Chapter 6
"Buffy, you're home early. Are you all right?" Willow asked, concerned for her best friend.
"I'm fine Will. Slow day today. Got a raise, and a promotion if I can work everything out." The blonde Slayer said this all monotone while her eyes sparkled and a huge smile appeared on her face. She was having a great day. She could only hope that it would get better.
"That's great Buff! I'm glad you're doing so well, and that you're happy. It's sooo good to see you really smile again," the ex-witch said, smiling at her friend's good fortune. "By the way," she added, "I got an answer back from Riley. He gave me the names of some of our favorite informants, who all happened to be out of town the week he was here. He also gave me the name of one of the informants you 'accidentally' killed soon after he left, you know, the one that lead you into that trap that nearly killed Xander? Well, Riley said that he was currently residing in Mexico, weird, huh!" Willow looked at Buffy, unsure what her reaction would be to this news. "I guess that means that Spike was telling you the truth, like he pretty much always does now." She paused then started to talk again, but Buffy stopped her.
"Dammit! I just wanted my life to feel normal again! You know, 'humans good, demons bad.' But I guess that's never going to happen for me, is it? The world will never be black and white for me like the Council tried to teach me to believe." Buffy sat down and thought about her next move. --I should go and apologize to him. I owe him that much-- She stopped thinking for a moment and remembered everything Spike had done for Dawn, her friends. and her. --Whether or not you want to admit it Buffy-- she said to herself --you need him. And you really need to stop pretending that you don't love him, because, dammit, you do!--
Suddenly she realized Willow was talking to her. "Buffy, I want you to know something. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I'll not get all judgmenty or anything. After what I've done, I've no right to anyway." The red head smiled and shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, hoping that this might bridge their communication gap and that maybe soon she and Buffy could be friends like they were before she died.
At first Buffy said nothing, but then decided that if she really wanted to start living again she needed to start trusting her friends again and tell them the truth about her feelings for Spike. So she did. She told Willow all about her relationship with Spike. About their intense love making, about her nearly beating him to death without him lifting one finger in defense, and about what she said to him after Riley left. "And I broke it off saying 'I'm sorry. William'." She finished her story with tears in her eyes. "Oh my god Willow, you should've seen his eyes. I could see his heart break. I almost took it all back, but couldn't. I believed that this was for the best. How could I have been so wrong, so hurtful to the one man that's never left me, no matter how much of a bitch I was to him, no matter how much I denied my love for him. He's been so good to all of us, and I hurt him so bad." She stopped for a moment to take a breath and see what Willow was thinking. A small smile had formed on Willow's lips. Encouraged she continued. "The problem is that I don't know if he'll even forgive me now, especially now that his childe's come back to rekindle family pride." After that, Buffy stopped talking and tried to think of a way to ask for Spike's forgiveness.
Willow had been sitting and listening to Buffy the whole time, not really surprised at anything Buffy had just told her, except about the beating, not what Spike did, but that Buffy did it. She didn't realize just how hurt Buffy had been. It made Willow want to cry, knowing that much of Buffy's pain and stress was her fault.
From listening to Buffy, she had also heard something that she hadn't said, something Willow had suspected before, that despite her best efforts, the vampire slayer was again in love with a vampire. The difference with this vamp was that he didn't have a soul and that was why Buffy, and everyone else, save Dawn, and had such a difficult time excepting him. Yet Willow believed that Spike loved Buffy, and even the rest of the Scoobies, more than Angel ever could, and because of this she was happy for her best friend. Happy that she had found someone who fit her personality and wasn't afraid to take everything Buffy could give him, and give it right back.
"It'll be all right Buffy. I think that Spike will always forgive you. He loves you, and I think that you love him too." She smiled when Buffy didn't deny it. They sat and talked for a while longer, getting to know each other all over again.
"Buffy, you're home early. Are you all right?" Willow asked, concerned for her best friend.
"I'm fine Will. Slow day today. Got a raise, and a promotion if I can work everything out." The blonde Slayer said this all monotone while her eyes sparkled and a huge smile appeared on her face. She was having a great day. She could only hope that it would get better.
"That's great Buff! I'm glad you're doing so well, and that you're happy. It's sooo good to see you really smile again," the ex-witch said, smiling at her friend's good fortune. "By the way," she added, "I got an answer back from Riley. He gave me the names of some of our favorite informants, who all happened to be out of town the week he was here. He also gave me the name of one of the informants you 'accidentally' killed soon after he left, you know, the one that lead you into that trap that nearly killed Xander? Well, Riley said that he was currently residing in Mexico, weird, huh!" Willow looked at Buffy, unsure what her reaction would be to this news. "I guess that means that Spike was telling you the truth, like he pretty much always does now." She paused then started to talk again, but Buffy stopped her.
"Dammit! I just wanted my life to feel normal again! You know, 'humans good, demons bad.' But I guess that's never going to happen for me, is it? The world will never be black and white for me like the Council tried to teach me to believe." Buffy sat down and thought about her next move. --I should go and apologize to him. I owe him that much-- She stopped thinking for a moment and remembered everything Spike had done for Dawn, her friends. and her. --Whether or not you want to admit it Buffy-- she said to herself --you need him. And you really need to stop pretending that you don't love him, because, dammit, you do!--
Suddenly she realized Willow was talking to her. "Buffy, I want you to know something. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I'll not get all judgmenty or anything. After what I've done, I've no right to anyway." The red head smiled and shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, hoping that this might bridge their communication gap and that maybe soon she and Buffy could be friends like they were before she died.
At first Buffy said nothing, but then decided that if she really wanted to start living again she needed to start trusting her friends again and tell them the truth about her feelings for Spike. So she did. She told Willow all about her relationship with Spike. About their intense love making, about her nearly beating him to death without him lifting one finger in defense, and about what she said to him after Riley left. "And I broke it off saying 'I'm sorry. William'." She finished her story with tears in her eyes. "Oh my god Willow, you should've seen his eyes. I could see his heart break. I almost took it all back, but couldn't. I believed that this was for the best. How could I have been so wrong, so hurtful to the one man that's never left me, no matter how much of a bitch I was to him, no matter how much I denied my love for him. He's been so good to all of us, and I hurt him so bad." She stopped for a moment to take a breath and see what Willow was thinking. A small smile had formed on Willow's lips. Encouraged she continued. "The problem is that I don't know if he'll even forgive me now, especially now that his childe's come back to rekindle family pride." After that, Buffy stopped talking and tried to think of a way to ask for Spike's forgiveness.
Willow had been sitting and listening to Buffy the whole time, not really surprised at anything Buffy had just told her, except about the beating, not what Spike did, but that Buffy did it. She didn't realize just how hurt Buffy had been. It made Willow want to cry, knowing that much of Buffy's pain and stress was her fault.
From listening to Buffy, she had also heard something that she hadn't said, something Willow had suspected before, that despite her best efforts, the vampire slayer was again in love with a vampire. The difference with this vamp was that he didn't have a soul and that was why Buffy, and everyone else, save Dawn, and had such a difficult time excepting him. Yet Willow believed that Spike loved Buffy, and even the rest of the Scoobies, more than Angel ever could, and because of this she was happy for her best friend. Happy that she had found someone who fit her personality and wasn't afraid to take everything Buffy could give him, and give it right back.
"It'll be all right Buffy. I think that Spike will always forgive you. He loves you, and I think that you love him too." She smiled when Buffy didn't deny it. They sat and talked for a while longer, getting to know each other all over again.