A/N: No excuse for the length in updating other than life sucks and it's affecting my writing. I'll try to
update in a week. Try being the operative word. So please let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 6

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex jerked the door to Addison's apartment open and greeted Izzie with a nervous smile. He stepped back in and allowed her entry; she peeked over the threshold then turned to him with a question, "I'm not going to interrupt anything am I?"

Alex grabbed her arm and closed the door behind her, "I told you over the phone that Addison just called me from her cell phone and told me that she was on her way and would be here in 15 minutes… I need some advice about how to approach this whole no-sex thing."

Izzie sighed as she dumped her jacket and purse on the couch and wandered into the kitchen being nosy. Alex cleared his throat from behind her and she turned back to him with a guilty look, "So sue me, I'm curious as to how the other half lives."

Alex smirked, "You are the other half Izzie once you deposit that check but I'm talking about my issues now. What do I do when she looks at me in confusion wondering why I'm turning her down? I need to break it to her gently and you have to help me."

Izzie rolled her eyes and said, "Listen Alex, maybe this whole no-sex idea isn't a good thing. You aren't exactly known for your willpower. I don't want you to mess this up because you can't resist her."

Alex sat down on the couch and motioned for her to join him and said "I feel things for Addison, Izzie serious things. Things, I'm not ready to voice for fear they aren't corresponded. When we became this whole 'relationship' I had no qualms in saying that she was only with me to forget her marriage to Shepherd and her screw-up with Sloan but I was determined to be more than that for her and she's allowed me this much into her life but this is the hard part. The one guy she gave it all up for, wants her back and he wants to make up for the way he screwed up. How do I compete with 15 years of a relationship compared to a couple of great nights in the sack and some shared lunches?"

Izzie put her hand on his shoulder, "Alex it's not going to be easy but then nothing worth fighting for is easy. Just don't lose hope, you have something that Derek Shepherd hasn't had for a long time and as long as you are true to that you may always have the upper edge on him."

Alex scowled as he looked at her, "I don't have the upper edge on Shepherd. He has the edge on me, he has the history…," Izzie interrupted him, "Yea he has the history. A history of dysfunction, pain and betrayal but you have her trust and that's something that I bet Derek Shepherd would kill for at this moment."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"This can't be happening, not to me."

Derek smirked in the darkness and Addison scowled, "Derek, don't you dare make a face, this isn't funny."

Derek felt the smirk fall from his face as it was replaced with surprise, "How did you know I was smirking at you?"

Addison sat down across from hen in the elevator as she looked into the darkness and spoke to what she assumed was his face, "Derek we lived together for almost two decades, I can't forget everything overnight….Some things I don't want to forget like I could always tell how you would be making faces behind my back when I rambled on."

Derek nodded as he leaned his head against the elevator, in contemplation. Addison noticed the change in the atmosphere and asked, "What are you thinking about Derek?"

Derek shook his head and said, "I'm just sad Addie. I'm sad that the man that once promised to love, honor and cherish did such a bad job of honoring those vows. My regret list where it concerns you is long, and I keep adding to it as I see you working around the hospital."

Addison smiled in the darkness, "My list is long as well Derek so don't feel left out there. I guess, that's why I feel it's better to walk away, there has been so much hurt on both sides that I don't want us to hurt ourselves or anyone else more…. I don't want to go down that path again. And I want one good reason why I should? Derek we fought, we hurt each other, we cried, we fought and we loved but not more than we fought and hurt each other. I don't want to remember all of that and each time I see you, I'm remembered of everything I had with you, and I won't deny it….some was good, some was very good. But when it was bad Derek, it was devastating and I can't be devastated by you again. When I finally thought I was over you, and I get to a place of acceptance with our relationship you come back and try to move the past. So tell me Derek, honestly why I should fight for us anymore?"

Derek sighed, "A part of me is yearning at this moment to deny that we shouldn't fight but I would be lying if I said it was going to be easy, love is never easy. Do you know that's why I think I wanted to be with Meredith so bad? She was an important part of my life, I won't lie to you about that but the important part about her wasn't who she was but more about who she wasn't. She wasn't the woman I loved for the majority of my adult life, she wasn't the one who I was proud to call my wife and once I had her and I realized that she couldn't fill the void that you left in my heart I felt sick. What had I been doing for the past six months pining after her when my brain was kicking me and saying just look at her, the one who has always been there. Look at Addison and see what you already have. I shut down my brain and decided to listen to my heart instead, but the heart can be a treacherous organ."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes, "Derek, please let's just not rehash our love story it still hurts too much. You make me remember all of the times when it was just you and I, and then I start remembering the love and the sense of completeness I had with you but I also start remembering other things, like how when you left it broke me in two. I've never felt more alone and the part I worry about the most is that I don't think that I'll be able to continue to fight you if you keep making me remember how much I needed you at one time."

Derek nodded but still spoke, "The painful thing about that statement is that it just means that we still have love between us. Addison, you have to know that if you weren't so angry with me all the time for getting in your personal space, for telling you I'm fighting for you, for doing anything I'm doing its because there's still something there….and if there's something there we need to fight for it."

Addison stifled a sob, "Because it hurts too much? What kind of sense would that make? Fight? That's why I moved to Seattle Derek, that's why I went ot therapy with you when you knew how much I hated talking about my feelings because for you I was prepared to fight but I fought that battle alone and now because you want to fight with me, I need to forget about the one good thing that's happened to me since I moved to Seattle, Alex. I don't want to hurt him Derek, I don't want to hurt him."

Derek nodded, "I know that your feelings for Alex aren't something that I can tell you how to feel, just like you told me that my feelings for Meredith weren't something you could fight either. I just don't want to miss an opportunity for us, because even with all of the hurt and distrust that lies between us we can't possibly be out of love if it still hurts too much to touch the subject. We need to work to where we were before or at least a place where we both can heal and try to rebuild what we had and we need to figure out how to get there again and we need to do it together." He reached out for her hand in the darkness and waited on bated breath for a response.

The waiting in the darkness felt eternal to him until he felt Addison's clammy hand grip his softly and then firmer as if she had made a decision.

Derek felt the tears well in his eyes as well that she had taken a step towards him whether she knew it or not, then the lights came on.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex had been pacing around the apartment for the last thirty minutes. He had picked up her portable phone too many times to count but before he could press the last digit on the phone, he always held himself back. There was something about trust and whether she should be deserving of it and he knew he couldn't fail her with this test but at the same time his heart was telling him that if you want her to be yours you have to fight. He didn't know who to listen to and the voices in his head were becoming too loud to ignore.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband who had treated her like crap.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband who had treated her like crap and she was slowly becoming the love of his life.

He got up and started pacing again and cursed Derek Shepherd for every entertaining the idea that he should be given another chance with Addison. He had wasted all of his chances and he wasn't going to turn back now, even if the idiot had a sudden change of conscious.

Alex exhaled as he walked to the dining room and blew out the candles. He didn't know what had happened to Addison, but he was determined that trust was going to be an important factor in their relationship.

He doused all the lights in the living room and headed into her bedroom to wait for Addison and what had happened tonight.

I know all the Addex fans will want to throw things at me but I'm trying to develop before I develop Addex as a couple. I think for her to
truly be committed to either guy she needs to resolve in her mind/heart what happened with her marriage with Derek so even though as it
seems its going to be an Addek story (I still haven't made up my mind) Addex fans hold on because Alex isn't out of the picture, not by a long shot.