2:10 PM

The phone rings and Zetsu is nearest to it so naturally, he answers.

"Hello? Oh hey leader. Yeah Pein and Konan are here. Your dry cleaning? You have 37 dollars in dry cleaning to be picked up? Oh it was your grandma's afghan? Yeah I guess we can pick it up. Alright. Yeah, you can pick it up tonight. Okay bye." Zetsu hung up the phone. "Hey, Deidara needs to pick up the leader's dry cleaning later."

"Do you really think Deidara will do that and not spill something on it between the cleaners and here?" Kisame asked.

"He can handle it. He'll be back here soon and we'll just send him out again, he'll drag Itachi out there with him and by the time they get back we will be ready to handle their shenanigans." Zetsu said.

"Tobi? Tobi what are you doing…Tobi…Tobi NO! NO TOBI!" Hidan yelled at him. "Tobi you know you're not supposed to…" BOOM….. Hidan stopped talking and had a very disgusted look on his face. "Tobi….you know that you're not EVER supposed to be in the kitchen alone cooking chicken noodle soup…BECAUSE STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!"

"Hidan, it's alphabet, see watch I will spell Hidan…H-I…"

"FORGET THE SPELLING! YOU BOILED THE SOUP! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BOIL THE SOUP! THE SOUP FUCKING EXPLODED AND NOW HERE WE ARE COVERED IN FUCKING LETTERS AND A TOMATO BASED BROTH! OH GREAT…JUST FUCKING GREAT THERE'S A CHUNK OF CELERY AND A PIECE OF CARROT IN MY HAIR! TOBI OH MY GOD TURN THE HEAT OF THE STOVE OFF! OOOOH SASORI IS GOING TO MURDER YOU! YOU MAY AS WELL EXPECT A POISON DART RIGHT IN YOUR ASS BECAUSE HOLY JASSHIN ONLY KNOWS WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOUR FACE IS!"

"Hidan….should I get a paper towel?"

"Tobi….WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK!?"

"Ooooh look they are the paper towels with the cute little animals on them!" Tobi said showing Hidan the roll of paper towels.

"Tobi I really, really, don't give a shit if THERE WERE PICTURES OF OROCHIMARU DANCING IN A FIELD OF FUCKING PANSIES WITH KIMIMARO ON A WARM SUMMER DAY IN JULY ON THERE! WE ARE COVERED IN SOUP AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Well, Sasori entered the room at just the wrong time.

"Who the hell left Tobi unattended at the stove in the kitchen?" He sighed. However, no one had a chance to confess because the door flew open…Deidara was back home from his afternoon with Marisol.

"Hey, you know those 'everything's a dollar' stores, yeah? Oh my god! Did you know that stuff is actually a dollar in there, yeah? I never knew that! I always thought that was just a store name. So anyway, me and Marisol went in to one of those stores and look we got bubbles, and rubber bands, and a ceramic turtle, and a magnet that say '#1 Golfer', and this coffee mug, yeah! And oh check this out; we got a box of Cracker Jacks, some artificial sunflowers, a pocket calendar, this nifty ink pen with pink ink with this wacky feather topper. I thought that would be fun for Sasori to write checks with, yeah! Look! Little plastic party favors, a pair of giant sunglasses and lastly a roll of mints, yeah! It was a really fun lunch hour today!" Kisame, Zetsu, Pein, Konan and Kakuzu were simply staring at him in awe.

"Deidara…did your mom do crack or….maybe drop you on your head when you were born?" Deidara thought a moment.

"This one time when I was three my mom said that I ate a piece of soap, yeah. Oh and this one time when I was seven I fell off a bicycle into a tree, yeah."

"Ah yes, that explains everything." Konan said more to herself than anyone.

"Hey, Deidara you're going to pick up the leader's dry cleaning today."

"Oh I am? Let me just wash my face first, yeah. Oh my god! I so love that dry cleaner smell!" Deidara said scampering away upstairs to apparently wash his face and inform Itachi.

"Itachi, we're going to get the leader's dry cleaning today, but I just HAVE to wash my face first, yeah."

"Did you go to that 'everything's a dollar' place today or something?" Itachi asked putting the oh so coveted issue of Vogue down.

"YES! See, I got bubbles, and rubber bands and a ceramic turtle, and this magnet that says '#1 Golfer' and this coffee…."

"Okay, whatever…I'll look at your crap while you wash your face and then we'll leave." Itachi interrupted him. See everything would have gone just absolutely fine but fate would have it that downstairs Sasori was taking an important phone call, ignoring the whole soup incident when this happened….

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOD! I GOT FACIAL CLEANSER IN MY EYE, YEAH! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! ITACHI! OH MY GOD IT'S STINGING! AAAGHHHHHHHH!" Itachi threw the magazine down and hurried into the bathroom.

"DEIDARA HOLD STILL! DEIDARA….OH MY GOD QUIT THRASHING!

"IT'S IN MY EYE! IT'S IN MY EYE! OH MY GOD IT'S IN MY EYE...AAAAGGGHHHHH IT BURNS, YEAH!"

"DEIDARA! STOP THRASHING! HOLD STILL DUMB ASS! I'M HERE FOR YOU…I'M…I'M HERE FOR YOU MAN IF YOU JUST CALM DOWN!" Itachi tried to convince him. Meanwhile downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to call you back…see all hell is breaking loose in this house and I swear to god I would have been better off opening a day care center back in the Sand Country. But no, all of my decisions are right now coming back to bite me in the ass because there is a soup catastrophe in one room and a screaming idiot in another….so just give me twenty minutes to get back to you. Bye." Sasori hung up the phone. "See, see this is EXACTLY why people like Deidara's mom should NEVER have unprotected sex and exactly the reason why the leader should pre-screen all potential members to make certain they are stove competent!" Sasori said more than irritated. Back upstairs…..

"AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"DEIDARA! I HAVE A TOWEL JUST HOLD STILL! JUST HOLD…..AAAGGGGHHHHHH! OH GOD NOW YOU FLICKED SOAP IN MY EYE! OH MY GOD THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE HELL!"

"I KNOW, YEAH! AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!

"AAAAGGGGHHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! I CAN'T SEE! OH MY GOD I CAN'T SEE! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! MANGEK……OH MY GOD IT'S NOT WORKING! STUPID CLEANSER! AAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"AAAGGGGHHHHHH, YEAH!"

"Hey, leader….yeah…about that dry cleaning? Deidara may not be able to pick it up before closing hours tonight. See, he's having another one of those moments of his. No, no not those kinds of moments where he confuses the words 'two' and 'too'. It's more of a…why do I screw up the simplest things kind of moments. Yes, like the time he got his hair stuck in the ice cube maker. Okay…alright…bye" Zetsu hung up the phone. "I think the leader understands."

"There! Now Tobi, seriously go take a bath! We've cleaned up the kitchen but you're still tomato-y." Hidan told him. "And don't come out of the shower until you are tomato free!" Hidan added. Thank god it was 3:00.