Joe was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the minute.
It wasn't the low key throbbing in his leg, propped up on a pillow as he sprawled on Phyllis' sofa, where he'd been parked for the better part of a week, that was the source. Or the growing realization that he'd need the loo soon and the stairs were a nightmare on the crutches. Or the extraordinarily mediocre frozen pizza he'd heated up for lunch.
It wasn't even the rather nasty and insinuating voice mails Sarah O'Brien kept leaving on his phone.
No…it was the fact that Phyllis' brother, Gaz, was still hanging about the place and she was getting right fed up with him. So was Joe, to be honest. And the whole situation had come to a head right there in the front room.
He cringed and squirmed as Phyllis berated her baby brother in a raspy bellow that sounded equally sexy and alarming by turns. Gaz apparently knew better than to try to defend himself under these circumstances. He sat in the recliner with a beer in one hand and a pout on his face, but saying nothing in response to his sister's accusations of dishonesty. After pounding half of the bottle at once when Phyllis stopped for a breath, he found enough dutch courage to speak up.
"I wasn't really lying, Phyl. I never said I hadn't been made redundant!" he protested.
"It's a lie by omission, you gormless pancake! Sitting around on your arse telling me you had 'time off' whenever I'd ask you when you had to get back to work—"
Joe snickered quietly at gormless pancake but otherwise wisely decided to stay the hell out of this conversation. Gaz whipped a quick glare at him.
"I do have time-off. All the bloody time-off in the world…"
"Well, you're not gonna spend it lurking about in my house, drinking my beer, and complaining about my boyfriend!"
"Hang on," Joe chimed in, eyes widening in surprise. "What's all that?"
"I bought a whole case of lager," Gaz protested feebly, glancing nervously at Joe. "And all I wanted to know was when he'd be off the sofa so I could watch a little footie…"
"Out!" ordered Phyllis, glaring at Gaz as if he was a particularly loathsome specimen of insect. "Bugger back off to Mum's and let her deal with your feckless bullshit!"
"That's cruel, Phyl," he whinged. "Mum never buys those toaster tarts that I like."
Joe rolled his eyes and stole a glance at Phyllis. Her eyes narrowed malevolently at her brother and she straightened up to her full height and pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket, flourishing it at her bother menacingly. She looked magnificent.
"What are you doing, Phyl?" Gaz asked with a hint of fear in his voice.
She continued to glare at him without responding and scrolled until the desired number came up.
"What are you…? Oh no! Don't do it, Phyl!"
With a cruel smile, she stabbed the smartphone surface. The burr of the ring was audible through the suddenly silent front room.
"I'm your brother, Phyl! Your baby brother….!"
Joe found himself leaning forward breathlessly, waiting for whomever Phyllis was calling to pick-up and wondering if Gaz was going to break down in tears. This was infinitely better than daytime talk shows, even if he did feel like he was intruding on a family moment.
"Hello?" the familiar voice echoed from the phone in Phyllis' hand. Gaz dropped his head into his hands, narrowly avoiding spilling what was left of his beer.
"Hello, Mum," Phyllis answered brightly, putting her phone on speaker. "You know Gaz?"
"I gave birth to the bloody moose," her mother replied dryly, "so I should think I know him."
"Well, you sent him over to check up on me, and now the little shit won't leave."
"I was gonna start packing up tonight!" Gaz shouted weakly.
"What? He's been there five days? What about his job?"
"Oh…so you didn't know," Phyllis replied, shooting her brother a triumphant glare.
"Know wha… Bloody hell! Was he made redundant again?!"
"Of course he was. Not that he bothered to tell me that…"
There was a moment of tense silence. Joe held his breath.
"Put Gary Everton Baxter Jr. on the line, Phyllis," her mother said grimly.
"Oh God!" Gaz moaned. "She's furious."
"Your middle name is Everton?" Joe asked incredulously.
"Who's that?" Phyllis' mother asked.
"It's just Joe," Phyllis said, as she threw her phone at her brother. She gave Joe a side eyed glare.
Gaz fumbled the phone for a moment, then gripped it securely and took it off of speaker. "You ought to know, Mum," he began in a confident tone, "that Phyllis has had that bloke move in with her."
Joe looked anxiously at Phyllis who just rolled her eyes and shook her head dismissively. If Gaz had hoped to deflect some of his mother's wrath by his statement, it failed miserably. The blistering response that he should mind his own bloody business could be heard across the room in spite of the fact that the phone was no longer on speaker. In fact, both sides of the conversation were mostly audible the entire time, although Gaz didn't actually get a word in edgewise through most of it.
Phyllis sat on the arm of the sofa and gently ran her fingers through Joe's hair and down his neck as they listened to Gaz's bollocking. He smiled up at her and was relieved to receive a smile in return.
"Am I in the way?" he whispered. "I mean, camped out on the sofa like this all day?"
"Only to Gaz, and I don't give a bloody toss about him," she replied. "I rather like you all camped out on my sofa."
"I like being camped out in your bed better. Pity we couldn't shift the telly up there."
"I don't want you distracted when you're camped out in my bed," she said with a grin that made Joe look miserably at his injured leg.
After repeating "Yes, Mum" approximately forty times, Gaz finally rang off and glared at Phyllis when he tossed the phone back to her.
"Bloody snitch," he hissed.
Phyllis curled her lip dismissively and brought the phone up to her ear. "Still there, Mum?"
Joe could hear her mother's response from three feet away.
"What's this about Joe? You said he'd hurt himself?"
"Bunged up his leg, Mum. I told you that," she answered, smiling at Joe.
"Yeah, but you didn't say it was so bad that he had to stay with you. Is he going to be alright?"
"He should be. Just a bunch of stitches and tottering around on crutches for two weeks. I didn't want him to get hurt any worse than he already is, so I'm keeping an eye on him."
"It's not just her eye she's keeping on him!" Gaz shouted as he stomped out of the front room.
Phyllis heaved a sofa pillow after him.
"So, I guess the Sex Machine has a bit of a knock in his engine…"
Joe flushed a bright red and pulled a cushion over his head.
"Mum!"
"Good on you for taking care of him….especially as he can't take care of you at the moment," her mother replied insinuatingly.
"He can hear you, you know," Phyllis grumped. "And what makes you think he can't take care of me?"
Joe's groan was audible over the phone through the cushion.
"Hah! So you have been—"
"Discussion is over, Mum. Gaz will be along to your flat tonight. Goodbye."
Phyllis disconnected with a flourish, then pried the cushion off of Joe's face and out of his hands.
"Come out of there," she ordered.
"Does your Mum think I'm constantly trying to get into your knickers?" he asked, not meeting her eyes.
"Aren't you?"
"Well, yeah. Of course. But I enjoy doing other things with you as well. I'd spend every minute with you if I could."
"That was a very good answer," Phyllis said with a smile as she leaned down to kiss him gently.
Joe brought his hand up to her cheek and kissed her back. He was about to tug her down off the arm of the sofa when they were both startled by the sound of Gaz's duffle bag being kicked down the stairs.
"Bloody hell…it's like he's been eleven forever," Phyllis muttered, resting her forehead on Joe's before straightening up. "I love him, but I can't wait to see the back of him."
Joe just nodded, certain that if he opened his mouth about Gaz, he'd say something that would get on the wrong side of Phyllis. And after watching her slice her brother into tiny pieces using only her voice, he most certainly did not want to get on the wrong side of Phyllis today.
"Do you need any money for petrol, Gaz?" she asked him as he sloped down the stairs with a scowl.
"Yeah. Ta for that," he muttered, not looking at her.
As Phyllis went off for her wallet, Gaz turned to stare at Joe.
"If you weren't in the picture, Phyl would have put up with me longer," he informed Joe with resigned disgruntlement.
Joe tamped down the sudden urge to apologize and tried not to show how annoyed he was. Apparently, he was less than successful, because Gaz grinned.
"S'alright, Mate. Phyl would rather put up with you than with me any day of the week…"
"Here you go, Gazzer," Phyllis said as she walked over to the entryway, holding out a handful of notes.
"You're the best, love. Really," her brother said, his good humor restored somewhat by Joe's scowl.
"Yeah..yeah," she replied dismissively. "I put a little extra in there for a sandwich or something…"
Joe watched as Phyllis hugged her brother and sent him on his way with multiple admonishments to find a job he could keep. When the door closed behind him, she sighed heavily.
"Are you sure you want to move in with me?" she asked.
"What?! Of course I…why are you asking?" he blurted, his voice going up an octave.
Phyllis laughed and came over to sit next to him. "You'll have to put up with Mum making rude comments and Gaz dropping by for extended visits…that's why."
"I thought you'd gone off me for a second there," he replied with a nervous laugh.
"Not a chance," she assured him. Then she looked at him thoughtfully. "Although, as far as it goes, you've already moved in…so as long as the insanity that follows me around doesn't put you off…"
"Well…" he said, pretending to think about it, "under ordinary circumstances, Gaz might be a deal breaker…"
Phyllis laughed and swatted him on the chest. Joe grabbed her hand and pulled her down to lie next to him, shifting his leg carefully back.
"But there's nothing at all ordinary about any of this," he continued, running the back of his fingers down her cheek.
"Why not?" she asked, drawing in a breath as his fingers continued down her neck.
"Because I love you," he replied, following his fingers with his eyes.
"I know that," she said with a laugh. His eyes snapped back up to her face. "You told me while you were getting your leg sewn up.
"I did?" His face fell and he looked at the sofa pattern with an irritated expression.
"What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly anxious.
"I was just hoping to be cognizant when I said it, that's all," he muttered. "And I've been waiting five days for your idiot brother to sod off so I could…" He looked up into her amused eyes and grimaced. "I can't seem to get this sort of thing."
"I'd say you got it just fine. Between you talking nonstop about my breasts and telling me you loved me, I got the gist of your feelings pretty well."
"I talked about your breasts? At the hospital?"
"Nonstop."
"Well," he said, shifting his hand from her neck slowly down her chest, "there's a lot of ground to cover…."
She pressed against him more firmly as he cupped her breast and slid her tongue along his lower lip as she kissed him. He reached around with his other arm and tried to roll her on top of him, stoping suddenly with a hiss of pain as his bandaged leg dropped off the pillow it was propped on and banged into her shin.
"Bloody…stupid…ow!" After a brief scramble, Phyllis backed away to the edge of the sofa, giving him more space. "God…I'm sorry for this."
"It's a bloody good thing I love you too, or I don't know how much longer I'd put up with this nonsense."
They stared at each other silently, both savoring the moment between them.
"I should get busy," Joe said suddenly. "I've got to sell my house, get to clinic for my follow-up, change my next-of-kin paperwork, e-mail Sarah O'Brien and tell her to fuck off in a way that won't threaten my further employment…"
Phyllis watched with a smile as he ticked off each item on his fingers and looked at her with mock seriousness. "Anything else?" she asked when he paused.
"I'm going to need to use the loo in a few minutes."
Phyllis reached for him as there was a loud banging on the door. Joe looked at her in amazed consternation as her brother's shouting on the porch could be heard through the neighborhood.
"Phyllis! Hey, Phyl! C'mon…let me in!"
"Please don't answer that," Joe pleaded.
"I know you're in there! C'mon, Phyl! Joe! I drove all the way back because I forgot my bloody shirt!"
"You've got to be joking me," Phyllis muttered.
"He's not getting the shirt," Joe said firmly.
"PHYYYYYLIIIIIISSS….!
A/N: Well, there's another notch in my completed multi chapter belt! Hope you enjoyed them!