Disclaimer: I own NOTHING except my OC. Credit goes to the respective owners.

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A/N: Reedited 11/17/17

Once again errors are fixed.

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Chapter VI: Terrible Reality

"I'm afraid to lose someone, more than the pain of being alone, more than anything..."

- Yuka Azumi (Gakuen Alice)-

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"Kaneki, you're..." Hide trailed off, his eyes wandering elsewhere as if deep in thought. I looked away from the textbook I was reviewing and eyed Hide warily. There he goes again with those suspicious questions of his.

It was a typical sunny day and all three of us were busy just hanging out somewhere in the university campus. Well, make it Hide and Kaneki hanging out, since I had a lot of catching up to do before the midterms.

"Hm?" Kaneki looked at Hide worriedly as well before we saw him smile as if he had actually found the word he was going to say.

"You're starting to look a lot better lately!" He said and I sighed inwardly in relief. Thank goodness I didn't have to lie to him... but Hide is right though, I'm not sure if it is because of the sugar cubes but... it is a relief to know that Kaneki is looking okay.

"At least you don't look like a lifeless zombie anymore," Hide pointed and I giggle when I see Kaneki frown. Lifeless zombie, huh.

"How's your job doing though? Seeing as you have a mother hen who wouldn't stop hovering over you every now and then," Hide asked before his eyes trailed to me followed by a smirk.

"I-I am starting to get used to-,"

"Who are you calling a mother hen?! I'm just concerned for him, is that wrong?" I huffed and Hide chuckled. Ugh, he always knows when to drive me up the wall!

"Glad to know some things never change. But to be honest, you have to stop mothering him, Ayame. If you go on like that, he'll become more dependent on you. A chick's got to learn to be able to fly on their own too, you know."

"A chick?" Kaneki sweat-dropped at Hide's description of our situation but I, on the other hand, frowned.

Mothering him? Have I really been that way towards him? How is it wrong to be concerned for him? He's still trying to adjust being a ghoul so he needs some moral support every now and then. How is that even considered mothering?

"Umm...Nagachika-kun?" Before I could make a comeback to defend myself, a foreign voice suddenly intruded our group and all of us turned to see a woman looking at us cautiously. Wait... this woman-

"You're Nishio-senpai's... girlfriend, right?" Hide asked before she rummaged for something in her bag and took out the CD.

"This is from Nishiki-kun..." She replied as she handed the disk to Hide. Why on earth is she here? Does she know and is now making a plot to trap us? Did he put her up to it to make it less obvious he wants revenge? So many questions piled up in my mind as I watched Hide nod in thanks and the girl turned to walk away.

"Umm... where is Nishio-san hospitalized? Is it okay to visit him to see how he's doing?" I heard Hide call out but the girl didn't reply and instead walked quickly away from us.

"Ehh? Did I say something wrong?" Hide wondered and my brows creased with worry.

It's quite obvious that Nishio isn't in the hospital. That story was just to conceal from Hide what really happened that day. The question I would like to ask is about his girlfriend. Why did she hand the disk to us? Wouldn't it be obvious that after what he did, he'd try to avoid us from now on? Is he using her to investigate us? Does that girl even know Nishio is a ghoul? Unless she's...

"What's wrong you guys?" I snapped back to reality when I heard Hide's voice and I turned to see that Kaneki too looked surprised as if he'd been snapped out from thinking. Were we both thinking the same thing just now?

"Sorry, what?" I asked Hide again and he sighed in worry.

"You guys were just ignoring me! You even had angry looks in your eyes. Is there something wrong that I should know about?" Hide frowned and I quickly panicked inwardly to myself at his question.

Were we really that obvious?

"Eh, were we really making that face?" Kaneki laughed before his eyes widened when he saw the time on his watch.

"Is break finally over!?" He added in surprised as he quickly got up to get his coat.

"What? You have work today?" Hide laughed and I sigh in relief that, unintentionally, Kaneki had just saved us from Hide's prying.

"Yeah I do. I'll be going now!" Kaneki apologized as he packed up his things and waved us a quick good bye.

"What? Not following him this time," Hide wondered when he saw me wave a good bye as well. I frowned at his question and sighed.

"No, not this time."

"What's this? Did you finally admit that you've been mothering Kaneki?" Hide chuckled and I smacked him lightly on the head.

"Idiot! Since when do I even mother him? Is it wrong to be concerned as a friend?" I retorted and I saw Hide frown as he played with the straw of his drink.

"It's not wrong, even I get concerned from time to time when it concerns both of you. I'm just worried that mothering him too much will make him dependent on you. I don't know why but right now... I think that's a bad idea," Hide explained and my brow arched in curiosity at what he said.

"I understand being too dependent on someone can sometimes be bad but what I'm doing isn't really that bad to make him too dependent on me. There are times he can actually be capable by himself without me around," I defended to which Hide sighed.

"That's not what I meant... I understand you need to learn to depend on others but Kaneki shouldn't always depend on you. That's what I'm trying to say," Hide explained and I felt a vein pop at what he just said. Why can't Kaneki always depend on me? Is he trying to say that I'm not that capable of helping him?

"As if you have what it takes to be a dependable friend?" I argued, my voice nearly a growl at Hide's words. Is he really trying to pick a fight with me right now?!

"Stop getting so worked up about it, Ayame. What I mean is that Kaneki can't rely on the two of us all the time from now on. I don't know why but... that's just how I see it. It's like he's gone off somewhere where we can't follow... and it scares me because it makes me start to question if maybe a time will come where he won't need us anymore," Hide gripped his cup tightly, hurt clearly evident on his face from my words, and that's when his words finally sunk in to me.

"What are you talking about Hide? What makes you say that that could happen? Kaneki isn't the type to abandon us!" I defended. That's right, even if he walks a different path from us right now, it doesn't mean he'll leave us. How could Hide even think of that?

"Ayame please answer me honestly..." Hide whispered and I gave him a worried expression when his face darkened. His eyes looked conflicted as he tried to find the right words to ask me.

This Hide is different. It's rare for me to see him so serious right now. Usually he'd suddenly make a joke to ruin the tension but this time it's different and it frightened me.

"By any chance...Do you know that Kaneki is now a ghoul?" He asked and I felt my blood turn cold at his question. How did he even come to that conclusion? Did Kaneki finally decide to tell him? No, that's impossible! Kaneki would never risk Hide's life just to reveal his secret...

How much does Hide know about all of this?

"Idiot! How could you say that? We've grown up with Kaneki since we were kids. He eats the same food we eat. Remember, ghouls hate human food but you could see the joyful look of Kaneki when he eats burgers. How could he possibly be one?" I tried to run damage control by pointing out the obvious fact. How long has he known about all this? Was he really awake that time when Nishio attacked us? Did he overhear everything?

"Stop lying, Ayame. I may act like an idiot sometimes but both you and Kaneki are like an open book. There's nothing you can hide from me," he pointed out and I could only look down and try to calm my erratically beating heart. Maybe I should have just tagged along with Kaneki. That way, it'd have been much easier living with the idea that Hide had known nothing about all this.

"How long have you known?" I whisper, finally deciding to consent to his question.

No use denying it now. The mere fact he questioned me of Kaneki's true nature was proof he knew something. When Hide asks questions, he always had proof to back it up. So even if I did deny it, he'd always find a way to prove it wrong.

I could see him sigh as he scratched the back of his head, a small smile appeared on his lips as he chuckled. "I had my doubts. I didn't want to believe it at first but when I overheard him talking about it with the cafe's manager... well I managed to piece everything together. In fact, I'm starting to think that everyone in Anteiku might actually be ghouls."

I could only stare at him guiltily when he finished his observation. Did he feel betrayed that he was the last to know? Kaneki and Hide had known each other much longer before I came along. Did he feel upset that between us, Kaneki had chosen to confide in me rather than him?

"If it helps... I found out about it by accident too. Had I not visited him that day then maybe even I wouldn't have known... I'm sorry for hiding it, Hide. Kaneki begged me not to say anything about what happened between him and Rize." I apologized while gripping my drink tightly.

This was why it was so hard to lie to your own best friend. When they find out the truth without you telling them you begin to feel guilty. Even if he denied the fact that he was angry, deep inside, I will never be able to erase the fact that I lied to him. Not only that but I also broke my promise with Kaneki by telling Hide.

"I'm sorry..." I felt tears roll down my face. I tried my best to rub it but no matter how hard I try the tears just won't seem to stop.

"Haha, look at me... I'm such a mess," I laugh bitterly to myself, tears still streaming down my face. Something soft rubbed itself on my face and I flinched in surprise when I saw Hide wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his jacket. He had that gentle look on his face that it made me look away. I didn't deserve it...

"Now, don't act like some shoujo manga girl and think to yourself that this is all your fault and that I should be hating you. It doesn't suit you since you're an ape woman and all," he joked and I frowned.

"How could you be joking like nothing is wrong? Aren't you mad at what I did? Keeping this from you, our own best friend of all people! How could you say that you wouldn't hate me? I failed as a friend!" I shouted but it wasn't directed at Hide... it was directed at my pitiful self.

"Let's say we switched places, would you hate me for not telling you?"

"What are you talking about!? Of course I wouldn't-"

"Well there you go, Ayame! That's the answer. How could I possibly hate you for that? Weren't you doing it to protect me? If that's the case then why should I be mad? So stop pinning the blame on yourself. The mistakes of this world are not yours alone. It'd be more upsetting for me if you carried this weight like some martyr. Isn't that what friends are for? To help each other?" Hide grinned and I felt more tears well up my eyes as a small smile crept its way up my lips.

"Stupid Hide! Stop acting like a shoujo manga boy and acting like a hero!" I cried as I tried to wipe the tears off my face.

"Shoujo manga boy?! Who was the one who started crying in the first place?" Hide pointed and I couldn't help but smile at his reaction.

"I can understand the dangers of knowing the secret of the ghoul world. That's why Kaneki won't say anything to me. I'm just glad to know that even if all I can do is watch, at least you're there to help him, Ayame."

"What are you talking about, Hide? He has both of us remember? Just because you're supposed to not know anything doesn't mean you can only watch! A real friend will do what they can for their own friends," I reminded him after I managed to wipe my tears away. I could see him smile faintly before he scratched the back of his head as he stood up.

"Man! This was supposed to be a normal conversation and look where it went… I can't stand all this sappy drama." He sighed but I could see his eyes glimmer with what looked like determination as he got up from his seat. The promise I once made resurfaced from my mind as a smile of assurance crept up my lips.

"I promised that I'd do whatever it takes to keep Kaneki from being lonely. Looks like that promise doesn't apply to just him now," I murmur more to myself. I could hear Hide calling for my name and I look up with more determination than ever as I run to his side.

"Geez! What took you so long? I could have sworn you looked like you were dazed or something. What? Did my good looks finally reach you? Sorry, but I don't date brute women," Hide joked and I felt a vein pop and tried to swing at him. Just when he was about to get ready for the blow, I stopped halfway and lightly tapped him on the head.

"Really, Hide. Do you ever get tired of teasing me? Well, no matter… It never gets old anyway." I grin and he returns the gesture as well with a smile of his own. That's right, in this messed up world where anything unpredictable can happen-

It'd be nice if something like this could last forever.

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"Well, see you tomorrow!" I wave good bye before Hide and I parted ways. I looked to my watch to see that it was almost quarter to five which made me wonder if I'll ever make it home before night time comes.

"Ayame-san?!" A familiar voice called out and I looked up to find Kaneki leaning by a wall. The conversation with Hide quickly resurfaced in my mind as I mustered a light smile and walked to him.

-A Few Hours Ago-

"What do you mean I can't tell him that you know?" I said in surprise as we entered a nearby restaurant to have our lunch. I could see Hide frown at my question as he leaned back on his chair and sighed.

"From what you've just said. Kaneki was supposed to tell me himself if he ever got the chance, remember? "

"Yeah, but you know as well as I do that that isn't going to happen! This is Kaneki we're talking about or have you forgotten? " I retorted. Why does it have to be like this? Wouldn't it be much easier on all three of us if Kaneki knew? The thought of having to lie to Kaneki too made me cringe as I stabbed angrily at my food.

"It's not like anyone's going to find out… It'd be easier for Kaneki too if he knew you knew. He wouldn't have to force himself just to blend in."

"Remember, Kaneki is different from us now. Meaning that he has to get used to how ghouls live too. He's risking his life out there just by staying in Anteiku and catering to both humans and ghouls. This is why I said you're mothering him too much. It scares me to think that someday he might go away but as a friend… I also have to stop spoiling him. The mere fact that that he still comes to school and talks to me is enough to assure me that that has yet to happen."

"But Hide…" I tried to reason but stopped halfway when I saw the serious look on his face.

"I know you mean well but you have understand that knowing a ghoul's secret is dangerous. Touka herself already proved it by what you told me. I can already deduce that the reason why only few people know of it is because only few of them live to tell the tale. Even if some ghouls have already accepted you, it doesn't necessarily mean that all their kind would too. Kaneki probably already has his hands full watching out for you, adding me to the mix will just make it worse. As his friends, keeping this to ourselves is the least we can do for him."

"But don't you want to go back? To those happy times too? Back when we could act normally without keeping any secrets…" I trail off, my eyes watching the window where I saw a groups of friends pass by having fun. Hide follows my gaze and I could see his reflection smile like he's reminiscing those days as well.

"Believe me, I want it as bad as you do but there's nothing we can do. If we want what's best for him… this is the only way," he replies with finality and I watch the traffic light turn red before I close my eyes and nod.

-End-

"What are you doing here, Kaneki?" I asked and he quickly looked down, trying to avoid my gaze.

"Well, I'm just hanging out here, is it wrong?" He asked as he finally looked up, his hands cupping his chin as he did his best to look me in the eye.

I frowned at his answer and quickly walked to him and leaned by the wall. I've had it with the secrets! If I can't say anything to either of them about the truth then can I at least be entitled to what they're up to?

"I'm so tired of all of this Kaneki. So you better tell me what you're up to or I'm not going to leave," I say with finality and before he could answer me, a black car parks in front of us and a tall man with silver hair and dressed in a long overcoat exits it and looks at us.

His cold eyes land on me for a moment before he turns to Kaneki as if expecting something. Who is this man? By the looks of it, he means no harm but for Kaneki to meet a stranger like him out of the blue… don't tell me he's a ghoul too?

"Um… are you Yomo-san? I'm Kaneki Ken, Touka-chan's replacement…"

"I've already heard about it. Hurry up and get in," he only says and I can see Kaneki laugh nervously as he nods and begins to walk to the car.

"Wait!" I say and grab him by the shirt stopping him in his tracks and causing the silver-haired man's eyes to dart to me. I coughed nervously as I try my best not to shiver under his stare.

"Where do you think you're going? Leaving with some guy without telling me what's up?" I ask worriedly but before I could hear a reply from Kaneki, I see the man named Yomo loom over us as he rests a shoulder on Kaneki.

"Get in the car," his words cut like a knife and I could feel the weight in them as I helplessly watch Kaneki get into the car. I could see him pass me a guilty look that meant he was sorry as Yomo followed behind.

"Know your place… if you know what is good for you," I thought I heard Yomo say before he got in the car and they both sped off.

"I know you mean well but you have understand that knowing a ghoul's secret is dangerous. Touka herself already proved it by what you told me. I can already deduce that the reason why only few people know of it is because only few of them live to tell the tale. Even if some ghouls have already accepted you, doesn't necessarily mean that all their kind would too. Kaneki probably already has his hands full watching out for you, adding me to the mix will just make it worse. As his friends, keeping this to ourselves is the least we can do for him." I remembered Hide's words from back then and I couldn't help but clench my fist in frustration at the thought. I know it's dangerous and I know that not every ghoul would agree to accept me but I find it unfair that just because that's the case means that I can no longer hang out with my friend like old times.

"That's just wrong!" I say to no one in particular as I turn and make my way back to my home.

"Stop getting so worked up about it, Ayame. What I mean is that Kaneki can't rely on the two of us all the time from now on. I don't know why but... that's just how I see it. It's like he's gone off somewhere where we can't follow... and it scares me because it makes me start to question if maybe a time will come where he won't need us anymore."

Could Hide's words finally be coming true? The way I see it, the closer Kaneki comes to learning about his other half, the more he gets farther away from us. Could this event right now be proof that sooner or later he'd leave us? That he'd embrace his ghoul side completely and go off somewhere where we can't follow?

"I don't want that… tell me that's not true…" I mutter weakly as I lean my head on the door to my house. I quickly turn and lean my back on the door as I slid to the floor and my eyes drifted to night sky.

Having been with them for so long… never straying too far from each other, I didn't think that this day would actually happen. A day where I'll wake up in the morning and finally realize that nothing will ever be the same…

"Hide makes it sound so easy that none of this was my fault… Wasn't the whole cause of this mess all because I tried to help Kaneki get together with Rize? If only I had known she was a ghoul then maybe I wouldn't be sulking here wondering if one of my best friends will one day leave me." I sigh as I wrap my arm around my pulled up knees and buried my face in it.

"Why can't I just wake up from this nightmare?" I ask myself and I couldn't help but laugh bitterly forcing myself to be more realistic and realize that this is no nightmare. That all of this is true and no matter how hard I pray or wish for a miracle to undo all of this, nothing will work because that's just how painful the reality of life is.

It's a cold and bitter world where every little thing you do determines the outcome of the future and when the time comes to reap your reward, you'll only come out with two outcomes; either you get the good fruits and enjoy what it can offer you, or you get the bad ones and suffer the consequences of it.

Unfortunately, it looks like what I reaped is a rotting one, the worst of the worst. A harsh reminder that even if I were to cross that boundary to get to where he is… nothing will change because-

He is a ghoul and I am a human.

-To be Continued-

Probably the shortest of all the chapters with only 4000 words. So this doesn't really have much scenes in the manga considering the fact that I had to, at some point, make Ayame realize the dangers of trudging into the ghoul world since she's human and who would be the perfect person to help her realize that? Well it's her other best friend, Hide!

I had to put him in here because even though he literally didn't have as much scenes in the manga, he deserved to be have a role here since this is Ayame's POV and not Kaneki's. Also, I didn't mean for Yomo-san to come out as a bit rude... he was concerned, really, but seeing as he is a man of few words well.. It looks like Ayame misunderstood his intentions.

So there you have it guys! Hope to hear from you all so don't forget to rate and review! Always good to know what you guys think and if ever you need to point something out in my work that I have to fix just let me know.