Chapter Five: She'll Chew You Up
She's deadly man/And she could really rip your world apart
"Maneater" - by Hall and Oates
As Raj predicted Penny was not the only Madonna attending 80's Night, but she was by far the prettiest. Downing the last of his beer, he had the courage to tell her so.
"You're the prettiest Madonna here; just like I knew you would be."
Penny couldn't help but beam as he told her how pretty he thought she was, but that wasn't the reason she was smiling so brightly. Sure, a few years back that would have been the reason, but not anymore. She was smiling from ear to ear because hearing the astrophysicist's distinct accent directed toward her was so rare. It was almost like him actually talking to her was confirmation of their friendship. Over the years she came to understand his social anxiety, but she figured – after what – five years, he'd be able to talk to her without an ounce of alcohol, wouldn't he? She was one of the guys, wasn't she?
He couldn't help but notice the furrow of her pretty brow. "Are you okay, Penny?"
Waving her hand in dismissal, she nodded. "Psh, yeah, I'm okay. I was just – you know – usin' the ol' noggin. Despite what Sheldon thinks, I do think. I just leave the big stuff to you smarty pantses."
When she winked, his heart skipped a beat and he once again had to remind himself that this wasn't a date; at least not in the conventional sense that he longed it to be. All this was, was a way to help her get back together with his friend. Or as of right now, ex friend, was probably a more appropriate way to qualify Leonard.
The look of betrayal in his eyes from that Monday in the hallway still haunted Raj. That look stung him deeply. He could tell himself over and over that he was doing this – being with Penny – for Leonard, but he knew he wasn't. He was being a selfish bastard and an even worse friend.
"Oh, no." Penny gasped from beside him, her hand darting out to grip his forearm so he would stop walking into the theatre.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, confused as to why she stopped him from walking.
"Uh, yeah something's wrong!" Her index finger poked him harshly in the chest, which made him wince, even though he tried not to. "You're getting all sad puppy face on me, that's what's wrong! And since you're getting all sad puppy face that means you're thinking of backing out on the plan, and you can't do that! Not when it's working so good! Leonard is soooo jealous! I mean did you see his face on Monday night when he found out we were coming here? That," She proclaimed, voice brimming with confidence. "Was his jealous face. And yeah, I get why you're having second thoughts and all, he's your friend and you don't want to hurt him, but see that's the beauty of the plan, you're not actually hurting him because this – you and me – isn't real! So there's no reason for you to back out, right?"
Her pretty features were so earnest and so innocent, her doe eyes staring straight into his, silently daring him to disagree, and oh did he want to. He wanted to tell her that, yes this was hurting Leonard and as far as the experimental physicist was concerned everything he saw and heard was real, but he couldn't muster a single sound.
The way she was looking at him and how she was anxiously bouncing on the balls of her feet while biting on the plumpness of her raspberry lips, made him swallow his protests. She was steady on her feet once again and had released the flesh of her lip, and suddenly she was invading his space.
His nervous bladder was flaring, his mind going a million different ways, wondering just what she was about to do.
Then it happened, her raspberry lips made contact with the skin of his cheek. He could feel the slight pressure they applied just like he could smell her fragrance of nectarines and wild flowers. And when his eyes fluttered as he readied to savor the moment, the pressure was gone as if a butterfly's wings had danced across his skin and not her enticing lips.
Her small, delicately curved hand reached for his and her fingers sunk in between the grooves of his own, and hand in hand they walked into the theatre; his silence once again, sealing his fate.
Back in Penny's apartment, Bernadette was attempting to explain to Amy what she believed was really going on between their friend and Raj.
"I believe by your constant use of the word "plan," Penny has concocted a ruse to use Rajesh as a way to make Leonard jealous, and therefore become the object of his affection again, is that correct?" Amy peered curiously at Bernadette over her wire-rim glasses.
"Yes, that is correct." Bernadette assured, silently thankful that she wouldn't have to hear any of the brunette's off the wall theories that were slightly disturbing.
"Hmmm," Amy pondered. "This ruse of Penny's that you speak of reminds me of the madcap schemes one would find in the films known as romantic comedies. And in such films, the stunningly beautiful heroine, which in this scenario would be Penny, usually finds herself relying on her girlfriends to help perpetrate her scheme, and as her friends I believe it is our duty – mine especially since I am her Bestie – to do just that."
"Um, okay." The tiny strawberry blonde's squeaky voice was hesitant. "What exactly does that mean?"
"Get Penny's laptop so I can update my facebook. If I remember correctly, Sheldon has changed the WiFi password to Penny-Is-A-Freeloader-Who-Eats-All-Our-Food without any spaces, of course. Once I have the laptop, I shall post anecdotes about her evening with Rajesh that will surely have Leonard facing the green eyed monster, which is a common euphemism for jealousy."
After ferreting through piles of dirty clothes strewn on almost every flat surface in the apartment, a mountain of stuffed animals on the bed and stacks of dirty dishes (that weren't in the sink), the microbiologist finally found her friend's hot pink laptop. Handing it to the neurobiology, she typed in the password and they were online and ready to help their friend with her ruse.
On a dime, as they say, the atmosphere at The Greek changed as Hall and Oates segued from their hit "Private Eyes" to the last song of their set and the night, "Sara Smile." Suddenly the loud off-key singing that had filled the theatre was gone, replaced by the whispers of couples pairing off so they could dance and the soft giggles of single women who were approached by single men.
Not surprisingly Penny was approached, but to Raj's internal delight, turned down all the offers to dance. "Sorry," She explained, warm smile crossing her raspberry lips. "I'm here with a date, and I'm gonna dance with him."
Before he realized what was happening, she was right in front of him and her small hands were curving to the blades of his shoulders. Her chocolate eyes were hidden behind the thick fans of her velvet lashes and she giggled, shaking her head as she remarked, "Come on, Raj, I know you know how to slow dance."
He felt the urge to run in the other direction so he could relieve himself, his damned nervous bladder flaring once again, but he swallowed thickly and with shaking hands, gently gripped her hips.
"See," She teased, smile bright as she pressed herself closer, making him hold back the groan that rose in his throat. "It's not so hard. Now just sway back and forth, prom style."
Her pretty brow furrowed, her lips pursing adorably as she cocked her head. "Do they even have proms in India?"
"Not really." He answered through the large lump that had suddenly developed in his throat.
"Yeah, well, don't feel bad or anything. It's not like you missed out on much. All of my prom dates ended up completely wasted and trying to take off my dress in the hay loft of the barn..." She paused, appearing lost in thought. "Or maybe it was the cornfield a few miles away from the high school? Nah, it was definitely the bleachers behind the football field. Yeah, that's where they tried to take off my dress. Jerkoffs."
He laughed stiffly, unsure of what exactly his response should be. Halfway through the song, he realized just how close their bodies were; he could feel the weight of her breasts against his chest, her hips right in line with his own and her soft, warm breath against the column of his neck. When, he didn't know, but at some point her head had become tucked under his chin, and he swallowed thickly, reminding himself to continue to sway and not just stand there like a statue.
The final notes of the song hung in the air, and as if she were moving in slow motion she pulled back, smiling warmly. "I had a good time."
"Me too." He nodded enthusiastically, making her giggle.
Sheldon looked around the living room, tisking and shaking his head as he muttered, "No, no, no this will not do at all. The numbers for Halo Night are uneven. I knew that Penny was trouble from the moment she moved in. Just look at what she's done; coming over here to eat our food, using our WiFi and now she's ruined Halo Night. That hussy!"
The rigid theoretical physicist's muttering didn't register with Leonard and Howard; they were too busy check and re-checking Amy's facebook page for any updates regarding what exactly was happening between Penny and Raj at 80's Night.
"Oh, God." Howard muttered reading Amy's latest update.
"What?" Leonard was on the verge of a panic attack. "What's it say? What?"
"My Bestie is fond of the way her male companion for the evening moves with her." Both the experimental physicist and the engineer read at the same time, jaws dropping.
"What in the world are you two doing?" Sheldon questioned, eyes narrowed dangerously. "How can you be consumed with Amy's idle womanly jibber-jaber on her facebook page when Halo Night is ruined? Ruined, do you hear me? Ruined!"
"Shut up, Sheldon." They both hissed, eyes still focused on the laptop's screen in front of them.
Another update popped up and this one said, "My Bestie is inviting her male companion up to her apartment for a late night cocktail. I must sign off so I can do my duty as her BFF and set the "mood" as the ambiguous they always say."
"Set the..." Leonard sputtered, running his fingers through his hair as he began pacing the apartment. "Sheldon, you need to go over there and get your woman in line!"
"Get my woman in line?" Sheldon questioned, arching a brow. "Oh, I don't think so. This, I believe, Penny inviting Raj to her apartment to enjoy a beverage is perfect vengeance since you seemed to have forgotten the importance of Halo Night. So, no, I will not be getting my woman in line. By the way, for future reference, I feel as though I should inform you that there is no clause in my relationship agreement with Amy Farrah Fowler that states it is my duty as her boyfriend to quote get her in line unquote."
Just before Sheldon turned on his heel, he let out his standard evil villain laugh "Maw-ha-ha," and then retreated to his bedroom, leaving Leonard and Howard in the living room.