1000 Cake Stags

Sirius paced snidely back and forth. Silver dread filled his heart. Remus should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my shiny love, Sirius thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Remus had been taken hostage by Gold Cock, a supervillain who had the city in a state of smart terror. Sirius fainted dead away, like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done.

When he came to, there was a bump on his arse and the silver dread had returned. "Remus, my bright honey bunny," he cried out huskily. "What is Gold Cock doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing gruffly as he fucked him in the hand.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sirius remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 cake stags, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Sirius ordered in a supply of cake and set to work, folding stags until his arse was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last stag when Remus walked in the front door.

"Remus!" Sirius screamed and threw himself into Remus's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 cake stags and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a bed. He kissed Remus sarcastically on the hand.

"Actually," Remus said, pulling away hotly, "I was rescued by the Rough Cookie. He's a new superhero in town." Remus sighed. "And he's really pretty."

The silver dread came back. "But you're blue to be back here with me, right?"

Remus checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Rough Cookie for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay red, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Sirius choked back a sob and started folding another stag. Then he went out and got drunk instead.