"I'm scared… I'm not gonna lie to you."
"I know that… I can see it in your eyes, you don't need to lie to me."
She just pressed his hand tighter against hers, and took her gaze far away from his face.
"Vee… everything's gonna be alright, relax."
He wasn't helping. For her, it would have been better if he stayed in silence. The quick nervous movement of her leg was already out of her conscious control.
He laid his hand fondly above it.
...Finally. "Let's go."
"Well, Victoria… " the woman started. "The blood test showed some values out of the normal range. As I told you before, this could mean a lot of things. But given your symptoms, the physical states you said you felt, and this values, I think the right step now is to pass directly to the main test… which is the tomography."
Tomography. She gave him a quick look, andher face turned into a confused expression. "But why?... What are you exactly looking for?"
The woman made a pause. "At the moment, I'm not looking for anything in special. It's a check"
"But why?" she needed to ask, and needed to be answered. "What is that that took you to that test in particular?".
"Victoria…" the woman eyed them both. "There's a possibility that you're suffering a dangerous kind of meningitis."
Her mind frozened. Nothing could pass through her mouth. The only thing she could do was to pin her gaze to his eyes.
"If you consider it right, we can make it today, in a few hours." Only the doctor's voice took her out of him.
She turned around, confused, desperate, and God knows what else… "Yes, please." she replied unfocused.
"Good." the woman gave her smile. "Try to stay calm, Victoria. It's just a possibility."
She nodded with her head lowed.
Meningitis... Who was going to take care of her daughter? And her grandchild?... She couldn't leave the three alone. God no, she couldn't...
"Will you come inside?" Victoria asked him afraid.
He had her cold hands between his… feeling that cold skin broke his heart. Because he knew right now, she was feeling like a lonely little girl like the one she was once.
"No, darling, I can't come in... But don't you forget, I'm right here, okay?" He kissed the knuckles of her hand. "Right after this door"
His gaze got locked with hers. Oh darling, he could see the paralyzing fear in her eyes claiming for help... "Be strong. You're good in that"
She smiled shyly. I'm not sure I can be right now, she wanted to have the courage to say.
The door opened. "Are you ready?" A woman smiled.
"Yes" she said, recovering from the fear she failed on hiding him.
They got in. And he was dying. He wished he could press her hand right now...
When she was already changed, the woman gave her the instructions:
"I'm gonna ask you that you move the less possible. Specially your head. And I'll talk with you, but if you don't want to, you can tell me. The same with anything you feel, okay? Pain, chills, whatever... fine?"
"Yes" she smiled.
"Great" the woman gave the smile back.
She laid back on the white plank, and that strange and desperate noise started. The plank slide inside the steel machine... She wasn't that scared. She was afraid, and that's different.
"Can I call you by your name?" She heard the woman's voice.
"Yes."
There was a short silence. She hated silence. She preferred to talk with her.
Of course the doctor knew who she was. Everybody knew. But yet, she was a person who was now living a calm life away from that place, and she was a patient. They need to talk sometimes and they don't know it. There must have been a reason why she was so far away from The Hamptons.
"Do you have kids, Victoria?"
"Yes... three."
"What do you have?"
"Two boys, and one girl... the youngest."
"Oh how nice... how old is she?"
"Twenty"
"Oh... grandchildren?"
"Uhm, one... on the way" the discreet smile appeared on her face.
"Oh, congrats!"
"Thank you".
"How much is she?"
"Almost two months..."
"Wonderful... Do you have a favourite cloth, Victoria?"
She thought a little bit. "Yes... it's a dress. And a sweater."
"What color are they?"
"Red, and... turquoise."
"And what colour do you like?"
"Gold... and red."
"Beautiful."
There was another silence.
"Were you in love any time in your life, Victoria?
What? What does that question have to do?
"Well, yes… of course."
"And how did it feel like?"
"It's just… wonderful."
"I can imagine. Well, it's done."
The plank started to slide out just after the words of the woman. When it was out, she turned her head aside to see the doctor helping her to get down.
"Did you feel anything?"
"No. Everything was normal."
"Good." the woman smiled.
She placed her clothes in the plank and let her alone to change herself.
Finally, a little time to be alone and think. Even when it wasn't very much… As she started to dress up, her mind didn't even know what to think. She was used to tragedy anyway, to pain, to abandonment.
But she wasn't scared. She was afraid, of leaving her family alone. She feared she couldn't meet her grandchild…
And she thought all this without knowing the results yet. She hoped not, but she wouldn't be surprised if life gave back all she has done with this. In a certain point, I deserve it, I guess. She said to herself.
She opened the door, and crossing it, she found him seated right beside the door, where he promised he would be. He was calm, with his gaze pinned to the floor.
He was thinking about something. She was sure of that because he didn't even noticed her coming out from the room.
Slightly, she kneeled beside the chair.
"Do you remember a woman you used to love named Victoria?" she whispered.
He had turned his eyes down to her and laughed at her humor. "I have sort of a memory" he replied. Both got up and he wrapped an arm around her waist, without taking his eyes of her. She seemed more calm than early…
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Yes" she smiled. He knew that smile, and was so fake as her intentions of hiding her fear.
He didn't reply as she put on her coat.
"What did she tell you?"
"That they could tell me the results and give a diagnosis now, but the neurologist is not here. So we can come back tomorrow"
"Right."
"How did it go?" Charlotte asked her mother.
"Fine" she replied, as she got close and gave her a kiss. "They will tell me tomorrow".
"Sure." the girl replied.
Her father told her about the probable diagnosis earlier. And she took it as all a mature woman. Of course she was worried, but she knew it was just a possibility and she didn't want to have a chat with her mother about it until it was confirmed.
That night, Charlotte was seated outside while they were on the sofa, beside the window. They had a clear view of their daughter.
"Now…" he started taking her hand. "Don't forget I can see into your eyes, Vee. As you can see into mine. I've loved you for a long time and I know you. You don't need to hide your fear."
She lowered her head, trying to escape her eyes from his. But she couldn't contain the tears coming out.
"Ssshhh" he took her in his arms and pressed her against his body. "Cry if you need to, honey. You don't stop looking beautiful because of it."
She let out a small little laugh. That's what he wanted…
"I can't leave you alone…"
"No, you won't."
"You can't know it, David, you can't." she said with that voice that destroyed him.
"No, darling, but you have to stop feeling guilty for things that aren't under your control. I know you need to control everything but sometimes you can't." He lifted her head by her chin and with his fingers, he dried her tears. He gave her a smile… and she gave him sweet kiss.
From outside, Charlotte catched that moment. Oh… her heart melted. She never saw her mother so happy. Actually, she had never seen her mother being in love… and this was true.
That way he embraced her… finally, she could see how they were. The way they were. That was LOVE. She placed one hand on her abdomen… and looked up to the sky thanking God for all those blessings. She felt blessed.
When she got her eyes back to the window, she saw her father observing her. Her mother had got up and wasn't there.
He winked his eye to her. She gave her a big smile.