A/N: Yes, I'm aware that I have not updated in ages and I really don't have an excuse this time, so a thousand apologies to you readers out there, and to make it up to you here is my longest chapter yet.
Chapter 5 1/2 – How to Pick the Right Dark-Arts Nurturing School
After the age of about 10 your slab of ignorance should be ready to finally vanish from your sight and be sent away to school. However, if by this time they have shown no possible sign of magical ability, I suggest you dump them off at the side of the road or do away with it quickly, because they will at this time have shown that they have the horrible disease of being a Squib or a Muggle, and despite your years of effort and strain, it would only be a disgrace and a waste of time to continue bringing it up.
If, however, your child has shown magical ability, then you must going about picking the best school for them. As you may already know from past experience, the school will take over the shaping of your child's personality for you so you can have time to rest or do whatever your heart desires once again. This means it is key that you make the right choice on the topic of where they will go. Of course, there are hundreds of wizarding schools all around the world in many different types and forms, and, if raised right, your child could have their choice of any one of them. However, the three most popular and famous and better-looking on your credentials are of course, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, and Hogwarts, and don't go worrying your little idiotic head off, because I will tell you all about which should be your prime choice and why.
Beauxbatons is a little namby-pamby school located somewhere in a French-speaking part of a country, and consists mainly of haughty girls and loud obnoxious boys. While haughtiness and loudness are semi-desirable traits for your creep to obtain later on, this would not be a very good school for them to attend if you truly expect them to devote themselves fully to the Dark Lord's service. The Headmistress, Madame Maxime, is of course a giant and though giants are at this point on our side, she is not. With that in itself a very hazardous situation, keep in mind also that they will definitely not be teaching the Dark Arts here, and very little few Beauxbatons graduates ever grow to become loyal and highly respected Death Eaters.
Durmstrang is by far one of the best schools to attend to learn the Dark Arts, though following a series of less-than-loyal headmasters recently, you may not choose to go there. It is located and thus is very far from where you probably live, preventing you from keeping a close watch on their comings and goings in case their mind starts to wander in an unfavorable way. However, they are one of the only schools left who actually teach the theory of the Dark Arts and how to perform the Dark Arts, instead of skipping it altogether or just learning the defense of it as with the other two choices for schools. Also, though your child may be well-versed in the Dark Arts once they graduate from Durmstrang, the graduates from that particular school tend to become brooding and introverted instead of wholly devoted to the Dark Lord's cause, which is why we don't hear of any very high-up Death Eaters from there.
Hogwarts is probably the most famous of the three aforementioned schools, mainly for the reasons of the proximity to where most of us live, and of course the top two priorities to take care of on our Death Eater to-Avada-Kedavra list for the last 15 years, Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore. While Hogwarts did have the curse of Albus Dumbledore for a headmaster, it did much better in turning out loyal Death Eaters than Beauxbatons had ever done. Though they obviously had no mind whatsoever in Defense Against Dark Arts teachers, having turned down the Dark Lord himself, they have had some very sensible ones in the last few years, namely Quirrel, Bartemius Crouch, Jr., and, of course, Severus Snape. While Dumbledore watched these people tirelessly until his moment finally came, they were still able to sneak past very many tricks under the moron's nose. Hogwarts has also shown to be a very historical school in the Death Eater's case, as the Dark Lord himself attended the school. Therefore, even if you choose not to send your pile of rubbish to that particular school, I would still suggest visiting it. The only condition that must be met regarding Hogwarts is as follows:
They MUST be sorted into Slytherin house.
In order for them to fully be taught in the ways of the Dark Lord, they must first be able to be sorted into his own house and the house of his ancestors. Any other house will NOT do, as Gryffindors will most likely make your child change sides, as with my half-witted cousin. Ravenclaws also will not do, as they will become too absorbed in their studies to devote themselves fully to a side. Hufflepuffs are the epitome of stupidity. If your child is sorted there, you should take this as a sign that you had done something terribly wrong in raising them and get them out of your life as soon as possible.
While I may tell or Imperius you to influence which school you must pick, in the end it is your decision, as I am more fluent in the Cruciatus curse myself and my Imperiuses tend to wear off after a week. Therefore, the choice rests on you to pick which school your bag of dragon dung should attend, for better or for worse. However, your child's school years are the most crucial for growth into the Dark Arts or for wandering away from them. With that in mind, and also in mind the pros and cons of all three schools, I will leave you to make your decision.