1988
" He's cute. "
" Who is ?"
" My crush. " Naomi squeals. " Addishon, I have a crush! "
" Do you now. " she drapes Naomi's arm across her shoulders and attempts to drag her along a little faster; it's late and dark and she doesn't like the feeling of being alone in the street at one in the morning.
" Addishon - Addie, I'll call you Addie caush Addishon is too hard - Addie, I ha' a crush !"
They'd gone out their last night of freedom , along with a few strange faces from their class, gotten all dolled up and spent the night drinking and dancing .
And now Naomi is winding through the streets, ever the lightweight, warbling happily and swinging her shoes in her hands.
Addison soldiers on resolutely in her spiky heels, wishing she hadn't let Nae have those last few shots.
Thank god classes start at nine tomorrow, she's going to be hungover as hell.
" Who's the lucky boy, Nae?" she asks again, because she's looking awfully green.
" He's cute. " she giggles, leaning into her shoulder and stumbling along.
We've established that, she thinks dryly, but doesn't push it.
She's barely known this rambling frizzy haired girl for three days, since they moved into rooms next to each other and spent those nights on the roof of their building eating chocolate, too excited to sleep and not knowing anyone to go out with.
So they'd leaped at the chance of this informal gathering, agonised over dresses and shoes and hair, hoping for a cute boy each, but so far only Nae seems to have luck.
Unless she counts that boy with the piercing blue eyes and that enviable wavy brown hair, but she only saw him come in just as she decided to leave with Naomi before things got worse.
And Sam Bennett, that sweet stuttering guy she danced with when he finally dragged up the nerve - aided no doubt by the foul cheap shots they'd all been slamming - who she can tell wants to ask her out but is trying to be polite and not rush it.
She knows this because he told her so, though he probably won't remember in the morning.
But he's a nice guy. A good guy, decent and honorable and all that, albeit a little shy.
And he has nice hands.
She shakes her head to clear the image of Sam Bennett's hands out of her head. She'll call him tomorrow, she decides, and ask him out.
" Ooh look. He'sh in our class ishn't he . " Naomi titters, swaying against her.
" Need a hand? " a deep gravelly voice asks from behind her. " Mark Sloan. " he sticks out a hand in response to her raised eyebrow.
" Could you just help me get her up the stairs? I'll take it from there."
" Sure. " he hauls Nae's unwilling body up three flights of stairs, depositing her in Addison's arms at her doorstep.
" Didn't I see you at the party? " he lounges against her wall as she unlocks the door.
" We left early. She was -"
" - smashed. "
" Well, yes. "
" You aren't. "
" Nope. "
" You could come back with me. " He entreaties, his eyes smoldering in the way he's probably smoldered at a million other girls.
" I can't leave her. "
" She'll be fine, we'll leave her a glass of water and a note. Come on, Red, we could have an after party . At my apartment. "
" You go on ahead. And my name isn't Red."
" What is it? "
" Good night, Mark Sloan. " she clicks the door shut in his disgustingly good looking face.
Samuel Bennett is a good man.
Inside, she finds her maybe - friend huddled over the toilet, holds her hair back until she's done, then supplies her with water and mouthwash before she gives up trying to peel off her skin fitting jeans and tucks her into bed fully clothed.
She curls up on Naomi 's chair, a big armchair type thing with fluffy pillows and blankets all over it, the ultimate snuggle spot.
" Addie ? " she croaks from the bed.
" Yeah? "
" Thanksh. "
She laughs quietly. " That's what friends are for, Nae. "
" You're my friend." she repeats, " Friends should know. "
" Know what? " She's starting to feel seriously sleepy herself now, nodding off against Naomi 's aarmchair.
" About crushes. "
" Finally remember his name?" she teases.
" Sam. His name is Sam Bennett. " she slurs delightedly. " Saaaam Bennett. "
She ignores Sam in the hallways and library, ducks into the girls room when he tries to corner her.
She meets the blue eyed boy whose name is Derek the next morning in anatomy lab ; she pretends Mark Sloan doesn't make her heart race.
She sits Nae down and gives her a pep talk; she does her makeup when they go on their first date.
Derek crops up too often in her dreams and the margins of her notebooks ; they slowly become DerekandAddison.
They don't quit.
Not that long ago night in the Hamptons at Archer's party when he catches them breathless under the stairs, his only reaction to ask if this means Naomi is on the market.
He never really liked Derek, but he's a Montgomery so he looks the other way.
Not that night when their spouses are both at the hospital and it's Sam's birthday so she brings him cake ; they cut it on the tiny balcony Derek is always saying is going to fall right off the side of the building.
He wipes chocolate frosting from her mouth and looks her in the eye when he tells her her he's going to propose to Naomi, like he's asking for a reason not to be happy.
She hugs him hard and takes the rest of the cake with her when she leaves; drops it into a bin outside even though she can feel his eyes on her back.
She tucks flowers in Naomi's hair at their wedding, cries when they exchange rings and make promises.
She meets Derek's eyes when she catches the bouquet, flushes at the slow smile he gives her.
She works three straight shifts a year later, not wanting to miss the moment ; she delivers Maya, clamps the cord and for a moment she cradles her - the first person to hold her - before she places her in Sam's waiting arms.
She leaves to find Derek, leaves a little family in the room behind her, heads together.
But he's in surgery, so she goes home and returns with champagne that she and Sam drink out of specimen cups in a linen closet and agree that it was all for the best .
They watch Maya on Wednesday nights; tuck her into bed between them and pretend at being a family for a night.
When she's old enough they take her out for ice cream on the way home, always with rainbow sprinkles and smeary kisses, thank you Auntie Addie , they draw promises from her not to tell mommy even though Sam gives her a knowing look the next morning.
She tries not to see the way Derek watches her with Maya; later that night in bed she touches his cheek as he hovers above her and tells him she's not ready yet ; he rolls to the other side and she wakes up cold and damp with tears the next morning.
Sam doesn't tell Naomi he quit the surgery program; she finds out when he's no longer working on the same floor and she gains two pounds when she finds out that Addison was there that night, that she knew.
" He wanted to tell you himself, Nae. "
" We've never had secrets before, Addison, but how would you know how I feel, you're married to Derek, your life is perfect. "
And it is, they're residents with eighty hour work weeks but they steal time in on call rooms and closets, he brings her silly presents for no reason and she surprises him in silk and lace; and she barely notices Sam follow her with his eyes.
She throws away the scrub cap he wore that night and stuffed back into her hand ; buys a new one in swirls of blue and green.
When Derek asks her where her lucky cap went she tells him it got lost ; he doesn't understand why that makes her so sad.
" It was just a cap, Addie, it's not the reason you're so good in the OR. "
They graduate residency and start fellowships, finish those and when Derek suggests opening a practice together - it sounds perfect, neuro, neonatal, plastics, internal medicine and OB all in the same place - Naomi tells them they're moving to LA , closer to a fellowship she wants, to family on the West Coast.
There's silence at the table and Naomi looks at her curiously, waiting, alwaus waiting, until she smiles and raises a toast to sunshine and new beginnings, Sam clinks his glass against hers and drains it without looking at her.
The night before they leave she turns up at their apartment, runs fingers over duct taped boxes of memories and kisses Maya goodnight one last time.
" Why, Nae ? "
Don't you know? "
They send postcards and tumblers of sand, seashells and Christmas cards, she watches Maya grow up in school pictures and emails Naomi about her day.
They go back to their old selves, sharing gossip and heartache, she tells Naomi she's losing Derek and she asks her how it feels to be that woman, so she doesn't call her again that year, not when DerekandAddison finally quit and not when she follows him to Seattle , not when she returns to New York to pack up their remnants.
She calls her when she lands at LAX, turns up at their practice dressed in New York black.
" I got divorced. "
" Well ,so did I. "
It doesn't happen right away; she's still sore and raw from Derek, he's still figuring out his life as a divorced father of a unruly teenager who calls her Aunt Addison now and is as tall as her shoulder.
She tries to stop it when it does, but he's perfect and she's helpless against him, she lets him soothe her pain and hates herself for the look in Naomi's eyes when she asks when it all began.
She craves a child of her own; Sam looks at her like she's lost her mind.
Maybe she has.
They disintegrate faster than him and Naomi, maybe because it's a child that forced them apart rather than kept them together.
They still live next to each other on the beach , share a bottle of wine at night and watch the waves crash on the silver sand.
" Are you glad that we at least tried ? " he asks, reaching for her hand.
" Yeah. There's nothing worse, " she says for what feels like not the first time, wraps her arms around herself even though it isn't cold. " than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life. "
But she never thought she'd end up alone.
Please review and leave prompts or suggestions!