Chapter 6 – If you cannot find what road to choose
(Verse from the song "At your side")
Darken Rahl was sitting on his chair and stroking his bear with his thumb - a gesture he used when his brain was processing his schemes - while his ice blue eyes were staring at the cover of the closed journey book lying on his desk; his mind passing the happening of the previous days.
The Sisters of the Dark came to him to place an offer from the Keeper: he wanted Darken Rahl to pursue his race to the power, otherwise peace and prosperity would be spread all over D'Hara and the Midlands, whereas the Lord of the Underworld was craving for death and despair to flow on the land of the living. The Keeper was willing to grant clemency to Rahl, if the latter committed to supplying souls as he used to do when he was his attendant, but this time without being enslaved as a baneling. A definitely generous offer from the Lord of the Underworld... too generous to sound disinterested to Rahl's suspicious ears.
Darken didn't trust the Sisters of the Dark at all: he knew that the Keeper wasn't easy to offer forgiveness, but he didn't understand why he wanted to grant him this alliance. The deal was undoubtedly tricky and Darken wasn't a fool. And the Keeper knew that he wasn't, thus what game were they playing?
Rahl still ignored it, but the Spirits knew how much he needed a magic helping hand at this moment. He had the chance to gather only some Mord-Sith and soldiers to reinforce his ranks, but he had no magic in his current body and no sorcerer at his side. And to repair his little secret resource, he needed magic and the Keeper evidently knew it and was taking advantage of it.
To show a sign of goodwill, Sister Amelia offered herself to follow Rahl and his Mord-Sith, alone and wearing a Rada-Han. After pondering about it, Darken picked up the offer and granted the red veiled woman to ride behind him. He ordered Mistress Zafire to glue herself to this Amelia and never set her eyes off of this unreliable woman. The stakes were too high thus, at the minimum suspect she had to kill her without hesitation.
.
Sister Amelia dashed in the room unannounced, fluttering her gown in a red flash and concealing her face behind her veil.
Rahl found this woman utterly unnerving: she was always restless, moving too much and too fast, her shrill voice was always too loud and, so far, had only spoken bad news. He would have gladly strangled her, if he hadn't such need of her help. Behind this woman leaned Zafire, following the Sister like a shadow. The Mord-Sith received an inflamed glare from her Master - for letting this intruder enter that unceremonious way in his office - and the black haired woman instantly knew that a punishment was in agenda for her, that night.
"Lord Rahl I've completed the protection spell. Whatever magic will be cast against your tiny treasure from now on, will bump back to the sender." Amelia was moving her arms in wide circles to picture the shield she had just set.
"Very well, Sister Amelia. And have you any news about how to fix the treasure?" He asked in a low and flat tone, remaining perfectly still and mutely inviting her to avoid all that gesticulating.
"I've already told how to fix it. There are no other ways beside that. And you have to speed up, it's growing worse and worse. He won't last long" She was now pacing fast, back and forth from his seat.
"And I have told you that the way you suggested is impossible. My current body is not my own and my blood is not the Rahl's blood. That's why I'm deprived of my magic and I'm forced to bear your presence here." He replied drily, without bothering to conceal his disappointment.
"Then you have to apply to your counterpart and persuade her to help you. There aren't other options."
"I don't' know where exactly my counterpart – as you call her – is, but certainly miles away from here. And even if I found her, she will never accept to help me. And you told me the donation must be willing or it won't work." Now he was truly disturbed by this annoying woman, who he found as useful as a holed bucket.
"Ah this is funny! Master Rahl the king of intrigues and blackmails is unable to convince," She quoted the air with her fingers, "a woman to do as he wish? I deemed you much more worthy."
"Don't you dare to scoff me, you damned flunky!" He shouted, raising in all his height and slamming furiously his hands on the desk.
"Why don't you put a little more of this energy you're proudly showing, in searching a solution and less in uselessly enraging?" She was almost laughing in his face; his sight was reddening from anger. She didn't even seem to notice his reaction and took some paces toward the wall.
"Bring me a belonging of your counterpart and I'll manage to find her." Her voice drifted cold and she was now perfectly still, slender arms dangling on her sides while she watched out the window, evidently uncaring of exposing her back to him. "My sisters and I can render her harmless, but how to convince her to do as you wish, that's your business."
It was nearly unnatural to see this creature changing attitude so suddenly, as if two different people coexisted in the same body. Darken Rahl growled, puffing air from his nostrils. She didn't wait his permission to leave and stormed away just the same as she had rushed in.
Richard was walking beside Zedd and couldn't help but notice how his grandfather looked old and exhausted; the Seeker thought himself that he should have better denied the night watch the Wizard had so insistently asked for. The younger man tried to relieve the hoary one.
"We will reach a village in a couple of days. Then we'll take some horses and hopefully will arrive soon and safe to Aydindril."
"Yes I'm truly looking forward to getting home. I begin to feel sick of all this traveling. All my old bones are creaking and my stomach requires a more respectful treatment!" His tone was light and he smiled warmly despite his tiredness. Richard smiled in return but a shadow passed upon his features and the smile faded fast.
"Is there anything wrong my boy?"
"No it's nothing… it's just… I was thinking about the story you told us yesterday."
"How does that old sad tale have to do with our homecoming?" Richard clenched his jaw and his face turned serious, while he was staring at the Wizard's face.
"Because Aydindril is not my home." He uttered seriously. "I'm the last Rahl alive and the people of D'Hara need someone to hold the reins of the country. If I don't claim that title, other pretending dictator may do it and other barbarity would fall upon that already troubled land. Other slaughters like the one you told us about, could happen. As Rahl and as Seeker I have responsibility toward those people."
"You are very noble Richard and what you say, makes me proud of you." Zedd placed a hand upon the shorter man, squeezing it in an encouraging gesture. He would never get used to the spontaneous selflessness Richard never ceased showing.
The Seeker dropped his eyes to the ground and Zedd felt there were further thoughts bothering his grandson.
"I guess it's hard on you. You have duties in D'Hara while Kahlan belongs to Aydindril. It could be difficult for you, but you must trust in the strength of your love and you'll find the way to be happy together."
"I believe in our love and I think we'll manage to stay together somehow. Maybe it will take time, but we will." Richard stated with hope in his voice. "There are other things I'm not so sure I'll be capable to do."
"Richard you have defeated the Keeper, I can't figure something you couldn't do or someone you couldn't beat." The Wizard displayed a wide encouraging smile.
"I can" The young man whispered sadly and after a while stared directly into Zedd's orbs. "It's just me."
"I don't understand you."
"Zedd you know me since I was born, I'm a woodsman. After you named me the Seeker I became a warrior, maybe even a leader. But I'm not a king, I'm not a politician. I don't know anything about court etiquette or international diplomacy and all the other stuff concerning the ruling of a country. I think I could raise the Sword of Truth, claim the throne and take the leading of D'Hara, but I have really no idea how I could actually govern that land. George Cypher raised me as an honest and simple man, I'm not measured up to become," The Seeker hesitated for a heartbeat and swallowed, before proclaiming with a slight incredulity the title which waited for him to fulfill it. "Master of D'Hara."
"I think George Cypher gave you all the required instruction to be a good king. What did he use to tell you when you were at a crossroad and you didn't know what road to choose?"
"He always told me to follow my heart." Richard answered with a shade of sadness, remembering the departed man he considered his father.
"And this is exactly all you need to do to rightfully rule a country."
"And what if my heart was failing?" Richard's voice sounded full of anxiety, nearly anguished.
"Richard I don't recognize you. Why are you so doubtful? You weren't so unsure two weeks ago. You always believed in yourself above all, what happened then?"
The Seeker loudly sighed and his head dropped on his chest. His eyes were fixed on his feet and his ears suddenly reddened. Then he faltered:
"I-I placed the Stone of Tears directly in the hands of the Keeper."
"Well, he was disguised, you didn't do that voluntarily. How can you blame yourself for that?"
Richard felt heat rising inside of him. "And how can you not blame me for that?" He hissed. "I was perfectly aware of the prophecy, but the Keeper tricked me as if I was a dummy kid. I've been stupid and reckless. I risked to doom all the living to death, because of my innate faith in neighbor and need to help every person who crosses my path smiling at me, or seems distressed, or is just blinking long lashes trough me." Richard's anger colored his tirade, replacing his lowness.
"You resemble Cara!" The Wizard blurted to the younger man.
"Well, maybe she is the only one seeing things for what they truly are!"
"Richard your compassion is not a limitation and is the foremost reason for which I chose you to be the True Seeker." He replied in an offended tone, feeling how the young man's words were betraying most of the teachings the Wizard had spoken him so far. "If you decide to rule a country with detached coldness and heartlessly, where's the difference between you and Darken Rahl?"
Richard perceived he had crossed the line and returned sad.
"And this is the other problem I have… I still have difficulties at dealing with my rage. It blinds me and brings me to think things I wouldn't think otherwise. It mystifies me... so please Zedd excuse me if I snapped at you."
The older man saw how Richard was weighed by responsibilities he never asked for, neither was prepared to deal with, and felt fondness for him. The Seeker was intrepid and strong, but couldn't bring all this on his shoulders alone.
"Richard I promise you I will always be by your side and will do whatever I can to help you, in this difficult road you're bravely choosing to undertake. You know, you can always rely on me."
"You mean you would come with me to D'Hara after we'll reach Aydindril and return Kahlan to the Confessors Palace?" Richard asked tentatively, slightly ashamed of his begging tone.
"I'm not leaving you at all. Creator knows what mess you could arrange, if left alone." The old man replied with a wide smile.
Richard looked gratefully at Zedd and smiled warmly, his eyes almost glistening at the helping hand his grandfather was offering him for the umpteenth time and in spite of his just expressed wish to settle down in Aydindril. Then he hugged briefly but tightly the Wizard, whispering "Thank you Zedd."
"You're welcome. But now please stop talking nonsense or you'll savor my own anger!"
They both laughed at the pretending threat Zedd was casting.
Cara felt the burning eyes of the Mother Confessor on her back, piercing her with the same intensity, as if she was using her daggers. The Mord-Sith had returned silent and brooding after talking with Zedd that night and she knew that this was drawing Kahlan's attentions, because the brunette just couldn't help but snoop around the other people's businesses.
It was the Mother Confessor's nature: ensure that everybody was alright and, if not so, to do something about it, even if nobody asked her anything. People used to say that this was kindness and generosity, but to Cara this was exclusively nuisance.
Kahlan stepped on her side and tried to approach the Mord-Sith. "Is there something wrong with you today?"
Cara turned to her with a definitely annoyed look and shrugged, without bothering to reply.
"Cara, your tongue wouldn't get paralyzed if you'd talk more than four words per day, you know!" The brunette insisted with a hint of temper in her voice.
The blonde kept on looking ahead and retorted: "Yeah. That would be a great loss for the whole of womankind."
Kahlan blinked four times without catching the quip, or perhaps without believing the lewdness she thought she had caught in the quip.
Cara turned to her with a malicious smirk on her face, but the naive confusion on the features of the Mother Confessor made it fade away and she puffed, rolling her eyes.
"Nevermind Kahlan. You are definitely too chaste for my skilled tongue." Cara didn't want to tease her, but double meanings came out from her mouth so naturally that she didn't even notice. And this time Kahlan caught it perfectly and became as red as Cara's leathers, slowing her pace and letting the Mord-Sith and her obscenities go on.
Zedd reached the brunette and told her muffling that Cara had a bad time sleeping during the night, thus wasn't probably in the mood for a talk and likely easily irritable. That corresponded to a "DO NOT DISTURB" poster hanging on the Mord-Sith's back and Kahlan desisted from her purpose to dig in her mind.
Cara threw a thanking glance the Wizard and thought that she had to thank him also for the information he shared with her that night.
She hadn't slept at all after the talk and kept on thinking about those words. In the end she came to the conclusion that the death of her son was for his best. It spared him from a life of never ending sufferings. Not that she cared about his sufferings, but she preferred to know that he was now in a better place rather than in some Dragons Fort or Creator only knew where.
She sighed… who did she think she was fooling? Herself? She had to be honest to herself, no matter what. She cared about his sufferings and hoped that his death was quick and painless.
She… cared. Something she wouldn't do some months ago. What had happened to her?
Mord-Sith don't care, don't thank, they don't apologize and don't shame… but she did all these things since she joined Richard in his quest.
Cara had never had the slightest doubt that she did the right thing choosing to follow Richard instead of Darken Rahl, and now she was completely devoted to the former. He was the true Lord Rahl, but it was more than this. He was the first to trust her honestly and unquestioningly. He put himself between her and Kahlan, his beloved, to defend the blonde from a rightful death sentence in Stowcroft. He was the first to accept her, treating her as a person and not as a tool or a monster. He taught the Mord-Sith respect for herself and for the others.
So she owed him a lot and she cared for him, not only because he was her Lord, but also because he was… her friend even if she'd die before admitting it aloud. Despite her gratitude toward him, she was now realizing how joining Richard was slowly turning her away from being a true Mord-Sith and this was unpleasant because Cara liked to be a Mord-Sith.
To be strong and powerful, focused and efficient, reliable and loyal, skilled and indomitable.
Such qualities were needed to her Master, serving who was the only purpose in a Mord-Sith's life. But now she was evolving into something different, a soft creature with feelings and weaknesses. She didn't want to change, she was comfortable in her fortress of coldness and detachment, where nobody could reach and harm her. Kahlan… she came around and touched her heart somehow and now Cara felt vulnerable, frail, defenseless… she definitely didn't like it.
How could she adequately serve her Master in such terms? And if not serving her Master, which purpose would have her life? Her own happiness?! Such a foolish idea… She didn't even know what feeling happy meant. Her life was meant to protect and watch over Richard, nothing but this.
When she was by Darken's side it was simpler. She never placed so many questions to herself all at once, never bothered to ask herself if things were right or wrong, because her Lord decided it and she had only to obey; now she was feeling a sort of nostalgia for this easiness. However, she would never ever go back: her former Lord was nothing but an evil selfish bastard. Only she had no idea to where she was going hereafter and Cara hated not being in control.
And didn't like the terrible headache she was having now, for thinking so much… and it was all on Kahlan's stinging eyes fault!
Cara needed to be firm on her certainties and this meant one thing: focus herself exclusively on her Lord Rahl and put distance between all the others.
That night, while sitting in their camp, Richard announced to his group that he wanted to talk about the plans he had regarding the immediate future. He looked to Kahlan breathed in deeply and began:
"After we'll reach Aydindril I want to be with you, but soon I'll need to leave again and head to D'Hara."
Kahlan expected this decision; they both knew that Richard had responsibility toward the land of the Rahl's. Nonetheless it made her sad listening to this issue spoken aloud; hearing those words from him made it somehow more real and near. It was painful to think about that. Since the moment they met, they parted for long time only once, when Richard went to the Prophet's Palace to learn how to handle with his Han.
"I understand it Richard and I would never prevent you from your duty." She was trying to smile at him, but the result was a crooked stumbling smirk, far from the beaming features she used to reward him with. "Believe me, nobody knows what observing duties means, more than me." She added to sound more convincing.
Richard got close to her and spoke sweetly. "I promise you I'll come back to you as soon as I can. I just can't leave D'Hara on the verge of chaos. There will be a lot to do to restore order, but Zedd has decided to come with me to help me."
"And prevent our boy from messing up." The Wizard added in a light tone, seeing how cloudy Kahlan's eyes were turning.
The Seeker cleared his throat and turned to the Mord-Sith.
"Cara you are free to go wherever you want. You owe me nothing and I want you to freely choose your path." Richard talked seriously, because he expected Cara to stubbornly insisting in serving him, as her Master. Indeed he was right.
"I will go where you want me to go, Richard." At least she called me by name and not by title, he thought.
"I want you to do what you prefer." He insisted.
"And I prefer to do what you want me to."
"Creator, this is pointless!"
"You are embarking in a difficult journey Richard and I think there are tasks you could commit me, which I'm eager to receive." Cara was unmoving in her reasoning and confident that the Seeker needed her by his side, since he had a whole country to set.
"You're right. Very well, since Zedd will come with me to D'Hara, I want you to stay in Aydindril to watch over Kahlan."
"What?!" Cara blinked utterly bewildered.
"I told you that I want you-"
"I've heard what you said, but it's a nonsense request."
"I need someone to protect Kahlan and I guess there's nobody better than you."
"My duty is by your side, not hers." She said pointing a thumb toward the Confessor and avoiding to turn to her "And I don't really think she'll need my protection, while sheltered by her massive castle and encircled by the whole Home Guard."
"Darken Rahl is still around, lurking somewhere and most likely plotting. I don't want run any risk leaving Kahlan easy prey of his plans."
"NO."
"Cara please-"
"Which part of 'NO' isn't clear, Lord Rahl?"
"You told me you'd do what I want you to, but now that I've placed an order, you oppose to it?"
"Because it's stupid!" She shrilled a couple of octaves higher than usual and showing a nervousness honestly unusual from her. Richard thought that Cara was over reacting in her objection and had no idea of the reason.
"So what do you suggest to do? Where do you want to go?" The exasperated Seeker felt a spark of anger beginning to light inside him, but made his mind up to blow it out.
"I want to come with you to D'Hara."
Was that so difficult to say, you hardheaded Mord-Sith? Richard thought to himself, but bit his tongue.
"And why should I take you with me?" Now he was teasing, playing a dangerous game with her pride.
"Because you need me more than you need Zedd. I know every territory in D'Hara and most of the Generals of the Rahl's army. I can introduce you to the secrets of the People's Palace and deal with the mores and traditions of that court. I can treat with Mord-Sith, admitted there are still some around and not already on Darken's side. D'Harans will accept you more easily if they'll see a Mord-Sith with you. Most of them don't consider you as the rightful Master Rahl and when the voices telling Darken is still alive will flow, many enemies will rise against you and you'll need more than a couple of trustable eyes to watch your back."
The threesomes were perplexed, after hearing what was probably the longest tirade the blonde had ever talked. The most confused was Richard, since Cara was touching sensitive spots in his schemes and he had to admit that she would have been exceptionally useful to his purposes. But he didn't want give her satisfaction.
"D'Harans and Mord-Sith won't trust you since you betrayed your former Master to follow me. I need to gain trust and allies, and establish a council that can govern the country on my behalf."
Cara was astonished "Are you out of your mind?! If you really think that D'Hara can be held by a council, then you're misleading yourself. Those people need a leader who guides them with an iron hand. They will never accept anything else."
"I can always try Cara, people can change."
"But not so fast Richard, it's absurd." She almost yelled.
Then Cara remained silent for a while, staring intensely at her Master's eyes, acknowledging that her words hadn't convinced him, so she added:
"Ok, let's pretend that you create a council. Who will you name in it? Is there anyone you trust in D'Hara?"
"I-I don't know…" His confidence began to crumble under his feet.
"Let me guess. You'll choose someone letting your heart guide you?" She insisted, using a biting tone. "We both know that you tend to give your trust very easily, don't you? You always let your emotions drive your actions, but you'll soon have to learn how leading means also accepting compromises and sometimes they are… displeasing. Believe me, I had experience in this matter while I was under Rahl's command."
Richard was now deeply knitting his eyebrows and his fists were balled with white knuckles on his lap. It seemed that Cara knew exactly where his weaknesses were and mercilessly hit him right in those spots.
"Let me help you Richard, let me do what I'm best at. I can temper your goodness and keep my guard up, when you lower yours." Her voice was now almost warm and she sounded truly concerned.
"If you'll deem me worthy, I could hold the regency while you are in the Midlands with the Mother Confessor." Cara blushed a little after those words and respectfully bowed her head, in a feeble attempt to mitigate her previous insolent boldness.
"Richard I think that Cara is perfectly right, she should leave and follow you in D'Hara." Kahlan's voice echoed loud and steeled by an unusual coldness. It was the Mother Confessor's voice speaking no less, and she sounded more giving an order than providing an advice.
Richard turned to her and found her face hard and impassive; pale skin and dark locks framing striking bright blue eyes, behind which he guessed troubled waters. He knew her well enough to recognize that she was very angry, but also distraught. Maybe the thought of their imminent parting was affecting her in this way? He would investigate about it at a later moment.
Also Cara looked at Kahlan and perceived her rage, but more than this she felt disturbed by her words. The Mord-Sith wanted to put distance between her and Kahlan, because it was getting too hard on her, to pretend not to feel what she was feeling for the brunette. But she didn't expect Kahlan to fervently wish for sending her away with such a cool detachment. It was for the best of all of them, nonetheless it hurt Cara to see Kahlan agreeing in the arrangement like that.
"All right, then it is settled. Cara you will come with me in D'Hara, while Zedd, you will stay in Aydindril with Kahlan." Richard sentenced dryly, closing the speech.
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A/N
Hi guys,
I know I've been beating around the bush with this story so far, but I ensure you from the next chapter the wheels will at last begin to turn.
So hold on and don't give up following the Thunder. I promise you I'll do my best to truly entertain you!
A lot of premises mean a lot of consequences…!