Self Reflection
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Chapter 6
Haley heaved the heavy, wooden trapdoor and let out a small grunt before entering the classroom. The sixth year Divination class, consisting of only seven students—all female— including her housemates, Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil, paused for just a few seconds as she strolled toward the far corner of the semicircular classroom.
Haley smiled at Professor Trelawney, who returned the warm expression and continued her lecture. With a sigh, she fell into her customary armchair, feeling the fine, braided wool pull her deep into a warm embrace.
Tuesday mornings were a drag: Herbology, Charms, and Divination all before lunch. It wasn't all bad though. Years ago, she and Trelawney had come to a silent agreement wherein she could arrive to class late and nap for the first twenty minutes of single period classes as long as she read the chapter ahead of time. Haley's unofficial weekly naptime was more valuable than ever these days, as sleeping at night had become challenging since the events of the Ministry last school year.
Pointing her wand down, Haley muttered a few words before surrendering to the warmth of the fire, which crackled merrily under the mantelpiece.
Fifteen blissful minutes later found Haley waking from a light Stinging Hex delivered by the charmed anklet above her left foot. Surprisingly alert, Haley glanced towards the huddle at the front of the room and noticed Trelawney gesturing enthusiastically towards the artsy, body length mirror standing beside her.
She hurried over to the group and perched on one of the circular tables in the front of the room, legs dangling down the front.
"—and so you see, children, because scrying mirrors are one of the more specialized muses of the Inner Eye, we'll only spend one session studying them. As this Thursday's double period lands on November first, the Gaelic holiday of Samhain, it is the perfect opportunity to test if any of you show a particular gift in using mirrors to pierce through the veil of the here and now."
Lavender raised her hand, and spoke when prompted. "Professor, you mentioned that only a person with a certain type of spirit can see much of anything in the mirror. What type of spirit is that, and what does it mean if we don't have the gift?" Her voice trembled, as though asking the question might jinx her chances of succeeding.
Trelawney moved very close and covered Lavender's hand with her own. "Oh, it is quite simple, my dear. The mirror shows a reflection of the self: past, present and future. It is one of the few mystic devices that turns the Inner Eye inward rather than outward. To strive so desperately to become in tune with oneself is one of the rarest qualities of the soul." As she spoke this last sentence she stared intensely around the room at each of her students in turn, her voice growing uncharacteristically strong.
When her gaze met Haley's, she paused for a moment and her eyes unfocused.
Haley stiffened and a shiver shot up her rigid spine in the apparent certainty that Trelawney's voice would turn raspy and another Potter family catastrophe would emerge.
"Ah…" With a little shake of her body, the professor seemed to gather herself. Her mouth turned up into a questioning smile as she turned back to Lavender. "What was I saying?"
Haley snorted, garnering glares from her classmates. No life changing proclamations today, thank Merlin. Just my sweet, airhead of a Divination professor, high on incense fumes and slowly losing her marbles.
"Don't you worry about it, dear. Those who see reflections in the mirror rarely find what they are looking for."
Lavender looked relieved.
Haley spent the rest of the period relaxing and taking halfhearted notes about the Samhain Scrying Ceremony's incense preparation and jack-o-lantern arrangement. She was initially disappointed by how tedious this all sounded; however, Trelawney's announcement at the end of class had her grinning from ear-to-ear. Maybe the ceremony wouldn't be so bad
They were allowed to bring their own mirrors.
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The sun hovered just above the horizon, spilling glorious rays of golden warmth through the narrow gulf of treeless meadow between the Black Lake and the Forbidden Forest.
"Atypical would be a massive understatement. Warm in November. I'm just wondering when the unicorn will show up."
"It was the same yesterday, and the day before. It's all anyone's been talking about."
"Even more to the point! I was going to lose it if I didn't get a chance to go outside before the weather changed."
"Sounds like you've already lost it, Potter. Quit talking to yourself!"
"Back at you, Potter!"
Laughter erupted from 0Haley and Harry, who sat together in the same exact spot, leaning against a lakeside boulder in the sun. She hadn't believed him when he said he knew of a sunny spot by the lake that wouldn't be crowded with students trying to make the best of the last warm weather of the year.
"Told you this morning, but you refused to believe me," said Harry.
Exasperated, Haley said, "I thought you were just trying to impress me!"
Harry shrugged. "I was, but I was also telling the truth."
Haley sputtered. "Harry, you suck at bragging. Seriously, you're the only bloke I've ever known—ever even heard of—that actually understates reality when he's boasting."
"I can boast, I just…" Harry trailed off, as if unsure he wanted to defend that claim.
"This coming from the man who just last night said, 'Sure, I killed the basilisk, but I had a lot of help.' A bird. A bird, Harry!"
"Well, the Sorting Hat was there too," he began, "and—"
"And a fucking hat!" She glared at him through the mirror.
He opened his mouth to retort again, but paused. "Well, when you put it that way…"
"I do put it that way," she said, satisfied with herself. "I'll give you one last chance. Show me some real bollocks!
"Okay, how about this? 'Watch yourself, Voldemort! Harry Potter's coming to kick your ass!'"
"Yeah!"
They laughed, but as Harry's words hung in the air, it became clear they held a terrible truth to them. Their laughter turned weak, and then empty. No matter how humorous they might try to make it seem, the reality of the matter was that Voldemort was out there, waiting, lurking in the shadows.
Haley looked at him in the mirror, and uncertainty was written all over his face. I'm an idiot. Why do I always have to stick my foot in my mouth? Haley squeezed her eyes shut and turned away; she couldn't stand that look on his face.
"Haley…"
Her breath caught in her throat when she looked back towards him.
A flame of determination burned in his eyes as the last light of October shone like a halo, reflected pure white off his wild, raven hair.
"There I go selling myself short again." And then he smiled. Not the lopsided grin that she had told him would make girls swoon, but a true smile. His teeth bared brilliantly, and the corners of his mouth stretched from ear to ear.
Pride hammered a staccato rhythm in her chest. Pride in him for his strength, and pride in herself for inspiring it in him.
Haley knew then that no matter how long she lived, she would never forget that pride, and how utterly gorgeous Harry looked, smiling at her on the lakeshore.
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Later that night, Haley told Harry about the Samhain Scrying Ceremony on Thursday. It didn't take much convincing for him to agree to sneak off to the Room of Requirement during her Divination class to perform the ritual with her while they, as she put it, "make eyes at each other" in the mirror.
He had some reservations about somebody in her class seeing him in the mirror, but she brushed it off, explaining that she and Trelawney had a longstanding agreement that she always sat away from the group in the comfy armchair in the corner because "crowding clouds my Inner Eye."
She gave him notes on the ceremony's preparations, made him promise to get started early in the morning, and kissed him goodnight across the mirror.
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Insomnia becomes a special kind of hell in the presence of snoring dormmates. Haley didn't have any particular complaint against Lavender Brown until this year, but a slow burning resentment had been growing within her since the start of term.
She knew every kind of snore that Lavender could make, and the warning signs that the night would be particularly bad. The worst times came when Lavender had been sneaking sips of wine with Parvati down in the common room.
It was three-thirty on the morning of Halloween, and an annual pre-Halloween pre-celebration had taken place.
Haley lay in her bed, trapped between replaying the events of her afternoon with Harry by the lake and wondering how long she'd have to hold her pillow over Lavender's face before she stopped struggling.
She held the mirror under her covers, debating whether or not to call Harry. On one hand, he'd told her to contact him whenever she wanted to talk, day or night, but on the other hand, she knew he had just as much trouble sleeping as she did. If she called him now, and he'd already fallen asleep, she risked stealing away the scant hours of restfulness he might get tonight.
With a sigh she set the mirror back down and placed the moonstone crystal back on top of it as Trelawney had instructed.
I wish Harry were here, she rolled over onto her side, facing away from the revving chainsaw in the bed next to her. Bitch.
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"So we're meeting in the Great Hall for dinner?" asked Haley, walking down the hall with her two best friends.
Hermione glanced sidelong at Ron before saying, "Well… Ron said he had a private date set up to make up for being a prat and ditching me at the Halloween feast yesterday. We definitely will meet you back at Griffindor Tower after we eat, but, well you know Ron—he doesn't exactly do this kind of thing often and…"
"Who would have known you had a romantic side, Ron," deadpanned Haley, cutting off Hermione's nervous chattering.
Ron had nodded along to it all, a satisfied grin worn across his face, but at Haley's words his neck reddened. "Yeah well, you know…"
At Haley's laugh, looks of relief washed over the couple. "Don't worry about it. I've got the Samhain ceremony tonight. I might end up missing dinner anyway." She attempted a winning smile, but her heart wasn't in it. "You guys have fun. I'll catch up with you afterwards."
Hermione scowled. "I don't understand why you're still taking that class."
"It's not so bad. Trelawney is good for a laugh. Plus, what other class could I use for nap time?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. Ron cheered.
They walked in silence for a while, approaching the landing where the couple would take the stairs to the great hall, and she would make her way up to the Divination Tower. Haley tried not to look irritated by how close to each other they were walking. She really was happy for them.
"Hey, Haley," said Hermione, with a sudden smirk on her face. "I meant to ask, where were you all afternoon on Tuesday?"
Now she was certain she looked irritated, but still tried not to show it. "I went out by the lake."
"Who did you go out with?" asked Hermione, sounding totally innocent.
"Nobody," said Haley, gritting her teeth.
"His name is Nobody?"
Haley raised an eyebrow.
Hermione continued. "I've heard you talking to somebody in your bed a couple times, like you're on the phone."
Her expression nearly faltered, but in the nick of time she said, "Dictation quill."
"And you've been acting strange, trying to be alone all the time," Hermione pointed out.
"Uh, my dog died—Snuffles—remember him? Of course I want alone time."
Hermione's mouth formed into an 'O'. "I… see. Yeah, I guess I buy that," said Hermione, still sounding suspicious.
Haley shrugged. They were standing at the foot of the stairs. "It's not a big deal. I'll see you guys tonight, maybe."
"See you, mate," said Ron
"Bye, Haley."
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Haley mirrored Harry in an empty classroom in the Divination Tower before class to make sure he was managing to set everything up. He was surprisingly competent when motivated and only required a little help with the jack-o-lanterns.
Haley made her way to her usual spot, on time for once, and began setting up her materials. She wouldn't say she had ever actually opened her "Inner Eye" as Trelawney put it, but if she adhered to the symbolism tables and exercised her imagination, Trelawney gave top marks.
She was confident Harry had never actually opened his Divination textbooks, and hence, skipping the symbolism tables, had barely passed with straight As for three consecutive years on morbid imagination alone, a feat she would have thought impossible. Maybe Trelawney really did see death in his future.
Nobody would ever claim her six classmates in NEWT Divination were competent students, so it was no surprise that she'd set up the preparations with minutes to spare before Trelawney even exited her office to begin class.
She whispered Harry's name silently and his face appeared in the mirror. She couldn't tell if his frown was apprehension or exasperation that he let her talk him into this. She suspected the latter.
"Welcome, my dears, to your penultimate Samhain Ceremony at Hogwarts. For the past 4 years, I've led you in increasingly challenging ceremonies and rituals to stimulate the mind and open the Inner Eye on this, the most powerful of days. Some of you, have met the challenge every year"—Lavender Brown, the Bitch, sat up straighter—"while others have valiantly struggled forth with closed minds."
Haley knew Trelawney was talking about her. She'd never received higher than a 'P' on Samhain, which irked her, but she could see where the Professor was coming from.
"The Gift bestowed upon us few, here in this room, is fickle in its presents." As the Professor spoke, she slowly made her way over to where Haley was sitting and gazed into Haley's startled eyes. She rarely singled Haley out.
"I feel we're in for a surprise today."
Trelawney looked down, and before Haley could react, snatched up her mirror which lay face down on Haley's table.
"Curious artifact, my dear, very curious," she said, tilting it in several directions and moving her head around as if trying to see her face from different angles.
Without another word, she handed the mirror back to Haley—so that Harry's aghast expression was visible—and walked back toward the front of the class, continuing her introduction.
What the hell? Harry mouthed.
Haley shrugged, helplessly confused. She was relieved that, given the angle, it had only been her absent minded Divination Professor that had seen him. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
It also suddenly occurred to her that despite her reservations about the efficacy of Divination, they were indeed performing a magic ritual, one that she didn't fully understand, on an already magical artifact, on a magically powerful day of the year.
Another twenty minutes passed before Trelawney had situated the others and approved their preparations. During this time she amused herself by making faces at Harry in the mirror, some of which had him double over in silent laughter.
Before long, Trelawney was back at the front of the class lighting an enormous beeswax candle that reached up to her chest. The Ritual had begun.
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"The consecration of these mirrors, with moonstone crystals, has charged them with energy, and cleansed any malignant forces acting upon them." Trelawney spoke with exaggerated reverence in her voice as she guided them.
"Please light your incense."
They did so, and a pungent aroma wafted around the room.
"The incense will help you attain trance as you practice mindfulness, to clear your mind and commune with the Inner Eye." With a wave of her wand, Trelawney set a pair of drums beating slow rhythmic patterns at the front of the classroom.
This was the part that Haley had never overcome. After all this time, she still could not understand how to "clear your mind." Now, however, as she looked into the face of her counterpart who, in every way that mattered, was her reflection, there was… nothing.
"The veil between life and death has thinned. Allow yourself to see further into yourself than you ever have before."
By now the air hung, thick with smoke and humidity, and shadows danced along the walls. Fears of Voldemort and Death Eaters fell away as she watched Harry's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. Her annoyance with her best friends disappeared as firelight flickered in Harry's eyes.
Haley's usually racing thoughts turned as viscous as molasses, and she barely registered the rising chant from the others in the room as they took up the Gaelic mantra Trelawney had taught them.
The world grew hazy and everything seemed far away, but then a familiar, loud, harsh voice spoke from just behind her ear.
"EMBRACE THE GIFT. OPEN YOUR INNER EYE."
And the world dissolved around her until all she saw was Harry, sitting across from her. No mirror, no classroom, no Hogwarts.
White mist consumed them.
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"Kill the spare." A high, cold voice, sounding far away, pierces the calming rhythms enveloping her.
A swishing noise and a second voice, which screeches the words: "Avada Kedavra!"
A blast of green light. Cedric Diggory's lifeless body hitting the floor.
This isn't real! It didn't happen… not in her world…
The scene skips and flashes of conversation bombard her. She watches in horror as Lord Voldemort is reborn.
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Bodies crowd around her, and she feels very small. Her mind tells her to flee, but her instincts make her stay put. Through the haze, she barely makes out the shape of a magnificent mirror, stretching upward into white mist, with an ornate golden frame.
She hears a sob over her shoulder, and glances behind her. There, with her husband's arm around her, stands her mother, Lily. It's like looking into a mirror.
"Haley," her mother says, voice strangled.
She is about to respond when another voice speaks.
"Harry," says her father, James, with a smile shaping his smooth baritone voice.
Haley's head swivels around in time to see an eleven year old Harry standing beside her, facing her father. They look so alike.
Rushing forward, Haley makes to embrace her family, but the mist swirls again. No! It's too late.
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She stands before a tomb, weeping. Calloused fingers lace through hers with aching tenderness, and with gasping breaths, she inhales the scent of holly and rich, masculine musk as strong arms encircle her.
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Sweaty palms grasp her hips and tiny kisses trail down the back of her neck where his stubble scrapes fire across her skin.
She's panting. Holly and musk envelops her. It's too much—not enough.
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On and on the visions went, swirling around her like the ever-present mist, sweeping her into a kaleidoscope of confusion: memories that weren't her own, events that hadn't happened yet, times of aching love and terrible loss. She couldn't process any of it.
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This one feels different.
The darkness around her feels more substantial somehow.
Haggard, pleading cursing, the sound of shattering glass, and the crash of hurled objects echoes through the chamber.
"I won't lose her, I can't. Haley, if you can hear me, I'm not giving up on you. Not ever. I'll find a way."
She begins to cry.
This one feels different.
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Haley jumped at the gentle hand placed on her shoulder, and she wiped at her cheeks.
Trelawney's face was only inches away, her sad smile was full of understanding. "It can be difficult to glimpse what's on the other side of the looking glass. Unpleasant as it may be, you must write down everything you can remember. Everything."
Placing a piece of parchment face down on the desk, Trelawney began walking away. At the last moment, she turned around and spoke, her voice low and serious.
"The Gift shows us many things, but rarely do we understand them until it's too late."
Haley took a deep, shaky breath, not realizing until now that she had been trembling. Her eyes moved down to the mirror, still gripped in her white-knuckled hands.
Her counterpart sat staring at her in a state of shock. She had at least read the literature, and knew what to expect from a successful Scrying Ritual. Harry's face was shock white, and his jaw hung slack.
"That was intense," she whispered.
A nod.
"Are you okay?"
Another nod.
"I'm going to pack up and run down to the Room of Requirement, so we can talk about this. Okay?"
"Okay," he croaked.
"Don't go anywhere, I'll only be a minute."
Shaking his head as if to clear it, Harry's eyes focused on her at last. "I'm fine," said Harry, stretching his neck. "I'll be here."
After closing the connection, Haley could have sworn she heard the sound of cracking joints, but she ignored it in lieu of picked up the piece of parchment on her desk. It contained a simple note.
Samhain Scrying Mirror Ceremony
Haley Potter - Grade: O
Congratulations,
Professor Trelawney
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Haley meandered along the seventh floor corridor, approaching the Room of Requirement. Her overexerted mind struggled to keep swirling emotions from overwhelming her. Chief among them was a foreboding sense of imminent doom.
What she'd witnessed that night would haunt her, always. She couldn't think straight. She didn't even remember walking here. She just felt…numb. The crushing weight of responsibility on her shoulders was too much to bear alone.
I need Harry… More than anything…
She repeated the thought over and over in her head like it was a lifeline, the only thing keeping her from drowning as she paced back and forth
Haley pulled open the Room of Requirement and entered.
She was standing in a room the size of a large cathedral, whose high windows were sending shafts of light down upon what looked like a city with towering walls, built of what Haley knew must be objects hidden by generations of Hogwarts inhabitants.
Somehow, she knew exactly where to go. She hurried forward into one of the many alleyways between all this hidden treasure. She turned right past an enormous stuffed troll, ran on a short way, took a left at the broken Vanishing Cabinet in which Montague had got lost the previous year, finally passing large a cupboard that seemed to have had acid thrown at its blistered surface.
There, in the very corner of the room, sat a grand mirror that stretched up toward the ceiling. The same mirror she'd found as a first year, and the same one she'd seen in her vision.
Fear washed over her so intense that she had to lean on the cupboard to stop her knees from buckling. This was it.
She slid in front of the mirror.
Arrayed around her were the dozen or so family members she'd seen the first time around, plus one. They all looked sad, like they knew what had happened. Lily blew her a kiss and James and Sirius waved.
Then, everyone in the reflection turned to look to the side. She followed their gaze, but of course there wasn't anything there.
Their eyes moved as if tracking something… or someone.
Hope filled Haley, rising like a crescendo.
And there he was. Harry Potter entered the frame, wrapping their mother and father in a deep, desperate embrace. He just stood there and wept in his parents arms.
Tears smeared dark tracks of makeup down Haley's face, tasting salty on her lips. It hurt too much to see. This. Them. So close, but so utterly out of reach.
An odd thing happened then. Lily leaned forward and whispered something in Harry's ear, causing him to turn his head sharply.
Their eyes met, and Haley's heart jumped into her throat. He was smiling at her. A true smile. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe.
Harry turned, gave Lily a kiss on the cheek, and James and Sirius each a one armed hug. He turned then and said something to a tall, shadowy figure standing in the very back, but before Haley could make out the figure, Harry was running toward her at full speed.
He leapt, soaring through the air like a gallant knight jumping off his mighty steed. The mirror shattered, dazzling her vision with a million glittering shards and emitting a chaotic symphony of cracks and crashes.
Before she could react she was in his arms, surrounded by him. He lifted her up and swung her around like out of a movie, and she found herself laughing.
When he finally set her down she threw her arms around his neck and pressed into him. He felt better than she'd ever imagined: warm, strong, and safe. He smelled of holly and a rich musk. She felt… home.
Was this what family felt like?
"I missed you," he said, voice breathy and hoarse.
She just held him tighter.
He pulled back just his face and the sensation of two day old stubble scratching her cheek triggered a memory from a vision. As she looked into his smoldering gaze she felt a delicious heat throb through her core, making her hands shake and her nipples tighten.
"I needed you, and you came," Haley said, her voice tremulous.
"I told you I'd find a way."
They kissed then, and her vision blurred.
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Haley sat up out of bed with a gasp, panting heavily. Had that been… That was a dream! Even now she felt her blood racing through her veins and her body thrummed with a vigor that made her want to sprint circles around the Black Lake. The low light of dawn was pouring in through the window, softly illuminating the canopy around her.
The mirror, lying under her pillow, was pulled in front of her face. Even now, the dream began to fade from her mind like trying to catch sand between her fingers, and Haley pressed her eyes shut, committing to memory the few scant details that she could hold in her brain as the rest blew away like so many fine grains.
When she opened her eyes again, it wasn't her own that stared back at her, wide and wondrous. She then noticed how beet red his face was becoming and a frown grew on her face.
"Harry?" Had she called him? Did he call her? Something odd was happening.
The Dream! Had he had the same dream?
A sound resembling a squeak escaped her lips as she slammed the mirror face down on the bed, closing the connection. She pulled her pillow up to her face and half-screamed, half-sobbed into it as she flopped back down into her bed.
How embarrassing. How exhilarating!
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A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Many people have expressed disappointment that this fic has been abandoned. As you can see, it hasn't been, and you can all consider this story as a WIP unless I say otherwise. That said, the reviews you all left inspired me to bang this chapter out in just a few days. Life happens, but your feedback is a great motivator when it's been months since I've thought about updating.
As you all have no doubt noticed, this fic has been written and posted without a beta, so there are plenty of typos (Sorry!). I have from time to time had friends read over chapters for feedback and light editing work, but it hasn't been very consistent or thorough. I put a little more effort into editing this chapter and received some good beta work from a few of mates over at the /r/HPFanFiction Discord (Special thanks to Pash and Autumn!). I hope it shows.
Expect four more chapters before part one is complete. I'd like to wrap this up by the end of the year, but who knows what life will throw at me between now and then.
Cheers!