A/N Sorry for the wait, I've had GCSEs and they really aren't a lot of fun. I had Maths this week which was horrific, god who invented all these stupid equations anyway? Aaanyhow enough of my educational trials and tribulations, here is the new chapter for you. It will probably be the last so THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews. You really supported me through my first SN fic and gave the inspiration to start a second Gone check it out!. So here we go…
2 hours and 48 minutes.
That was how long it had been since he had last seen Sam, since Sam had been wheeled away from him, scared, hurting and alone.
Questions and thoughts were constantly whizzing around his jumbled mind. Was it supposed to take this long? Why hadn't he heard anything? Is Sammy okay? Had something gone wrong?
Dean felt completely and utterly useless. This was one thing that he couldn't help Sam on, one thing he couldn't protect him from. Dean couldn't do anything to stop his little brother from hurting and it was tearing him up. Things were out of his hands, out of his control and he hated it.
He gripped the now cold coffee cup in his hand hard and let out a shaky sigh, his breath rose in smoky plumed into the dark night air and he looked up at the starry sky.
He hadn't been able to stay in the hospital, the busy corridors, the children shrieking, people crying. He wouldn't stay out here for much longer in case they were looking for him to tell him about Sam but he wanted to stay for a few more minutes. The quiet was relaxing and the cold was numbing him.
As much as he tried to force himself not to think about it he didn't know what he'd do if he lost Sam. He couldn't imagine a life without Sam, even when he was at college he knew he was there, in California.
2 hours and 51 minutes.
He needed his brother to be okay. If he wasn't he didn't know what it would do to him. The guilt was bad enough already, eating him up inside.
God, how could he have let this happen? This whole mess was his fucking fault. He was supposed to take care of Sam, it was his job but look what had happened. Sam was having surgery because some pricked stabbed him, because Dean was too busy being a selfish bastard to protect his brother.
A surge of anger washed over him in a hot wave of fury and he launched the polystyrene coffee cup across the hospital parking lot, black liquid spraying across the asphalt. Breathing heavily he got to his feet, pacing up and down across the entrance he blinked hard.
"I love you Dean."
His brother's softly spoken words echoed through his head and he stopped pacing, breath coming in shaky gasps. They never said that to each other, all the times he should have raced through his head and when he said it back he'd made some stupid jackass comment about chick-flicks.
2 hours 53 minutes.
He needed to get inside; they might have news on Sammy. He needed to be there. He'd promised he'd be there when Sam woke up and there was no way he was about to break his promise.
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It had been over 3 hours since Sam had been taken to surgery and Dean felt like he was about to lose it.
Who was it that said No news is good news? Well they were an idiot.
He was sick of looking up everytime a doctor walked down the hall only to have them walk past him. He wanted to see his brother.
The door at the end of the hall opened and Dean felt his heart leap as he saw it was Sam's doctor. He scrambled to his feet unsteadily and hurried over to the doctor.
"How is he? Is he okay? Did everything go alright?" He fired rapidly, the concern evident in his voice at the doctor held up a hand to still him. Dean desperately tried to read his face for any sign of whether it was good news or bad news.
"Dean, I think we should go somewhere a little more private." He said softly and Dean instantly felt panic rise inside of him in a sickening surge.
"No…No, you tell me now." He said his voice trembling as he looked desperately up at the doctor willing him to prove him wrong, willing him to assuage all his fears.
"Dean…I'm really sorry…There were complications and Sam's heart stopped beating…we couldn't get it started again. He died a few minutes ago."
Dean didn't even register the fact that suddenly he had slid to the floor. He couldn't feel the comforting hand on his shoulder. His heart was pounding in his ears at what felt like 100 decibels as he struggled to draw a breath. Hot tears poured unchecked down his face.
Sam's dead. He thought numbly. Gone.
The doctor was saying something to him but Dean wasn't listening
He died a few minutes ago
He died a few minutes ago
He died.
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Dean's eyes snapped open and he desperately gasped for a breath as he shot out of his chair, eyes burning with tears as he looked around.
He was in the hospital.
It was a dream…fuck…FUCK.
He quickly swiped at the tears on his face and shakily looked at his watch. Only a few minutes had passed…it must have been a dream.
Oh please god let it have been a dream.
His heart was still pounding relentlessly in his ears and he gripped onto the wall to keep himself upright.
He died a few minutes ago
The words wouldn't stop echoing through his head.
He could feel himself shaking.
Then he saw the door open at the end of the corridor and Sam's doctor walked through…just like in the dream. Shit…what if it all just came true, what if he had to live his dream right now. Shit…
The doctor approached nearer and Dean struggled to swallow, his mouth was dry and his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth unpleasantly. Dr Murphy stopped in front of Dean and he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and ask the question. He didn't want to ask if the answer was going to be that his brother was gone.
"Dean…Sam came through the surgery fine. We stopped the bleeding and Sam's stable and in recovery. We're putting him in a room now so you can see him." The doctor said with a smile.
Dean suddenly felt as if the whole weight of the universe had been lifted from his shoulders. Sam was okay, Sam was alive! He felt a grin break across his face and suddenly in a very un-Dean-like gesture he pulled the doctor into a brief, tight hug before pulling away.
"Thank you…Thank you so much."
Dr Murphy looked slightly bewildered but allowed himself to smile. It was moments like these that made him glad he became a doctor.
"His room is 227. I'll be back to check on him in rounds. There will be some nurses in there so if you need anything just ask." He said with a smile before turning and leaving, leaving Dean alone in the hall.
Sam was alive.
Sam came through the surgery fine
He didn't think he'd ever heard a more beautiful sentence.
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Dean had stayed in the room all night whilst Sam slept. He was told it was to be expected from Sam to be sleeping a lot and when he woke up he'd be very groggy and weak. Dean didn't care as long as he did wake up.
He didn't like thinking how close he could have come to losing his brother.
He watched the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest and the peaceful expression on his pale face, his bangs hung over his eyes, standing out starkly against his skin.
Things were going to be different from now on, when Sam got out of here. He'd get better. They'd be better.
Suddenly he felt something touch his hand from its place resting on the side of the bed and he looked up in surprise to see Sam blinking blearily at him.
"Sam, you're awake." He said and he saw the trace of a smile as Sam swallowed with difficulty.
"Nice…observation." He croaked out and Dean grinned.
"Well it's about time, I've been watching you sleep for hours and to be honest it's getting pretty boring Samantha." Dean said and Sam smiled, blinking heavily.
"How're you feeling?" Dean asked. Sam paused almost as if mentally checking everything was okay.
"Tired, but better." He said truthfully.
"Good." Dean said feeling relieved.
"Dean?" Sam asked softly, voice barely audible.
"Yeah."
"About what I said earlier…I…I was pretty doped up but…I meant it." Sam said croakily and Dean swallowed hard, a painful lump forming in his throat as he looked over at his brother who was obviously fighting hard to stay awake.
"I meant it too." Dean said quietly and Sam smiled rather lopsidedly.
"Which part? Me being a walking chick-flick moment?" Sam said causing Dean to grin despite himself.
"Yeah that part too Samantha."
"Jerk."
"Bitch." Dean replied in usual routine as he watched his brother blink heavily, eyelids drooping.
"Sleep Sam." He said softly and Sam obeyed, eyes closing and breath evening out as he fell into sleep. Dean watched, studying his brother's impassive face.
Things were going to be okay.