Timmy stops peddling once he's reached Ima's house. As they exit the wagon, Eric notices no car in the drive way and no lights on in the house. He follows her to the front door and she unlocks and opens it, closing it once they're both in. She flips the lights switch, revealing a mostly baron living room. On the walls hang some paintings: one of mass murdering racist Che Guevara, the communist hammer and sickle symbol, and various modern art square paintings of uniform colors.
"Sooo, ahhh … where are your parents?"
"I live alone."
"Really? So, where are they now?"
"They're dead," Ima replies.
"Well, if you don't mind me asking – how'd they die? 'cause if you chopped them up and fed them to somebody else, I'd be surprisingly okay with it…"
"They killed themselves. They couldn't live in a world with global warming and made a suicide pact. It is unfortunate they didn't stick around since global warming hasn't killed all of us yet. I know the nearly thirty years of predictions and deadlines have all been proven wrong, but this time it'll be different."
"Ohhh, so you live by yourself? That's too bad…" he quickly whips out the breath freshener and squirts it in his mouth and then also qui9ckly pockets it.
"Yes, I inherited everything. I petitioned the government and got a waiver; I'm legally considered an adult."
"Sweeet…" Eric looks around, "I wish my mom was dead so I could live alone."
"Here, sit on the couch with me," she pats it before hopping up onto it.
Eric climbs on next to her, "Comfy couch."
"I know. Cheesy Puffs?" she hands him a bag from behind a couch cushion.
"I don't know … it's pretty high in calories. Well, I guess just this once," he rips the bag open and starts munching on them.
"A 'Terence & Philip' re-run is on."
"Sweet. Wait a second, miss LeCri, are you trying to seduce me?"
"No, of course not. Did you know un-wed mothers can get thousands of dollars each month in subsidies from the government? Imagine all the towns I can go to and force change upon with that money."
"Wait – you're using me?" says Eric.
"Three minutes for a life time of change."
"A baby? Three years ago I couldn't even spell baby."
"So, just get stiff and swollen, and pee in me so I can get pregnant. Well, that's how I think it works."
"I don't want to get you pregnant – I just want you to play with my wiener."
"What? Ew, no – I'm not gonna touch your weewee. They're only for baby making, nothing else."
Eric jumps off the couch, "I am shocked. Shocked you would lead me here under such false pretenses," he continues eating the Cheesy Puffs, "I thought we had something special going on," he finishes the last of the small bag, "but now I'm not so sure," he rips it open and licks the cheese off the inside of the bag, "I'm afraid I must bid you a good night," and with that Eric opens the front door, sniffs the bag, and then leaves.
Ima snaps a finger and mouths, "Damnit."
.
Eric climbs into the red wagon Timmy pulls with his trike.
"Principal Victoria's house."
"Timmy!"
.
Eric presses the doorbell to principal Victoria's house. Victoria gets up and opens the front door after walking to it upon hearing some knocks.
"Oh, for the love of Pete – Eric Cartman, whatever it is, can't it wait until tomorrow?"
"I'm afraid not, principal Victoria."
"Well, now what?"
"It's about the Safe Space again."
"What? But we've done so much – what on Earth could be the problem now?"
"You see, principal, my understanding is that those inside the Safe Space feel marginalized by the Safe Space because they can't do anything and are confined to a small area."
"Well, I don't really see what we can do about that without making the whole school a Safe space. I'm open to suggestions – I don't want the DOJ to say I never tried hard enough."
"One word: Oculous."
.
The next morning. All the kids are gathered in the gym and sit on the bleachers, chatting while waiting. Mr. Mackey walks up to the microphone stand and removes the mic'.
"Okay, students, settle down. We've called for this student assembly to announce a very important chance to the Safe space," he holds up an Oculous virtual reality headset, "We have decided to eliminate the confines of the Safe Space with this. Um'kay, this virtual reality headset will segregate the wearer from all contact with real life, putting him or her in a world designed to only tell them and show them what they want to hear; what they may deem a more perfect world. It will use electrical impulses and stimulate they body to imply real contact and interaction. We call the users: Biological Organisms in Reclusive Galvanism, or the BORG. They even this cute little red laser pointer on the side to alert non-wearers they're nearby since the user can't see where they are going, um'kay," he then hands Victoria the microphone.
"Thank you, Mr. Mackey. Students wishing to join the BORG collective just need to sign out a headset from the office. These things aren't cheap. Right now we only have half a dozen or so rented out."
"Well, the face paint booth was fun while it lasted," Kyle comments to Stan.
"Thank you all for coming. Please proceed to the first class of your day as you normally would have."
The students get up and climb down the bleachers, making their way for the gym exit.
.
The four of them and Ima sit in what was Mr. Garrison's class, with Eric now separated from Ima by Kenny.
"Und class, vee now peehk up from vhere you teacher left off. Vhat vas zee topic?" Mr. Krautklinger asks.
Butters speaks after raising his hand and being acknowledged, "Ah, Mr. Krautklinger, Mr. Garrison was teaching us about an actor named Adrian Pasdar."
"Who eez das Adrian Pasdar?"
"Here, there's a picture in my study guide."
Mr. Krautklinger grabs Butters' study guide and examines it, furling his brow, "Nein. Nein! Vhat eez das? Heez hair eez neither blond nor heez eyez blue. Zees eez not zeh master race! Und garbage!"
"Yeah!" Ima shouts.
"I speet on heem!" Klaus yells.
"Exactly! This male-centric subject marginalizes the important contributions of women."
"Like racist Margaret Sanger, who you have a picture of in your locker?" Stan asks.
"What is so important about men anyway?" asks Ima.
"Vhat? Mein furor vas man!" Klaus yells.
"I don't have to sit here and listen to you; you're in violation of multiple bias-Free Language Guide codes," she gets up and walks out of the class.
"No! Get back een seat!" Klaus follows her out.
"Whoa, cool – nutjob fight," Kyle and others get up and stand at the classroom door.
"I am zee teacher und you vill leeson to me!"
"No. Misogynist."
Butters exclaims, "Oh, no – now he's massagin' it, too."
"Nein! Class, now!"
Other classroom doors open and teachers and students peak out.
"You are more than three strikes over - by default I declare you un-mutual!"
"Nein! You are un-mutual!"
"No, you are!" Ima comes back.
"I know you are but vhat am I?"
"Un-mutual," says Ima.
Mr. Mackey ruches over and gets in the middle of them.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, um'kay, now, what seems to be the problem?"
"She vill not get into class," Mr. Krautklinger says.
"This teacher is a sexist with multiple aggressive violations of the Bias-Free Language Guide," she points at Krautklinger.
"Um'kay, miss LeCri, students and faculty may have their disagreements from time-to-time, but the place to work that out is ion the principal's office in a meeting, not with a shouting match out in the hall. Let's try to be respectful of one another and-"
Ima interrupts him, "Be quiet! It is your job to create a place of comfort and home for the students that attend South Park elementary. Saying that statement goes against your position as counselor. Do you understand that?"
"No, I don't agree with that," says Mackey.
"Then why the fuck did you accept the position?! You should step down! If that is what you think of being a counselor, then you should step down!"
"Um'kay, my-my job description doesn't include making this a cozy home. I'm just a counselor and this is a learning institution."
"You are not doing that – you are disgusting!" Ima shouts back.
"I … I don't think I'm disgusting…"
"You – where's the acknowledgement of hurt?"
"Well, I do kind of feel hurt," says Mackey.
"Agh! You again! You need to resign!"
"But all I did was try to politely and respectfully help."
"Passive aggressive guilt tripping!"
"But I am free to be polite and helpful, I think."
"No! You are not free to invade my comfort!"
Mr. Mackey comes back, "Other people have rights, too, not just you."
"You are a disgusting embarrassment to you profession!" she walks off.
Mr. Mackey begins to cry.
"I'm sorry," he removes his glasses to wipe away tears, "I'm sorry."
"Mr. Mackey, it's okay," says Stan.
"I'm sorry for being such an embarrassment," he cups his eyes and cries out loud.
"Dude, whoa. Not even remotely cool," says Kyle.
.
The school bell rings. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan stop at their lockers after making their way around half a dozen students wearing the Oculous headsets.
Eric waddles in, "Oh, guys, seriously – this is so cool. It's like I'm not even here!"
"If only," says Stan in a low voice.
Cartman bangs into a locker, then backs up and keeps waddling around.
Kyle asks, "How do you even know we're here? You can't see a damn thing."
"Dude, you totally smell like your mom's Vic's VapoRub. And fat lady. You should stop hugging her," Eric replies.
Kyle retorts, "Of course you would know, you have inherent fatness in your DNA."
"Shhh, Kyle, what if somebody hears you? You'll get in trouble," Stan warns.
"I don't care anymore. If I'll be damned, I'll be damned for being who I am. Someone has to be Bonhoeffer."
"Did somebody say Bernard Hoffer? That 'Thundercats' theme is totally sweet," says Eric.
"Agh!" Kyle grunts.
Butters walks over, "It's okay fellas, Ima called in sick today so she's not here."
"Then we'll just have to keep an eye out for officer Barbrady and hopefully we'll be okay," says Stan.
"Ah, well, didn't you hear?" Butters asks them.
"Hear what?" asks Kyle.
"Why, ah, Barbrady got three strikes and had to be dismissed."
"Not ah," says Stan.
"Yes, way," says Butters.
"Fwor wut?" Kenny asks in a muffled voice.
"Let's see, um, strike one – he was white and in power that dominated others; strike two, violated the no touching rule by handcuffing people, and I think the third strike had to deal with him only arresting white people, so he was deemed a racist."
"Oh, fuck, the cannibals are eating the cannibals," says Kyle.
"It's gonna be anarchy around here soon," says Stan.
"Oh no! That's bad, right?" asks Butters.
"Yes, Butters," says Stan.
Eric speaks back up, "Oh, dude, I'm totally in a bathroom taking a shit right now. It's just like real life. Oh my God, guys – what if I took a real shit at the same time I was faking a shit?"
"Well, my mind's blown," Kyle says sarcastically.
"Come on you guys, let's get to class before the bell rings and Mr. Krautklinger gets angry," Stan says to them.
.
They sit in the class patiently and the door opens to reveal Mr. Garrison.
"Mr. Garrison!" Kyle exclaims.
"Settle down class, it's only temporary."
"Still, its good a welcome reprieve from Mr. Krautklinger," says Stan.
"Okay, class, zip it. Now, even though 'Profit' was over, Adrian Pasdar was blessed to be the star of another series, 'Mysterious Ways', this time lasting two seasons. Playing a professor of anthropology…"
"Dude," Kyle says to Eric, "get your backpack o0ut of the chair so I can sit in the middle."
"Not ah, this is still Ima's chair."
"I don'
"I don't see her name on it."
"Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski – what are you two bastards arguing over now?"
"Mr. Garrison, Kyle is invading my special area," Eric says innocently.
"That's Safe Space, you idiot!"
"Oh. Well, get over it," says Garrison.
"I formally request he be sent to the principal's office and be reprimanded," says Eric.
"That won't be necessary. Didn't you hear? The Bias-Free Language Guide has been temporarily suspended," says Garrison.
Everyone in class exclaims, "Yay!" in joy except Eric.
"What? No. Why?" Eric says in shock.
"After the principal received an anonymous tip, they realized the Guide was racist and marginalized people of color and sex. It targeted 100% of white kids and 100% of all black students. And it was written, implemented and enforced by a bunch of honkies. So it was suspended, that's why I'm here. So, shut up. And don't think I've forgotten about you, Craig, you dumb bastard. Anyhow, with his assistant, Miranda, Pasdar's character would go around investigating miracles…"
.
Later that day. The school bell rings, signaling the end of the school day. Kids exit class rooms, while others out early for the buses, head out. One's with Oculous headsets on bump into students, one into a wall.
.
Ima sits on her bed, looking up at a picture of Mao Tse-tung hanging on her wall.
"There's a darkness hanging over me, Mao, and a cold wind blowin' on my progressive dreams. The enemies are lurin' our surfs away, teachin' them conservatism," she is silent for a few seconds, not blinking, then continues, "I'm gonna have to be terrible hard on Stan and Kyle, Mao; I'm gonna have to put the lash across them before they all get turned…"
.
The wind blows threw the crowd as it gathers to the Town Square public podium. Above, the moon lights the town in a blue hue. Midnight nears. Along with the adults, a number of children are gathered. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan wait patiently. After a few seconds, Eric walks up and joins them.
Hey, fatass," says Stan.
"Guys, it's so good to be out of those boxes and virtual reality things and be in real sunlight again, like earlier. Now I can get back to real life," he breaths fresh air in and out, them pulls his iPhone out of a pocket and looks down, "Sweet, a new Angry Birds app."
Jimbo walks around with Ned, handing things to town residents.
"Dude, it's almost midnight; when is you wart on the ass of society girlfriend gonna show up?" Stan asks Eric.
"Stan, haven't you ever heard of the old Confucius saying that goes: shut the fuck up."
Ima walks up to the stage and up the steps. Eric immediately dashes over. He blocks her from getting to the podium.
"Hey, Ima."
"What?"
"I'm glad we're getting a chance to talk again. I know things were pretty heated earlier, but now that you've cooled off some, I thought I might give you a chance to reconsider."
"Reconsider? No!"
Everybody looks at them; Eric notices.
"Shhh, shhh, shhh, no need to involve the whole town. I thought we had something special together."
"Ha! I'm breaking up with you! You're dumped!" Ima shouts.
Kyle comments, "Wow. I could have sworn it would have been one of those, 'It's you, not me' things."
"Dumped? You can't dump me. You need me!"
"The only person who needs you is Willy Wonka!"
Eric hops off the stage and turns to face Ima gain, "Well, if that's how you feel…"
"It is. Anything else to say?"
Eric points at his crotch with both hands, "Touch my boner."
"Good, now that he's on our side again, he's gonna destroy you," says Stan.
Ima replies back to Eric, "I won't even dignify that micro-insult."
Stan, Kyle and Kenny all say in unison, "Ooooo…". Eric looks pissed off.
Ima holds the microphone, "Folks of South Park. It is now one minute passed midnight. I must have your answer."
Eric speaks up, "Kyle, one of your gay little speeches."
"Hugh! That is offensive and-"
"Touch my boner," Eric dismisses Ima quickly.
Kyle then speaks, "You know, Ima, part of what makes out country great is freedom of speech; more voices, not less. In other countries speech is limited and you can go to jail or even be executed for what you say, but not here. Unless you're Nakoula Basseley. Or Brandon Raub. We may not always like what each other say or even agree with each other, but at least we're not censored either by a minority or by a government; both use tyranny and promote authoritarian government, and promote more control and fear. If you don't like something, you don't have to listen to it; the answer isn't to force silence upon people by making the government more oppressive – federal, state or local. And protecting that freedom means defending everybody's right to speak, no matter what. We stand up not only for our speech, but also speech we don't like or even agree with; take our teacher Mr. Krautklinger: he's racist, anti-Semitic."
"Nein!"
"Spouts propaganda, and probably wants me dead."
"Nein – lies!"
"But I'd defend his right to say those things. Freedom of speech means all speech, not just things you wanna hear. You don't have the right to speak anywhere, but at least you have the right to speak. I think it makes our country a better place and helps us define who we are and what we believe in. And that's a pretty good thing if you ask me."
Everybody, including Eric and Krautklinger, clap their hands. Well, except Ima.
"Not if it marginalizes others, judges people and hurts them. Freedom needs legal boundaries."
"Wow. Stunning," says Stan.
"I formally demand your answer, now," Ima demands.
Jimbo yells to Ima, "We got your answer right here!"
"What?"
Jimbo whips out a bag of food from underneath his hunting vest; other residents do so as well.
"Marshmallows?" Ima says, confused.
"Burn her with fire," Eric says in a low voice, barely audible.
Wendy bellows, "Burn her with fire!"
"Oh, shit!" Ima exclaims. She then turns to run, but finds more people behind her. She looks to each side of the platform and sees people walking up the steps.
Ned joins in, speaking with his electrolarynx, "Ummmmm, buuurn herr with fire!"
"Burn the little bitch!" Sharon shouts.
"Yeah! Umph! With fire!" Randy also shouts.
"Burn zee Reichstag!" Krautklinger shouts.
Yelling and screaming residents tumble Ima over them with their hands, like a rock star that has dived into a crowd.
"I've got a rope!" Barbrady shouts.
"You're okay with this, officer Barbrady?" Kyle asks.
"The town has spoken. Hell if I care, she cost me my second job anyway."
"Over here! The flag pole! Guys, help get some logs from in front the hardware store," Jimbo orders.
"Aaaggghhh!" Ima yells.
"Here's the rope," says Barbrady.
Jimbo takes it and wraps it around Ima as she squirms against the flag pole, "A bowline knot should do it. Let's see, the rabbit comes out of the hole; around the tree, but it's perfectly okay if it comes out of the hole because don't ask, don't tell; and I think in the hole again…"
Ima yells, "Agh! You're all in violation of every code of the Bias-Free Language Guide!"
"Oh, that's right," Jimbo takes out his copy and throws it into the timber pile.
Kenny lays his copy there, too.
"Kenny!" says Kyle.
"Whut?" in a muffled voice.
Jimbo finishes tying the knot and backs off.
"There! Light 'er up!" says Jimbo.
"Wait! My sons!"
Everybody turns to see Jesus.
"Stop – this is not the way!" says Jesus.
"Oh, well … I guess…" says Jimbo.
Ima interrupts Jesus, "This is exactly what I was talking about!" Ima yells. Jesus looks at her. "The cult of dominant Christianity is ruining this country! He is a figure head of what is wrong with America! You'll never progress until you rid yourselves of him!"
Jimbo turns back to Jesus, "Are … are we still wrong, Jesus?"
"Yes, my sons, this is not the way. You got to put some pine straw on the logs to act as kindling. And make the pile closer to the pole."
"Yeah!" Jimbo and others yell.
Ned sues his hunting knife and a striker to create sparks that ignite the pine straw. He uses a Bias-Free Language Guide that's on fire to walk around and ignites more pine straw with it.
"Wait, this doesn't seem right," says Kyle.
"Marshmallows?" Jimbo offers Kyle a bag.
"Okay, now it does."
"Nnnooo! AAAGGGHHHHH!" Ima screams as she's burned alive.
"Oh, boy, I'm gonna have smores!" Butters says happily as he and Kenny hold their marshmallows to the fire with sticks.
Father Maxi starts singing, "Cumbaya, my lord…"
"Cumbayaaaaa!" everybody joins in.
"Oh, awesome – we haven't had a Cumbaya since we burned down the WalMart!" Randy says excitedly.
Everybody sings in unison the song as they sway back and forth while roasting masrshmallows.
Ima's cries suddenly stop as she is now fully engulfed in the fire.
"Well, Cartman, there went the only girl who'll probably ever like you," Stan comments to him.
"Well, she could have avoided this by simply touching my boner. There's plenty of fish in the sea anyway," Eric replies.
Ima's lower jaw bone falls into the fire, seconds later followed by the rest of her skeleton once the rope has burned away.
"You know," Randy says as he eats a marshmallow, "you'd think this would be a Godawful thing to do, but it's not that Godawful as you think. We should do this more often."
The kids join in with the adults to sing along, "Cumbaya, my lord, cumbayaaaaa! Cumbaya, my lord, cum-ba-yaaa. Cumbaya…".
And they all peacefully sing into the wee hours of the morning