Chapter 6: Trying

It was becoming very apparent to Callie and Erica that their relationship was crumbling away before their very eyes. This week had been the worst they had experienced as a couple, fighting and arguing until they reached the point of no return. Callie, finally having had enough, packed her bags and checked into a hotel; that was four days ago. They thought spending time apart would be good for them, giving them the time and space required to process everything; the betrayal, the guilt, the broken trust, but they failed to realize this solution was only temporary, and was in fact making matters worse.

Erica shifted in her sleep, burrowing her face sleepily into the soft pillow and inhaling the sweet scent that could only be described as uniquely Callie. She smiled and her hand flexed subconsciously, expecting to find Callie's warm body lying next to her but it took her less than a heartbeat to notice the empty space. She stared sadly into the cold spot on the double bed, letting out a sigh as she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She missed waking up and wrapping her arms around the woman she loved. She missed the way Callie would fight off having to get out of bed, always waiting till the last possible minute and wearing a reluctant pout on her face. Smiling softly at the image of Callie in her head Erica found the energy to move, tumbling out of bed and slowly making her way to the bathroom. She decided she would talk to Callie today at lunch, she needed to know what was going on between them and that was the only time she was guaranteed to see her face to face. They didn't want to draw attention to themselves by avoiding each other at work, it would only spread gossip, so they kept up the pretense.

Cristina hadn't noticed anything odd but apparently Teddy had, because sitting in the cafeteria taking a bite of her sandwich she felt compelled to ask, "Do you think something's going on with Callie and Erica?"

"What are you talking about?" Cristina glanced over to the table Callie and Erica were at and watched them for a moment – they were sitting across from each other in silence picking at their food, they looked miserable – she laughed and then looked back at Teddy. "They look exactly like they do any other day, like an old married couple. They are boring."

"There's something going on," Teddy replied. "They haven't been arriving together. Erica is being the biggest bitch and Callie is usually all smiles but lately she just looks sad..." she broke off - blushing, embarrassed to admit that she'd been watching them so closely. "Look, they're just acting weird, okay?"

"Why don't you go ask them if you're that interested?" Cristina asked, rolling her eyes and grabbing a handful of fries, shoving them into her mouth. "You need to get a life and stop watching the lesbians like their some exhibit. Please do me a favor, stop watching and go experience. Get laid Teddy. The world will be a better place and by world I mean my eating experience because if you mention Hahn one more time I swear to God, I'll puke." Teddy huffed and went back to watching them, taking another bite of her sandwich. There was definitely something going on.

The silence between the two of them was stifling and Erica couldn't take it anymore. "I'm losing you, aren't I?" she asked quietly, breaking the silence and looking around to make sure no one could hear her.

Callie was taken aback by the question. "You want to talk about this here?" she asked cautiously, knowing the hospital was a cesspool of gossip. "Let's go talk somewhere a bit more... private, okay?" her voice was gentle but laced with concern.

Erica nodded and followed Callie to an on-call room, locking the door before initiating the conversation. "I can't bring myself to tell you how much I miss you because I feel like I shouldn't be the one fighting for you. You cheated on me, Callie. Surely this should be the other way around?" She sighed before continuing. "Yet every time we talk on the phone or I see you I want to beg you to come home. I don't want to throw away six years of being in each other's lives." She drew in a shaky breath and looked to the ground, trying to hold back tears she added, "I just feel like you don't care."

Callie instinctively reached out for Erica's hand when she saw how upset she was, "I care." Erica's blue eyes snapped up from the ground meeting hers and she tightened her grip on Callie's hand. "This is my fault and I'm sorry for that, I didn't plan this; cheating on you. I was happy - we were happy - but-"

"Please come home?" Erica interrupted. "I've said we'll get past this and I mean it. I'm sorry for constantly bringing it up, but all you've told me is it happened at the wedding, it was one time with someone you care about and it won't happen again. How am I meant to react to that, knowing you have feelings for a woman other than me? I'm trying here. Can't you see that? I know I keep starting arguments but I won't. We can get back to being us."

Callie took a minute to process everything. "Okay," she whispered quietly. "I want to try. I want this to work Erica." It wasn't a lie, she had told Arizona she had to go home to her life and Erica was her life. She was willing to accept Callie cheating because she loved her and she loved Erica too, she did. They could get back to before, they had to or all of this was for nothing; hurting and leaving Arizona behind was for no good reason. "I know it might take a while for you to trust me again but I need you to know that I am in this and I care." Erica smiled and wrapped her arms around Callie. They were going to try, their relationship deserved that.

Callie sat cross-legged in the middle of the small on-call room bed. "Yes, I won!" She exclaimed, doing a victory dance with her arms.

"There is no way you won," Erica said suspiciously. Callie inhaled deeply wondering what she was doing when she leaned over invading her personal space, but her hand simply reached down between her thighs and pulled out a card. "I knew it!" she said playfully, gently swatting Callie's arm with the back of her hand and letting out a laugh. "You are disqualified. I win."

Callie laughed. "I swear, I didn't know that was there." This was the first time in two weeks things felt completely normal between them. They were used to playing card games in their spare time at the hospital, if they were both quiet. They were still working through things but this small act of normalcy made them feel closer. It was a work in progress, slowly taking baby steps to try and find themselves again.

"You lost, just accept defeat Callie," Erica said, leaning forward to place a small but passionate kiss on Callie's lips, taking her by surprise. They hadn't been intimate at all since she had come clean about cheating, which was understandable, Callie had betrayed her. As Erica pulled away Callie smiled, glad they were slowly getting back on track.

The silence was filled with the urgent beeping of a pager and they both looked down, it was Erica's, "Peds, the children need me apparently." She huffed as she got to her feet and pulled on her lab coat, it was a consult.

Callie also sprang up from the bed and onto her feet. "I need to go to Peds to check on my patient; nasty skate-boarding accident, so I can walk you down," she explained, smiling as they headed out of the room together.

The conversation flowed effortlessly between them as they made their way to the Peds ward. "That must be the new head of Peds," Erica declared upon arrival. "I heard she was starting today." Callie looked up to find a familiar looking blonde leaning against the nurse's station, the concentration on her face evident as she examined the chart in her hands with her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her jaw drop to the floor and her chest constricted, the tightness hindered her from breathing, she needed air, she felt warm, and she needed to be somewhere else, anywhere but here. She wasn't expecting this, to see Arizona roaming the halls of the hospital she worked in. She closed her eyes and opened them again, this wasn't real, it can't be, but she was still there.

"She's cute," Erica whispered with a smirk on her face. Callie looked at her to see if she was expecting her to chime in and give her opinion but thankfully she didn't as she continued talking, "I mean, if blondes are your thing. Since you're here we may as well introduce ourselves, you'll have to work with her eventually." Before Callie could protest Erica grabbed her by the arm and led her towards the new doctor. This was a nightmare surely? A nightmare she needed to wake up from, now! She looked at her pager begging it to go off, anything was better than this, but it was too late.

Her heart was pounding, adrenaline was flooding her system, and her mind was focused on surviving this encounter for the next however many minutes, "Dr. Robbins, right?" Erica asked, in a dry tone. The blonde turned to face her with a smile on her face that slowly faded as she caught sight of not one but two women. "Dr. Hahn. You paged me for a consult?" Erica extended a hand which Arizona absent-mindedly accepted. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the familiar brown eyes of the woman by Erica's side, eyes she had once spent hours gazing into, getting lost in and her jaw dropped, but only for a second. However, Erica noticed and didn't like it, "This is Dr. Callie Torres, my fiancée and the best orthopedic surgeon in the hospital." She smiled and Callie looked on nervously. Erica was marking her territory, claiming what was hers and that meant one thing, she felt threatened.

This was quickly turning out to be the most awkward experience of Arizona's life. She didn't know how to respond. Was she to pretend they didn't know each other? Should she let on they have a past? However, it soon became clear when Callie offered a hand and said, "Nice to meet you, Dr. Robbins." Her eyes searched Arizona's face, a mixture of sadness and anger washing over her striking features, and in that moment Callie felt nothing but shame. She had panicked and the words just escaped without much thought.

Arizona looked down at their still joined hands and forcibly pulled away, turning her attention back to Erica. "The patient is in the second room to your right; room 2.25. Dr. Yang is already in there and she can update you on the case." With that, Erica placed a brief kiss on Callie's cheek, just for show, and then walked towards the room. Arizona stood for a moment staring at Callie before doing the same thing, without uttering a single word to her.

"Arizona, wait!" Callie yelled after her, but she didn't stop.

"Callie, I have to go," Arizona replied angrily, not wanting to turn around to see her.

"Arizona, I said wait!" Callie repeated, as she caught up to her, grabbing her arm and dragging her into an empty on-call room. "I'm sorry, okay? I, uh… I panicked. Let me explain," she pleaded. Arizona was glaring daggers and took a step towards the on-call room door. "Please don't walk away from me."

Callie watched as Arizona turned to face her, crossing her arms over her chest and letting out a laugh of disbelief. "Are you kidding me? I've not to walk away? You walked away from me, remember? Twice! Do you think I want to be here? If I knew you were here I would never have come."

Taken back by the ferocity in which Arizona replied, Callie cleared her throat, swallowing hard she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. "Do you think I like having you parade other women in my face? Seeing how easy it is for you to just dismiss me and throw me away, yet again. Seeing that I was so easily replaced in your life, when I have spent mine comparing every relationship, every woman to you - it never measuring up, never being enough because that person isn't you. I can't find it in me to love them as much as I love you. Which I now realize is ridiculous, because I don't even know you, not really, not now."

"Arizona?" Callie said sadly, trying to get her attention, but failing miserably. She automatically reached out to place a comforting hand on Arizona's shoulder, but blue eyes sharply darted in her direction and she was taken aback by the burning intensity in them as Arizona glared at her. "Please let me-" Callie began, but she wasn't given the chance to finish her sentence.

"You know, there is someone up there pulling the strings and having a right good laugh at my life." Arizona laughed self-deprecatingly. "I mean, you're here and I'm here - we're together – except we're not, because you're happy with someone else, and that breaks my heart." Her sadness began to permeate the tiny room and Callie could feel it, she could feel it with every fiber of her being and it hurt, but this was an impossible situation.

Arizona sat on the edge of the bed and inhaled deeply trying to compose herself before she continued. "It breaks my heart that you're happy. It breaks my heart that I can't find it in me to be happy for your happiness and that I hoped you would have the same luck as me... but instead, I find myself here, alone, witnessing that all the dreams I had for us have come true for you - being madly in love, becoming doctors, working at the same hospital, living together, making plans to get married, having an actual future. You have all that, and it breaks my heart that I'm not the one by your side. So, please don't come to me and ask why I'm walking away, Calliope. I just can't be around you. I just—can't. Please, leave me alone."

With that, she stood from the bed and started to walk towards the door. Callie raised and arm in an attempt to prevent her from leaving, but it was too late, the door slammed shut, leaving a speechless and emotional brunette behind.

Everything hit Arizona all at once when she left the room. She felt her eyes fill with water but she didn't pause to compose herself, she continued walking, pushing through the disbelief of the situation, the anger she felt towards Callie and herself for getting so emotional. She wanted to find Mark and discuss everything, get it all off her chest and a hug wouldn't go amiss either, but he was in surgery. Seattle was meant to be her fresh start and now this. It was one thing after another.

She headed to the nearest bathroom and tears started to fall. "Shit," she muttered to herself, annoyed that she was yet again crying. She was so sick of crying. Turning on the tap, she splashed some water on her face, hoping it would snap her out of her current state.

Suddenly one of the toilets flushed and she heard a familiar woman's voice, "You don't look so good." She turned to find Teddy standing with nothing but concern in her eyes, she continued to talk as she made her way over to the sink to wash her hands, "I mean, you look good, but you look like you've had a rough first day."

Arizona laughed nervously, then wiped her eyes with her sleeve, sniffling slightly. "I've definitely had better days."

"Tell me about," Teddy sighed. "I've had trauma coming out of my ass all day. Plus, Yang says I've to quit playing P.I. to other people's relationships and live a little." Arizona looked on confused, but when Teddy let out a small laugh she was unable to contain the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not the only sad one here."

"Thanks." Arizona laughed. "That's oddly... comforting."

"Well, I'm glad my misfortune makes you feel better." Teddy smiled. "You know what else helps? Alcohol. We could get a drink later, if you want?"

Arizona nodded, smiling again,"That would be great, Teddy."

"Good. It can be a pity party for us both or a welcome party for you," she laughed and Arizona couldn't help but join in. Teddy put her at ease and made her feel good, taking her mind off Callie for a minute and letting her regroup. Her thoughts and feelings were all over the place. She hadn't expected this, at all. "What time do you get off?" Teddy asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"I get off in an hour," she replied. Teddy was the same so they agreed to meet in the lobby at eight and make their way to the bar straight from the hospital.

Arizona didn't see Callie the last hour she spent in the hospital but she thought about her, maybe she had over-reacted? This was a complicated situation and if it were her in Callie's position she would have panicked too, but she would never have just dismissed her. She knew she would have to talk to her at some point to discuss everything but tonight she settled on trying to have some fun to take her mind off it all.

Callie sat alone at the bar with a diet coke in her hand. She was on-call and had only come to talk to Addison about the day she had, to vent a little. The two had forged a friendship over the past three weeks but Addison was nowhere to be found tonight. When she heard the bell on the door ring, Callie turned just enough to see who had walked in...

'Great,' she thought. Perfect.

How would they even know this place existed? She turned back to the bar and hoped that she hadn't been seen and that Arizona wouldn't come over, but when she didn't it made things seem worse.

She gave it a few minutes, then turned to see where she was. She was at the opposite end of the bar in a booth, laughing loudly with Teddy. That should have been enough to convince her that she was okay after their argument, she was out having fun with another woman, but it wasn't. She wanted so badly to walk over and try to talk to her, explain everything. She couldn't take her eyes off the pair until Arizona looked over and locked eyes with her. All the laughter that had filled her face faded and she froze. Callie couldn't decide whether or not to wave or do something so she settled on giving her a half-hearted smile. When the blonde briefly averted her gaze back to Teddy she got to her feet and headed to the bathroom, her eyes filling with tears.

"Dammit," she breathed, grabbing some tissue and making her way over to the mirror wiping off the mascara that had streaked her face. Arizona was free to do whatever or whoever she liked but just seeing her with someone else, someone Callie knew to be gay, was painful. Then she realized how hard it must have been for Arizona to see her with Erica, the woman she was engaged to. Her thoughts were interrupted when the bathroom door opened. She looked in the mirror and saw the blonde who had been occupying her thoughts. "Arizona," she said softly.

"You still have a thing for crying in public bathrooms, huh?" she asked, making Callie laugh.

She turned, the smile slipping from her face, "I- I'm sorry about earlier." She stuttered, her face full of shame. "I know I'm the last person you want to see right now-"

"I'm here," Arizona replied. "I… um, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to see you," she explained. Her voice was soft and understanding.

Callie forcefully bit down on her lower lip to stop it from quivering. "Arizona, everything is just so messed up. I'm sorry." At that moment in time tears proved to be the most valuable thing she had and she couldn't help but let them fall, she had no words.

Arizona looked on sadly and opened her arms letting Callie fall into the warm embrace. "You're going to be okay," she assured her, wiping away the tears that poured down her cheeks. Callie rested her head on Arizona's shoulder and closed her eyes, more tears spilling at Arizona's words. She felt comforted by the warm body pressed against her own, the strong hand rubbing circles on her back and the soft lips that placed a delicate, innocent kiss on her temple. She didn't want to move. She wanted to stay like this for as long as she could, just be here with her but the moment was interrupted by the loud and obnoxious beeping of her pager that was attached to the band of her scrub pants.

She paused, trying to compose herself and stop the lump forming in her throat. "I, uh, I have to go," she said hesitantly, looking up from Arizona's shoulder. "But are we... um, are we going to be okay?" she asked nervously, her fingers curling and uncurling by her side.

"Yeah," Arizona said shakily, taking a step back and releasing Callie from her firm hold. "I mean, we can try, right?" She knew she was saying what Callie wanted to hear but she hoped they would be okay.

"I would love to try," Callie replied. "But I… um, I better get going. Teddy is waiting for you and someone needs me at the hospital." With that, they said what felt like an awkward goodbye and Callie headed to the hospital. They hadn't cleared anything up at all, there was still so much they had to discuss but for now she was glad they agreed to try and be, friends?

Arizona stepped out of the bathroom once she had composed herself and made her way over to Teddy. "I am so sorry," she began explaining but as she took her seat a tall red-head interrupted her.

"So what, now you're bringing other women to my bar?" Addison laughed and Teddy turned her head to look at the woman, instantly wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace.

She hadn't seen her since she left for L.A to launch the new bar and that was a month ago. She had been way too busy at the hospital. "How was L.A? I was starting to think you were having too much fun and were going to settle down there. Especially with the warm weather, certainly better than Seattle."

"I did have fun," Addison said with a mischievous grin on her face. "I was tempted to stay but Seattle's my home. I love it here, and too much sun after a while gets boring."

"Plus, I'm here," Teddy added. Addison shook her head before letting out a small laugh. "Oh Addie, this is Arizona." Teddy gestured between the two women. "She's a new attending at the hospital. We're here to get drunk and forget our lives revolve around a pager and saving people's lives."

"Tiny humans lives, to be exact." Arizona immediately realized her correction made her sound worse, "God, I'm horrible."

Teddy nodded her head in agreement, "You really are."

Addison watched the playful exchange and then extended a hand with a smile on her face. "Glad to meet you Arizona, and if it makes you feel any better from what I've heard you are anything but horrible." Both women gave her a questioning look before Arizona smiled and returned the sentiment. "Anyway, I better get going. I have a date waiting for me and I said I would be quick. I only came down to grab some more wine to take up to the apartment."

"You aren't cooking, are you?" Teddy asked, laughing slightly.

Addison pretended to be offended. "I did cook, and he loved my food."

Teddy crinkled her nose and let out a sympathetic tut, "That poor man."

Addison laughed and hit her playfully. "I'll see you soon, enjoy the rest of your night. Oh, and I'll be sure to let Sam know he'll need to throw the two drunks out at closing." She pointed to one of the bartenders. He was built like a tank which made both women laugh. "It was good to meet you, Arizona." They watched as Addison approached the bar, collected a bottle of wine and then disappeared out of the door.

"So, you two are good friends?"

"You could say that." Teddy laughed. "She's my ex."

"Oh," Arizona said shocked. "Sorry." She didn't mean to bring up something so personal.

"Don't worry about it." Teddy shrugged. "She's my best friend. We haven't been a couple in... God, I don't even know how long. It's been years." She laughed.

Arizona downed her shot thinking maybe it was possible she could just be friends with Callie. "Do you want another drink, Teddy?" She nodded and Arizona ordered them another round. Apparently Addison had told Sam that all drinks were on the house for them and they planned on taking advantage of it.