Ok my first dungeon chapter... YAY. While I love writing comical stuff, I get a head rush of writing battles, so a dungeon will probably be my favorite thing to write for this story.
Read and review.
(Chapter 6: Dragoon Roost Cavern)
Considering it was an active volcano, Link was pleasantly surprised by the cool atmosphere of the entrance. "Hm, not bad. I would have assumed worse." Link looked around; finding no sign that Medli or anyone had come through the area in some time.
"Well this is weird... Empty room with weird blocks" When Link got closer he noticed there was a track to let you pull the blocks on "... oh damn it... No one told me I would have to think in these places." Link pulled one block forward and the other to the side. It revealed a small hole and he walked through.
In the next room, it was very dark except for three torches, one in the back of the room not moving at all, and the other two were in the middle of the room, swaying slightly as their holders were slightly restless.
Link hadn't killed in a while, so he decided to lunge in. He punched the first bokoboblin in the face, knocking it back a few feet into a wall. The second raised its fiery, hard, hot wooden stick to swing and Link raised a shield knocked it away. He then slammed his sword into the creature's torso and slashed it up. Before the creature could bleed, it blew up in smoke. The other charged back at Link, swinging his now UN-lit torch at him like a sword. The creature's stick and Link's sword clashed against each other, and then Link performed a spin slash, embedding his sword in the side of the creature's skull.
With the two monsters dead, Link grabbed a torch to light the room and find his way out. He walked with the torch and lit the other standing torches in the room and brought his attention to the door. He started fiddling with the lock. Link quit with the lock, turning around to check the room. He noticed a chest. "Where'd this come from?" He opened it slowly and took out a key that seemed to match the lock on the door. "WOOT! A key!" Link cheered, using the key on the lock.
The next room was an ominous red hallway, with skulls littering the floor. With a heavy heart and sigh, Link continued forward and smashed through the wooden wall ahead, knowing without a doubt what was next. In the next room, which was obviously the main cavern, was a large lava pit at the bottom with many fiery jets shooting upward.
"So much for an inactive volcano... Once again, this outfit is unnecessarily warm." Link groaned and walked down the half wooden pathway. To the left, stopping at a small gap between wooden ledges, Link attempted to jump across, but landed on the island in between. He noticed he had landed next to a box on a track and pulled from the wall so he could jump up.
On the ledge, Link stopped dead in his tracks at the end of a swinging rope bridge. "FUCK THIS I'M GOING HOME!" Link shouted in a fed-up tone.
King's voice shouted from the stone, "Get moving, you little prick!"
"OKAY OKAY GAWD!" Link begrudge began sprinting across the bridge, stopping in the middle when a fire jet just barely missed the rope bridge. "What are the odds? No fire jet hit the bridge?" Link asked God, who didn't like his tone and sent a bunch of bats to attack him.
"Dick dick dick dick dickdickdickdick." Link cursed, repeatedly quicker each time as he ran, covering his head from the bat's attacks.
When he was safety on the other side he quickly dispatched them with a spin attack.
"Well... this sucks..." Link grumbled to himself as he gazed upon the un-crossable lava pit in the middle of the room. Link was drawn to the pot with water drawn on the side and stabbed it. "HAHA! Take that Aquafina... bastards." Link let his rage out on the water pots because water bottles are always so expensive at 7-11. When his fury caused him to throw a pot at the lava and it turned into a platform, he was excited. "OH MY GOD... I'm magic." Link leapt from ledge to rock raft thing to ledge safely, and approached the ladder. He started climbing but some big red Jell-o creature attacked him, knocking him from the ladder.
"OOWWW you little prick." Link stabbed at the Chu-chu but it just swung back and smacked him in the face. "Ow, dick. You're the load your mom should have swallowed," and Link then kicked the crying Chu-chu into the lava.
Link climbed the ladder and in the next room it was much darker due to the lack of lava. The room was also filled with boarded up walls. Link approached a boarded wall, and a bokoboblin leapt headfirst through it, and raised its sword dazedly at Link.
"Ow dude that must have hurt. You want some Tylenol before we fight man?" Link asked, oddly concerned for the monster's well being.
Thinking nothing wrong of it, the bokoboblin accepted the pills.
The two sat for a moment until the monster's mouth started foaming and it rolled on the floor screaming, puking up its innards until it died.
"Hehe... cyanide, bitch." Link murmured evilly as the monster s'ploded.
Link looked down at the monster's large machete. "Hmm... this is a lot better than my little wimpy sword…" He picked it up. Looking at the other wooded wall, he smashed through it easily. He then smashed through one on a ledge near by to get a key. "Yes, I'm keeping this." He walked to the other side of the room and dispatched two Chu-chus at the same time, with one swipe. "God this is the best sword ever," Link happily walked through the door, but as he did, some evil god made him leave the sword behind.
"NOOOOOO... My precious, precious... precious sword," Link groaned while he lay on the ground. After lying on the ground for a few hours, Link finally got up and threw a rock at the bombs on the wall, causing a chain reaction, allowing him to return to the original entry path of the dungeon. "Meh, whatever." Walking along the way to the locked door. Link opened the door uninterestedly and walked in with a sad sigh.
In the next room were a lot of Chu-chus. Link mercilessly stabbed each one in the face. A bokoboblin smashed through a wall to the left and launched himself at Link. Our hero simply grabbed the bokoboblin's arm and collar and rolled onto his back. He launched the monster into the torch behind him. Link picked up the burning corpse and threw it at the boarded wall. The board burned away, revealing a switch which Link stomped on. Then the door opened and Link walked out into the sun.
Outside in the sun, Link stopped feeling so angry about his long lost love, (the machete) and walked happily over the swinging rope bridge. He hugged the bokoboblin that was across it, who in its shock and fear drove itself off of the cliff. Link shrugged and climbed up the ladder next to him, waiting for the torrent of fire to dissipate and continued. Once up on the ledge Link sidled by a lava spiting wall. Walking around a rock and climbing onto the other cliff so he could throw bombs down on the rock and entered the door.
In the next room Link found a tower of blocks and pulled some out so he could climb through the hole at the top of the room.
The next room was small and crawling with rats and his stone buzzed immediately. "Lad, I'm sure you have noticed plenty of filthy, thieving rats around, but don't worry. Share some bait with them and you will get to share in there stock." Link took the advice and spread some bait near the rat's hole.
A rat soon came out and asked "what can I get you?"
Link slipped the rat 10 bucks. The purple creature scampered into its hole and came out with a small bag. Link then tucked away a bag of 'oregano' let's just say...
Link laughed and pulled out a block. He climbed up and pulled a stick from a large pot and lit it on a torch. He tossed it at a boarded up wall, burning it. Link climbed over and retrieved another key. He used his newfound key to unlock the chest on the other side of the room.
Once again, Link was out on the side of the mountain once he exited the room. He jumped the gaps in the stairs to his right and attacked the kargorack in its nest, wanting to eat its babies. He was sorely disappointed when he observed that there were no eggs, only a key.
The next room was near pitch black, so Link felt his way to a stick and got a lantern after catching the stick on fire. He made his way into the darkroom and killed the half-dozen bats that flew at him. After lighting the torch, Link burned a wall, climbed some stairs and lit a few torches up stairs.
The next room was just a few fire jets shooting way too close to a rope bridge, which Link could not have run through faster.
This room gave Link a strange vibe and he heard snickering from a vase. He smashed it to find a Bokoboblin. Once Link killed it, he heard more snickering from yet another vase. That too was smashed, and its occupant slaughtered. One last Bokobolin/Jar was hard to find hidden among the others, but Link managed to get them all destroying, the monster's hope for a sneak attack with a spin move. Link climbed a ladder and ran into the newly opened door.
This new lava filled room had a small island in the middle of the magma, with a lava, centipede-thing crawling in the center. Link used a water pot and smashed it over the island by throwing it. Then, in a stroke of genius, he grabbed the water pot and made a small platform on top of where the fire jet would soon shoot out of. Then, just as the fire shot upwards, Link rode the blast to the ledge in a strangely perfect way...
Link walked into the new room, which was very open and had many large rocks. Link bombed them all easily with the bomb flowers.
Link walked out on the ledge and started climbing steps outside. No sooner had he made his way up fifteen steps that the gray steps started falling. In order not to become a pancake on top of water, Link had to mad dash up the stairs.
Once up the stairs, Link was in a shrine dedicated to Valoo, obviously. He was right there after all, but so was Medli. She was stuck in a cage with two armed Bokoboblin guards standing tall at the entrance. The fight began fast. Link rushed forward and performed a jump slash, tearing into one of the guards, who was thrown back by the force. The other reared back to slash Link, but nearly lost his arm to the spin attack Link let loose. The first one returned, weaponless, and kicked Link in the head. Link just punched the monster in the face with his shield and it fell dead. The paralyzed bokoboblin exploded with the distinctive, curling smoke. The second one had no time to recover, and faced an entire combo of thrusts from Link's relentless sword.
Link walked towards Medli's cage to free her, but a loud thud told him that he was not alone, once again. A large moblin slammed down onto the ground and swung its ridiculously long spear at the boy. Link slammed against the wall and had little time to roll away as the spear tried to impale him. Link brought his shield up and the spear bounced off. Before the pig could bring it back down, Link charged forward and slashed away at the monster's large gut, leaving it to perish. When the other moblin readied to slam its spear on his head, Link parried, leaving a devastating slash in the pig's back. The spear flew to the far side of the arena and Link readied to finish the beast. Instead, the moblin punched him square in the jaw. Link flew back a few feet and struggled to get up. When he did though, the pig was on its feet with its spear. Link readied to go in for the kill. The two locked weapons until Link's sword broke through and embedded itself in the beast's face.
After making sure they were safe, Link released Medli who was very grateful. "What took you so long!" Okay, not that grateful.
Link just rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Medli. What's going on with this place anyway?"
"What do you mean?" Medli blinked.
"Your holy shrine is covered in monsters, and the great Valoo is having a hissy-fit... looks like something's torturing his tail…" Link muttered.
"Oh yeah... you're right actually. Here, take this..." Medli told him handing him a grappling hook.
"What does it do?" Link asked, twirling the rope.
"I dunno... I see people swing from them though, so they must be kind of useful." Medli muttered, poking her lip.
"GOD DAMN you are useless..." Link growled, readying to swing on Medli.
"AHH!" Medli screamed and dodged the punch by jumping and flapping into the air.
"Oh get back here, you!" Link ran up some stairs behind him, then threw the grappling hook at Medli. Instead of hitting her, it just wrapped around the pole that was jutting out of the stone wall, letting him swing through the air instead.
"Oh yeah, that's how you use it. I had forgotten." Medli cheered and clapped.
Link, too excited with the function of his new tool, just jumped and swung again until he was at the door he had passed through not to long ago.
"Good job, Link! I'm going back to the bottom again to get help." Medli half cheered.
Link nodded seriously, but as soon as Medli had gone, Link grew a childish grin and started swinging from the nearest poles. He hung, then swung, from one to the next, until he had run out of poles. He found a door at the end of the line though. "Maybe there's new poles in there!" Link yelled, dashing in.
This room had a bridge and a bokoboblin, holding... A MACHETE. Link dashed forward at lighting speeds, stabbing and slashing at his opponent. He was ready to kill, but he only succeeded in cutting most of the ropes that were holding up the bridge. Link and the bokoboblin slid to the side, and Link just barely grabbed the edge of the bridge, (or what was left of it) to save himself. The monster tried to grab his leg, but Link aimed his sword carefully and thrust it into the beast's skull. The creature fell lifeless into the lava, as did the machete. Link wept for his lost love... Finally, when the rope bridge snapped, Link embraced the fall and welcomed the lava, wishing only to see his love in the afterlife. However, he just fell completely unharmed onto a patch of rock.
"Don't even think about it!" The KORL's voice roared from the stone as Link attempted to lunge into the lava.
On that floor was a door, which led back to the main room but a little higher up. Link ran up some steps and into a strange birdcage. He ran into the middle, not really getting the design of a spiral in the middle. He just did a spin move, dropping the floor of the cage incredibly fast to the floor of the lava pool. Link hopped out into a new room, hopping across multiple hanging platforms to a ladder, which took him up to a strange door that was locked. BUT, there was a grappling hook slot which Link showed no hesitation in leaping to with his rope. As he swung, he unhooked a switch which let the door open.
Link entered the next room to swing on another hook then hop across some platforms and swing again into the next room.
The next room was huge and had a fiery ring. A magtail, the fiery centipede, was in it as well. Not seeing any water, Link slashed the creature in the eye. When it reared back, he could safely step on the switch. When the fire disappeared, Link happily ran at the golden chest, reaching it just as the fire scorched back to life and burned him. Unfortunately, the 'oregano' in his pocket burnt too. Link was running a pretty good buzz and blacked out.
What must have been hours later, Link re-awoke in front of the boss door, with a gold key in one hand, a pineapple in the other and a tattoo of someone named Zelda, with a heart on his right shoulder. "Who the fuck is Zelda... oh well; it must have been fun... HEY GOLD KEY!" Link turned around, gawked and pointed. "GOLD LOCK!" Link put two and two together. His equation equaled out to Q, so he put the key in the lock and opened the door.
****WOOT BOSS FIGHT****
Link walked into the big round lava room and something immediate felt weird.
Suddenly, a large, red, lava-dripping bug with an armored shell blasted up from the lava pit and blew fire into the air.
Link was little more than interested as he noticed something that resembled a grappling hook spot. He immediately leapt to it and swung up onto a ledge.
The creature started screaming and Link turned to see that a rock was falling onto it. The monster recovered, positioned the rock back into the ceiling. Its armor was noticeably cracked.
Link realized he was in a fight and swung again, this time to inflict pain... and he screamed "Whee!" while he flew.
Once again, Gohma screamed and roared as the rock dented his armor again.
After placing the rock up, it locked eyes with Link and the two stared each other down. Link charged forward, tossing the hook up. He swung and dropped to the ground ahead.
The rock was pinned on the creature. Suddenly, both the rock and Gohma's armor burst away. Link threw his grappling hook, but with no avail. It missed the tail, but caught the beast's eye and brought it down.
Link roared happily and slashed away at the eye screaming, "YOU'RE MY BITCH AHAHAHAHAHA!" With one last, victorious slash, the creature reared back and fell to pieces, blackening and smoking.
Lava grew black and hardened, and a heart dropped down. Link picked it up. After doing a little dance, he then stepped into a whirl wind that sent him up, out of the cave.
Link was sent out to the outside of Dragoon Roost Island as the cloud dispersed. A cheerful voice called from behind him. "LIIINNKK! You did it! You saved us!"
"Hey Medli, thanks. It's what I do... I guess" Link murmured, rubbing the back of his head modestly.
"Prince Komali, don't you have something you wanted to say?" Medli asked, pushing the little boy forward.
"Link... I want you to have this. Thanks to you, I am not a pansy any more and I want you to have this to help you not be a pansy anymore." Komali murmured and handed Link the Din's pearl.
Link's forehead twitched. "Shut up you little bastard. I'll put you in the microwave." he said under his breath.
Komali didn't hear and Medli told Link, "The great Valoo says you're totally beast mode... whatever that means" Medli muttered, trailing off. "Oh, and use the Wind God's wind"
"Okay. Thanks you guys." Link said cheerfully.
"Hey Link, wait!" Komali called back to him.
Link turned back curiously.
"I'm not gay anymore," Komali said with a smirk, grabbing a handful of Medli's bottom and squeezing.
Medli just blushed holding her hands in front of her like always.
Link quirked an eyebrow and walked through the tunnel to the island. He swam over to it and inspected the monument. Using his Wind Waker, he conducted the symbols.
A mighty wind blew by and Link enjoyed it until a big, green, rapidly talking frog showed up. "Hey kid, I like the way you use the wind... Are you the new Wind Waker? Well just remember, there are two ways to use wind. Good and Bad. If you want a bad example, that would be using it to blow up girls' skirts. Now I
I'm not encouraging you to do it but if you do, be sure to call me, okay?"
Link nodded, having no idea what was happening.
"Good. I am off." Zephos roared, leaving the area on a wind cloud.
Link returned to The KORL heavily confused.
"Ready to go?" The KORL asked in a hurry.
Link nodded.
"Okay well change the wind south and let's go."
Link did as he was told and the two were off.
FIN
So sorry about the delay but you know how it is end of the year finals then the opening summer parties. I just couldn't find the time. I will try to update sooner but no promises sorry.
Oh, by the way, I do not own Zelda or anything like that. But I do own cyanide lots and lots of cyanide... X3
Please review I worked really hard to make this as funny and epic as possible.