July 18th, 2013

It was with great lethargy that Penny climbed the last flight of stairs to her cheery little apartment. Since Leonard had left, her schedule had made a few unexpected changes, and she still wasn't even close to learning how to cope with all the early mornings. But having most nights free (she begrudgingly admitted) was refreshing.

It was all Sheldon's fault really; at least that's what she told herself when she rolled out of bed at 9 in the morning, her eyes still glued shut with sleep. Somehow, he had invaded every facet of her life, for better or for worse. After her manager sprang an unscheduled shift on her to cover for a ditching coworker, a shift that happened to fall on a Wednesday causing Sheldon to miss New Comic Book Day and lose two out of seven rounds of Halo, he had called the Cheesecake Factory and had a heated conversation with her manager resulting in nearly all of her work shifts being rearranged.

Now, she exclusively worked lunch shifts (except of course Tuesdays when she needed to present Sheldon his Barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger, barbeque, bacon, and cheese on the side). Significantly longer hours and slightly less pay should have frustrated her more than it did, but having evenings free meant she didn't miss a single free meal with Sheldon and she never had to skip (not to say she didn't occasionally ditch) an algebra class.

After what she suspected was an alarming and somewhat intimidating conversation with Sheldon, her boss was treating her better and giving her more shifts at the bar, which she had always begged him for but with few results. Plus, getting off work when the sun was still up made her feel like she had more free time, even if she was still struggling to wake up early.

Luckily, Sheldon usually put a pot of coffee on for her before he left for work and she could stumble over to 4A and steal his milk and dirty his mugs, her small act of aggression for his forcing her to wake up early.

After a slightly longer than necessary shower and after she slipped into the coziest pair of jeans and the softest tank top she had, she sidled across the hall, the warmth of her shower and the smell of pizza reinvigorating her.

As it was Anything Can Happen Thursday, Penny wasn't surprised to find only Amy and Sheldon perched on the couch, but when both swiveled their head towards her when she entered, frustration written clearly across their faces, she paused, startled. For a moment, Penny froze in the doorway and debated turning around and dashing back to her own apartment, but Amy stood to greet her and she knew it was too late to make a run for it.

"Hello Penny," Amy greeted, taking her by the arm and leading her to the couch where she pushed her into the seat between the strange couple. "I'm so glad you've arrived. Perhaps you can settle something for us," Amy continued, a hard note to her voice while she shot Sheldon a glare which he steadfastly ignored in favor of looking haughty.

"Oh man, I'd really rather not..." Penny interjected, wishing she had gone with her instincts and made a run for it when she had the chance. But now, as she made to stand, both parties on either side of her pulled her back down by her arms and she flopped unceremoniously back into her seat.

"No, Penny. Perhaps you could offer your own... unique... brand of insight into our dilemma," Sheldon offered, his eyes narrowed on Amy.

Penny grimaced. She was no stranger to playing mediator to the unusual relationship that was 'The Shamy' but sandwiched between the two of them she could practically taste the tension in the air.

Then her eyes shifted downwards to the opened pizza box on the coffee table and she decided she could deal with anything if it meant she'd get to eat. She grabbed a slice, transferring it directly from the box to her mouth.

"Okay, lay it on me," she said around the cheesy mouthful, earning her a half reprimanding glance from Sheldon before he slid a clean plate from the coffee table onto her lap.

"Sheldon plans to quit his job," Amy stated blandly and Penny almost choked on her mouthful of pizza. With another disdainful glance, Sheldon passed her a napkin.

"What?!" Penny asked, loud and skeptical in the near silence of the apartment, turning to face Sheldon in disbelief. If there was one thing Penny was sure about when it came to Sheldon, it was that he loved his job. She hadn't even known actually liking your job was a possibility until she had met him. The only times she had ever seen him give it up were in times of great turmoil, but the stubbornness written across his well defined features betrayed no distress. "Why? What happened?"

"I was asked to participate in an event which I resolutely refuse to be a part of, and as I will not be persuaded otherwise, I plan to submit my letter of resignation first thing tomorrow morning."

Penny turned her head from Sheldon to Amy as she chewed another bite of pizza.

"He was asked to attend the university's annual Fundraiser Banquet in Leonard's absence," Amy clarified.

"And you don't want to go?" Penny asked simply, feeling stupid but utterly bewildered, as usual, by Sheldon's Whack-A-Doodle behavior.

"I refuse to go," Sheldon answered, his chin held high.

Amy huffed on the other side of Penny while the blonde wracked her brain as to why quitting was the only response Sheldon could supply in reply to an invitation to a party.

"...Why...?" Penny asked slowly, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Why? Why?! Because I refuse to be paraded about like some sort of performing monkey, expected to shake hands with every germ infested senior citizen who is willing to throw change at our feet if we dance for it." Sheldon took a deep, steadying breath and Penny blinked heavily.

"Sheldon was informed that unless he manages to procure donations for the university, his project funding will be cut," Amy supplied and Penny's brain whirred, understanding finally dawning on her.

"I see. Yeah, I suppose Sheldon doesn't perform well under pressure," she thought aloud and Sheldon turned to her affronted.

"Excuse me! I excel at everything I do, no matter the circumstances." Under Penny and Amy's scrutinizing gaze, he relented, "However the donors have, in the past, remarked that my social skills are somewhat lacking. Despite how clearly wrong they are, it is them I have to please..." he trailed off, his Texan twang curling the last few words and Penny's heart swelled for him.

Sheldon might have skipped about ten grades on his way to being a genius but he had bypassed all the parts of schooling that taught a kid how to talk to people without thoroughly pissing them off.

"Oh, sweetie. Why don't you bring Amy along? The two of you together would be so ridiculously smart you'd intimidate all the old people into giving you money, social skills or not."

Penny reached for another slice, smiling at the hopeful look crossing Sheldon's face before turning to Amy but she was already shaking her head.

"I can't. This Saturday a new batch of chimps are arriving at the lab and I need to be present to introduce a dose of OxyContin to their systems. Especially after the accident with the last batch..."

"...Oh," Penny said, still occasionally alarmed by the strangeness of Amy's experiments.

"Why don't you join him, Penny?" Amy replied, a thoughtful look playing across her face.

"What good would Penny be at a fundraiser for the sciences?" Sheldon phrased aloud and even though Penny somewhat agreed, his comment still stung. She leveled a glare at him and opened her mouth to show him the half masticated pizza inside. "Only further proving my point, Penny," he told her, his blue eyes boring holes into her.

"No, I believe Penny would be most useful in this endeavor, Sheldon." When both Sheldon and Penny turned disbelieving faces to Amy, she continued, "Penny is the only member of our group who displays consistent skills in winning the favor of strangers. If the amount of free drinks she regularly receives on Girls Night Out is any indication, she is already a semi-pro at soliciting money from the general public."

Penny was already shaking her head. "Ames, I don't know anything about science-y stuff. I'd be a complete dunce."

She turned to Sheldon for support but was disheartened by the thoughtful, calculating look he was leveling in her direction.

"Nonsense," Amy answered confidently. "With your radiant personality and outstanding good looks, you could easily distract the patrons from Sheldon's more... offensive... quirks."

Sheldon did a double take in Amy's direction but Amy only shrugged in response.

"No way, guys. I mean, thanks for the compliments, Amy," at least she figured they were meant as compliments, "but I don't think I'd be any good."

"You are an actress, Penny," Amy reminded Penny good-naturedly, an encouraging smile warming her face. "I think your skills would translate well in this situation. You may even be able to give Sheldon some pointers."

Penny glanced between the two geniuses, frowning.

"Besides, these parties tend to have an open bar," Amy said leadingly and the frown instantly melted off Penny's face.

She thought it over with narrowed eyes. A date with Sheldon and a bunch of rich old people didn't sound like the most fantastic evening, but then again, free drinks, a nice dinner, and a night out for once might be kind of refreshing.

Especially if it came with free drinks.

"...I dunno..." Penny trailed off, but when she saw Sheldon's boyishly hopeful look turned in her direction, she sighed heavily. "Yeah, okay. I'll help you scam money off rich old people."

Amy and Sheldon both sat up straighter with pleasure and Penny lifted herself from the couch to grab a beer from the fridge while they chatted amiably behind her.

What was she thinking? The few times she had tried to trick Sheldon into being civil, he had failed miserably. He could almost pull it off, he had sounded relatively sincere when he had wished Leonard good luck on his trip during his going away party, but he had a tendency to blow it when he felt the need to gloat over his success immediately afterward.

She couldn't get him drunk. The last thing the university needed was another pants-less Cooper incident. Unless the old ladies liked Sheldon's thin pale ass... But no, that probably wasn't ethically correct either. And drunk Sheldon was more likely to be even more abrasive than his usual self.

Penny was lost in thought as she leaned her elbows on the kitchen counter and sipped at her beer, studying the well constructed silhouette of the weirdest man she knew. This time she'd have to be clever. She'd have to play into Sheldon's crazy sensibilities.

Sheldon laughed his strangely endearing huffy laugh at something Amy said and flicked his eyes to Penny, a small smile still on his lips. If it weren't for all the crazy shit that came out of his mouth, Penny considered to herself (not for the first time), Sheldon would be a pretty handsome man.

Maybe she could use that. His face and body was, objectively, appealing enough if only she had some trick to keep what came out of his mouth from being 100% Sheldon offensive. She was pretty sure she could spin a certain amount of the mean, crazy things he said, painting him an eccentric genius, but it wouldn't do much good if he was calling the donors geriatric imbeciles or worse...

When he shot her the appraising, calculating look he wore when he was trying to figure out a complicated equation, she was momentarily vividly reminded of Spock and the spark of an idea sprang to life in her head.

A wide grin spread across her face and Sheldon quirked his head at her in response.

No, Penny thought, this time she was going to be clever.

July 20th, 2013

Sheldon straightened his hair self consciously while he studied himself in the mirror, lost in thoughts of how deeply he loathed university functions. Ever since he was a child, he had been paraded around the various institutes he'd gone to study and work as a child prodigy. When he was young, his name and impressive intelligence for his age was enough to earn him donations.

Now as an adult, apparently he was expected to socialize to earn his keep. And that was where, hopefully, Penny's influence would be useful because he was fairly certain the likelihood of him fainting under the pressure was exponentially growing with every passing moment.

As if reading his mind, Penny rapped on the door to his room. "You just about ready, Sheldon?" she called through the closed door and Sheldon straightened his shoulders. He was a genius and this task was painfully mundane. He could do it.

And if he couldn't, Penny would. He was sure of it.

He swung his door open and was met by his blond neighbor standing in the hallway, one foot lifted behind her as she readjusted the back of her high heel. Sheldon's gaze swept over her as he felt her do the same to him. She was dressed in a flattering black dress that highlighted her body without being overly revealing and her hair was softly curled around her face.

Sheldon decided absently that his first plan of action at the banquet would be to isolate any male donors and sic Penny on him. That dress alone would probably do all the work for both of them.

Penny's gaze, he noticed, had landed on the blue plaid shirt he had swapped for the white shirt she had laid out with his black suit. Her brow was furrowed but after a moment she nodded silently to herself and smiled up into his face.

"Don't you clean up nice," she said teasingly.

"I'm always clean, Penny," he replied, a little confused.

Penny snorted and turned away, leading him into the living room. "I mean you look nice, Sheldon."

"Oh," he said, a strange warmth centering in his cheeks.

He debated whether this social convention called for a return compliment but Penny was already busying herself at the kitchen counter and Sheldon approached, curious.

"Okay, down to business," Penny said brusquely, situating him to stand directly in front of her. "If you want to get those donations, I've got a couple of ground rules that should help. Rule Number One: If someone offers you their hand, shake it."

Sheldon's reaction was immediate and visceral as he reeled back in horror. "Penny, do you know how many contagions one can catch by such contact?"

Penny, however, only watched him, nodding again seemingly unsurprised. "That's why I brought these." Penny flourished a pouch of antibacterial wipes at him. "You are not allowed to use these within sight of anyone else. I'm going to tuck a few into your pockets so after you shake hands with someone, casually tuck your hands into your pockets," here she mimed putting her hands in pockets, "and sanitize..." she pulled out two wipes and tucked them gently into his right coat pocket, repeating the process with his left. Sheldon opened his mouth to protest but Penny spoke over him, "If you want to switch them out for new ones, I'll have the packet in my purse. We can sneak off to the bathroom and restock as many times as you want, just don't pull the wipes out of your pockets in front of anybody but me."

Sheldon considered her, appraisingly. He slipped his hands into his pocket and felt the cleansing moisture of the antibacterial wipes. His pockets weren't overly damp either, as he had initially worried about with the moist wipes, and he had to admit, this was a surprisingly clever trick Penny had come up with.

"Acceptable," he said aloud, reciting rule one to himself again. Shake hands. Alright. He could do that. He would just discretely sanitize in his pockets afterward. "Please continue."

Penny smiled winningly at his acceptance. "Rule Number Two: Do not belittle anyone's intelligence."

Sheldon studied her through narrowed eyes. So far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong with pointing out disparities between his intelligence and everyone else's, considering how great a difference it truly was.

Penny was glaring up at him as if she could read his mind. "I don't care how true it is that you're a flippin' genius and the rest of us are ants in comparison. You are not to say anything of the sort to the donors. Think it all you'd like, but keep it to yourself."

Sheldon swallowed heavily as he mulled that over. It would be a challenge, but he exceeded in all walks of life, didn't he? He nodded, dimly.

"Great!" Penny said, rubbing her hands together and grinning. "Now then, last one. Rule Number Three." Penny turned him by his arm so that they were standing side by side, her heels bringing the top of her head level with his ear lobe. He looked down at her skeptically as she slipped her arm gently into the curve of his elbow. "Once we get to the party, you are not to separate from me at any cost," she told him sternly, but Sheldon was having a hard time processing her words when it felt like every nerve ending in his body was located directly under her small palm.

His eyes were glued to her fingers, the nails painted gold, her hand so decidedly feminine against the masculinity of his suit.

His eyes darted up to meet two green irises, looking at him expectantly. "Yes, ma'am," he said, startled to find his proper vernacular curled by his Texan drawl. He felt his cheeks warm again when Penny's radiant smile beamed up at him with the light of a thousand suns.

She quirked her eyebrow at him and smirked. "I like when you do that," she told him, her voice teasing again.

"Do what?" Sheldon asked, struggling to keep the twang of his childhood firmly locked up.

"When you let your accent slip," she said simply, removing her arm from his when her phone buzzed behind them. "It's pretty cute," Penny said absently, studying the screen of her cell, totally missing Sheldon's intense scrutiny and pink cheeks. "They're downstairs," Penny finished, sliding her phone into her small clutch and turning to face him. "Ready soldier?" she asked seriously.

Sheldon nodded firmly.

The drive with Raj and Howard was short and amenable, though Sheldon sat stiffly beside Penny in the backseat. She could feel the anxiety rippling off of him in waves, but his face remained stoic and impassive and the boys in the front seats seemed utterly unaware.

"Why don't you seduce yourself an old lady, Sheldon?" Howard called back from the passenger seat. "It worked pretty well for Leonard."

Penny internally cringed. Leonard really didn't say no to anyone that offered, but with a moment of contemplation, Penny wondered how much better off she really was. She had dated Kurt for three years. And she had slept with Zach, the most unintelligent person she probably ever met. But they were both pretty good in bed. Dumb boys made entirely of muscle usually were.

"I'm just happy I can finally try to win over some donors without getting drunk first," Raj said excitedly, bouncing a little in his seat and Penny grinned at him in the rear view mirror. Penny was just happy she didn't have to drive. Her plan for the evening was to start off by grabbing one drink to loosen her up. Then she'd help Sheldon win over some donors, collecting enough money for him to continue his project funding, and proceed to get as many free drinks as she could and high tail it out of there before she got sloppy drunk.

She smiled, happy with her own plan.

But as Raj turned into the University's parking lot, she decided it was time to put her last idea into action.

She cleared her throat authoritatively and leaned forward in her seat. "Okay guys, I propose we play a little game."

Howard turned to glance back at her and Raj's eyes met hers once again in the read view mirror. "Now is hardly the time for games, Penny," Sheldon said stiffly, a stern look furrowing his brow.

"No, no," Penny smiled, "It'll be fun, Sheldon. I promise."

"What kind of game?" Raj asked curiously from the front seat and Penny straightened herself up.

"A role playing game," Penny said firmly and the silence in the car was only broken by Sheldon's disparaging tut.

"Listen, Penny, I'm all for role playing games, particularly in the bedroom, but I'm not totally sure right now is the time to play pretend," Howard chimed in smoothly from the front seat.

"Not even if it's Star Trek related?" she asked coyly and immediately she had the full attention of the men.

The car was silent as Raj pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park. He unbuckled his seat belt to turn around and look at her and she grinned, feeling superior.

"Go on," Sheldon sighed and Penny knew she had him exactly where she wanted him.

"Okay, here's the scene," she started, letting her voice convey the drama. "After a daring escape from a Romulan attack, The Starship Enterprise is damaged, stuck immobile in the vastness of outer space. The nearest planet is populated by a race of beings, human-like in appearance and nature, but uptight and hostile towards those of any other species. We have just arrived on that planet as a landing party and it is our job to infiltrate their masses, gather the necessary funding to repair the Enterprise, and escape unnoticed back to our own ship."

Raj was looking at her approvingly and Howard had a bit of a smirk on his face but Sheldon was obliviously deep in thought.

"Who is our captain?" Sheldon asked and Penny grinned. She had him. Perfect.

"Penny, of course," Howard answered, his smirk stretching even wider. "Sheldon's obviously the science officer, Raj is the navigator and I am the charming ladies man sent to woo hot alien chicks into submission."

"You have a wife, Howard," Penny said flatly, leveling a steady a glare in his direction. "No hot alien chicks for you."

Sheldon studied him thoughtfully. "You're the red shirt. There's always some unforeseen casualty and we can't risk loosing anyone important."

"Right," Penny said loudly, struggling to keep down a chuckle but determined to diffuse any fight before it could escalate. "The point is, once we step out of this car, we are on enemy ground and must adapt the local customs. We will be polite, and friendly, but we will also be studying them for their weaknesses. We have resources we need to acquire from them and subtlety is our best bet."

Sheldon's piercing blue eyes were glued on her. She could tell his brain was whirring with thought and for a moment, she was worried he wouldn't play along and she would feel ridiculous. Then he said, "Alright, captain. After you."

Once they exited the car, Penny tucked her hand into Sheldon's elbow and led him to the door, warm light filtering out from inside. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raj glance askance at her, but she winked in his direction and proceeded into the building.

The moment they entered the room, she felt Sheldon stiffen under her fingers. It was a small space for how many people were gathered and as she had guessed, the donors all appeared to be elderly people, mostly women who had outlived their husbands and wanted a way to invest their vast fortunes that would make them feel like they were bettering the world.

With a gentle squeeze of his arm, Penny convinced Sheldon to look down into her upturned face. "Alright, Dr. Cooper," Penny said and something like surprise and intrigue painted his face. "Let's single one out and pry them for their resources. Remember, be friendly. These are hostile forces, easily offended and quick to pull out of a deal."

Sheldon's momentarily smirked before his face hardened with his mission, determined.

Penny stopped the first waiter she saw with a tray of champagne flutes and snatched a glass off it with her free hand.

"Penny, I don't think you should be drinking," Sheldon half whispered to her, his lips so close to her that the breath of his words stirred the hair around her ear.

"It'll be fine Sheldon," Penny answered absentmindedly, her eyes scanning the crowd for their first attack. "I got this," she added solidly and though Sheldon looked like he wanted to protest, he pinched his lips together tightly.

The two watched as Howard and Raj were approached by a finely dressed woman with platinum white hair and a smart suit and Penny internally hoped they wouldn't screw it up. But as her eyes fell on a dignified looking gentlemen in a fine Armani suit, Penny pulled Sheldon a little closer. Howard and Raj were on their own. She was working for Sheldon tonight.

Sheldon, apparently having the same idea as Penny muttered, "Captain, two o'clock," and he nodded his head in the direction of Mr. Armani Suit. For some reason, it pleased Penny that they were on the same track.

"Just follow my lead, Dr. Cooper, " she spoke under her breath to Sheldon and after he jerked his head in her direction, he allowed her, somewhat awkwardly, to lead him to the table of appetizers the elderly man was circling. When the man glanced up, his eyes danced appreciatively over Penny before they locked on Sheldon with recognition and something a little like awe.

Bingo, Penny thought.

"Dr. Cooper, what an honor to meet you," the man said, dusting cracker crumbs of his fingers and holding his hand out for Sheldon to shake. For one breathless moment, Penny watched Sheldon's jaw clench as he took in the bits of food matter still stuck to Mr. Armani Suit's fingers. She felt his arm muscles under her fingers spasm and for a moment, she debated turning him around a fleeing the scene before he panicked and turned the table over onto the man, but then Sheldon slowly and deliberately extended his free hand.

Penny breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"Yes, of course it is," Sheldon answered and Penny rolled her eyes.

As the evening drew to a close, Sheldon surveyed the slowly emptying room with cold calculation. Dr. Gablehauser stood beside him, speaking politely to Penny while occasionally, surreptitiously, sneaking glances at her decolletage. The sight of it made Sheldon's insides twist, he assumed in disgust, and he pulled his arm a little closer to his body, pressing Penny's hand firmly against him.

She squeezed his arm gently, tilting her head up to him and smiling before turning back to Gablehauser.

Her touch was light but solid and unexpectedly soothing in it's casualty, but still it disconcerted him, such a small little gesture of familiarity. When she had informed him at the beginning of the evening that she would spend it's entirety latched onto him, his mind had raced with dissatisfaction at the idea. Public displays of affection horrified him and he still only reluctantly allowed Amy to hold his hand in private or semi-private moments.

He hadn't done something so frivolous as hold hands or link arms in public since he was a child and Missy insisted he stay attached to her lest he wander off. But that was nearly 25 years ago and Sheldon was a firm believer that physical acts of affection should be left in one's childhood.

But Penny definitely did not agree. She was a hugger, a hair tussler, and an arm squeezer. With the exception of Howard, she maintained a very physical relationship with everyone in their little gang, even Sheldon himself who would not tolerate such behavior from anyone else.

Somehow Penny's affection was unavoidable and after the fever incident in which he did not catch the germs he thought would surely be his death, he had spent a great deal of time wondering if her hypothesis was correct. Maybe he had grown immune to her Penny Cooties by way of over exposure.

He wasn't sure whether that thought was reassuring or terrifying.

But Penny's warm hand against his arm was steadying. She didn't hover overly close to him but neither did she leave his side, for which he was (reluctantly) thankful. More than once he had spoken to a donor and though he hadn't meant for his words to be unappealing, the sinking features of their faces told him he had misspoken and dread would pool in his gut. But Penny would break in, cheerful as a lark, brushing off his comments with something like, "That's geniuses for you. He's a whiz at Physics but a total dunce at life. Dr. Cooper, didn't you mean..." and then she would go on to simplify whatever he had said but in a way that left the donor smiling instead of frowning, nodding good naturedly at him.

It was terribly impressive and Sheldon wondered how Leonard wasn't in a better position at the university if he always dragged Penny along to show off. But then again, Sheldon thought, Leonard preferred using Penny's sex appeal to win his favors. That was clearly a misuse of her skills, as she had played a heavy hand in him receiving up to $17,000 in donations, and that was almost entirely using her unique charm and wit.

He had likely raised more money than anyone else in the room.

Penny gave his arm another gentle squeeze and he turned his attention back to her and Dr. Gablehauser. "I've seen you before, right?" Dr. Gablehauser was asking Penny, his attention split between her face and her bust line. "But with Dr. Hofstadter, right? At Proffessor Tupperman's funeral."

Sheldon casually shifted angling Penny slightly away from Gablehauser. "She's our neighbor from across the hall and she's currently engaging in coitus with Leonard."

Penny snorted into her fourth glass of champagne. "Jesus, Sheldon! I'm dating Leonard. Dating!"

"Right, well, whatever you call your third attempt at the ill conceived relationship you two share, I do believe it is time for us to depart. Raj and Howard are signaling us."

Penny shared a flabbergasted expression with Gablehauser before bidding him goodnight and downing her champagne the moment he turned away. Sheldon looked down at her reprovingly over his shoulder.

"Coitus, Sheldon?" she said exasperatedly, her slightly flushed cheeks stirring something uncomfortable in Sheldon. "Haven't we talked about that word?"

"I suppose," he answered drolly, taking great pleasure in riling her up. "But I rather like it."

Raj and Howard were motioning towards the door and Sheldon led the way out.

The ride home was rather quiet. It seemed Howard hadn't managed to make a good impression on any of the donors (of course Sheldon had been correct in his earlier explanation of red shirts and casualties) and Raj had a date with the platinum haired woman Sheldon had seen him with earlier in the night. Penny would occasionally shake her head and mutter, "Coitus, really?" under her breath but her gaze was directed outside to the night sky.

Sheldon's arm felt rather cold and lonely without Penny's tucked securing against it and he struggled with the ridiculous urge to reach across the small gap between her and tuck her fingers back where they'd been all night. But that was ridiculous. There was no need to link arms with Penny anymore and Sheldon resisted the urge, though more than once his gaze traveled thoughtfully to where her gold painted fingers rested lightly on her bare knee.

When they arrived at 2311 N. Los Robles, Sheldon was uncommonly happy when Penny slipped her arm back into his, seemingly out of habit, as they ascended the stairs.

"Well, that was a weird night out, but the food was pretty good," Penny shrugged contentedly beside him. "Plus I think the landing party was a success," she smiled up at him and Sheldon shifted his gaze away from her grinning face.

"Yes, it seems my funding is no longer in danger of being cut. Thank you for your assistance, Penny," Sheldon said stiffly to the stairs but Penny squeezed him closer to her and bumped her hip against his.

"You're welcome, Dr. Cooper," she said cheerily and Sheldon's heart jumped in the strange way it had all night whenever she addressed him with his formal title.

He glanced down at her thoughtfully. "I like when you do that," he said, his Texan accent coloring the statement his brain hadn't made the active decision to speak aloud. Immediately he blushed but Penny only turned her face up to look at him, curiously.

"Do what?" she asked, as Sheldon led her to her apartment door. He had been taught it was the gentlemanly custom to walk a lady to her door after a date.

"When you call me Doctor Cooper," he said, his voice a little thicker than normal and for a moment he wondered if he was catching something.

"Oh?" Penny said coyly, turning to him while she fit her key in the lock and the door swung open. "Well in that case, goodnight Dr. Cooper. Sweet dreams." She removed her fingers from his arm and swept them from his shoulder blade to his elbow in a way that set his skin tingling. She grinned sweetly and stepped into her apartment, closing the door softly behind her.

Sheldon somewhat stumbled to his own door, struggling unnecessarily with the keys before fitting them into the lock and letting himself in. He seated himself heavily at his desk and pulled out his composition notebook labeled 'Penny.'

'Though earlier this evening I had debated the possibility that I have, over the last six years, built up an immunity to Penny's corn-husking germs, I now suspect she has infected me with something much more dire than a cold or a fever.

'The symptoms include increased heart rate, flushing of the face and neck, hyper-awareness of skin – particularly during moments of physical contact, inexplicable feelings of euphoria, and momentary bouts of madness.'

Sheldon ran his eyes over the list a few times, his state of alarm somewhat increasing with each reading.

'The strangest thing is the symptoms only display themselves when Penny is either physically present or present in my thoughts. Whatever new disease she's brought into my home, I highly resent it, though I also acknowledge that I am unwilling to turn her away. Perhaps that is another facet of this illness, possibly parasitic in nature. Perhaps it is dependent on her as a host?

'If the symptoms persist, I will see a doctor.'

Sheldon swiveled out of his chair, aggravated. He'd finish documenting their interactions later. Now he was too riled up, his heart still beating heavily in his chest.

Penny.

She was always the cause of some sort of uncomfortable mess. Sheldon shot a scowl at the closed apartment door while he stalked to his bedroom and changed into his Saturday night pajamas, neatly folding his dirty clothes into the laundry basket and hanging his suit jacket.

His body felt uncommonly exhausted but his mind was still racing, his eidetic memory replaying the events of the evening. He flopped down heavily on top of his covers and closed his eyes, replaying again the sight and feel of her fingers as she slipped them into his arm.

Author's Note: I am totally blown away by the reviews! Thank you so much, I absolutely love hearing from you guys!