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The Queen Who Was
Chapter 6
"You did… what?"
Rhaenys could not believe it. He couldn't have done it. Had he already forgotten the strife not even ten years ago? The pressure from and for Daemon to become heir? The insistence from more than one that their grandfather's decision from another ten years ago should be ignored as a turning point and Rhaenyra should be made heir – a huge risk, the very suggestion of which showed just how intolerable the situation with Daemon had become? The cruel jape Daemon had made? This, he had not forgotten, Rhaenys knew it for sure because he had told her this much more than a few times when he had been particularly open to her, in the moments they no longer shared.
She looked at Ser Steffon who sat at the other side of the board game. He didn't quite look back but she could say he felt her eye and refused to address her, offer support. She was sure he wanted Daemon back no more than he did, so… why? The silent disapproval in his posture startled her and she was surprised at how much it stung. How stupid! She and this particular Kingsguard might have become friendly over time but he was Viserys' man first of all. He was not her friend. She had friends of her own. Why did she need the friendship of one who served her when loyalty and respect should suffice? It was Viserys' flaw, not hers.
She looked at Viserys' profile. Even with the overstuffed chair, she could see how slumped he was, his shoulders sagging down, his hands never moving against the table. In the week she had been allowed out of her chambers, she was sometimes still startled at how much weight he had gained all of a sudden – she could say that right now, he was suffering in the aftermath of all those meals she had seen being carried out of his chambers. After that first night, he had never tried to go to her for more than formalities, waiting for her to make the first step but she was so terribly tired. Indifference coiled itself around her in a haze that was invisible but no less potent and crippling. She desired for nothing. She could not give him the closeness that he craved. The children were still shell-shocked in the wake of the death of their little half-brothers and they were children still, even Laena.
Of course he had had summoned Daemon back.
She was not above starting a quarrel in Ser Steffon's presence; the man had more reason than any other to consider her a willful shrew. But the warning in his eyes startled her, made her feel something, perhaps an echo of his own sympathy for Viserys.
"I'll start making the preparations, then," she said. "The preparations for the birth have almost been completed, after all."
Just two months ago, she would have mouthed to Ser Steffon what his next move on the board should be, for in strategic games he was about as good against Viserys as Viserys had been against him in the practice yard years ago. But not now. She curtsied to her lord husband, turned and left, startled at the sudden movement inside her. The child was already big enough for the movements to decrease in numbers.
"I'll send you some tea," she said from the door. Fennel tea was the remedy she had given all of her children at one time or another to help with stomach discomfort.
She was expected to take care of him as his wife and queen, after all.
At least there was no great feast to honour Daemon's return. Rhaenys felt sick enough just by having to watch him offer his made up crown to Viserys – and she had not felt sick since she had passed the first three moons. A flutter of the urge to shelter Viserys that had come to her sometimes in the past suddenly made its presence known as she watched the joy on her husband's face. At this moment, he believed that Daemon was sincere. He needed to believe it. Rhaenys, however, knew that soon enough Daemon would hurt him again, no matter if he meant it or not. Snakes followed their nature when killing through a bite. That was how they were made. She could already hear the whispers all around, whispers about Daemon, Viserys, and her, wondering if the old arguments would flare again in a month or so. She wished Viserys had not summoned him back, even when Daemon presented her with a magnificent coronet shining with gemstones in all shades imaginable and gallantly claimed that only a woman beautiful enough on her own could do the jewel justice. Especially when he gallantly presented her with them.
That night, she waited for Viserys to come. Should he enter, she would welcome him as he desired, as she desired at the moment. But the door did not open. He did not come.
Two days later, she heard that he had stayed in Rhaenyra's chambers for an hour. An hour! The young attendant who had only recently arrived from the West actually sagged as she told her mistress this, as if she was trying to find a way to shrink. Rhaenys stood frozen.
Her first thought was to discuss it with Viserys. There might be a wall between them now but he still respected her opinion even if he did not follow it. But would he heed her this time? In his eyes, Rhaenyra was still his little girl who could do no wrong. At fourteen, she was still a child for him, and as removed from men as one, a notion no doubt strengthened by Laena's indifference to men and marriage. And to be fair, Rhaenys did not know that Daemon was courting Rhaenyra. He would no doubt claim that he had been just visiting his niece, Rhaenyra would say the same – she was smart enough to want to avoid trouble – and Rhaenys would come out as overly suspicious, a stupid woman King Jaehaerys and the lords had been right to deny. And it could turn out that Daemon had not done anything to merit her suspicions. Not yet. He was a smart and cunning man. A very attractive one, too, Rhaenys had to admit. Right now, she wished that he had undergone some physical changes to make him less so!
No. She would not go to Viserys. She would not go to Rhaenyra either. There was no use to turn her stepdaughter against her. Their current accord had been hard-won and Rhaenys would not give her a reason to feel mistreated now – it had taken the better part of two years for Rhaenyra to learn that enforcing rules was no mistreatment and almost another one to get her to enjoy structured life. Rhaenys was not going to squander all she had achieved with an ill-advised arguments or prohibitions with a girl who had only recently discovered that boys existed.
Of course, Daemon was no boy which was hardly comforting.
She felt a little tired but she went on her everyday walk. The day before, her belly had gone down and now she felt it as uncomfortable weight but she believed walks were good for the babe. Two Kingsguard were about to follow her but she waved them off. Each time in the weeks before the birthing bed she was so anxious that she needed her time alone. Truly alone.
Her steps led her to the gallery overlooking the practice yard. By the noise greeting her, she could say that Daemon was there. What she did not expect was to see Laena behind the railings in the other side of the gallery. As she came near, Rhaenys realized that her daughter could not look away from a scene beneath them. There could be no mistake which one it was. There was only one fight worth watching and Rhaenys silently shouted for Ser Steffon. "Who are you for?" she asked.
Laena startled and blushed. Blushed! Rhaenys could not believe it. Oh yes, she could believe it. She had been Rhaenyra's age when she had become infatuated with Corlys; at Laena's, she had loved him already. She tried to reassure herself that Daemon was much older than any of the girls but it did not help; Corlys had been way older to her than this.
"I am not sure," Laena said. Lying to her mother – another sign that she was not indifferent to Daemon. Rhaenys couldn't wait for the month to be over, so they would know which girl they should offer to the Prince of Dorne. Whichever it was, getting her away from Daemon would mean one headache less.
In Rhaenyra's chambers, she found her stepdaughter behind a board game. She seemed to be playing both sets of figures. Rhaenys stared at the shining marble elephants, dragons, and royals that she had given Rhaenyra herself as the girl rose to offer her curtsy and an embrace, awkward because of Rhaenys' size.
"I've missed our games," the girl said – the greatest admission that she had missed Rhaenys that she would ever give. Rhaenys herself had taught her the moves, the defense, the hidden attacks. Neither Laena nor Laenor were good at those and Corlys had never been interested but Viserys and Rhaenyra were surprisingly good. She had spent many pleasant an hour over those games and she was pleased to see that Rhaenyra had not abandoned them, although she was a little surprised at not hearing of her new partner. An unpleasant thought came to her mind.
"Has your uncle played with you?" she asked. That explained the positioning of the figures. Rhaenyra's opponent was very good indeed, although a little reckless. A splendid positioning for attack, although not a very prudent one.
There was some tension in the girl's posture now; looking around, Rhaenys saw that Rhaenyra's splendid chambers had acquired even greater polish. Myrish laces; silver ewers encrusted with gems; new pelts on a few sofas that had not been here before.
"No," her stepdaughter said. "You have."
Rhaenys' laughter stopped. She inspected the figures once again. Was this how Rhaenyra saw her? Resembling Daemon in style? With uncomfortable feeling, she remembered her father saying laughingly that the then little Daemon seemed to be as fiery as her. Rhaenys? Being compared to Daemon?
"I see I'm winning," Rhaenys said, looking at Rhaenyra with her eyebrows arches. "You are very fair if you play like this."
"Being fair isn't the hard part," the young Princess replied. "The hard part is playing like you. Sometimes… sometimes you change…"
You change styles, was what she meant but Rhaenys could not help but feel that it was true in other things as well. And still as she sat behind the boarding game to win by finishing the match as herself, deciding against mentioning about Daemon again today, what worried her was that Rhaenyra's game, although doomed to fail, was even bolder than her own.
Rhaenys turned, her heart in her mouth. In the relaxing match in Rhaenyra's chambers and later, she had almost forgotten that there were other people than her and hers in the world. Certainly not in the Queen's Garden where the merciless sun had burned flowers in droves despite all the efforts of the gardeners who watered them twice a day. She stared at them again, seared like her soul…
"Did I scare you, Your Grace?" Daemon drawled.
"You could never scare me," she replied sharply and he laughed.
"Ah, still as sharp as Dark Sister, I see. And to think I've heard you were half-mad with grief. How people exaggerate…"
"Indeed," Rhaenys agreed but something in her face must have shown how she felt because something in his made her think that he actually regretted his cruel barb.
"What are you doing here on your own?" he asked. "Aren't there attendants to take your hand and lead you to the nearest bench if you get tired? Kingsguard to save you in case a rogue prince appears?"
Rhaenys' mouth twitched. As little as she desired to admit it, he was amusing. He looked… by the Seven, he almost looked like he was flirting with her. If he used this charm against Rhaenyra, it was no wonder that the girl was anxious. Excited, perhaps? Did she see him as a dashing figure? Why not if Rhaenys almost did and unlike Rhaenyra, she knew what he was?
"Am I in danger?" she asked, refusing to take part in his game.
His smile flickered off. "Ah Rhaenys! Must you be so hostile? Couldn't it be that I am no longer any rogue, that I have come to miss my family and appreciate them and I am happy to be reunited with them?"
"No," she said flatly. "Even Viserys doesn't believe this, you know. When he gets better, he'll see you again for what you are."
"And you will help him with this, no doubt," he suggested and laughed. "What, am I going to be sent away? Like you did his woman and her child?"
Rhaenys forced herself to stay calm. "You'll have to ask Viserys himself," she said. "Do I look like him, per chance?"
Daemon laughed again. "Ah my dear cousin! Even now when you would no longer see him, you're ready to defend him till your claws turn red. You two are fascinating to watch. You're ready to defend him from what everyone knows is the truth; he argued with Father about your removal from Dragonstone when he must have known that he'd lose. Some might call the two of you precious; I'd prefer another word."
But Rhaenys did not care to hear the word. Something else had gotten her attention. "He… he did? Argue with your father about Dragonstone?"
Daemon's laughter stopped. He gave her a look that was astoundingly serious. "Did he not tell you? I expected that he would do so long ago to win back some of your good graces. I was still eleven but I remember the quarrel. I had never heard Viserys raising his voice to anyone and to this day, he remains the only one I have ever heard raising his voice at Father. The only man, I mean." They both knew how their grandmother had met her lord husband's decision.
Was he lying? But then, what reason would he have? Make her ask Viserys and when he would not lie to her, saw further discord between them? What would he gain? It was her and Viserys' child that was the potential obstacle for him, not their happiness, be it there or not.
She had asked Viserys, once. Or rather, she had blamed him. Five years ago, when he had offered marriage to her. He had not defended himself. Or had he? That terrible time was all a blur in her mind. She made a step back because Daemon was suddenly too close, or so she thought.
Her foot got caught in some roots the gardeners had bared out for some king of procedure; with a sharp cry, Rhaenys stumbled backwards and fell heavily on her back, gasping in horror. Daemon leaned over her just a minute later, his face white. "Are you fine?"
She wasn't sure. He held out a hand to help her up but she waved at him to wait. She waited for her pounding heart to steady, waited to make sure that she was fine… and then, with a sharp pain that shot down her back and her belly, she was not.
Cursing, Daemon leaned over and took her in his arms. "We'll be there in a minute," he said and when they reached the first courtyard on their way, he shouted for the maesters.
It was cold and hot when she woke up, a reminder of the birth of her first child with Viserys so vivid that she started weeping. Viserys rose from his chair at her bedside. "What?" he asked worriedly. "What hurts? I'll call the maesters imme-"
"No," Rhaenys said but she could not stop weeping which made him more uncomfortable.
"What is it then?" he asked. "Is it my presence? The women said you have called for me in your throes but of course, I'll leave right now…"
"No!" Rhaenys cried, panicked. He was about to sit back in his chair but she moved a little to make room at the edge of her bed. He leaned over and took her in his arms and when she had wept herself dry, she realized just for how long he had not held her. Something in these long hours of pain had taken away her enmity towards him and she was now ashamed. He had only tried to protect her and the child she still did not feel real and she had been so cruel and unkind. "I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling that his sobs had yet to fade. "I'm so sorry."
It was a long cry from the joy they had experienced four years ago. Finally, Rhaenys moved a little more yet, silently inviting him to join her in bed. She could feel the faint aroma of herbs on the rugs, feel the crisp cleanliness of new sheets. He removed his robes and laid down next to her. Rhaenys snuggled into his familiar warmth and finally dared ask, "Viserys? It is not a boy, is it? I think they mentioned…"
She still hoped, although she knew it was pointless. He hesitated. "No," he said. "It's twins , you see. Healthy girl children, with no ill effects from being a little earlier. That's all that matters."
It was not, it was not, it was not… Rhaenys felt that tears wanted to escape but as she'd later learn, she had sweated, vomited, and used the chamber pot so much that combined with her recent outpour of tears, there was simply not enough water in her body to form new ones. Her eyelids burning, she snuggled more deeply against Viserys and tried to pretend that he was right.
