Captains' night out
By: Moonice
Series: Bleach
Rating; T and M just for safety
Genre; Comedy/Drama
Characters; Ichigo, Jushro, Toshiro, Kenpachi, Byakuya, Soi-Fon and other characters
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if five of the most stressed out captains in the soul society decided to sneak out of the Sertei and go on vacation in the human world.well I do and this is it
This is my very first fanfiction please be gentle with the ratings. Although I want to do a Hitsu/Matsu pairing I decide it would be more interesting to write a humor story first. I don't owe the creative genius behind Bleach(Tite Kubo) or any of his characters. So without further distraction I introduce my first fanfiction.By the way this takes place ten years after the battle with Aizen
Captains' night out.
Busted;Part 1
The party hade just reached a point where no one thought it could get any better. Toshiro, Ukitake, Chad, Ichigo and Kenpachi had finally got a chance to smoke some of Hitsugaya's dope. Yoruichi had won the popping contest and even got an award for it. Byakuya was also having his share of good times by befriending some very powerful buisnessmen in America. And how could I forget Uryu, Orihime, and Kisuke. Yeah Uryu earned a killing from the slots and was spending every dollar of his newly aquired millions on a bunch of high-tech gizmos. Orihime on the other hand wasn't doing so good due to the fact that she had to run from pimps trying to get her to be a prostitute. Last but not least Kisuke Urahada had finally learned how to drive well and decided to go up to the deck and check on Yoruichi and Soi-Fon . Yaeh everyone was having fun tonight but then it happen.
All of the sudden the boat was surrounded by S.W.A.T boats and helecopter. At that point most of the guest had gone into a panic and started to call their lawyers. As the troops began to board the ship the group came out and readied themselves to fight.
FREEZE! YOUR ALL UNDER ARREST! Demanded a tall muscular dark skinned man in one of the uniforms similar to the guard surrounding them.
Who the fuck are you? Soi-Fon asked.
Are you that retarded bitch? Isn't it obvious that I'm the leader of this S.W.A.T force squad. The names Thomas Goodman and I'll be arresting you motherfuckers tonight. What the fuck did you just call me you piece of shit? Soi-Fon barked back angrily. Oh hellllllllllll no. You didn't just asy that to me you crackheaded bitch. Besides your the one carrying drugs and other illegal property on this ship. Now I was going to be nice to you hoes but since your talk to me like that I'm just gonna get to cocking on you bitch asses. Goodman shouted back.
Beat those motherfucker!
The guard then charged at the group with nightsticks while dispersing to apprehend the other guest on the ship. Where's Ichigo? Rukia asked. Almost as soon as she asked that she saw a huge cloud of smoke coming from one of the rooms on the deck. I wonder if he's in here. Don't wonde! Get there dumb asses and get off of this motherfucking ship. Yoruichi demanded. I'll follow up after I get finished beating the living shit out of a few of these guts. Soi-Fon go find Byakuya, Uryu and Orihime. Okay Yoruich but are you seriously going to fight all off these guys? NO! That's why I have Kisuke here.Yoruichi said while pointing at the blond haired man. What the f...Kisuke had to cut off his sentence and kick one of the charging guards into the water.
Wow America sucks! Kisuke said. Stop talking and help me take down these motherfucker.Yoruichi demanded as she took out twelve men at once. Okay but you don't have to yell. Then the remaining guards put their nightsticks up and pulled out some automatics and shotguns.Blow the fuck out of these motherfucker! Goodman once again demanded. Aw shit! Both Kisuke and Yoruichi said in union.
As the two began beating some more of the S.W.A.T force members while dodging bullets,Rukia had just got to the door and began to open it.There she saw a passed out group of shinigami along with Chad and a burning pack of dope.WAKE THE HELL UP YOU CRACKHEADS! Rukia shouted. No I don't wanna. Toshiro said in a childlike voice. Man I am starving! Ukitake said while rubbing his stomach. Whoohoohoohoo! Ichigo shouted as he began to dance around. Hehehehehehe! Funny spinny heads! Chad said as he began to giggle like a child. I'm dizzy,I'm hungry,I'm bored,I'm tired. Kenpachi also complained in achildlike tone. Wow you really are baked as hell. Rukia said in shock while trying to drag her high boyfriend along with the rest of the crackheads.
When Rukia had gotten them to one of the helicopters Byakuya,Soi-Fon, Yoruichi and the rest of the group met her there. Does anyone know how this works? Rukia asked. I do. Byakuya replied. Now get on before those people get us. As everyone got on Byakuya had started the helicopter and took off.
They're getting away sir. Said one of the officer. No shit! Goodman said sarcastically. Search the ship for any other unauthorized property, I'll just go to Miami and track down those son of a bitches myself. As the officer went to tell the others about the order Goodman gave. He personally assembled his own squad to track the captains and friend down. Alright start the choper I want to catch those drug dealers before they get out off the city. Soon the S.W.A.T team were hot on their trail.
What the hell just happened? Orihime asked. We just got ambushed by the American S.W.A.T team and now we're running from them. Where were you in all of this? Yoruichi asked. And Rukia tell me why Ichigo, Hitsugaya, Kenpachi, Ukitake, and Chad are acting like retards. Oh! Toshiro finally smoked that dope he had and apparantly shared it.Great we have five dopamines on board. Byakuya complained. Look the authorities are gaining on us. Ishida warned
OooooH! I wannta touch the pretty lights! Chad said childishly.
Hippity Hoppity Hippity hop, the Easter bunny's on it's way! Toshiro sang.
I like pie! Ichigo blurted out.
It's all grooovy man! Kenpachi added in a hippie like tone.
I LIKE CEREAL! Ukitake also shouted.
Wow! The captain prodigy along with the rest of them are more blowed that a baloon. Kisuke stated. Yeah and more baked than a cake. Yoruichi added. Their more high than the stars at night.Soi-fon added on Hurry up and get to land so we can get the hell out of here! Yoruichi ordered. Well getting arrested in a human jail isn't that nuch of a problem is it? Byakuya asked. Yes it is! Orihime replied. If we get caughyt we go to jail. If we go to jail we get stripped searched. If we get stripped seached their gonna take those earrings of yours. If they take the earring and throw us in a cell were left with two options before the trial. One, stay and wait while risking getting raped by one of the prisoners. Two, escape and be tracked down by your lieutenants while being forced to go back to the soul society. As for Uryu, Ichigo, Chad and I we get fired from our jobs and will be forced to free load off of Urahada for the rest of our days. Now Captain Kuchki if you don't want that then fly this motherfucker and get us the fuck out of this city. The red-orange haired girl ordered.
Wow Orihime torched your ass Byakuya! Kisuke added. Don't instigate Urahada and look we're at the landing point at last on top of the Miami Beach hotel .Oh! and look the S.W.A.T team is still behind by a few miles. Now what? Uryu asked. We get out of Miami that's what. Soi-Fon answered and before we go down to the parking lot to get into our new cars that are actually cars Kuchki I gotta wake up those five becuase I'm not hanging around a bunch of doped boys the rest of the night. Soi-Fon then pulled out a weird plant from her pants pocket at burned it with a complimentary litter. She then waved the plant in front of the five baked people and suddenly they came back to their senses.
Where are we? Ukitake asked. Why don't I feel happy anymore? Chad also asked. Back to beeing bored again. Kenpachi sadly said. This is just great I'm back to noraml and it's still night time. Ichigo complained. Wow what a drag. Toshiro lazily stated. There no time for your complaining we have to get to the hotel parking lot. Ishida ordered. Wait! We're back at the hotel? What ever happened to the yaht. Ukitake asked. Apparently dope is illegal in this country and Hitsugaya had the ship filled with it. Soi-Fon explained. This is just great! I knew this country sucked, I can't even have smokes without it being illegal. Okay did you all forget that we're getting xhased down by the S.W.A.T team? Yoruichi asked. WHAT THE FUCK?! We're getting chased by the S.W.A.T? Ichigo shouted aghast. Yes and i you would stop complaining, we could get the hell out of here.Kuskue added.
So the group then went to the parking lot and pushed through the incoming guest along the way. After going down the 32 flights of stairs they finally made it to the parking lot. Once there Ichigo,Jushiro,Byakuya, and Kisuke pulled out sets of car keys. Ukitake unloked the doors to a silver two seated convertabel corvete that had two emerald green stripes on the hood. Once Jushiro along with Toshiro got into their car Byakuya unlocked the doors to a black Mercedes Benz Maybot and got in along with Uryu and Kenpachi. Ichigo then had a gold Lexis Godess(okay I made the car up) on autodrive come in front of him while getting in along with Rukia,Orihime, and Chad. Kisuke then went to crimson convertable Mercedes Benz and had Yoruichi and Soi-Fon come with him.
Alright now that everyone situated let's blow this motherfucker! Ichigo said as he started the car and pulled off. Everyone else soon followed him. Now on the streets of Miami speeding throught trafic the gang had tought that they were in the clear. Boy were they wrong. Once they passed the next light Jushiro saw three police cars and five S.W.A.T trucks.
Pull the fuck over! Said a reappearing Goodman. Will that son of a bitch leave us alone? Soi-Fon asked. Suddenly both the cops in the cars and the S.W.A.T team in the trucks were shooting at the gang. One bullet even managed to get Ukitake's corvete. Oh hell no! They can yell at us, shoot at us, bt when they attack the cars they're going down. Ukitake said getting ready to use a kido. Stop man! If you do that our lieutenants with find us. Toshiro warned. Not with these they won't. Ukitake said while putting the spirit earrings on that have just be recharged. I charged them up once the party started. Oh! Then blast them already. Toshiro then started to perform a kido of his of. Path of destruction 4 Pale lightning. Ukitake then fired a stream of lightning from his finger and took out three cars making them explode. Toshiro then shot a bean of lightning like ice at the trucks and froze them in an instant. Okay they're dead lets pull over and get these soul burials over with. Byakuya said.
When the shinigami stepped out of their gigais they went over to the deceased officer. Rukia on the other hand went to erase the memories of the spectating people.We're sorry for all the trouble dude. Toshiro said to Goodman. We just wanted a party but we didn't mean to kill you and all of your companions. Yes we did. Soi-Fon interupted. Shut up! Toshiro snapped. Anyway we should really send you guys to the soul society. Don't worry about it man. My job sucked anyway and I was gonna kill myself tommorow. But you weird shinigami people saved me some time. Goodman replied. Yeah this place isn't as fun as it seems. One of the officers added. I have to ask you S.W.A.T officers something. Where an we actually have a party where we can spend money have fun and smoke dope without the authorities interupting? Ukitake asked. You really don't know? Simple go to Las Vegas,Nevada there's a good time to be held there.
Thanks for the info! Now lets get these soul burials out of the way. Byakuya said. As the guards went to rest in peace Orihime and Uryu came back from a store with two twelve packs of bear. I just bought these in case it got boring over the next couple of days. Orihime said. Well you made a good decision girl. Kenpachi stated. Alright looks like we're going to Las Vegas. Byakuya said. Well lets get to it. Kisuke said as he went to the car. Okay this was a weird day. We got here, went and bought new clothes, go a hotel room for a night, made a bunch of buisness deals in order to have a party, had the boat party, got busted by the S.W.A.T team for smugling unauthorized good and having durgs on board, and we found an even better vacation spot than this one. I say this was a weird day. Yoruichi said.
As everyone got back into their cars and pulled off Toshiro finally asked, "Okay does anyone know how to get to Vegas before we start driving around in circles?" Don't worry Hitsugaya every thing will work out just fine. Kisuke said.
14 hours later in downtown Detroit,MI in the tax riot.
All fine huh Urahada! Toshiro said as he began dodging bullets. Great yet another failure from the crack pot. Soi-Fon added. How the hell we end up in Michigan and Detroit of all places? Rukia asked. I don't know but what I do know is that we're getting the hell out of here before someone messes up my corvete again. Ukitake asked. Hey where's Captain Zeraki? Chad asked.
Whooooho! This is fun!. Kenpachi shouted as he began beating up random people. Nonono I am getting out of here out of here... leave him in leave him in. Uryu said as he pulled of with Byakuya. Hey wait for us! Ichigo shouted as he and the rest of the group except Zeraki went chasing after the two.
The dope song
This is a song dedicated to when Ichigo,Ukitake,Toshiro,Chad, and Kenpachi were high
Toshiro: We're moonman in the zoon
Ukitake: We're monnman on the moon
Chad : We're on the moon? Sweet!
Kenpachi: We are? Wow! The moon's big.
Ichigo: I like cheese! Crackers and cheese!
Toshiro: I wanna cracker too!
Kenpachi: No I want a cracker more!
Ichigo: I don't have any crackers
Chad: I want jelly beans!
Ichigo: No I want jelly beans more.
Toshiro: We don't have jelly beans.
Ukitake: Look at the rainbow. It's on the moon.
Kenpachi: Hehehehe! We're on the moon
Ichigo: And we're moonyman.
All:WE'RE MOONYMAN ON THE MOON
All:AND WE SEE RAINBOWS AND JELLY BEANS.
A/N: Well that was chapter six hoped you liked it. I'll have chapter seven up as soon as possible. Please review.(and no flames)