It seemed obvious I was ruffled when I arrived at the pebbly shore of the enormously large, almost insanely so, glittering lake. Lily noted it as instantaneously as a mother would, but Erin and Erica seemed so thrilled by the idea I had actually shown up they overlooked the fact. I did my best to push away any troubling thoughts, and for once enjoy myself instead of dreading every miniscule detail of grief I held.
It was, after all, a magnificent day. And there was nothing I liked better than the comforting blanket of heat the suns shining rays provided. So, acting like a normal teenage girl for once, I stretched out on a small towel next to Lily, and hoped I could enjoy a day—just one day—without any pain. My only wish.
Down the pebbly lake shore, Remus Lupin appeared to be ambling down the sand beach alone. His hands were full with one monstrous book that seemed, from this distance, about the width of my head. He also had a towel thrown over his shoulder casually and sandy orange swim trunks hung low on his hips.
It wasn't particularly odd that Remus chose to join us at the lake shore, often over the past weeks I'd spent at Hogwarts Remus had preferred to be with us instead of his rambunctious friends. Although, unfortunately, the rest of the so called 'Marauders' usually followed suit, joining us with Remus soon after he arrived. I wondered if it were part of Potter's foolish plan to become 'just friends' with Lily. Lily and I very much liked Remus, and would not turn him away on any occasion. I could picture Potter and Black sitting anxiously in their dorms waiting for Remus to secure a spot next to us so that they would have an excuse to join us. After all, the 'Marauders' always stick together, as Black so graciously stated when we attempted to turn them away the last time.
Remus approached us and plopped his bottom in front of Lily's towel, where she lay on her stomach soaking in the sun. She smiled brightly at him.
"Can I join you guys? Im looking to get some reading done." He showed us his enormous book as proof and Lily laughed as he struggled to hold it with only one hand.
"Of course you can Remus! Honestly, I don't know why you even ask." She shook her head and grinned at him as she took the book from his hands, her fragile arms slamming into the sand with the weight, so she could read the title. Her peach colored eyebrows rose delicately. "Reading up on the Ministry, are we?" She asked, then laughed freely and handed it back to him, ushering him to lay out his towel and sit down.
I raked my fingers through the course sand, watching the grains fall from my hands and spill back to all the rest, disappearing into camouflage.
"Is that all right, Kira?" I looked up, confused. Remus had asked, he was still standing.
"Is what alright?" I asked startled, wondering what in Merlin he meant.
"If I sit down. Is it all right if I sit down?" He seemed concerned about something.
"Of course. Why are you asking me? You're your own person, do what ever the hell you want." Why was he asking me? I didn't control him, it wasn't my place to tell him to leave. Not that I wanted him to. He was quite alright, better than the other ones.
I returned to the sand, examining it as it tumbled from my palm, but I could feel his eyes still on me. I glanced up. His eyes were locked on my arm, the one with fingernail scratches and bite marks. I wondered briefly if I would turn into the monster that grabbed me because of the bite. Maybe the saliva of the Departed was somehow toxic? Would I too turn into a flesh-eating ghost? Would other people see me, or would I be invisible like the others? Maybe those people in the fence didn't exist at all, and I was making the entire thing up. My skin was raw and swollen around the edges of each cut. Remus was still staring at my forearm. I wished he wouldn't, I wished he would stop. Lily was preoccupied with breaking up a fight between the twins, and for the moment we were alone. Even though Lily was close, she wouldn't hear us.
"Did someone do this to you?" He looked appalled, his eyes flitted from the deep scratches to the angry bite marks, where their teeth tore away at my flesh. I wasn't sure how to answer.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. I don't think the Departed counted as someone. Would they count as something?
His gaze was now scanning my face, looking for answers. He was the only one beside Lily who knew something was strange about me. Why did he have to be so observant?
He dropped to his knees in front of me, carefully taking my arm and examining the damage. It didn't hurt. Nothing hurt. Pain was dull compared to the pain He put me threw.
The Dark Lords laugh echoed coldly in my head. He was always there now, in the back of my mind. I was never alone with my thoughts.
Remus sighed and put my arm back in the sand, looking down on me with a concerned expression. I don't know why he cared.
Several minutes later, when Lily was back to relaxing next to me n her towel, the twins were childishly building sand castles by the shore, and when Remus had found a comfortable spot for reading, our blissful afternoon was shattered by the loud obnoxious voices of James Potter and Sirius Black as they loped down the lake shore to greet us.
Kill me now.
Sirius Black was in the middle of a duel with Snivellus Snape when James came barreling around the corner shouting something completely insane. He lowered his wand and Snape seemed distracted for a moment.
"Padfoot!" James panted, coming to a very ungraceful halt in front of him. He leaned over and rested his arms on his knees to catch his breath.
A confused but still amused expression graced Sirius' handsome features as he waited for his friend to be able to breath again. The crowd that had gathered to watch the curses flying between him and Snape dispersed as Severus slipped away, grateful for Sirius' out-of-breath distraction.
"Jamesy, maybe you need to get in shape." Sirius offered after a minute of waiting, when James was still unable to talk. " This kind of labored breathing should only happen to girls when they're heaving a baby out of their crotch." James shot him a sour look, and straitened up preparing to speak.
"Why don't you try running here from across campus?" James defended, raking a hand through his dark hair and sucking in another gulping breath. Sirius only grinned.
"That's where you're wrong, mate." He said clasping a hand on his friends shoulder in mock sympathy. "I would never run across campus. I'd walk, or crawl…or maybe I could con some desperate girls to carry me…" He mused to himself. James rolled his eyes and brushed Sirius' hand off his shoulder.
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?" He asked balancing his wand on the tip of his index finger, watching James with a playful smirk.
"The point is…" James continued. "That I ran across campus to inform you that Lily, Erin and Erica, and Kira are at the lake. I plan on joining them, how about you?" James said, obviously recovering his dignity. A wolfish grin stretched across Sirius' face, his silky brown eyes glinting with mischief.
"Thorny is going to be there?" He asked, already forming in his head an image of her wearing a scandalously skimpy swim suit while prancing around in the water.
James grinned at Sirius' nickname for the newest addition to Hogwarts student body—Kira Thornhill. The nickname suited her rather well, she was a particularly thorny girl. Don't want to mess her.
"She locked you in a closet," James reminded Sirius, noticing his devilish expression, and hoping he would leave her alone. "She also knocked you unconscious, and just last week shot a poisonous snake at you. Yesterday she tossed you across the room like a rag doll without even using a wand. And—" Sirius' eyes darkened, he hated it when James brought up all that stuff.
"She didn't toss me across the room without a wand. Please James, no one our age can use wand less magic, let alone that level of it. I bet some teachers wouldn't be able to do that without a wand." He rolled his eyes. There was no way that girl could have used wand less magic, she didn't even attend a magical school until now. How she managed to know everything was beyond him, but she could most definitely not use wand less magic.
Sirius chose to ignore James' skeptical look, and instead asked if he had sent Remus to get a spot next to them. James nodded and grinned. Over the past weeks, Sirius discovered that if Remus went alone to their table or wherever they were and asked if he could sit they were more likely to not refuse him if they weren't around. Then when Remus was settled in, Sirius and James would casually walk in and take a seat next to Remus, claiming that Remus was their friend too. Those girls were completely clueless to their plan.
"Come on, Prongs. Lets get our suits." Sirius winked at James. "We've got a party to crash." They laughed together as they took two steps at a time up the marble staircase. James seemed to have recovered from his previous activity.
Sirius thought about how he was going to approach Kira, since his latest methods seemed to fail miserably. He hated to admit it. Maybe, he thought hopefully, if he ignored her, she would finally realize how hopelessly in love with him she was. He honestly didn't know why she denied it to herself.
Not that it would be good if she loved him. Actually the more he thought about it the more he realized how awful it would be if she had some ridiculous crush on him. Crazy, loony, obsessive girls were always a pain. In fact he made it a rule that he would not snog any psychos or girls more than one year younger than him. Now the age thing was not hard to go by, because it was obvious when a girl was too young, but the psychos were considerably harder to avoid. Its not like girls go around with CRAZY stamped across their chests. It would be so much easier if they did though.
But it hardly mattered to Sirius if Kira Thornhill was a raging lunatic who would stalk him for the rest of his life. He was convinced it would be worth it. The girl was as hot as they get. It wouldn't be a lie saying she could possibly be the prettiest person alive. With her tantalizing dark silk hair, her stormy navy blue ocean eyes, her legs— magnificent legs—, the airbrushed bronze skin color and her flawless features…
He grinned at the thought, oh he would definitely get her, no matter how stubborn or difficult she was. Sirius always got what he wanted.
The situation was slightly awkward. Lily was amazingly good at ignoring Potter, even when he was starting to creep me out, and I've seen a lot of scary things.
Sirius, who was sprawled across a grey towel next to me, was being unusually quiet, with the exceptions of some snotty comments when he first arrived.
Peter was mysteriously missing. It seemed he never left either of the other marauders sides.
And Remus, for once, was the one who supplied most of the conversation. Which he directed towards me. He seemed to think I was in the mood to talk, where he got this I have no clue.
"So Kira, have you heard that their holding the School Quidditch Cup in Romania this time? James is ecstatic." He said helpfully as if I really cared.
"What's Quidditch?" I asked absently, not really caring that much to look up from the sand sculpture I was making. I heard everyone stop and gasp. I looked up, startled and by their expressions and I knew I said something wrong again. I groaned and dropped my face in my hands. Exhaustion wearing me down. All I want to do is sleep. How long had it been? An entire week since I slept and beyond that I cant remember. Is it possible to just die out of lack of sleep. I hoped not, what a ridiculous way to die.
Before anyone could question me further, I got up from my towel and mumbled something along the lines of 'going to the water…". And trudged miserably down to the shore, dipping my toes into the delicious feeling water.
There were an excessive amount of students at the lake today. Clusters of towels were scattered all over the beach, and girls and boys enjoyed their moments in the sun, happy it was still only Saturday.
I looked out gloomily over the water wondering if I ever knew what—what quidditch was, or if I had just forgotten like everything else. If I was ever under the rule of Lord Voldemort—a theory quickly becoming solid fact—then I am sure that I never had the pleasures of knowing certain things. For instance, Lily had just recently described the concept of Thanks Giving. When it came up in conversation she was appalled I knew nothing of it.
"Don't go out to far!" Lily shouted and I realized my legs were drifting further into the water. She yelled something else too, another warning. I was abrubtly annoyed by how much she cared. It made me angry with myself. I should have never let her become attached me. The closer we became the more painful it would be when I died this spring.
I took a few more steps into the refreshing water, before plunging my body under the cooling waves. They washed over my body and temporarily ceased all my thought, as if, in that moment all of my previous notions were drowned out by the water. Sighing with the feeling of relief from the intense heat I walked back over to our towel cluster, passing several joking first years hurling the coarse lake sand at each other. I dodged expertly and plopped back down on my towel, choosing to ask Lily about Quidditch later.
The sun dried my skin too soon, but after Lily so graciously told me that there was there could possibly be a giant squid in the water, I was reluctant to o in the water again.
Sirius chuckled at my expression as Lily told me some gruesome stories about Hogwarts many legends and monsters and I wished I could show him half the things Ive seen and watch his face. I turned to glare at him, and he quickly stifled his snicker and attempted to control his expression.
Soon Lily turned to yell at Erin for doing something against the rules and James plopped his body in front of my towel. I eyed him suspiciously.
"Hey Kira!" He said happily, too happily. "I was wondering—now I know you don't know anything about Quidditch or anything, but I promise to teach you!—and I was wondering if you would tryout for the team," I raised my eyebrows skeptically, not only did I not know it was a game, but I don't even know how to play it. Why would he ask me? "I need a good chaser—one that can keep up with Sirius." He finished looking expectant and hopeful.
"Why?" I asked incredulously, not believing why the hell he'd want me. He seemed inquisitive for a moment.
"Because youre going to be good, I can just feel it." He said, and then with out further explanation he ran off yelling—"Lilykins!"
I turned to glare at Sirius to smash any amusement he found in my last conversation with James. But for once his eyes weren't laughing, and he seemed oddly serious. I followed his eyes and groaned inwardly at the swollen cuts and bites on my left forearm. Why didn't I just take care of the stupid arm?
"What the hell tried to eat your arm?" He asked and the way he put it annoyed me out of my mind. But suddenly I was struck with suck a magnificent idea it nearly knocked me over. I leapt up from my spot, yanking my shorts on and not bothering with my top. I looked down on Sirius Black, picturing his horrified expression while extending my hand out to him. A wicked grin stretched across my face.
"Come on, Ill show you."
--------------------()-----------------
At first, I wasn't positive, but now I realized it was and enormous mistake going with her. I should have been warned by her expression, usually so masked, so cold, but now there was a wicked grin stretched across her face, her dark eyes hinting at malice.
She clearly was a lunatic.
Id just snog her and be done with, hopefully she wouldn't become a crazy psycho bitch like Allison Reese, and Kate Burros and Vivian Smihle and…well, lots of others too.
But as Thorny dragged me across the grassy lawns of Hogwarts towards the Forbidden Forest it became increasingly clear that no amount of kissing was on our agenda this fine afternoon, and I was quite afraid to find out what was. She definitely had a scary look on her face.
Her small hand gripped mine with such force I wondered how she could be so tiny and still be so strong. But I was trailing behind her, and quite liked the view. When we left the lake she hadn't bothered to pull her shirt on and I was enjoying the benefits. Her wet hair was tossed into one of those sexy bun/ pony tail thingies girls always wear, one strand of wet chocolate hair had managed to escape and now hung down in a loose spiral between her small shoulder blades. I ogled at her backside freely seeing as she was busy towing me across campus and obviously too busy to notice, and, therefore, couldn't curse me.
She had quite a knack for evil little curses, some of them I had never even heard of. I had a feeling she knew more evil curses that were not so little, but I was yet to catch her in the act.
The small thin turquoise line of her bikini tie was oddly distracting. The damned little thing seemed to remind me she still had a top on—no matter how small—and the fact was frustrating if not completely disappointing. I would have very much liked to see Kira Thornhill entirely topless, but from the looks of things, it was not going to happen today.
We were now halfway across the lawn to the Forbidden Forest—where I assumed she was taking me—and we had to weave our way through picnicking students. Olivia Hore waved frantically at me from several feet away with her friends giggling on either side. All of the seven girls were brandishing brightly colored swimsuits which were much more scanty than Ive ever seen. Perhaps they still used their swimwear from Preschool. What confused me more was the fact that they were wearing swimsuits nowhere near water. Unless Im mistaken, swimsuits are meant for swimming in water. But oh well, as long as there are girls in Bikinis—Im not complaining.
My eyes drifted back to Kira's exceptionally admirable back. The flawless skin, and the curve of her…
Suddenly she yanked sharply on my hand and I lurched forward. She glared over her shoulder at me angrily, her midnight blue eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun dangerously.
"Will you keep up?" She asked in an irritated tone, turning back to face the forest. "I feel like I'm dragging a two ton whale." She grumbled and I glowered bitterly at the back of her head. She was pretty until she opened her bloody trap. But I was still happy to talk with her, We've never exchanged anything other than insults in the past weeks and suddenly I was craving to hear what talking to her would actually be like. Lily had said she is actually quite nice if you get to know her, I doubted the nice part, but she could possibly be tolerable.
"Well maybe Id be a bit more willing to follow if I didn't feel like I was being dragged off to prison." I was well aware of the fact that everyone one surrounding us was eavesdropping, but I ignored them for now.
"I bet prison would serve you some good." She said matter-of-factly, still not turning to look at me. I jogged up to meet her pace and once we were at the same level she dropped my hand and stopped, turning—finally—to face me, with her arms crossed and expression annoyed or possibly bored. I tried not to get distracted by her extremely sexy, toned stomach.
"Then you clearly don't know what you're talking about. People go mad in Azkaban. I have an uncle in there." She looked astonished, a delicate hand fluttered to her heart.
"You have family?" She asked innocently, sounding suspiciously sarcastic. "I would've thought you were raised by wolves." She mused to herself, then, very suddenly she dropped her act and started to walk again. I had to run to keep up. She was very silent, seemingly intent on ignoring me.
"Can we at least talk while you drag me to my doom? This is a bit boring for my taste." I added hoping to get another snide remark out of her, and forgetting about my plan to actually talk with her.
"I believe we are talking." She rolled her eyes, as if I was incredibly stupid.
"If you think flinging insults at each other is the equivalent of a conversation, you clearly missed a lesson on how to be social."
"And what do your conversations suffice to? A little lip to lip contact? Hmm?" I grinned, and winked at her.
"We could try that you know, much more fun." I smiled arrogantly at her, leaning a little closer.
People were still eavesdropping.
To my disappointment she looked completely disgusted with the idea, as if I suggested for her to eat that most rotten thing on earth. Not the reaction I had hoped for. She didn't look flattered, or secretly pleased, she didn't giggle or blush. Nothing. Just absolute, downright, repulsed by the idea. I pursed my lips; clearly this was a lot harder than I thought. And it surprised me by how much the fact made me want to play her game more.
I grinned at her now retreating figure, her beautiful golden skin disappearing into the shadows of the forest.
Sirius Black was always up for a good game of cat and mouse.
He couldn't see them. Not one. While I stared at gruesome flesh eating monsters he stared at nothing. Just a rusted fence, an old crumbling well, and Ivy devouring its way up the metal chains of the barrier. It frustrated me beyond belief that he couldn't feel this horror that was pulsing through my body like black molten lava.
"It must have left." I heard myself say faintly beyond my frightened heart.
"Well? What exactly was here?" He said irritably, glancing at the torn flesh of my arm to where my eyes stayed transfixed. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
"Nothing." I reluctantly pulled my eyes from their sagging ash faces, but their moans of eternal hunger made my body cringe. Something about their putrid, raw desire for human flesh made a chill creep up my spine. "Go back to the lake, Im going back to the dorms." Black turned his body to me, still in his navy swim trunks, his athletic torso exposed to any searching eyes.
"You left your shirt at the lake." He added helpfully, solidifying his point by dropping his eyes to scan the rest of my body.
"I'm aware." I growled grumpily. Turning to leave. "Tell Lily I'm fine."
"Why would she think otherwise?" The crunch of branches behind me notified my of his approach. I lifted my shoulders than dropped them in a gesture resembling a shrug.
"She worries too much." Go away. Go away. Go away.
"Why? About you?"
"Yes. Now if you don't mind, Ill be leaving." Shifting my body into a quicker pace, I quickly made my way out of the forest. Behind me I heard Black mimicking me childishly. Oh how much I wished he'd get lost and die in this forest.
Monday came to fast for anyone's liking, but this Monday was going to be particularly brutal, what with the fact that Quidditch try-outs were to be held this evening. A sport Lily had spent all Saturday night relaying the rules to me in a comprehensible fashion, which consisted of Erin, Erica and Lily constructing a miniature quidditch pitch complete with players alike that ended up being an all night art project. After that eventful night, I was convinced the game was ludicrous and that I would not be trying out for that sport in a hundred years. Of course James spent the entire rest of the weekend pestering me until it was so incredibly unbearable I screamed at him 'shut the bloody hell up' and finally relented. So that may have been the reason behind my considerably bad mood. Either that or the fact that I was forced to sit by Sirius Black during DADA, with us being partners and all. He, on the other hand seemed quite cheerful by this gloomy situation, which deepened my horrible mood even more.
I glared moodily at the black board, a twinge of satisfaction rising when I realized that the other Professor teaching would be taking an extended vacation due to the fact that he was convinced Harcnives were after him. Harcnives are terrible animals that resembled something of a goblin and a vampire bat, but at the moment they seemed quite wonderful. Because of the Professors absence we had a substitute for the rest of the year, Professor Valensic. She was a no nonsense type of discipliner but it was clear she was kind, and actually intended on teaching us useful information.
"Next Wednesday, when you come to class prepared to face a boggart. We will be using the spell you have been practicing over the past weeks. If anyone still needs help, Im willing to teach you after class as long as you are willing to learn.
Now, on to today's subject. Professor Dumbledore has requested a special unit on Torturing Curses. We will be covering that today, and I expect everyone on his or her best behavior. Torturing Curses are an extremely serious matter. They inflict unimaginable pain on their victim. First off we will be naming them, and then perhaps if we have time we will learn to block the brunt of them." Professor Valensic said sternly. Then she reached for a pile of neat parchment cards and proceeded to pass them out to the students with a flick of her wand. "I want everyone to write down the names of the curses you already know so I know where to start."
I took the tiny slip and began writing immediately. After five minutes of waiting patiently she retrieved them from all the students. Most people had two or three; I had filled the entire card and the backside. I now realized, as the paper floated to her waiting hands that I mad a mistake. People don't normally know that many Torturing curses.
Valensic nodded to her self as she read and shuffled through the cards. Then she stopped suddenly, staring down at one in particular with a wide-eyed expression. I cringed and sunk further down in my seat, hoping she wouldn't call attention to me. She looked up, her sharp, eagle eyes scanning until they landed on me.
"Kira Thornhill?" She asked me, and I nodded morosely. She glanced back at the note card, pursing her lips. "You seem to know a great deal about Torturing curses, why don't you teach today's lesson?" She seemed thrilled by the idea, me? Not so much. "Why I don't think I know half of these." She extended one long slender finger and gestured for me to join her. I shuffled from my seat miserably and Sirius whispered a 'good luck, I heard she eats little girls.' From beside me, seeming to enjoy this whole situation too much for his own good.
"Sit here darling," the professor patted a wooden stool encouragingly. "Just write them down on the board" She gestured in a long sweeping movement toward the black board, "And then explain them to the class. I'm quite curious to how you know these but hat is a question for after class. Hmm? Now go on dear." She stepped away and took a stool to the back of the classroom. I gulped, and Black grinned from our seats.
"Alright," I mumbled, picking up the chalk and walking to the board. I wrote Brokanias in large clear letters. It was quite different writing with chalk rather than a quill.
"If you're hit by the Brokanias Cruse it feels as if all the bones in your body are being broken one. By. One. From the bones in your fingers being snapped to your skull being crushed. Of course, it only feels like that, your bones don't actually break, but you can hear them crack and break." I added thoughtfully and shivered at a distant memory, remembering the feeling of my bones being snapped one at a time. "I think the entire curse takes about ten minutes to run its course, if I remember correctly. There are a lot of bones." I shivered again.
"If you remember correctly?" One Slytherin asked incredulously. Everyone seemed to bethinking the same thing, a mixture of horror and fascination placed on their faces. I ignored her comment and turned back to the board. I took a deep breath and wrote the next one.
Skinaciam.
"This one feels as if you're being skinned alive." I kept it simple.
The rest of my descriptions continued as such, with only minor interruptions on how I knew all this, which I did not even know completely. It was difficult—telling of curses you know deep down are eve worse than the horrid explanations.
"Venaminous: like everything in your body, including your muscles and your bone and heart, is being dissolved….Watacio: simulates what it would be like to drown….feels like your body is being turned inside out…..on fire….can kill you from excessive pain….Crucio: there's a well known one, feels like….mainly emotional pain, but is more painful than the lot if you ask me….feels like your drying up, if this happens you feel as if youll turn into ash….daggers through the heart…." I explained quietly, correcting myself when I made a reference that made it seem as if I had personal experience, even though I was positive I had. As I went down the long list everyone seemed terribly familiar and I coundnt help asking myself if I wanted to remember my past. I wasn't so sure anymore. Professor Valensic was looking particularly pale, growing as white as ghost as I continued. She hadn't made a comment the entire time. Everyone, from the Slytherins to the Gryffindor wore the same horrified expressions, whether it was from the topic, or the way I reacted, I wasn't sure I cared anymore.
"And the last one I know," I picked up the white chalk again, hopefully for the last time. It seemed to have shrunk considerably, and I wondered how many curses I had written down with it. I felt a sudden stab of guilt for forcing the innocent chalk to write such terrible magic. " Aveda Kadavra." I spoke as I wrote, not facing the class of thirty eight hallow eyes.
"Don't you mean Avada Kedavra?And its not a torturing curse it's the killing curse." A know it all Slytherin sneered, clearly pleased she had out witted me.
"No," I said slowly, inhaling a shaky breath and turned back to the bored to timidly write the Killing curse beneath my other scrawled version. "They both kill," I started, feeling like I wanted to run and hide in this moment—disappear forever. Never come back. Clearly Professor Varensic would know something's up when I say this. In this world there may be good wizards who have knowledge of the torturing curses I just named and described, but there is not one that will know this curse. Only the darkest know this, and Its one of their prided secrets. "But The killing curse is painless, a flick of the wand—your dead. But Aveda Kadavra is extremely painful. Imagine all of these, " I gestured to the board full of frightening curses, glad I would be able to slink back to my seat and hide in a few minutes. "Put in one painful second before you die. When investigating deaths the Ministry often mistakes one for the other. May I sit down now?" I asked the Professor anxiously, finishing quickly and already darting off the stool and away from the black board.
Professor Valensic's hawk like eyes and hooked crooked nose, her long claw like fingers and unattractive bushy eyebrows were in a state of frozen shock that thawed when I seemed t disappear into my seat. Her expression slowly changed from stunned to horrified to confused and back again. Valensic gulped largely, looking like she might want to run as well. Definitely not what she singed up for when she approached this job. I hung my head guiltily, feeling more out of place than usual. Why did I always have to do something wrong? Ruin everything? I wanted to dissolve, to die a thousand deaths, melt into the floor—anything to escape thirty-two pairs of eyes that watched me with similar expressions to Professor Valensic. Especially a pair of silky chocolate eyes that peered at me with judgment and disgust from beside me.
I would have given anything to escape, in that moment, if Voldemort had offered me one of his cryptic invitations I would have gladly accepted. This was a moment he would have won, a moment of weakness on my part.
Self loathing filled me as Porofessor Valensic dismissed the class. I didn't move, knowing she would want to speak to me, interogait me, maybe even use one of the curses on the smoky black board to get that information. That's how people get what they want, right? Pain? Pain always seems to be the answer.
She approached me with a different expression than I expected. Her sharp, golden eyes surprisingly soft and worried. For my sake, or her own? That hardly seemed to need an answer. Her own—of course. Who would care about me? I dropped my eyes to the ingrained wood of the worn desks, feeling more small and vulnerable than ever. I realized how much I wanted her to care about me, how much more weak I felt when I wanted someone to care, instead of expecting the worst. More room to be hurt. To be rejected.
So I did the thing Im best at. I withdrew, my face composed of a mask of stone, burying my pain, my misery, my guilt and self-loathing beneath a layer of thin protection.
But valuable protection nonetheless.
Her words were lost to my ears, I didn't bother listening to her urgently coaxing me to tell—to tell where I learned these, to tell her who did this, what happened to me. Her sympathetic comments wasted on me, her false concern disregarded.
I hadn't said a word when she asked me to go to Dumbledore's office, handing me my note card. Scrawled on the small parchment square was the list of curses.
"I feel you need to inform him of these, I'm sure the information you have provided will be considered useful." She nodded to herself, still looking troubled and confused. "Maybe you'll be more inclined to explain to him."
I left without a backward glance, not planning on going to Dumbledore's office quite yet. I had missed most of my last class, and didn't bother to try and make the rest, even if it was one of my favorites.
While walking dismally through the empty corridors, I didn't pause to answer the portraits inquisitive stares with glares or threats and I usually did. I actually didn't register anything until I had the sensation of being drenched in a bucket of ice-cold water. I turned scanning for the culprit half-heartedly. I didn't feel like dishing out punishment at this moment. But as I glanced I realized it was only Nearly Headless Nick, who was talking happily with a painting of an odd sort of round woman on a field of daisies that looked unpleasantly like crying yellow baby faces.
He smiled brilliantly at me, turning after feeling my gaze. He dismissed the round woman and swooped silently towards me.
"Why hello my dear," He smiled cordially, giving a small swift bow. It was strange talking to a ghost. I nodded and he floated silently past me into a room labeled the trophy room. I sighed and kept walking to the dorms.
I rounded the last corner, when suddenly I collided with something considerably hard and tall. I bounced backwards, stumbling until I hit the opposite wall, rattling a nearby painting that shot me a disapproving look.
"Ugh," I groaned throwing a small hand to the back of my head where it had smacked against the wall with a painful thud. My bag slipped off my shoulder, sliding to the floor with a muted clump. A hoarse chuckle reached my ears from several troll steps away. I opened my eyes expecting a talking bookshelf by how hard the body was when I so stupidly ran into it, but a tall black haired boy stood leaning against the wall casually, someone I came to know as Sirius Black. He smirked when my eyes narrowed dangerously in his direction, my head storming with the rage of a new battering headache.
"I know it's hard for you to keep your hands off of me…" He started, a large wolfish grin stretching across his handsome aristocratic features, his large brown eyes twinkling roguishly as he spoke. "But please, Thorny, no touching." He brushed a hand arrogantly on his white school shirt as if to brush off any filth I had somehow transferred when we ungracefully smacked into each other.
I gritted my teeth, my body filling suddenly with hot, pulsing anger. In a second, I imagined ten different ways in witch I would kill him, but I reigned those loose thoughts quickly when I heard a certain voice egging on my anger, fanning the flames dangerously, trying to get me to act on the menacing images that flashed behind my eyelids. I collected myself instantly, my body cooling to a bearable temperature.
"I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you." I smiled threateningly and he raised one dark eyebrow in amusement. "Or I might just have to use one of those curses on you…" I trailed off, pretending to actually contemplate the deed, which minutes ago I had with one definite end. I expected him to run, anyone would. Everyone was already scarred witless of me, maybe in result of the horrid rumors that were hovering ominously over all their thoughts. Anyone else would have scurried off like scared rabbit. I am pleased to admit I saw a flicker of fear in his brown eyes before he hooded the emotion with curiosity and I had the uneasy feeling he was used to these sorts of threats.
"You know how to perform them?" He asked skeptically, staying a safe distance away in case I decided to toss one torturing curse his way just for the heck of it. I saw his eyes measure the length between us in one fleeting glance. I rolled my stormy blue eyes in exasperation.
"I know every one of those curses inside and out. I know their proper names, I know how to perform them, I know the exact movement of the wand, I know how they feel, I know the exact number of people who have done them, I know what the victims expressions will look like for each individual curse…everything. They should be illegal, but then again. Hardly anyone knows about them." I had the satisfaction of watching his face twist into fear again, but it wasn't what I expected. Not fear of me, fear for me. He looked at me with a sympathetic gaze that seemed to burn through my skin; he appeared to be genuinely sad about this.
Not what I wanted from him. Without looking back I passed him on my way to the portrait hole.
"See you tonight at try-outs!" He called after me smugly, seemingly have recovered his regular arrogant self.
I groaned out loud, and heard his superior chuckle follow me until I was out of ear shot.
I forgot, Quidditch practice tonight.
Damn.
I wasn't quite rid of Black for the day.
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