The room is spinning.
Black creeps into the corners of her vision. Dizziness taking over, so much so that she has to sit down.
The latest revelation has her falling back to the couch before she can even catch herself.
Castle rushes forward, settles his knees on the floor in between her own, splaying his hands atop her legs. "Beckett… Kate…" he pleads. "You have to know I didn't do it. Please, Kate."
Her eyes pop open the same time a humorless laugh rushes out of her lungs. Beckett reaches for him, bringing him forward by his face. Their foreheads meet harder than she means too but it doesn't matter. "God, Rick. Are you serious right now?" She breaks contact from his head, dips down a little so he can see her eyes. "You're kidding right? Do you actually think that I would ever suspect you in this?"
"No, I know. It's just that your reaction startled me. Sorry." Castle is running his hands up and down her arms. Beckett realizes this new ability to touch each other has him unable to stay away from her.
She's never been one for a lot of affection but the comfort his touch provides is yet another thing she's grateful that she doesn't have to live without now. "It's okay. You just shocked me is all. They already suspect you and now it's going to be harder to prove your innocence, but we can do it. We'll just explain to Chief Brady what you were doing out here."
Castle stiffens. It's as if her words have stung him, but she knows she didn't say anything offensive. His touch comes to a halt on her arms and he stands abruptly and crosses the room in a few long strides, then paces back. He's got the bridge of his nose pinched between two fingers.
Beckett's internal alarm is blaring again. Another punch to the gut is coming, she can sense it. And she can already taste the bile rising, burning her throat in anticipation.
Finally, stopping his furious pace around the room, he turns back to her with apologies spewing from his lips. "I'm so sorry… So sorry, Kate. I didn't want you to find out this way. God, I'm sorry. If you don't want to help me get out of this situation, I would understand."
"Castle, what are you talking about? Just tell me what's going on." Her patience is running low and she's absolutely tired of being blindsided. But whatever he has to say, she can't imagine it making her want to leave him to let him fend for himself.
"The um… the reason I was out here…" a sheen of sweat has settled on his forehead, Beckett notices. "...goes back to your shooting last May."
If she wasn't already sitting, she'd have been knocked on her ass this time.
Synapses in her brain start to fire and questions arise in her mind, but she's unable to verbalize them at the moment. The connection from her brain to her mouth has seemed to have short circuited. All she can do is let the panic she feels rise and overtake the hard fought control of her emotions.
Castle must sense the war that is silently waging in her mind and body, because he continues to speak so that she doesn't have a chance to break. "While you were still in the hospital, I got a call from a guy named Smith. He said he owed Roy a favor and that favor was to protect you from your mother's killer." He looks up to check and see if she's still following.
She is. Her insides are boiling but she doesn't dare let herself miss a thing he says.
"Except the protection came too late," he says just as he seems to run out of steam.
He doesn't move closer to her and Beckett is thankful. She doesn't think she could handle his touch at the moment and she doesn't want to hurt him by having to pull away.
Somehow she finds her voice again and along with it a quiet anger that allows her to keep her voice low and steady. "You need to explain this to me, because right now I don't understand how you could keep this information from me and I definitely don't understand how this has to do with your weekend alone here in the Hamptons."
Castle opens his mouth to answer but she interrupts with a raised voice. "And how the hell could you do this? You know how important this case is to me. All I needed was a lead… a lead, Castle, and you kept it from me."
"Kate," he says on exhale, deflated.
"Explain! Now, Castle!" They're both standing now, both sets of fists clinched. Beckett can feel her pulse pounding in her neck and forehead and she can see the fight coming back into Castle's eyes.
"You had just survived a bullet to the heart. Do you really think I was gonna give you that new information in the state that you were in? Kate, you would have jumped right back into the rabbit hole and gotten yourself killed. I couldn't let that happen."
"You had no right to make that decision for me. It's my life, Castle, mine! Not yours." Beckett rounds the corner of the couch and makes her way towards the stairway.
"Where are you going?" he asks sounding panicked.
She stops but doesn't turn back to him, doesn't want him to see the tears pooling in her eyes. "Upstairs. I just… I need some space to think." And then she's out of his sight.
On the second floor, Beckett finds herself in a long hallway, several doorways on each side, giving her plenty of space to choose from. She picks the doorway at the very end of the hall. The door is open, and soft light is spilling through as if it beckons her.
When she enters, she's amazed at the size and beauty, open and in no way smothering. The decor is elegant and classy, yet comforting and warm. Opposite of the doorway are three sets of white-trimmed French doors, that take up the whole wall. The middle set draws her in. She opens them and steps out onto the balcony before her.
There she can see the full extent of how big his backyard really is and that it butts right up against the pale sand of the beach. There's a light breeze which causes her arms to erupt with goose bumps. It's chilly this time of year, but she finds it oddly comforting. Despite the dark grey sky and the roar of the waves crashing, she allows herself to calm down to a point where she's able to think more clearly.
Beckett is still at a loss that Castle would hide something so big from her, but at the same time she understands why he did it and thinks maybe he was right to do what he did.
Dr. Burke told her she needed to put herself into the shoes of the people who were close to her so that she could see their point of view on things, how she hurt them when she went away for the summer and how her shooting didn't just affect her, but them as well and in different ways. So she's trying to see his side, why he would do something like this, knowing it would hurt her. And it mostly makes sense.
If he had given her the information as soon as he had gotten that phone call, she's certain she would have ran headlong into the case without thinking, without allowing her body and mind to heal. And she hates to admit it, but he's probably right, she would have gotten herself killed.
The man is infuriating and at times childish but she also knows he loves her and would do anything for her. Richard Castle is a lot of things, but he's not mean, he wouldn't do this intending to hurt her.
Again, she realizes the real reason she's here. It's a sobering thought, so she pulls herself together. The man did not hurt her on purpose and probably saved her life once again by the tough choices that he had to make.
She doesn't have time to wallow in the hurt that he's caused. This is something she can move on from, knowing they can tackle it together later. But right now, Castle needs her. It's her turn to be his rock and this time she won't fail.
She doesn't know how much time passes while she's up on the balcony but it's enough that the wind picks up and colder air cuts through and starts to chill her bones. It's her cue to go find her man and make things right.
Save for turning towards her when she approaches, Castle hasn't moved.
He starts to get up but she stops him with a hand to his shoulder, lets it slide down his arm as she sits down next to him, leaving no space between them.
Their fingers lace together, giving her something to focus on while she finds her words. "I'm sorry, Castle." She finds his eyes, sadly smiling at his questioning frown. "I thought about what you said and why you didn't tell me about it. I get it now, I really do, so I'm not mad at you. You did the right thing. Thank you for always having my back," she finishes. After several seconds of silence to allow her apology to stick, she leans into him, finding his lips with hers.
Castle doesn't hesitate at the offering of her lips, opening up to her instantly. She can taste his acceptance of the apology in the way he kisses her back.
After a few minutes they both pull back to rest against one another, holding each other in the glory of this new found relationship.
"Tell me something, though, Castle. What does any of that have to do with why you were here in the Hamptons alone?" she asks as she settles even further in the embrace of his arms, resting her head on his shoulder.
"I knew how dangerous it was to be looking into your case, so I needed to get it out of the loft, away from Mother and Alexis. And I knew I could work on it here without anyone finding out. It was my way of investigating discreetly, out here, alone. I had no idea that in the meantime two people that I have ties to were being murdered just yards down the beach." He sighs and lets his head fall to the back of the couch. "Crazy thing is, I left here late that night so that I could be with you in the precinct the next morning. I'm guessing the murders had already taken place before I left. If only I'd left sooner."
If only he had waited a few more days or done it a few days earlier he wouldn't be a suspect in this case, she thinks.
"So we can't really tell the truth of what I was doing here because that would draw the wrong kind of attention to whoever had you shot and besides, who would believe us, anyways?"
She knows he's right. Castle has no solid alibi, none that they could take to Chief Brady.
And just like that, once again, getting justice for someone she loves and solving a seemingly unsolvable case has been put on her shoulders.
With no more time for lounging, Beckett gets up and starts to pace just as Castle had done while telling her about her about the phone call he'd received. "Okay, Castle, let's think about this. Chief Brady said they found your DNA on the bat. One, you said you never touched the bat because John always had it when you were kids. And two, that bat shouldn't have been at the crime scene because it should have been in the evidence storage locker from John's murder. So three questions I have," she says as she starts to tick off each finger. "Who broke into the evidence storage locker? How did they get your DNA on the bat? And why are you being framed?"
The last question must not have occurred to Castle because any blood in his face has now drained, leaving him white as a sheet. "I am being framed, aren't I?" he asks with little force behind his voice.
Seeing the panic bubbling to the surface, Beckett sits down on the coffee table in front of him. "Castle, hey, we're gonna figure this out. It's gonna be okay."
He's about to respond when out of nowhere they hear what sounds to be car doors being shut just outside his front door.
Castle jumps up first, jogging to peer out one of the front windows. Beckett is not far behind but doesn't make it there before she hears Castle curse under his breath.
Looking over his shoulder, her eyes adjust to the light of the fall day. She sees a swarm of movement as news vans and police car doors slam shut as reporters and camera men rush around to get the best available spot in front of Richard Castle's Hamptons home. "Castle," is all she can say before he's turning into her for a quick hug.
"Call my mother and Alexis, and call my lawyer."
The doorbell rings. There's no point in drawing this out, so both Castle and Beckett make their way to the front door, opening it up to Chief Brady and several of his deputies.
"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murders of Randall and Susan Gilbert…" Castle turns around as the cuffs slap around his wrists.
Beckett's heart is sinking. She's helpless in this moment of what may be her worst nightmare coming true. What if she can't save him? What if they never get their chance to really get started?
"Kate."
She's pulled out of the weight of her thoughts at the sound of his voice.
"I love you, Kate."
And oh, it would be the sweetest thing she's ever heard if it weren't for the fact that Castle's eyes shine with resignation, as if he knows he'll be locked away inside a prison cell for the rest of his life.
And then he's dragged off to a patrol car and is being pushed into the back seat like she's done so many times to actual murderers.
This has now become the most important case she has to solve in her life.