Note: Wow, I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. It's just... Life. I've entered year 10 now, and the teachers are being all "THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE SO FAR!", y'know, as they will next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and so on. Anyways, sorry for not updating, here's the new chap. It's extra long this time :D
Natsu's nose switched. He sat up.
"I know that smell."
He suddenly arose from his seat and began wandering around the guildhall, his nose acting as his guide. After what felt like hours of searching, he came stop right by the entrance.
"If they're not here already, they're definitely approaching." Natsu mumbled to himself. "There's no mistaking the smell of those two. It's them, alright."
"Natsu!" Lucy called from the bar area, looking somewhat confused. "You look kinda lost muttering to yourself like that; what's going on in that mixed up little head of yours?"
"Huh?" Natsu turned to face her. He was surprised to find her adorned in a long, tight-fitted black dress that was slightly sprinkled with silver glitter, causing a sharp gleam of light to shimmer every time she moved. She looked ridiculously out of place; as though she should be attending a royal ball, not drinking a coke in this filthy guildhall.
"W-well, I thought I could smell those two guys from Sabertooth, what're they called again? Henry Padovani and Outlaw, or something?"
She blinked at him.
"Y'know, those to Dragon Slayers me and that jerk Gajeel fought!"
Lucy facepalmed. "You mean... Sting and Rogue...?"
"Yeah! That's it! They're heading this way... Anyway, what's up with that weird outfit? It kinda looks like a binbag."
"Hey! It's not supposed to look weird, it's supposed to look nice; and for your information, Mirajane set me and Erza on blind dates, and she gave me this outfit so I could 'make an impression'. Our dates should be here any minute, actually."
As if summoned by the mention of her name, Erza appeared in the doorway of the guild's toilets, dressed in similar formal attire. Her usually straight and messy scarlet hair had been partially pinned up, with the occasional strand trailing down to meet her slender shoulders. She was wearing a long sleeved white gown made of silk which trailed along the ground behind her. However, even when she was dressed like a princess, she still managed to radiate an aura of pure power.
"Are they here yet?" Erza asked as she took a seat at the bar next to her friend.
Lucy shook her head. "Nope. But Natsu says he can smell the Twin Dragon Slayers approaching. Wonder what those guys want..."
"Wait!" Erza's eyes narrowed. "You don't think..."
"Yep!" Mirajane exclaimed, popping up from the counter, nearly giving Lucy a heart-attack in the process. "You two are going on dates with Sting and Rogue!"
"WHAT?!" the pair screamed in unison.
"With Saber's..." Erza cursed.
"H-Hey, Erza?" Lucy stammered, not looking at her. As she stared down at the counter, he breathing increased rapidly, in and out, in and out, to the point where she was on the brink of passing out. "D-D-Do you mind if, um, you go with Rogue?"
Her breathing got even faster.
"Hm?! Lucy, are you alright?!"
"Y-Yeah! I'm f-fine!" she replied hastily, although the sweat forming at her brow now indicated otherwise. "It's just... E-Even though... I know it's not technically the same man... I keep thinking of..." She suddenly slapped her hands over her mouth and began gagging furiously.
Erza stared, speechless and horrified. Sure, she knew what had happened that day in the palace, whilst she was leading the team at the Grand Magic Games, but she had no idea of the emotional effect it actually had on her teammate. She should have known; watching your own death wasn't something you could just get over. It had probably haunted her for months now, and Erza hadn't even had a clue. She had failed her friend. Failed her big time. To make matters worse, she couldn't even help her now; she was useless when it comes to comforting people.
Fighting monsters? Simple. Capturing Criminals? Why, that was a daily task for the Titania. Vanquishing evil? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Comforting people, however... Not so much. She just wished she had the magical words that would make her fear go away, but of course, those words just don't exist.
Lucy's voice was muffled as she continued to talk through her hands. "That... That evil look in his eyes... The way she - I - fell to the floor... And the blood... All the b-blood... Ugh... I'm pathetic."
Lucy was hurting, Erza realized, and had been hurting, for a really long time now, with nobody to talk to, nobody to help her. And along with that grim realization came another one, one that could make a difference.
Sometimes, you just had to be there for someone. And sometimes, being there for someone didn't necessarily mean having those magical words. You just had to be there.
"You're not pathetic." Erza said simply before forcefully grabbing Lucy by the neck and pulling her into her chest - Erza's idea of a 'hug'.
"OW!" Lucy exclaimed; despite the fact that Erza had, for once, shed her armour, her muscular arms and iron-like body still managed to inflict pain to whichever poor soul was unfortunate enough to be a victim of her affection. Whilst Erza's 'hug' didn't really achieve much in terms of 'comfort', the sentiment was still clear. She hadn't said much, but Lucy could tell that the words she did speak had come straight from the heart, and that was enough. After a moment, they parted.
"I will go with Rogue." Erza announced. "In fact, if you do not feel comfortable going, we don't have to. I wouldn't be at ease if I thought you didn't feel safe."
"No!" Lucy cried. "I can go! I'm not so pathetic that I have to stay here, I can go! I just... Don't think I can spend a whole night with him. Okay?"
"Yes, I understand. And stop calling yourself pathetic, please."
"I'm so sorry!" cried Mira, ashamed. "I've made a terrible mistake! I had no idea that was how you felt Lucy! You see... I told Rogue that he'd be with Lucy and now I'm so sorry I've made a terrible mistake! I thought Rogue would be more compatible with Lucy, because he's so quiet and sensitive and but anyway I've made a terrible mistake and I'm so sorry this is all my fault and - " She continued to babble endlessly (often using phrases like 'I'm so sorry' and 'I've made a terrible mistake').
"Oh, shit. Shit." Lucy said in a low voice.
All of a sudden, an eager glint appeared in Erza's eyes. The seriousness of the situation was forgotten when she shot up out of her seat and raised a clenched fist high in the air. "Well then," she declared dramatically, Erza-style. "I guess we have no choice!"
"Huh?!"
She snapped her fingers, causing a billowing wind of magic power to encircle her head. Tiny purple squares shimmered over her profile, covering it for a moment, before gradually dissipating to reveal an exact replica of Lucy's face.
"As of tonight, I am Lucy Heartfilia, Celestial Spirit Wizard! And you!" - she grasped Lucy by the shoulders wearing a terrifyingly enthusiastic smile. "You are now Erza Scarlet, S-Class Requip Mage of Fairy Tail!"
"...This can't be a good idea..."
Unlike the previous night, the air was warm and somewhat humid as Lucy and Erza, along with their dates Sting and Rogue, made their way to the train station. Mirajane, being the ruthless matchmaker she is, had arranged for the foursome to dine at an extremely upper-class romantic restaurant just outside of the town, meaning a rather extended length of time stuck in a tiny compartment with the two dragon slayers, with no food to help fill the silence. So, for the first time ever, our two heroines had the opportunity to learn about what was probably the most vital part of the dating etiquette: small talk.
"Lucy," Rogue spoke her name suddenly. His voice was low and husky, so much so that he almost sounded threatening. "You have a lot of spirits, don't you?"
"W-Well, I am a Celestial Spirit Wizard."
"...I see."
Silence.
(My God, Erza thought to herself, His social skills are even worse than mine... I didn't even think that was possible...)
"So," he spoke up again, giving this whole 'conversation' phenomenon another shot. "Who's your strongest spirit?"
(Crap.)
"W-well, there's the, um... The Snowman!"
Lucy mentally facepalmed (since joining Fairy Tail, it was something she had done quite a lot). Honestly, she and Erza had been on the same team for how long now? 2, 3 years ? You'd think that after spending so much time fighting alongside eachother, Erza would at least know the names of some of her spirits, and if not that, she would at least know the correct species.
"Lucy," she said through gritted teeth. "Don't you mean, the dog?"
"No, I'm pretty sure it's a Snowman."
Erza hated admitting she was wrong.
A small and somewhat creepy smile spread across Rogue's face. He leaned forward, and angled his head so that one of his blood-red eyes was staring Erza right in the face. His voice low and husky, he grumbled "Well, whatever it is, maybe you could show me once we get to know eachother... If you know what I mean..."
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!" Erza punched him in the face. His head was sent flying backwards, straight into the wooden beam behind him, causing a resounding thud to echo around them. Several people stared.
"Shit..." Rogue mumbled, rubbing the back of his head "Shit... STING, YOU TOLD ME THAT WOULD WORK!"
"NO, NO, NO!" Sting snapped straight back. "I told you to flirt, not to freaking sexually harass in the creepiest possible manner! Geez, no wonder you're still a virgin!"
3 seconds of awful, violent tension filled the compartment.
3...
2...
1...
"You promised... YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER TELL!"
Rogue was suddenly screaming, roaring, howling, his voice so hoarse that he barely sounded human anymore. His usually deathly white face was now flushed a deeper red than Erza's hair, whether from embarrassment or fury, no one knew. But if they had to guess, they'd choose fury, although, in reality, it was so much more than that. It was madness, madness in every sense of the world; his emotional anguish had caused him to completely lose his mind. No comforting gestures or kind words could reach him now. His sanity was too far gone.
One last scream escaped him before the shadows attacked.
The flocked towards Sting, drawn to him by Rogue's blinding hatred. They surrounded him, cornered him, trapped him, but Sting showed no fear. He merely rolled his eyes; apparently, this was a regular occurrence for the Twin Dragon Slayers.
"Oh, for crap's sake Rogue, this is the fifth time this week!"
From somewhere in the shadows, Rogue screeched. "I DON'T CARE! YOU JUST DISCLOSED MY DARKEST SECRET TO THESE TWO BIMBOS!"
("Did he just...?" Lucy began.
"Mmhm." Erza nodded. "When this date is over, we kill him and get Natsu to burn the body, agreed?"
"Agreed.")
"Now now bro, just try to calm down." Sting said in a kinda crappy attempt to, of course, calm his friend. "What about those relaxation techniques we talked about? Y'know, counting to 10, picturing yourself in a happy place, that sort of thing?"
("I must say, Sting didn't really strike me as a bromance kind of guy... Or a relaxation guru either..." Erza mused).
"WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?!" Rogue howled. "YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU BETRAYED ME!"
Suddenly, realization appeared on Sting's face, possibly caused by the word 'friend' - well, this IS a Fairy Tail fanfic, after all. What did you expect?
"Woah, just, listen to me for a sec, okay? If you carry on like this, you're never gonna get laid! Girls like the calm and composed type, the type you were before you started having these -" he paused, "feelings. If you just keep that lil temper in check, then the ladies will chase after you, just like they do with me!"
(Lucy raised her eyebrows skeptically at that comment).
Rogue's outcries stopped for a moment. A couple of the shadows melted, enabling a little bit of light to re-enter the compartment. "I-I-Is that true? Will even... she like it?" Rogue stammered in a voice that actually sounded quite similar to his normal one.
"Yep! Even Yukino!" Sting cried cheerfully, before realizing his mistake. He spun towards Lucy and Erza, in the desperate hope that they hadn't heard.
They had.
Needless to say, the dates had been ruined - finding out that the boy has literally no interest in you kinda puts a bummer on things, ya know? - but they'd come too far to turn back now; the train had already departed, and wasn't to come back for another 3 hours (yes, Lucy and Erza had to suffer another 3 HOURS in the company of two socially inept dragon slayers, the poor darlings) so the foursome had no choice but to follow Mira's plan through and dine at the famous Magnolia restaurant: Aphrodite's Asylum. The place was know for it's expensive furnishings, fanciful cuisine, and of course, the disgustingly romantic ambiance. Think mildly suggestive jazz music, humongous chandeliers, and lots and lots of wine.
Revolting, am I right?
Lucy and Erza certainly thought I was. As soon as they walked through the doors, they were immediately seated on complete opposite sides of the room. I shouldn't have to spell this out for you, but to those of you who aren't exactly the brightest crayons in the pencil case, I'll explain: it's bad enough being trapped on a double date with two men, both of whom you have no interest in, but you know what's even worse? Being trapped ALONE on a date with a man whom you have no interest in. Also being hit by a bus. But that isn't really relevant to the story, so let's move on.
Crap, Lucy thought grimly. Now if this pervert makes a move on me, I can't get Erza to beat him up... I suppose I could just do it myself, but she just has a God-given talent for kicking men in the balls which I just don't have! She sighed inwardly. This really wasn't how she had intended to spend her Friday night. However, just as she was about to sit on the dining chair opposite Sting, a hand came to rest on her shoulder - a hand that would be her salvation, for at least 15 minutes, anyway.
"Erza," Erza addressed Lucy with a look in her eyes that literally screamed 'play along, or you die' "Will you please accompany me to the ladies? I need to freshen up, and what with all the crime recently, I don't feel safe going alone."
Lucy agreed, mouthed a silent 'thankyou' to Erza, and hurried towards the bathroom at the back of the restaurant. As soon as the door swung shut behind them, she exclaimed:
"WHY THE HELL DID WE LET MIRA DRAG US INTO THIS?!"
Erza nodded. "I must say, that was a rather foolish move on our part. From now on, we can no longer be so easily led. We must show more caution!" she declared, looking into the distance. After approximately three seconds, she turned back towards Lucy. "But still, we have problem here, a problem that requires a perfect plan."
"...Can I make the plan this time? No offense, but your last plan got us arrested, and I don't wanna risk-"
"WE NEED TO GET INTO CHARACTER!" Erza cut her friend off. "Wait right here."
She dashed off into the nearest cubicle, and re-appeared a second later, with only one noticeable difference about her: her boobs. Her bust was filled to the brim with what was probably the equivalent of 100 rolls of toilet paper, with several pieces trailing out, and once piece stuck to the bottom of her heels. Erza slouched towards her friend, tightly clutching the small of her back.
"My word Lucy!" she exclaimed as she placed the 101st roll down her bra. "How on Earthland do you function when you have to carry this burdensome weight around everyday of your life?! From now on, I swear, I will never overlook your suffering so ignorantly again! If you ever need help to carry your bulky bust around, know that you can always count on-"
"...I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TOILET PAPER NOW ERZA!"
"What? But they're not nearly big enough yet!"
"ERZA THEY'RE BIG ENOUGH JUST PUT THE TOILET PAPER DOWN BEFORE ANYONE GET'S HURT!"
"But-"
"Erza!"
"...Fine."
Note: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah so yeah I've finished. Hope you enjoyed! Plz tell me ya'll got the 'Henry Padovani' joke, I was SO proud of it.