy." She nods her agreement to the meeting time and goes to leave. "And Granger?" She turns back to the blond. "Get some bloody sleep. You look like hell and it's getting in our way." With that, he left, disappearing out of the Room of Requirement.
Hermione sits on the ground, exhaustion weighing heavily on her limbs. Having her mind attacked over and over by her schoolyard bully did nothing to help her mood. Nor did the memories and nightmares. The last one cut a little too close.
They were sitting in the tent again, in the Forest of Dean, Harry, Ron and Hermione. It was a year into the search. The weight of the locket was bearing down on all of them, but it was worse for Ron. He slammed his hand on the table.
"Damnit Hermione," he shouted suddenly. "I know you always preferred Harry, but if you're going to feed me sleeping potions and whore yourself out to him behind my back, well then I'm not going to stay here." He dropped the locket onto the table and walked out the door.
"Ron," she screamed after him, tears coming fast at both his harsh words and his sudden abandonment. Harry shook his head, pulled on the locket and went to bed. She cried alone. She didn't know what Ron was thinking or where he had gotten that crazy idea, but it hurt that he left them. That he left her. She was out of tears by the next day and resolved not to cry about it again.
She hadn't cried about it again...not until now. She loved Ron. She still does. They had been together as a couple for most of that year, though they tried not to put it in Harry's face. They resumed when Ron met up with them again a few months later and he apologized, knowing immediately that it wasn't true. They had put it behind them. Still living that moment all over again shakes her.
Hermione allows herself a few more moments before standing. Time to head to the library and see what they have.
Hermione, laden down with three rather large tomes, walks back through the portrait hole.
"Oi, where have you been?" Ron asks.
"The library," she responds, trying to balance the books. She sets them down on the table behind the couch and catches Ron's eyes narrowing.
"Really? When?"
"Ron," Harry says, a warning in his tone. He looks up at her. "We went looking for you for a bit and didn't see you in the library. You probably were just in a different corridor and we missed you." Harry waves it away, but Ron is still looking suspicious.
"I was up rather early. After breakfast I walked around a bit and spent time in the library. Was there something you needed?" she says, eyes looking back to Harry. He blushes slightly.
"A bit of help on homework is all."
"Well I'm here now, what do you have?" Harry pulled out his parchment.
"It's this transfiguration essay," he groaned. She laughs and pull the assignment to her.
"Did you do the reading?" she says as she reads his work.
"Hermione," Harry whines. She swat him playfully with the essay.
"You are both rather bright and could do this all fairly easy, if you weren't so lazy," she complain lightly with a smile. Harry looks guilty, but Ron huffs before standing up and walking away. Hermione's eyes fall back to Harry and he shifts.
"What's up with him?" she asks.
"You know Ron," he replies. "Sometimes he gets something in his head and just won't let it go. You remember the whole goblet of fire fiasco?"
"Yes, I do," she murmurs. 'I also remember when he abandoned us,' she thinks, but then pushes the thought away to focus on his essay.
"No, no, no, please," Hermione sobs into her pillow. It takes a few more minutes to fully regain consciousness. Weariness holds her to the bed, that was the second nightmare of the night and she simply does not wish to face another guilt riddled dream. Sitting up, she begins reading more about occlumency. She'll meet with Malfoy tomorrow after all.
"It is bloody impossible to do all this work," Ron complains around a mouthful of breakfast at the Gryffindor table.
"It's not impossible," Hermione argues. "They just want to get us ready for our NEWTs next year. There really is so much to learn."
"Of course you would see it like that," Ron mumbles. She resists the urge to sigh.
"Ron, I really think it's best we try to learn all we can now. Especially with You-Know-Who out there and all," Hermione adds the last so softly that only he can hear. Ron rolls his eyes.
"How is potions going to help with that?"
"You might need to brew a potion to help heal from a particular curse or something."
"I'm sure you can do it in that case, Hermione." He smiles. He's right, he did have her brew all the potions in the war. Harry wasn't half bad, but she wouldn't leave Ron alone with the cauldron. She laughs at his remark, because it is nice to know Ron will always be Ron.
"Where is Harry anyway?" she asks. It's an odd day when Ron wakes up first.
"He was out late last night and is still asleep."
"He's been quite busy."
"Yeah, those classes with Dumbledore seem to be taking more than they put in," he comments absently.
"Yeah." She looks up to see Harry rushing towards them. He gives them each a nod before digging in. It was only five minutes later when they headed to Transfiguration.
"I love you both...so much," Hermione bites out as tears slide down her face. Emma Granger reaches her hand forward and wipes away the moisture on her daughter's cheeks.
"Honey, what are you on about? Is everything okay?" she asks. Concern colors Dan and Emma's faces.
"I love you. I...I need you to know that," the witch continues.
"What is going on, Hermione?" Dan asks. Hermione takes a deep breath.
"You...you have to go away for a bit. It's the only way to keep you safe. I know you'll hate me for it, but…" her voice breaks.
"We could never hate you, Hermione," Emma says firmly. She pulls the girl into a hug. Hermione allows herself this moment, this last moment.
"I love you," she whispers into her mum's shoulder.
"I love you too." Emma releases her and she hugs Dan.
"I love you, Dad."
"And I love you, Sweetheart." The witch step out of their arm. One last glance, then she takes out her wand. They freeze under a silent spell. Their eyes betray their confusion.
"Goodbye," she whispers before diving into their memories and wiping away every trace of her. The blank look on their face when she steps back, breaks lose the sob in her chest. "I'm so sorry." She takes her trunk, the last trace of their only daughter, and walks out the door. Her heart breaks with every step. It feels as if she is leaving most her soul back in the house with them. 'Merlin, give me strength,' she thinks. She looks back at the house, and then disapparates.
The image spins before the witch's eyes and then shifts. Bellatrix is cackling as Dan Granger strangles Emma, then collapsing around her dead body. He screams as he is cut to pieces.
"I'm sorry," Hermione whispers as his eyes turn to her one last time. Their mangled bodies lie on the floor. "I'm so sorry," she sobs, finding herself once again on her knees in the Room of Requirement.
Malfoy stands across from her. He is silent as she calms down.
"Two timelines?" he asks when Hermione stands again. She nods.
"Yes, they lived in the last one," she answers, though she's not sure why she tells him.
"I wouldn't necessarily call that living." Brown eyes snap to his gray ones.
"What?"
"Having your memory wiped then going off to live in some strange place, they may have been safe, but they probably would prefer this fate given the chance."
"They lived before! But now they are dead because of your demonic aunt!"
"We do not need to debate the sanity of that witch. But they didn't die because of her, they died because you did that spell. All the same they probably would prefer dying and knowing about their only daughter than dying with no memory of her or understanding why they feel like something is missing."
"They were happy…"
"So you visited them?" A cold glare is the only answer she gives. "Well then you don't know if they were happy. You don't even know if they lived. I really don't understand why you would have thought that a good ploy in the first place. You know memory charms are rather tricky and usually irreversible. Even if you bloody won the war, what then? You couldn't give them back their daughter."
"At least they would be alive. That was the only way to keep them alive. They couldn't stay in Britain and they never would have left without me. Not to mention that they could have been used against us or tortured into insanity for fun. It wouldn't take much for someone to figure out who they were and they would never be safe if that happened. What was I supposed to do?"
Silence lingers in the air.
"Maybe there wasn't another choice before, but I could image the death they had was better than living with that missing piece that would always be outside their grasp."
Malfoy sits in one of the chairs on the side, shoulders slumping.
"You're not getting any better," he says, without looking at her. She sighs and sits in the chair beside him.
"I read the books on it," she says.
"Well goodie for you." Hermione rolls her eyes.
"The 'long way' takes about a year on average."
"That's why we choose the other one," he replies.
"Yes," she says, exasperation seeping into her voice, "but even this way it is still not expect to see improvement for at least two months. The idea is that by feeling your mind be penetrated multiple times, it is easier to start having control over the invasion and build defenses against it. Though it is a more emotional and painful process since the memories people wish to hide or avoid end up being the ones seen."
"Are you going somewhere with this?" Malfoy asks with a sigh.
"I am working very hard, but it has only been three weeks. There is no need to be such a prat about it."
"Same time next week?" he asks, refusing to comment on the matter more.
"Yes," she replies. He walks out of the room. "What am I going to do with you?" she mutters to herself before leaving as well.