Chapter 6. Sewer Gator Saves First Grader

It was three o'clock in the morning. Only the nocturnal and the insomniacs were about, and all of them were staying indoors. It had become a good idea, as of late. Even those who didn't read the paper and see the statistics knew that Something Bad was lurking in the darkness.

They didn't share this knowledge with the daywalkers. They didn't see the need. If someone who wasn't used to living in shadow turned down the wrong alley and was devoured by something half-formed, that was their problem.

At least, that was what most of the callers to "The Sage Spirit Show" seemed to think. The current caller was ranting about something he'd seen the previous night.

"Flying about on broomsticks they were! Like it weren't no thing!"

"Were they women?" Sage asked. She always treated her callers with the utmost respect, asking intelligent questions and never challenging their claims.

"Yes, well, sort of. Girls. In them little shirts and pants that barely cover their…them."

"Teenagers?"

"Looked like college girls. Twins no less!"

"Well that is interesting," Sage practically purred.

"That's not even the amazin' part! As I was watchin' 'em, one of 'em's hair burst into flame!"

"Wow!"

"An' the other sort of crystallized, like ice."

"Yikes. I just hopes these girls are on our side."

Dark, lying upside-down on his couch, grinned. He liked Sage Spirit, thought she would be fun to party with. His company for the evening had left some time ago, it had been an amicable parting, so now it was just him and the radio.

The tiny apartment had come cheap, since the landlady liked him, but he still only made enough to afford the radio, a second-hand couch, and the bed that was no more than a metal frame with a mattress on it. He didn't mind poverty, there were other ways to get what you wanted, but he didn't like the silence. No matter how many people he brought back to that place, they always left, and then he was alone.

Sometimes Dark wanted to kill Link just for sticking him with this particular weakness.

"This is Sage Spirit, coming at you from the witching hour. Things look to be getting pretty hairy out there, so keep your guard up. You never know when the monsters are going to start crawling out of the woodwork."

"I give it about two weeks," Dark said aloud. "Before the big ones start crawling anyway."

zzz

Monday dawned with a cloud-filled sky and a sharp wind that chilled to the bone. Any negative feelings Link and Ralph had about the weather were quickly squashed however, by the faint note of panic in Kafei's voice as he told them about his weekend.

"Did you know?" he asked, hissing the question. "Did you?"

"Did we know what?" Link asked, trying to hide his amusement.

"It's themed. Prom is themed." There was white visible all around his eyes, and he looked like he might snap and start shooting at any moment. "I wouldn't have minded, you know, a tux, but- but- this?"

"What is it?"

He glanced around the hallway nervously, then gestured for his friends to lean in close. "She got me a Keaton Mask."

There was a moment of silence.

"A…what?" Link asked.

"You know," Ralph said, "a mask that looks like a Keaton. Those little foxy demon spirits? The theme of prom is, like, legends and old stuff."

"You knew?!" Kafei exclaimed.

"It's not like they've been keeping it a secret! It's on all the posters."

"You could have warned me!"

"And missed your reaction?" Ralph grinned. "Blasphemy."

Kafei groaned and buried his face in his hands. "You should see the rest of the outfit she got me. It's…with these shorts…and…grarg."

"I'm going as a wizard."

The other two glanced at Ralph in surprise. "You already have an outfit picked out?" Link asked.

"I wouldn't normally, but I saw a picture of this dude in a book and he looked really cool, so I just decided to go as him."

"Oh…" Link frowned as a realization struck him. "I guess this means I'll actually have to put some thought into what I'm wearing then."

"'Fraid so."

He sighed. "At least I get to be creative."

"You know what," Kafei said suddenly, snapping out of his gloom. "You should go as the Hero of Time."

"The who?"

"You've heard it. Traveled through time, defeated big spooky guy, saved the world."

"Oh sure, yeah. But…would I need, like, armor or something?"

"No. I saw a picture of an old woodcut of him on the internet the other day. He kind of dressed like a fairy."

There was a moment of silence.

"Not that kind of fairy," Kafei rolled his eyes. "He wore green."

"Ah. Well, maybe. I do like green."

"Plus, you know…" his tone dropped conspiratorially. "He saved the princess."

"Lots of guys in stories saved princesses. It's practically a prerequisite for being a hero."

"I know," he grinned and pointed his thumb down the hall. "But he saved the princess."

Link and Ralph followed Kafei's gesture, to where the princess herself was being interrogated by a so-called "friend."

"And just where were you all weekend young lady?" Malon demanded, sound for all the world as though she was serious.

"I was busy," Zelda said simply.

"All weekend?"

"Yes."

"And last weekend too?"

"Yes…"

"Busy with what then?"

"Things."

"Things?"

"Yes, things." She shut her locker firmly, signifying the end of that train of conversation. "Now, have we decided what we're doing for prom?"

"You're asking Link."

Zelda promptly tripped over her feet. "What?"

"You," Malon poked her in the chest, "are asking Link to prom."

"No, I'm not."

"Zel, you are going to prom with Link if I have to knock you out and play ventriloquist."

"You- you can't do that!"

"Watch me."

They stared each other down, ignoring the glances from their fellow students and the occasional teacher. Zelda broke first.

"All right, you win. I was planning on talking to him soon anyway. Just…let me do it in my own time, okay?"

Malon grinned the grin of the victorious. "Okay!"

"Can I go to class now?"

"Hey, it's your country, you can do what you want."

Zelda rolled her eyes, shouldered her backpack, and tried to ignore the three pairs of male eyes that followed her down the hall.

zzz

Somewhere far away, but similar to high school in many of its aspects, a young man sat down at a table and glared through pale bangs at the person opposite him.

"College girl, eh?" he said, nodding at her shirt.

"Maybe," the woman replied.

"Drop out?"

"No."

"What do you want from me?"

The woman tossed her hair. "Rumor has it you used to date the princess."

"Rumor nothing, that's a matter of public record." He gestured at the gray walls around them. "What do you think got me thrown in here?"

"The newspaper said you stole a car. Not to mention the stalking."

"So you have done some research."

"I'd like to know more."

"About carjacking?"

"About the princess." She glared at him. "You're doing this on purpose."

"Yes."

"Look," the woman leaned over, giving him an ample eyeful, "you're mad at the princess for putting you in here right?"

"You could say that..."

"So then you should have no problem telling me about her. Her secrets, her strengths, her weaknesses…"

The young man raised his eyebrows in pretend shock. "Why miss, you're not asking me to help you commit treason are you?"

The woman gave a glance at the security camera before answering, "Of course not. There's no crime in wanting to know more about our country's princess, is there?"

"No. No there isn't." The young man leaned back and grinned. "So miss…Koume, was it?"

"That's right."

"What do you want to know?"

zzz

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Stop by Cold Stone to get some ice cream and visit with Dark. After all, his friends did it all the time when he was working. But Link had forgotten to take into account the fact that he worked there. And that Navi had the amazing ability to yell at people until they did what she wanted.

So that's how Link wound up behind the counter, apronclad and be-gloved, working.

"Cheer up!" Dark said. "You're getting paid."

"But I can't work weekdays too! I have homework! And a life!" He paused. "Well, not so much the last one, but I'd like to have a life."

"It's just for today. Tatl's being Tatl again, and she dragged Tael with her."

"Oooookay." He looked around. "But no one's even here."

Dark shrugged. "It's Monday, what do you- Ooh! Redhead!"

Link rolled his eyes. "Why are you getting excited over that? I thought you would do anything with a pulse."

"Probably," Dark admitted. "But I meant your redhead."

"I don't have a- Oh. You mean Ralph."

The bells tied to the door jingled and Ralph and Sheik ignored the plastic ribbon meant to keep them in line and headed straight for their friend. "Link, what are you doing working? It's Monday."

Link just groaned.

"Navi roped him into it," Dark answered for him. "She's good at that."

"Are you gonna sing for us?"

Link's only response was an upraised finger.

The bells jingled again and two girls entered.

Link whipped his hand behind his back, Dark slipped on his "winning smile," and Sheik squeaked with fright.

"Holy crap!" Malon exclaimed. "Link, I didn't know you had a brother!"

"What?" Link said.

Dark shoved him aside and fixed Malon with his best seduction grin. "What can I get for you sweetheart?"

"You can not call me sweetheart, that would be nice."

The grin widened. "Spunk. I love spunk."

"I don't date outside my species."

Much to everyone's surprise, Dark burst out laughing. "I can respect that! Not my personal philosophy, but worthy of respect all the same." He eyed her up and down. "Let me guess, for you one 'Nights in White Chocolate,' Like It size. And for your friend, one 'Our Strawberry Blonde,' also Like It."

Both girls gaped at him. "H- how did you do that?"

"One part practice, one part instinctual knowledge of the Hylian psyche." He whipped out his paddles and got to work. "You know Link then?"

"I'm right here you know," Link said.

"We go to school with him, and Anju here is dating his friend Kafei."

"Ah yes, the bluenette. I detected a distinct air of 'taken' about him." He flashed a smile at Anju. "He's a lucky man."

Anju blushed, and Malon elbowed her in the side. "Anju!"

"I'm sorry, I just… He sounded like he meant it."

"I did!"

"You'd be surprised," Ralph said. "I think Dark means everything he says. Even the outrageous flirting."

"I do!"

Malon shook her head. "I'll believe it when I see it." For the first time, she noticed Shiek, trying to hide behind Ralph without looking like he was trying to hide behind Ralph. "Hi, do I know you?"

"Um!" Sheik struggled with panic for a moment. "No, um, I'm Sheik."

"Friend of ours," Ralph said. "He and Link are practically joined at the hip when they're not at school. We're expecting the wedding invitations any day now."

"Th- that's not true!" Shiek exclaimed.

"Lick me," Link glared.

"I'll leave that up to Sheik."

Sheik squeaked again.

Malon had cocked her head and was looking at him curiously. "You know, there's something familiar about you. Are you sure we haven't met before?"

"Um, pretty sure. Although, I mean, we're the same age, so we must travel in the same circles."

"That's true. What school do you-"

"Order up!" Dark announced.

The girls took their ice cream and headed to a table, the conversation successfully redirected.

"What was that about Sheik?" Link asked. "I've never seen you so nervous."

"It's been a long day… Can I get that Black Forest thing?"

"With no brownie?"

"Please."

"I'll ring you up," Dark attacked the buttons on the cash register with practiced enmity.

"Ralph? You want something?"

"I dunno. Shiek, can I have some of yours?"

"'Course."

"I'm good then."

Sheik had his wallet out to pay when the bells jingled once more and Navi stomped in, dragging Tatl by her wrist. "And if you ever run off like that again I will personally make sure you never find work in this town again. Ever."

"All right, all right, I'm sorry! Will you let go of me, that hurts!"

Navi practically threw the girl past the counter and shoved her into the back room. "Link!" they heard her shout. "Get out of here before I change my mind!"

"You heard the lady." Link pulled his apron off over his head and hopped over the little door at the end of the counter. "Come on guys!"

"Hey, wait up!" Shiek grabbed his ice cream and spoons and followed the other two out the door, leaving his wallet on the counter.

"Ah, Sheik!" Dark grabbed the wallet and chased after them, but the three boys were long gone. He sighed and returned to his post, picking up Link's apron off the floor and hanging it up on the way.

Almost automatically, he opened the little black wallet to look at Sheik's ID.

And slowly, helplessly, he began to laugh.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AN:

Gods DAMN that was short. And it took me a week. What the hell, Bats?

But there are two important plot things here! Possibly three. Or...four? I dunno. You figure it out.

You know? I think this chapter is actually really bad. It was written in bits and pieces, with the express purpose of forward plot motion. I like the ending, and I like some of the back-and-forth, but as a chapter this sucks.

Enjoy it anyway, if you can.

Oh, and the sewer gator title has absolutely nothing to do with anything. At all.

Ah! Almost forgot! I drew a chart thing of the good guys and posted it on my DeviantArt account. Go check it out!