Sorry It's been A week since I last Updated but I hope this looooong! chapter will make up for it.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer (same as last time)

CHAPTER FIVE-I MISS THIS. US.

After leaving Lissa I went straight to the gym to sweat out this anger I had. I wasn't mad at Lissa. I could never be mad at Lissa. I was mad at Dimitri. I'm always mad at Dimitri, not only because he left me and our kids he doesn't know about, but because he screwed me over royally, and comes back and wants to be friends? Oh Hell No! I mean honestly what did he expect me to say?

The court had a large gym, one that put the academy's' to shame. It had three floors each one for a specific activity lifting, sparing and recreation. Who said vampires don't play basketball? It had two outdoor tracks and an indoor one in the building next to the gym. There was an outdoor sparing area in the center of the track and another lifting area. I went to the locker room to change; every guardian at court had a locker room, the moroi did also, but it was in a different locker room, and they had to request theirs. It's not like many moroi really worked out. I quickly changed into black track shorts with bright blue strips on the sides and my black sports bra. I shoved my feet into blue Nikes, tied my hair into a messy bun and went outside to runs laps.

Even through my pregnancy, until my doctor told me to slow down, I kept up a routine of running during any time I could. I've gotten really fast none of the other guardians would even race with me anymore in fear of being beaten by a girl. Today, being so mad, and I was almost positive Lissa's darkness was making my anger worse; I pushed myself harder than I normally would. I probably looked crazy to the other guardians on and around the track, my face wore a permanent scowl and I could tell I was sweating like crazy as I passed guardian after guardian on the track , but I guess because it was me they shrugged it off.

I was on my tenth lap around when I felt a presence making its way closer to me. I ran faster not wanting to be disturbed, but the person only sped up to match me in speed. What the hell? I tried to ignore the person, but they were directly behind me. I could practically feel their breath on the back of my neck. I stopped suddenly, annoyed, and whipped around and gave the person my best "Rose Hathaway" glare, when I noticed who it was I scowled further.

"What is your problem?" I growled at Dimitri. He wore an amused smile that I wished I could punch right off his face.

"I just wanted to talk," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Talk..? Now? If you haven't noticed I'm kind of in the middle of working-out." I gestured to my appearance. He looked me up and down. As if he actually did just realize what I was wearing. If I wasn't smart I would say he was checking me out. "Anyway…" I said getting his attention again. "We did talk, and I don't want to talk again." I turned and tried to continue my run, but he refused to leave me alone.

"Rose we have not talked. You've yelled, but no talking actually took place," he said in a matter-a-fact tone. I pushed myself to run faster before I had a lapse in self control, but he followed me and before I could stop myself I turned around brought my hand back and let it snap forward and hit him in the face. Hard.

I knew I was over reacting, but I can't even describe how good it felt how good to hit him after all the shit he's done to me. I know I didn't break anything, but he would have a bad bruise in the morning and that was good enough for me. Dimitri let out a string of what I assume were Russian cuss words. Thinking I got my message across I turned and started running again. I kind of suspected Dimitri to follow me again, but was even more surprised when he tackled me onto the track.

"What the fuck!" I spat angrily.

"Well obviously your angry with me and if you want to throw punches then fine we'll-" I knew what he was going to say, but was already mad that he had been sneaky enough to tackle me by surprise so before he finished I kneed him, not hard enough to do damage, but more than enough to hurt, between the legs. He flinched and loosened his hold on me enough for me to shove him away and get to my feet.

"Well... Only if you insist..." I stood a couple feet away from him taking a defensive stance, which turned out to be smart. It seems like Dimitri had gotten a lot faster than the last time we had fought. Thinking of Dimitri and I fighting brought back tons of painful memories from the academy that I worked so hard to keep under lock in key at the back of my mind. Being distracted by the memories gave Dimitri an opening that he gladly took, and before I knew it his fist came fly towards my face, which I just barley dodged. I might have dodged his punch, but not a second later his foot came at my chest and made me stumble back a few feet. I kept my balance and attempted a round house kick which he dodge nearly shoving me to the ground in the process. I threw a combination of punches, almost all of them hitting him hard, I could tell from his face he was trying to hide the shock of how much stronger a fighter I was.

A small crowd was forming around us. I guess Rose Hathaway and her old mentor, Dimitri Belikov, no less, would be enough to draw some attention. I didn't let the audience bother me as I fought hard to block the kicks and punches Dimitri threw at me. He threw a punch at me that caused me to stumble and he took my moment of weakness to swoop in using the full force of his body to throw me off balance so he could kick my legs out from under me and pin me to the ground, holding my hands above my head. He leaned over me, kneeling with his knees on either side of my waist.

"Are you ready to talk now?" He asked. We were both panting from exertion, the heat outside not helping any.

I know it was wrong, but I pulled some of Lissa's darkness out of the bond to help me. There was no way in hell I would let Dimitri win this. I gripped the hands he used to hold me down and used it as leverage to twist my body to the side and kick one of legs out then the other. He fell on top of me with a grunt, but I quickly rolled us over so I was straddling him, actually sitting so he couldn't use my move against me. Mockingly I pinned his arms above his head.

"I will never be ready to talk to you," I hissed standing up. I kept my eyes on Dimitri's ignoring the claps and cheers of the guardians around me.

"Rose…" Dimitri tried. I turned around and speed walked to the locker rooms. Once I was in there, I thought, I had lost him.

I quickly showered and changed back into my day clothes. I left my wet hair down so it could air dry and moved from the locker room. I felt a lot calmer and more than a little bit hungry. Maybe I'll call Adrian and we can go eat somewh-

I stopped walking when I noticed Dimitri leaning against the gym wall right by the door. I sighed; he wasn't going to give up was he?

He had his arms and ankles crossed and his guardian mask up. Not that I would've repeat this to anyone, but DAMN! Did he look good. He looked like the Russian god I had stupidly fell in love with when I was seventeen. He was wearing a black v-neck t-shirt that, because he arm muscles were so large, hugged his arms in the most delicious way imaginable. He wore dark denim jeans and black boots, his hair was tied neatly at the nape of his neck. Even though I did admit he looked sexy, how was he not melting in this heat?

I didn't want him to ruin my new found happy mood so I left the gym through the back entrance as I did I called Adrian and arranged for him to meet me at the new sushi restaurant in court. He arrived there before me and waited with the hostess who was ready to show us our table once I had gotten there.

Adrian was no Dimitri, in fact they were opposites, but he did look good in his own way. Adrian wore a white oxford shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into dark denim jeans, and white loafers. His hair was in its usual perfected disarray. Usually I wouldn't look twice at a guy with anything close to this look, but Adrian was my exception. There had always been something about him that drew me and held me there, more than spirits charm.

As we were shown our table people pointedly stared at us, though mostly everyone at court knew about our relationship, it's not like we hid it, just most people, like my mother, disapproved.

She gave us our menus, not that I bothered looking. I didn't really like sushi, unless California rolls counted and according to Adrian they didn't, but he however did like sushi. The few times we came here Adrian would order a variety of food, including California rolls as back up, that I more often than not needed, and forced me to try everything So when the waitress came over I told her my drink order and let Adrian handle the rest.

"So… what'd you order?" I asked knowing he wouldn't tell me.

"Ah… Little Dhampir, you know you don't get to know that." He took my hand, which was resting on the table, and laced his fingers through mine. I smiled looking at our hands. I missed this. Us. Why did we break up? Oh, yeah because of me.

"So how are you holding up?" I knew what he was asking, but he feigned confusion.

"Holding up?" I asked innocently playing with his fingers, avoiding his gaze.

"Rose…" he warned.

"I'm fine Adrian." He raised an eyebrow. DAMIT! It had been three years and I still hadn't been able to learn how to do that.

"Really, I am. I just wish he would stop trying to talk to me." Adrian was about to say something else, but just then our food came.

I didn't even attempt to eat with chopsticks. After trying and epically failing at eating with them many times, and actually getting so frustrated I broke a pair, Adrian had banned me from further use.

I ate another California roll as Adrian asked me another question. "What do you mean he keeps trying to talk to you?" He asked concerned.

"Well" I said swallowing. "He keeps trying to "talk" to me for us to be "friends", but I just want him to leave me the hell alone." "Now what should I try next?" I asked successfully changing the subject.

The rest of our lunch continued like this; Adrian making me eat weird and unusual fish, me not even remotely liking them and drinking mass amounts of my drink, and Adrian laughing at all the faces I made. In-between all of this we fit in some conversation, thankfully the subject of Dimitri didn't come up again. And about an hour later at around two o'clock I found myself walking back to my apartment with Adrian's fingers laced through my own.

When we reached my door he reached for the door handle, but I moved blocking his path to the door with my back and facing him.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

He smiled innocently showing his dimples. "With you…" he trailed off, pulling me into a kiss killing off any protests I had on my tongue. I hadn't wanted to do anything with Adrian until we talked about what happened last time, but the way he was kissing me was making it hard to remember exactly why I didn't want this. Forgetting all my earlier protests I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him. His fingers braided themselves into my halfway dried hair as his other hand found the door handle and pushed it open. We stumbled backwards into my apartment, Adrian kicking the door closed, and landing on my couch, him on top of me. We had to pull away to breath, but he trailed kisses across my jaw and down my neck.

"Adrian..." I couldn't help but halfway moan as he sucked on the side of my neck.

"Hmm" he hummed not moving his lips from my neck.

"Adrian… we need to talk," I told him hoping my voice sounded serious. Apparently it did, because Adrian sighed and sat up, pulling me up with him.

"I know..." he said running a hand through his messy hair. "Look Rose… I'm sorry."

I blinked. He was sorry? "You're… Sorry..?" I questioned.

"Yes," he nodded. "I pushed you too far. I knew how you felt and I know you can't help how you feel, and I'm fine with that now."

"Adrian." I pulled him into a tight hug, which he returned after his initial shock and wrapped his arms around my waist. "It's not your fault; you had every right to be mad. You love me so much, and have helped me so much, and I can't return that. I can't love you as much as you love me." I said into his shoulder.

He pulled me back, his hands on my shoulders, and kissed me softly. "Rose I don't care," I wanted to protest, but I held my tongue waiting for him to finish. "I know you love me, not as much as you loved him…" I winced and the reminder of how I felt for Dimitri, "but I don't care I can wait for you."

"But Adrian you have been waiting. Three years, and I still can't…" I trailed off. He knew what I meant. It had been three years since Dimitri left me and even though Adrian loved me and proved it time and time again. I still couldn't be with him, physically... The last time we tried a couple weeks ago I couldn't go through with it, and he had gotten upset with me, that's why we broke up. And I still don't know if I would be able to ever be with him after Dimitri.

"Rose. I. Don't. Care." He said pointedly. "You're worth it." How could he say that? I'm not worth anything. That's why Dimitri left me. "Stop." He said harshly.

"What?" I whispered.

"You are worth it. I can tell you're blaming yourself for Belikov's decisions, and your wrong he messed up not you." I tried to look down but he wouldn't allow me to, he cupped my face and looked into my eyes "I love you" he breathed and I couldn't help but smile at how sweet he was.

"I love you too" I said and he kissed me again, but this wasn't as heated as the first one, but passionate and sweet.

The rest of my afternoon consisted of Adrian and I laying on my couch talking and watching TV, just enjoying each other's company. Though there was a lot of kissing and some clothing removal it never went too far.

Dinner time came all too quickly and I was dreading it. I knew Dimitri would be there and I did not want to see him, not after mine and Adrian's talk and what happened out on the track. Maybe he'll completely ignore me… maybe.

"Come on Rose, time to eat, I know you're hungry." Adrian said trying to coax me off of the couch. He held his hands out to me; I was still lying on the couch refusing to get up while he stood next to me.

And I was hungry, I didn't eat much for lunch, sushi wasn't my favorite, but I did not want to go over there, so I shook my head and pulled him down on top of me kissing his neck. He didn't pull back right away, but brought my lips back to his before getting up practically and dragging me up with him to the door. I finally walked on my own to Lissa's door with a pout on my face. Adrian didn't pay me any attention and took my hand as we entered Lissa's apartment.

We were late, because of me, and everyone was already seated around the table. There was more room at the table since Arina and Andrei I weren't there. Thankfully Lissa and Christian sat across from Dimitri and Tasha and Eddie and Mia were next to them. So I didn't have to see Dimitri through-out our whole Dinner. Everyone was already engrossed in conversation as they ate all the pasta and salad Christian and Lissa had made, so Adrian and I sat in our seats without saying much. Adrian of course leaped into the conversation, something about a trip away from court, I'm not sure I wasn't really paying attention. I ate quietly and noticed how excited Lissa was. Our bond lit up with happiness and excitement, I guess Christian took the news well, and from the looks of it she was going to announce the news to the rest of the table. I was actually happy for her I know I was jealous earlier, but she was my best friend and I couldn't help but beam at the thought of her being a mother; she would be a great mom.

Of course Christian ruined my happy mood by practically yelling "Oh my god, Rose is that a hickey?" I tensed and could feel a scowl place it's self on my face. Even though I was mad I was a little shocked. Did I really have a hickey? I touch the side of my neck and winced.

"Ow, shit." I mumbled and raised my eyebrows at Adrian who had a smug smile on his face and shrugged his shoulders.

"I thought you knew" he defended.

"Aren't hickeys a little high school Rose?" Eddie teased.

"Not for you Castile," I teased back. Everyone laughed.

After a few more jokes about my hickey, thankfully, it wasn't the topic of conversation anymore, well mainly thanks to Lissa who felt my embarrassment and decided it was a good time for her announcement.

"Ok everyone," she stood up pulling a grumbling Christian up with her to get everyone's attention. "We have an announcement!" she smiled at Christian and squeezed his hand before turning back to everyone else. "We're having a baby!" she squealed, and everyone was congratulating her. Mia and Tasha both jumped up to hug her and were shooting question after question about the baby and her plans and when she found out and blah blah blah.

I felt Adrian wrap his arms around my waist and whisper "You don't seem surprised. Did you already know about this?"

"Yeah I went to her appointment with her this morning." I answered yawning. I looked at the clock. How was it only ten and I was already tired? It was probably from all that spirit I took from Lissa today.

"Maybe you should go home." Adrian suggested, but I shook my head, I liked watching Lissa talk about her baby excitedly. It's like I was live through Lissa since I wasn't as happy as she was when I found out I was pregnant. She was telling everyone about the appointment this morning, Tasha, Mia, and surprisingly Christian looked interested, but Dimitri and Eddie looked bored and more than ready to leave if it weren't for the girls. Through the conversation my head kept swaying and eventually it found Adrian's shoulder, and I gave in.

"I'm ready to go home," I told Adrian. He announced to everyone that we were leaving, and followed me to my apartment, not that I couldn't make it on my own, he was just being a gentleman. We kissed goodbye for a while in front of my door before he left to go to his own apartment.

I trudged in surprisingly tired and moved into my bedroom, placing my phone on its charger and changed into long purple stripped pajama bottoms and a short purple tank top. I moved to my bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, when I heard a knock at my front door. I walked to answer it, and was immediately frustrated at who it was. Why wouldn't he give up?

"What do you need now?" I asked impatiently instead of slamming the door in his face like I wanted to.

He sighed "Rose, can I come in?"

Against my better judgment I opened the door wider to allow him in. He moved past me silently, looking around my living room where pictures of my kids, and friends were. Right now he was looking at a picture of my kids, Adrian, and I. We were at the park, Lissa took the picture, I was sitting on a big yellow slide with a two year old Andrei in my lap laughing, and Adrian was standing beside me with Arina in his arms, who was hugging his neck and kissing his cheek. We were all smiling at the camera except for Arina since she was kissing Adrian. It was my favorite picture.

Suddenly Dimitri turned to me "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude and demanding when I talked to you earlier." He paused. "I just… When I came back I didn't think you would have kids or-"

I cut him off "Or what? Moved on? So you can move on, but I can't?" I asked my anger rising.

"That's not what I meant. It just hurt-"

I didn't allow him to finish again taking a step closer to him. "Hurt? No Dimitri you don't know what hurt is. I didn't use you. I didn't leave you alone. I didn't break your heart." I had to blink back tears. "You don't know-"

"Rose! Stop interrupting me" Dimitri took a step closer to me letting his anger seep through his words. I kept my mouth closed and glared at him my hands on my hips.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I swear you're infuriating to talk to sometimes! I'm sorry OK?" He yelled.

"I don't want your stupid apology!" I yelled moving to push him, but he grabbed my wrists before I could.

"Then what do you want?" he shouted getting in my face.

I don't know who moved first, but to be honest I didn't really care. The moment our lips connected all the anger towards Dimitri turned into pure lust. All that mattered now was Dimitri and his lips moving against my own.

His tongue swept across my bottom lip begging for entrance which I immediately granted. Our tongues twist together fighting for control, which I gladly let him take. My fingers, without me knowing pulled out the rubber band in his hair, and moved themselves into his silky hair.

I realized it wasn't Adrian that I missed but Dimitri. I missed this so much it hurt. I forgot how it felt to be with him, and now I never want to forget again. But all too soon our lips had to part so we could breath. We both pulled back panting and as soon as his lips were gone from mine my mind cleared, and the realization of what I had done came to me.

"You should leave," I barely managed to whisper. "We shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?" he asked. "I love you Roza, and I'm tired of pretending I don't, Seeing you with Ivishkov, I was so jealous and I- I had to tell you how I felt. " He stepped up to me again and kissed my lips and I could help, but respond. It was a short kiss, sweet.

"I love you" he whispered in my ear. "And I'll do anything to get you back." He disappeared, before I could reply and left my apartment.

I numbly moved to my room and sat on my bed cross legged and broke down crying. I cried for Adrian. I had promised him I would be with him again and what I did with Dimitri made me realize I could never be with him, not when I felt like this for Dimitri. And I cried for my kids, even though Dimitri said he loved me now. What would happen if I tell him about our kids? Would he still love me? Or them? But mostly I cried for myself. I told myself I would never forgive him, that I would always hate him for leaving me and our kids, but kissing him made me realize I loved him too.

I hope you liked it. I know I had fun writing this. Review please! And I put up a poll on what the sex of Lissa's baby should be. It's up to you! Please vote. THANK YOU! :D