Hours had passed and not a word was yet spoken between us, and I didn't realize how much a person could miss something they hated so much until now, but an argument would be better than this silence. It was funny to think how not even two days ago I would gladly welcome this empty solitude.

It was desolate and there was no immediate danger, but the disappointment I knew Joel felt was louder than the yelling that occurred just that morning.

The silence always carried the larger statement.

It made me upset to think Joel was the disappointed one. Disappointment was all that I was feeling right now, that and guilt.

I wasn't just disappointed that cure wouldn't be able to fix this world.

I was disappointed, because if it did, I wouldn't be around to see it.

Joel told me this world wasn't worth saving, that it couldn't be fixed, and I wanted to believe him so much that part of me already did. Another part, though, knew he was just making excuses. I wasn't naive, I knew why he wouldn't let us go back, because he had come to care for me. I had come to care for him, too, but the world needed this.

We had made our way back into the city after we felt confident enough that no Hunters were around. Joel had lead us into a small restaurant in search of supplies. We'd come up empty almost everywhere else, but that was expected as it was easy to tell that many had crossed this city one way or another.

"What the Hell?" Joel wondered, walking over to the window. A deep humming sound filled our ears and was getting closer and closer.

I followed behind him and he pulled me down into a crouching position as a black truck came into view, another following behind it. On the side a symbol was painted in white, a firefly.

One of the trucks stopped and seven men jumped out, all wearing armor and masks just like that of the Fireflies in the hospital. They each had assault rifles and Firefly patches on the arm of their jackets.

"Search the buildings, kill anyone who gets in your way." One of the men ordered, a walkie-taklie in one hand and his weapon in the other. The other men followed the orders obediently, one heading towards the building we were now hiding in.

I didn't have time to realize how impulsive I was being or I how much I would come to regret this decision, but before I could stop myself I was running to the door. I wouldn't let this guilt eat me alive, because my bones were already starting to bare in its nasty consumption.

I didn't even make it two feet before strong arms latched onto my waist, pulling me down and out of the view of the outside. I struggled in Joel's grip, kicking and thrashing, even though I knew the attempt was futile. At least I could say I tried.

The thing was, though, I knew I wasn't trying enough. I really didn't want to surrender myself to the Fireflies at all, but the compelling ache that would constantly hang over my head was swallowing me whole.

"Hey-" I cried out, but Joel's large hand clamped over my mouth, muffling my words.

"Hey, wait!" One of the men cried out, and I was sure it was the leader, because his voice had a distinctive edge of authority in it.

They heard us, I was sure.

Everyone froze, even I did, not taking the opportunity to yell more, even though I knew they would still hear me, hushed or not. I realized then that this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to leave this world if Joel truly believed it would be for nothing.

I didn't want to leave this world if it meant I had to leave Joel, too.

I stopped struggling and we listened for a few seconds. I was waiting for the door to bust down, for me to be taken from Joel's grasp, for him to be...I didn't even think to realize what consequences could have erupted for him.

None of it came, though, except for more words coming from the leader who I couldn't see from my position on the floor.

"Everyone back in, they've spotted a man who they think is the smuggler a few miles back."

It was too good to be true.

Yet the roar of the engine eventually faded and the only sound left was the relieved breath I finally let out.

"What the Hell was that?" Joel's grip loosened and I was able to crawl out of his grasp. His voice was cold and hard, and I hadn't heard him use that tone since our fight back at the ranch in Jackson.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. I leaned my back against the wall behind me as Joel stood up.

"What were you thinking, were you trying to get us killed?" Confusion rang evident in his voice with fear laced around it, and his heavy footsteps were in rhythm with my racing heart as he paced.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. What else could I say? The weight of my decision was heavier than the time I thought I was going to turn.

"Why on Earth would you go yelling like that-"

"Joel, I-"

"Do you have any idea what would have happened-"

"I don't-"

"If they found us, if they found you? They-"

"I don't know!" My voice echoed across the room and my words stopped him in his tracks. I stood up as he turned to face me. "I don't know, okay?"

"I was hoping we could find another way, that maybe Marlene could help," I tried to reason with, get him to understand at least part of what was eating me whole.

"I told you, this world can't be fixed, Ellie!" Joel said in earnest now.

"I wanted to at least try, Joel? We came all this way! Lost so many people, all because of me." My voice was cracking more and more with each word.

"Ellie, none of that is on you." Joel's voice softened, but only barely. I could still read hurt and panic all over his features.

"I need to see Marlene." I needed to at least explain, get more answers. Marlene wouldn't hurt me.

"Ellie, we're not going back there." His words seemed final, but I pushed on.

"I need to see her!"

"Ellie, you can't, she can't listen."

"You don't know her the way I do, Joel." Marlene was the closest thing to a mother I had.

"You don't understand-"

"I don't understand?" I asked incredulously. "You think I don't understand the situation we're in? You have no idea what it's doing to me!"

"I'm sorry it's turned out this way, Ellie. I'm so, so sorry." I could tell he was sincere, but it didn't help anything I was feeling relent.

"Take me to Marlene, and then we can go wherever you want, Joel. Marlene will understand." She has to.

Joel just shook his head. "She didn't."

"What do you mean, she didn't? You talked to her?"

"Ellie, Marlene," Joel let out a long sigh, "Marlene is dead."

My heart dropped. "W-what?"

Joel didn't say anything.

"Did you kill her?" I tried to catch his gaze, but he refused to look up from the dust covered floor.

Joel didn't answer, but it didn't matter, because I already knew.

"Oh, God." My voice was shaky and it sounded as though the breath had been knocked out of me. "Oh, God." I said again, this time louder, with more force.

I was feeling so many things at once; guilt, fear, remorse...betrayal. It was becoming too overwhelming and I felt as though I was going to be sick. The tears that clung to the rim of my eyes finally fell free and I wished the tiny drops of salt held my emotions, because I hoped when they finally died away, so would the heaviness of my heart.

"Why?" It was all I managed to say. Everything was so wrong and the one person who could always make it right now couldn't.

"Ellie, I..." Joel still hadn't looked up at me, he just pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

"How could you?" I tried to fathom all the betrayal I felt into that one question.

"Marlene was the one who gave the word to proceed with the surgery. She wasn't even going to let me say goodbye." Joel finally looked over at me. "She wouldn't have given you a choice."

"You don't know that."

"She had a gun pointed to my chest, Ellie, and the only way she wouldn't shoot it is if I gave you up." I knew Joel was telling the truth, because deep down I had always known that she would do anything for a cure. Anything.

Joel wasn't the bad guy in my eyes.

He wasn't the monster.

He wasn't the betrayer.

He was the protector that had opened my eyes when the light of the Fireflies blinded me.

"I didn't want go back because I believed in a cure, Joel. I just, I couldn't live with this guilt." Yet another guilt would cut deeper if I left Joel. I realized that now.

"The world isn't yours to fix, Baby Girl, believe me. You were immune, because you weren't meant to die." A small smile formed on my face when I heard his words. The weight of the world seemed to be just a bit lighter on my shoulders.

"What am I to you?" I had to know, because our relationship depended solely on his answer given how high the stakes were right now.

"You're all I have left." That's all I needed to hear, because he was all I had left, too.

We stayed in the restaurant that night with a candle lit between us. I lay on my side, facing the wall to the right, watching as the soft flicker of the candle set a warm glow around us. It was dark in the room, but the candle continued to burn strong. I used to think I was the darkness that kept pushing away the Fireflies when they wanted a cure, but now I realize that it was really them who were the darkness, trying to suck the light from the world for themselves.

I rolled over to face Joel, who was now laying on his back with his eyes closed. His breathing was deep and I knew he was asleep. I reached over and grabbed his hand, clasping it lightly. There was only so much good left in the world and if I was part of it, then I didn't want to be taken away.

I drifted off to sleep with a numb mind, aching heart, and exhausted body, but when I felt Joel gently squeeze my fingers, all of it faded along with my conscious.

Maybe fate wasn't all that bad.

When the darkness is shattered and the light finds its way through

When the shadows hide and take with it its sorrows

When all you have left is the flicker in yourself

but not any around you

because remorse clings like a cloak

but you hold on

like a leaf not lost but looking

as it is ripped from

the familiarity of comfort

and if you so choose to fuel it

and go with it your way

then you have found the light

because you are it

AN: Hey, lovely readers

First I'd like to thank those who have read, reviewed, and followed this story, because I very much appreciate it.

This chapter was actually very hard to right, because it was hard to get Ellie to realize that Joel isn't necessarily the bad guy, but I think since their relationship is so strong, it wasn't as hard for them to pull through.

This chapter almost seems like it could be the end, but I still have some ideas and would like to add short, cute parts to this as more plot slowly develops along the way.

So, let me guys know if you would like me to continue, because I still have some ideas up my sleeve.

Also, I hope the poem I wrote at the end wasn't too awful, but I really wanted to add it in there as I felt it kind of fit.

Finally, please review and let me know what you guys think. Suggestions are always welcomed. :)