Chapter Six: A Strange Dream
Jacqueline opened her eyes. She could feel the bed beneath her and the soft, warm covers over her. Where was she? Her mind was fuzzy. She had had a dream that they had been attacked just before dawn, that someone had hit her and that she had walked, no stumbled, through a wooded area. She could remember the smell of horses and blood and someone holding her. It had to have been a dream. But where was she? She sat up, suddenly realizing she was wearing a night gown. Her hand went immediately to her head and she fell back on the soft pillows in pain. Perhaps it hadn't been a strange dream.
She sat up again, slowly this time, turning and bringing her feet over the side until they touched a soft rug on the floor. Her legs and body began to shake but she forced herself to stand. She slowly felt her way across the room, until her hand touched hanging fabric. Finding the edge, she pulled the fabric back and light filled the room. She turned her head, blinded by the light and taking a few moments before looking out the window again. She could see the ocean. She was in Le Havre. She looked down and smiled. Ramon and Siroc where practicing in front of the house. It had to be late morning, but what morning was it and did her friends know what she was?
The thought of Siroc and Ramon knowing her secret seemed less frightening then it had been before they left Paris. The fact that they were still even in the same house as her was a good sign, maybe, she thought, maybe they would understand why she was leaving if they knew. Maybe.
Her eyes returned to the ocean. She would be crossing it soon, finding her brother and discovering a new life, a free life. Jacqueline closed her eyes. She had been considering leaving for so long and had made her final decision on the road to Le Havre. She would go, but this time, the thought of leaving made her sad. Her fingers touched her lips. If what happened to her the last few days hadn't been a dream, then d'Artagnan had kissed her when he thought she was asleep. She remembered his gentle voice, his words. 'You cannot leave me, Jacqueline. I love you too much.' Her fingers went to her cheek. He had caressed her cheek. But what did it matter? She could never be free here. She could never be his and she still longed for family. She closed the door to her heart. She would leave.
Jacqueline stepped away from the window, leaving the curtain open so that she could see. When she turned around, she stopped. D'Artagnan was asleep in a chair on the other side of the room with his bare feet on a stool. He wore a pair of pants and his long hair hung freely. His head rested in a position that looked completely uncomfortable. She felt her stomach flutter and legs shake more than they already were. She moved slowly toward him.
Jacqueline gently touched his cheek, her fingers running over the bruises on his face. The one she had given him had faded to a sickly yellow and was almost gone. As she started to pull her hand away, d'Artagnan grabbed it with the hand that had supported his head and jumped up. She had startled him. Jacqueline, surprised by his abrupt movement, stumbled. But before she could completely fall, d'Artagnan caught her. His arms were wrapped around her, lifting her back to her feet. She felt her entire body tremble as she looked up to meet his eyes. She thought, hoped, he would kiss her.
D'Artagnan could feel her shaking in his arms, her chest pressed against his. He studied her for a few moments, before bending over and picking her up. "You shouldn't be out of bed," he said as he carried her back to the bed and laid her down gently.
Jacqueline immediately was cross. "I'm not a baby, d'Artagnan," she snapped, trying to sit up but failing when the pain in her head disagreed with her movement.
D'Artagnan pulled the covers back over her. "I'm not trying to baby you, Jacqueline," he retorted. "But, you shouldn't be out of bed yet. Someone managed to actually crack that hard head of yours."
She glared at him. She hated it when he pretended to know what was best for her. "How long have I been asleep?" She pushed the covers off of herself just to spite him.
D'Artagnan shook his head, rolled his eyes, pulled the covers back over her for the second time and sat down on the bed next to her before he answered her question. "Since the night before last. Isabel said you were out for almost a day before we actually found you."
"Oh," was all that Jacqueline said. A retorted had gone through her head about how the great d'Artagnan was losing his touch, but she had decided not to pick a fight. "So, I suppose Siroc and Ramon know now." She closed her eyes to avoid his gaze.
"No, Isabel threatened to write the king and have us dismissed from the musketeers if we tried to see you before you woke up. She told them that the doctor had said that you shouldn't be disturbed."
"Then why are you in here?" she asked, now fidgeting with the top the blanket.
"I came in here last night after everyone had gone to bed. They probably still think I'm asleep. None of us have slept much in the past few days." The pair sat in silence for a few minutes before d'Artagnan spoke again. "How much do you remember?" he asked.
"Not much. The last thing I remember was handing you the cup of coffee. The rest feels like a dream."
"Well, I assure you it wasn't a dream. Siroc, Ramon and I alone have enough bruises to prove otherwise. Lady Isabel even has a few of her own." D'Artagnan laughed lightly. One side of his mouth curled up into a lopsided grin. "I think Siroc is a little taken with her."
"She rode with him," Jacqueline stated.
D'Artagnan's expression changed. "How did you know that?"
"I don't know. I mostly remember the smell of the horses and feeling the wind. I have an image stuck in my mind of her riding with Siroc. As I said, for all I know it was a dream." Jacqueline brought her hand up and massaged her forehead with her fingertips. The pain in her head was becoming almost unbearable. It hurt to think.
D'Artagnan watched her rub her forehead. He silently wished he could take the pain from her. "I sent word to Captain Duval that you were hurt," he said. "We received word late last night that the three of us have permission to stay with you until you're well enough to return to Paris." He smiled at her again. "Personally, I could use a few days off."
Jacqueline choked. He was expecting her to return to Paris. She had meant what she had said on the road. "D'Artagnan, I'm not returning to Paris." She had lifted herself up on to her right arm to show him that she was serious.
"What do you mean, you're not returning to Paris?" D'Artagnan stood up abruptly. She couldn't possibly be serious. He could feel the anger growing in him. He wouldn't let her leave. She had a duty to perform. After everything that had happened in the past six months, she owed it to the musketeers not to dessert them. She owed it to him not to leave.
"I told you, d'Artagnan. I'm going to find Gerard. I can't stand it here anymore. I have no one, no family, nothing. The only reason I even started this façade was to save Gerard's life. The musketeers were a child's dream for me, nothing more. I want to be free now. I want what's left of my family." By the time she had finished speaking, she was shouting through clenched teeth. Why doesn't he understand? she asked herself.
D'Artagnan stiffened. "Fine, if that's what you want, then leave. We don't need you anyway." He almost choked on his words. The thought of her leaving was killing him, but he knew the look in her eyes. He could read her soul through those eyes. There would be no changing her mind.
Jacqueline could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She would not cry, not in front of him. "Well, if that's the way you feel, d'Artagnan, then I suggest the three of you leave for Paris." She rolled over, unable to look at him further.
D'Artagnan didn't respond. His hands balled into fists and he shook his head as he walked out the door, shutting it behind him. Jacqueline buried her face in one of the pillows and sobbed, torn between finding her brother and being free and the man she knew she loved but could never have.