I finally caught up with the show! So I'm trying to catch my writing up to where the show is at. Also diverging to a greater extent, because let's be honest, Lexa and Clarke are life and the show needs more of it. Also NOTE THE CHANGE IN RATING. I'll probably combine 2x13 and 2x14 in my next chapter. As always, reviews are always greatly appreciated, and thanks for taking the time to read and comment and like. Enjoy!
All characters belong to CW. I own nothing.
Firefly: Thanks! I like your profile pic
Sunskip: Sooo.. this chapter happened. It just seemed right. There still not talking about what's happening, but maybe not as much denial. Tell me what you think!
Britsip: I'm glad this made you so happy
RaidAddict: Oh I get it ;) this was even more satisfying to write, at least part of it
Sweat trickled down her temple, the beads slowly making their way down past her ear, carving along the line of her neck until they hit the cool blade currently pressed against it. Clarke could not move; she was immobilized by the pressure against her artery, by Lexa standing yet again flush against her back.
As the Commander had predicted, her own dagger, which now lay abandoned on the ground, had never grazed her tan skin. Instead she had always managed to deflect Clarke's attacks, sometimes at the last second, when her eyes had widened in fear that she was going to stab the other girl. Still, Clarke took some small comfort in the fact that she had not given up, and the Grounder was now breathing heavily in her ear, her own skin coated in a sweat.
Clarke was waiting to be released from her position, but the Commander seemed to be frozen, the only movement the heavy rise and fall of her chest. She felt her body shake subtly from exhaustion, and her muscles ache from standing still for such a long period of time.
"Lexa?" She managed to say against the blade.
"Elbow me."
Clarke frowned. Every time previously when Lexa had bested her, she had simply repositioned herself in the middle of the room and waited for Clarke to attack her again. However, she needed to prove that she was strong, and could take care of herself.
Steeling herself, she brought her elbow back hard against the Commander's side. She heard her grunt and felt the blade loosen its position on her neck as Lexa stumbled backwards slightly. Using the moment, Clarke grabbed onto Lexa's arm, and using a movement she had seen many times before, awkwardly twisted her around, tripping her and bringing her to the floor with a heavy thud that knocked the air out of her lungs.
Grabbing onto the hilt of Lexa's dagger, she quickly lowered herself over the Commander, straddling her hips and grabbing onto her right wrist to pin it to the ground as she laid the dagger, which had previously been digging into her neck, against Lexa's own. Her heart beat pounding wildly in her chest, Clarke looked up to meet those eyes that haunted her thoughts and dreams, expecting them to be shining as they had that day in the field.
Instead, they had a faraway look in them, laced with great sadness. Clarke increased the distance between their faces, her eyebrows drawing together. She was about to ask Lexa what was wrong when she again felt the sharp kiss of steel against her throat.
"Don't simply focus on what is in front of you, Clarke. Know your surroundings, memorize them. Your own weapon can be used against you when forgotten." Lexa whispered, dropping her hand back to the ground, loosening her grip on the dagger Clarke had dropped earlier.
Turning her face away and shifting her hips slightly beneath Clarke, she made a move to get up, but Clarke did not lift herself from her. She stared at the girl beneath her, removing the blade from her neck, still colored green and blue from the choke hold days prior. When she saw Lexa's jaw clench as she continued to avoid her gaze, she hesitantly released the Commander's wrist and moved it to her face.
Gingerly, ever so lightly, as though she were trying to grasp smoke, she trailed her fingertips across Lexa's shoulder, brushing up her neck and tracing her jawline. Letting the hilt of the dagger fall from her other hand, she ran her hand up the Grounder's neck. Lexa's eyes clenched shut as she let the fingers of her right hand lightly tangle in chestnut hair, firmly but gently grasping onto the nape of the Commander's neck, her thumb softly rubbing circles into her jaw muscle.
Slowly, she turned Lexa's face upwards, letting her left hand mimic her right. Clarke's brain was desperately trying to fight through the haze that had a firm grip of her mind currently, filling her senses with everything Lexa was. However, something deeper was pushing away any thoughts trying to interrupt this moment. She soaked up the young woman in front of her, breathing in her scent, feeling her warmth between her legs, the soft skin covering her angular features beneath her hands – all the while gently rubbing circles with her thumbs.
Lexa's face was tense, her whole body quivering, her hands curled into tight fists at her sides. Removing her right hand from the tangles of the Commander's long hair, she gently placed the tip of her index finger in the center of Lexa's furrowed forehead, tracing it down to the tip of her nose. Unconsciously, her torso lowered itself towards the woman beneath her again, allowing her face to hover just above the Grounder's.
"Don't shut me out, Lexa." She whispered, as she traced her finger in a straight line across the rise and fall of soft pink lips.
Her mouth opened at Clarke's touch, her finger catching the bottom lip and dragging it down slightly, as a light breath was sucked in. Splaying her fingers out across the Commander's cheek, she ran her thumb along the length of that lip, staring with marvel at being allowed access to it. Noticing a sharp movement, she tore her eyes away from Lexa's lips and finally met her eyes, which were dark green. The pupils were dilated, and Clarke felt herself falling into them, seeing so many emotions swirling in their depths, all clashing against each other, fighting to reach freedom. There was sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, fear, joy, and hunger.
Clarke's hair fell out from behind her ear, surrounding their faces with a curtain of gold, removing anything else from the world but each other's faces, not that they had been thinking of anything else to begin with. She felt Lexa's hands settle on her hips, her fingers digging into her flesh, and she tightened her own hold the girl's face.
Her body was on fire, goose bumps spreading across her skin as her core erupted in flames; she was burning up in the fire that sprung forth in Lexa's eyes. She felt weightless, released from the confines of her mind, yet tied to the Commander, as though gravity was pulling her toward the lithe body beneath her.
She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes, dropping her forehead to meet Lexa's, their noses brushing against each other, their lips almost touching. She could feel the Commander's breath tickling her own lips, and it was not helping her attempt to try to escape the flames and reclaim herself within her body. Everywhere her mind wandered, she found bits of Lexa, as though the other girl very essence and permeated her skin.
She felt the Grounder's grip tighten even further on her hips, no doubt leaving bruises, and the shift of her head, her chin lifting upwards so that their lips just barely touched. The electricity that seared through her body made Clarke gasp and her muscles tense. Digging her finger nails into Lexa's neck, she tore them downward, eliciting a sharp hiss from the Commander, even as Clarke moved her own face to meet the second pair of lips, every part of her craving more.
"Clarke." Lexa managed to say in a choked whisper as their lips yet again brushed against each other.
Their breathing spiking and mixing in the air around them, blood rushed in Clarke ears and she had a hard time focusing on the Commander's voice. She felt one of the hands leave her hip and settle on her chest over her tell-tale heart, pushing her back, giving both of them room to breathe. Her eyes snapped open to meet Lexa's gaze, and she was certain they showed just as much of a whirlwind of emotion as the Commander's own.
"Clarke." Lexa said again, her voice shaking. "We can't."
She took in the look on the Commander's face, took in the violent red marks left on her neck due to her finger nails. Her heart beat was erratic, and she knew Lexa could feel it beneath her hand, just as Clarke could take the Grounder's fast pulse from beneath her fingertips. She knew the other girl was right, even as her body screamed at her not to listen. They could not give in to whatever was happening. The alliance was shaky, the war was coming, the people were nervous and skeptical – they could not risk things falling apart, and if this encounter had told her anything, it was that there was nothing controlled about the feelings coursing through her now.
Slowly, almost painfully, she extracted herself from the situation, lifting herself from Lexa and taking a few shaky steps back. Clarke stared as the Commander lifted herself off the ground, their eyes never leaving each other. Nodding, Clarke broke eye contact, stiffly moving over to the throne, taking great pains not to look or touch or breathe in the person standing so tantalizingly close. Lifting her jacket off the ground, she slowly put it on, her mind struggling to get the simple commands through to her body.
"I will be returning to TonDC." Lexa finally said, breaking the heavy silence.
Clarke did not trust herself to look at the Commander quite yet, so she stayed as she was, staring up at the empty throne. "Why?"
"A war council is to take place between the Generals of the clans. They do not trust the Sky People, and I do not wish for anyone to get hurt here. Better to meet in a Grounder village. Besides, I have been away from my people for too long." Clarke heard her take steps towards the throne, and tensed, balling her shaking hands into fists. Lexa appeared in her periphery, bending down to pick up her discarded clothes. Straightening, she looked Clarke in the eye, who could not help but meet the gaze. "A leader must be part of her people, but cannot afford the freedoms they do. It is her job to protect those freedoms, and sacrifice herself if need be for their benefit."
Clarke nodded once, turning away to pick up the daggers that still lay on the ground.
"You will be required to come as well. The Generals will want to hear from the Sky People themselves how they plan to aid in the upcoming battle. I will leave a guard to accompany you on the road."
Placing the daggers on the table, Clarke turned to fix Lexa with a hard stare. "You mean you'll leave someone to follow me around and report back to you. You still don't think I can take care of myself."
The Commander sighed and pulled on her shirt. "I think you can take care of yourself."
"Then why the need for a bodyguard? That's what this is, isn't it?"
"We are the Mountain Men's first targets. The road to TonDC is a dangerous one. Any extra protection should be welcome."
"I don't need protection!" Clarke growled, her frustration growing with each passing second. "I don't need you looking out for me!"
"This is not up for discussion Clarke."
"You can't order me around. I am not one of your subjects!" She slammed one of her fists on the table, her entire body shaking uncontrollably.
"None of my subjects would behave so childishly!" Lexa finally snapped. They stared at each other, each refusing to budge, until Lexa called out in Trigedasleng and one of her guards came in.
"Ryder," She continued. "I am assigning you to Clarke as a guard. You protect her with your life, is that understood?"
"Yes, Heda." The large bearded man responded, his eyes shifting to take in Clarke who stared at him with irritation.
"I must prepare for my travels. You are excused." The Commander said, turning and disappearing behind a flap in the tent hidden by the throne.
Clarke almost had it in mind to follow her, furious that Lexa would leave her in such a manner, but Ryder stood close, eyeing her, so she thought better of it. Turning on him, she looked him up and down, then rolled her eyes and marched out of the tent, the Grounder following close behind.
All she can think of is the missile. Of the destruction and death it will cause unless she can get to TonDC on time. As the horse pounds away at the ground, she curses herself for allowing her emotions to get in the way of things. Part of the reason she had sent Kane to TonDC instead of going herself was due to how angry she had been at Lexa, and now they were all in danger.
As she thunders into camp, vaguely answering Octavia's questions, part of the weight lifts off of her shoudlers when she sees the Commander standing with Indra and Kane. Together, they will be able to figure this out. Lexa will know what to do.
"Clarke of the Sky People honors us with her presence." Lexa says coolly, her eyes challenging.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Commander. Can we speak in private?" Clarke implores, trying to show the urgency of the situation to Lexa, and only Lexa.
Nodding, she leads them to the war room, where Clarke shares what she has learned. But instead of giving her an answer to save the people, the leader of the Woods Clan reaffirms what Clarke already knew deep down: There is no way out. People are going to die. Lexa's eyes are intense, piercing, looking at Clarke not as the girl who had gasped out her name, but as a Commander at war.
"You showed true strength today, don't let emotion stop you now." Lexa finishes off, after Clarke attempts to dissuade her of the plan she had proposed, still desperate to stop the devastation that is bound to occur. She remembers the Commander's words Love is weakness. Remembers her words from this morning in the tent. They were leaders bound by duty, and emotion was clouding her judgment.
Still, guilt and desperation sat heavy in her gut, and when she saw her mother in camp, she could not remove herself from the situation. As much as she tried, she was not like Lexa. She ran back to the village, ignoring the Commander's calls.
And when the missile hit, bringing with it an earth shattering boom and flames that roared high, all she wanted was for all of this to end.