A/N: I haven't updated this for... what? Half a year? Something like that. However long, SOMEONE STILL OUGHT TO SLAP ME.
I was reading over a few more recent reviews and obviously said reviewers have Jedi mind control powers, because I instantly started working on this.
And to those who are more Vocaloid-savvy than I am – do you know what Meiko and Kaito's last name is? I checked their character sheets and everything and I have no fecking idea.
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1:30pm
To: Meiko Bitchpants
From: Hatsune Miku
There is a saying. And that saying is 'D-CUPPED BITCHES WHO SLUT AROUND DON'T GET MIKU'S BOYFIREND'.
Capiche?
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1:31pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Meiko
A) That is so not a saying. I slut around, but I do it with dignity.
B) Kaito and I are friends. I don't get why you're so insecure about all this.
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1:32pm
To: Meiko Bitchpants
From: Hatsune Miku
A) How can you slut around with dignity? You have to be shitting me.
B) YOU'VE MADE OUT WITH HIM. YOU'VE GONE OUT WITH HIM. YOU'RE A 'CLOSE FRIEND' AND YOU'RE WILDLY ATTRACTIVE. Hell, you might have TAKEN HIS VIRGINITY.
So, WOE IS ME.
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1:33pm
To: Megurine Luka
From: Kagamine Rin
...Is Miku texting Meiko? Like, seriously?
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1:34pm
To: Kagamine Rin
From: Megurine Luka
How am I supposed to know? I'm in elective history. You and Miku do textiles. Ask your boyfriend. I mean, cousin.
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1:35pm
To: Megurine Luka
From: Kagamine Rin
I dislike you. Intensely.
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1:36pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Kagamine Rin
Can you check if Miku's texting Meiko? Like, look over Meiko's shoulder or something.
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1:37pm
To: Kagamine Rin
From: Kagamine Len
You want me to see who Meiko's texting? That's not stalkerish at all.
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1:38pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Kagamine Rin
ARGH. Nevermind. You'd just ignore the phone and look straight at her boobs, anyway.
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1:33pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Meiko
...You think I'm wildly attractive? Hiding some fantasies there, Miku-darling?
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1:34pm
To: Meiko Bitchpants
From: Hatsune Miku
NO. NO I'M NOT. YOU DISGUST ME.
Also, I wouldn't do you anyway. Those boobs are so not real. Implants are gross.
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1:35pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Meiko
...Excuse me?
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1:36pm
To: Meiko Bitchpants
From: Hatsune Miku
You heard me.
I mean, read me. Whatever.
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1:37pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Meiko
I'll have you know that I'm au naturel, Miku. Besides, you can't talk, Miss HAIR-EXTENSIONS.
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1:38pm
To: Meiko Bitchpants
From: Hatsune Miku
...Oh you just so did not.
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1:42pm
To: Kaito
From: Kagamine Len
I don't know where you are, but... uhh... your girlfriend and your... concubine are dueling. Sorta. Catfighting or whatever. Hair pulling and all that. They're in the cafeteria.
You might wanna do something about it.
Or don't. You know. Whatever. It's kind of awesome as it is.
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1:43pm
To: Megurine Luka
From: Kagamine Rin
You will never believe what's going on. MEIKO AND MIKU ARE ACTUALLY FIGHTING. Something about plastic boobs and hair extensions. Oh, and Kaito too.
Weirdly enough, though, the subject of Kaito didn't come up as much.
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1:44pm
To: Kagamine Rin
From: Megurine Luka
Well, I'm a little busy at the library at the moment. Record the fight for me?
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1:45pm
To: Megurine Luka
From: Kagamine Rin
...Oh. OH. OHHHHHH.
I see. 'BUSY.' 'AT THE LIBRARY.' 'AT THE MOMENT.'
Of course I'll record the fight for you... since you're busy. At the library. At the moment.
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1:46pm
To: Kagamine Rin
From: Megurine Luka
...Yes, I think we've established that I'm busy at the library at the moment.
...Oh God, Rin, your mind is dirty.
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2:33pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kaito
Mikuuuuuuuu, is it true that you got into a fight with Meiko?
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2:34pm
To: Kaito Bitchface
From: Hatsune Miku
Hells yes. I was defending my womanly honour, asswipe of the male generation.
WHERE WERE YOU AT THE TIME?
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2:35pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kaito
I was gardening D:
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2:36pm
To: Kaito Bitchface
From: Hatsune Miku
Gardening.
You were gardening.
IS THAT SOME KIND OF EUPHEMISM FOR SEX, OR SOMETHING?
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2:37pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kaito
Er, no? Today we planted pumpkins.
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2:38pm
To: Kaito
From: Hatsune Miku
You planted –
You planted PUMPKINS.
YOU PLANTED PUMPKINS WHILE I, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, WHO YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN OUT YET, WAS BITCHFIGHTING WITH YOUR FIANCE.
That's just... that's just GREAT, Kaito.
Go shovel yourself into a dirthole or something. WITH YOUR BELOVED PUMPKINS.
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FROM: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
TO: Lmqeen, Rin-K
SUBJECT: My ass of a boyfriend
We haven't even gone out officially, he's 'engaged' to his childhood friend Meiko, and I'm being a jealous harpy over everything.
God, I've even ATTACKED someone because of Kaito. WHAT HAVE I BECOME?
What claim do I have over him, anyway? Little to none. I'm beginning to think he only asked me out because I was always pathetically pining over him.
I need advice, o wise ones.
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FROM: Rin-K
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Lmqueen
SUBJECT: re: My ass of a boyfriend
Well... normally I'd say 'don't give up!', especially since you like him and everything...
But Kaito's attitude during all this... it's kind of suspicious. I mean, hello? You do not go gardening when your girlfriend is being attacked. Or is attacking people.
Then again, what do I know? I've never had a boyfriend. What do you think, Luka?
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FROM: Lmqueen
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Rin-K
SUBJECT: re: re: My ass of a boyfriend
Hmm... if you really want him, then don't give up. But if he's not worth it, then please do.
And what the hell is that about? What makes you think I've ever had a boyfriend?
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FROM: Rin-K
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Lmqueen
SUBJECT: [no subject]
Hello, Gakupo? Did you forget all about him?
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FROM: Lmqueen
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Rin-K
SUBJECT: re: [no subject]
I am disgusted that you'd ever think a piece of purple filth could qualify as my boyfriend.
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FROM: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
TO: Lmqueen, Rin-K
SUBJECT: re: re: [no subject]
As much as I'd like to holler about how Luka is obviously in denial about Gakupo, I'm honestly upset right now and therefore I have no suitable retort.
Why did I like Kaito in the first place? I mean, he's cute, but now I'm starting to wonder why I liked him for so long...
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FROM: Rin-K
TO: Lmqueen, DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
SUBJECT: The list
Let's see.
1) His abs.
2) His hair.
3) The fact that he could bounce back from anything with a smile on his face (your cheesy words, not mine.)
4) The way he got shy about things.
5) How dense he could be sometimes.
6) How sexy he looks when he's mad.
7) The fact that he collects teapots and always complains to the cafeteria ladies about the lack of ice cream.
8) The fact that he owns a pet snake called 'Fluffy'.
9) How he sometimes reads shoujo mangas.
10) His smile. It's really sweet.
11) His abs.
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FROM: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
TO: Rin-K, Lmqueen
SUBJECT: re: The list
...Wow, uh. I had no idea about the teapots or the pet snake.
Or about the shoujo manga.
Rin?
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FROM: Rin-K
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Lmqueen
SUBJECT: re: re: The list
WHAT? You said those things. Didn't you?
Or maybe I heard it from some other girl who likes Kaito. I don't know, why are you asking me?
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FROM: Lmqueen
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Rin-K
SUBJECT: re: re: re: The list
Another girl who likes Kaito? What other girl?
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FROM: Rin-K
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01, Lmqueen
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: The list
I don't know! Kaito's popular, there are plenty of girls who like him.
Jeez, it's just a list. No need to get so suspicious over it. What the hell.
Anyway. Miku, if you like him, then repair your relationship or whatever. If you don't, then don't! Easy as that. Instant boyfriend, just add water. Or sex. Whatever.
Now I have to have dinner. See you guys tomorrow.
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FROM: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
TO: Lmqueen
SUBJECT: oh god
Oh my God. Does Rin like Kaito?
I mean, I'm not angry or anything, it's just... Rin and Kaito?
I'm his girlfriend and I had no idea about the shoujo manga thing. Or the teapot thing.
Or even the pet snake. I haven't even been in his house.
Oh my God. She likes Kaito, doesn't she?
I could've sworn she liked Len.
I swear, the world doesn't even make SENSE anymore.
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FROM: Lmqueen
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
SUBJECT: re: oh god
She had a crush on him in eighth grade, but other than that? I had no idea, either.
I don't know. Rin probably won't say anything about it. We should probably look for signs.
Get Len! She always has dinner with Len, right? Text him.
...But I could've sworn she liked Len, too. Maybe she really doesn't like him.
Now go text Len.
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6:24pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Hatsune Miku
Hey, you're having dinner, right?
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6:25pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kagamine Len
Yep, having dinner. But right now I'm texting you.
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6:26pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Hatsune Miku
Hardeharhar. How incredibly witty.
Anyway. Bring the subject of Kaito up with Rin. But not like, in a totally obvious way. Just like 'hey, Kaito does gardening now, right?' or something like that. Or ask about how Kaito and I are doing now. Anything to do with Kaito that isn't blatantly obvious. BE SUBTLE.
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6:27pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kagamine Len
...Why?
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6:28pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Hatsune Miku
Because I think that Rin might like Kaito! SHE KNEW ABOUT THE TEAPOTS.
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6:29pm
To: Hatsune Miku
From: Kagamine Len
TEAPOTS? What?
And Rin doesn't like Kaito. No way. That doesn't make sense.
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6:30pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Hatsune Miku
That's what I thought, too! But she totally likes him. And has probably liked him since eighth grade. She knows that he collects teapots, reads shoujo manga, has a pet snake called 'Fluffy' andandand she's seen him angry!
I'm his girlfriend and I knew about NONE OF THIS. I thought she liked you! But she totally likes Kaito. She got all defensive about it when we asked.
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6:52pm
To: Kagamine Len
From: Hatsune Miku
Len? Len, you there?
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FROM: LEN_k888
TO: DIVALICIOUSMIKU01
SUBJECT: Rin and Kaito
She likes him. No question.
Sorry that he's your boyfriend.
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A/N: everyone wants to throw at tomato at me, don't they? Aha, sorry...