Hey everyone,
Here we go again. Thank you so much for the reviews, I was so happy to read them. You're wonderful. I hope you'll enjoy this chappy so let me hear about it ;)
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IN TIMES LIKE THESE
Despite the disapproval by Frank, Mammy and the Old Guard and her growing stomach Scarlett continued to drive to the mills nearly every day if the weather would allow it. Rhett Butler often awaited her out of town on his black stallion, mounted her carriage and took lead of the reigns. And Scarlett was happy to see him and she was happy for he would drive the wagon. Her horse was an old one and as bullheaded as a mule and whenever she wouldn't meet that black varmint she considered a friend her arms and back would be sore because of struggling against that stupid crock!
All of Atlanta was badmouthing her but Scarlett didn't pay attention. She occasionally complained about the fact that she seemed to be the most discussed topic in the cities sewing circles but deep in her heart she was indifferent. Just sometimes she was plagued by a nagging remorse: What would her mother say? She knew that Ellen would be horrified to learn what had become of her oldest daughter. A working and emancipated woman!
But Scarlett was so proud of herself. She didn't depend on a man. Well she had this one time, when she had needed money to pay the taxes on Tara but now she could easily do without a husband.
She didn't recognize herself anymore in the last weeks. She was so thoughtful and – she hated to admit it – vulnerable. It seemed that she had cried more times during the beginning of her pregnancy than in her entire life.
"My, Scarlett. What it the matter with you? I've never seen you so silent before. I dare say I like you better with your cutting remarks and your temper bringing out the best of you." His voice was mockingly but Scarlett sensed the concern beneath the surface. While the carriage pulled on Scarlett slightly turned to face him but was to lethargic to even bring up a false smile on her face let alone to get angry at Rhetts sarcastic statement.
She had been feeling dizzy the whole day since her little nightcap on the dining table and now she had suited herself more or less comfortable in the buggy, her eyes semi-closed and her body covered by the dark woollen blanket.
"If you're going to be nasty than I would prefer you to leave or to be silent." She wanted to sound angry but failed.
"Come now, my dear. Surely you aren't that angry with me? You know that I saved you from another boring day at Pitty's without my indispensable presence." He shot her a cheeky grin and clicked his tongue "And here I thought that you liked me in the role of your saviour in a shiny armour. But that should be the thanks for all my travails." He sighed dramatically but Scarlett was in no mood to joke.
"Well I certainly didn't ask you to drive me around. If my memory serves me correct you were the one to announce that you were going to drive me everyday!" she tried to snatch the reigns out of Rhetts hands but he only laughed and held her away with his outstretched arm. "Hell, what did you have for breakfast? Vinegar instead of coffee?"
"Get Out!" she screamed and tried to slap him somehow. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe the weather, or probably her whole situation but she only felt a great rage inside of her which made her want to send all of Atlanta to Halifax.
Rhett was able to get hold of her wrists and held her an arm length away from him. Scarlett struggled to free herself.
"Let me be! I said get out you low-down nasty cad! I wouldn't care if I were never to see you again! Get out!"
It was then that the world began spinning around her. An uncomfortable groan escaped her lips and she felt her stomach revolting. Frantically Scarlett held her head out of the buggy as she regurgitated her meagre breakfast. Rhett quickly brought the carriage to a stop und skilfully held her head while she threw up everything in her stomach.
Tears of shame streamed down her face and she wasn't able to face Rhett. Oh now he would tease her to the end of her days. She sobbed uncontrollably hiding her face in her hands.
"You're a fool to cry Scarlett. Surely you know that I'm not like the gentlemen who thing that women are not human beings who get sick above all when they're pregnant."
At his words Scarlett only cried harder. He handed her carefully his handkerchief and Scarlett whipped her mouth and her tears away but they wouldn't stop streaming. She had never felt so humiliated in her whole life. She had vomited in front of a man who was not her husband and of all men on this world it had to be Rhett Butler.
She felt the acid taste in her mouth and burrowed her face deeper in her hands. She felt Rhett jump off the carriage. "There, now I drove him away. How can I possibly ever look him in the eyes again." She thought but in the next moment she felt him climbing into the carriage again and pulling her hands away to whip her face with a cool wet cloth.
"Come now, Scarlett. Don't be ashamed." He sighted when he realized that his soothing did nothing to calm her. "Come here, honey." And took her in his arms. She felt his arms thighten around her and his warmth lulling her into his soothing words. She felt his chest vibrating slightly when he spoke and she burrowed her face in the curve of his neck. She sighted heavily at the feeling of security he gave her. He had always protected her when she had needed him. And he had never left her before he had not made sure that she was save. Even when he wasn't able to give her the money to pay the taxes on Tara he searched her immediately after being released for making sure that she was taken care of and that she had somehow got the money. How she had been angry that time but now she realized that he hadn't visited her for making fun of her but for reassuring that he had everything she needed. He hadn't let her down. And even now, when she was carrying another man's child he was there for her, making sure that nothing was going to happen to her.
And suddenly it hit her with all the force possible. It knocked the air out of her lungs and she remained breathless while the sensation of pure realization exploded within her and run up and down her whole body. She was so shocked that her sobs immediately subsided. It was him who she longed for to be near her. Not Ashley, never Ashley. No, Rhett was the one that protected her. He was the one who brought a happy smile on her face, who made her stomach flutter with delight every time she saw him. How could she have been so blind all those years that she had known him? How could she never realize the love that overpowered her now?
She hadn't noticed that she held her breath. Rhett had released her out of his embrace and looked at her with questioning eyes. She stared at him in shock a moment and then quickly cast her gaze down. He couldn't know about this. What was she going to do? Suddenly she was afraid, afraid that his feelings might not be the same as hers.
"Scarlett, what's wrong with you today?" He sounded unsure and not as confident as always.
"Please, just take me home." She stared straight on the horses back without seeing anything.
"Scarlett, what-?"
"Please Rhett, don't ask me any questions. I can't – I can't tell you." She pleaded wringing her hands.
"Of course you can! You can tell me everything. You know that, don't you?"
But Scarlett wasn't listening at him anymore. She didn't feel his intense stare on her. But instead her mind was floated with memories.
Memories of the two of them meeting for the first time. It had been at the barbeque at Twelve Oaks. That was a lifetime ago. So much had changed since then but now it seemed to her as if she was reliving the moment she entered the hall and her eyes fell on the man standing alone at the staircase staring at her with cool impertinence. She remembered thinking about never seeing a man as muscular and sunburned yet elegant as him. He had smiled at her showing his white, animal like teeth while his glance roamed down her body as if he was mentally undressing her. She remembered about being irritated that his gaze didn't offend her, as it should have.
Then later they had met in the library, after the embarrassing scene between her and Ashley. She still went red when she thought about it. How she had hated him in that moment. How she wanted to scratch that self-confident smile from his face. But he had never told anyone about that happening just as he had promised at the Atlanta Bazaar, where he had bet 150 Dollars in gold just to dance with her because he had seen in her face, that she wanted nothing more than to dance. And how divinely he had danced the waltz with her. It had been "When this cruel war is over". He had asked her to sing it for him and even now she remembered her singing it.
"Dearest Love, do you remember?
When we last did meet?
How you told me that you loved me kneeling at my feet.
How proud you stood before me in your suit of grey.
When you vowed to me and country, nevermore to stray.
Weeping, sad and lonely, hopes and fears, how vain!
When this cruel war is over praying then to meet again.
When the summer breeze is sighing, mournfully along,"
That evening had caused her reputation to shatter into pieces. She had never recovered from that event. But she couldn't care less.
Then he had brought her a hat from Paris. Oh how she had loved that cute little thing. Now she was able to smile about the way he had teased her then when she was sure he was going to kiss her. She had worn that hat so long until Rhett had prohibited her to wear it anymore because it was completely worn out.
Scarlett remembered the countless times Rhett had accompanied her to social events or called on her at Aunt Pitty's. She remembered how Rhett had wrapped everyone around his little finger and then affronted them all with his political statements.
She remembered the evening Aunt Pitty had invited to dinner and Rhett had shown of unannounced and had charmed Pittypat so much that she couldn't refuse him. They had had a wonderful dinner and afterwards Scarlett had played the piano and they had sung together his clear bass steadying her slightly hoarse soprano. She couldn't recall what song it had been but that wasn't important.
And then the night Atlanta surrendered. How afraid she had been. How scared and lonely she had felt until Rhett had come to bring her out of the burning city. Melly had given birth to her son that night. What a horrible night and journey it had been. But Rhett had protected her all the way out of Atlanta. He had stolen for her. And then later on, on the road to Rough and Ready he had kissed her. Kissed her the way no one else had ever kissed her. She had felt as if the whole world had vanished underneath her feet, as if only the two of them existed. She never understood why he had left her there alone on her way to Tara and she never would, but she had put that anger aside. He had said that it was his conscience that wouldn't let him get his peace. Probably that was the real reason. Probably not – she didn't know.