Chapter 5

Three Months Later

Rose's POV

I had just fallen asleep when I felt the familiar fog of one of Adrian's spirit dreams surround me. When it cleared we were standing in a small meadow filled with hundreds of wildflowers. It was absolutely beautiful and for some unexplainable reason made me feel home sick.

"You look beautiful as always."

I turned around to see Adrian coming up behind me and rushed to hug him. I had missed him terribly, and although I loved the Belikovs, I missed my old friends and my old life. "I'm glad you're here. It feels like I haven't seen you in forever.

Adrian laughed, "We just had one of these a few weeks ago."

"I know, but I guess I'm a little homesick and you're about the closest thing I can get to home."

He smiled, "You look radiant. It's still hard for me to think of you having a baby in few months."

I looked down and noticed he'd put me in a white sundress that fell lightly over my rounded stomach. It was sometimes hard for me to really imagine having a baby. I knew that I was going to, and in the past few months it had even been a big part of what had helped me to find a small piece of my old self, but at the same time it wasn't something I had ever really thought would happen to me. The only person I had ever wanted was Dimitri and the fact that we would never be able to have kids together was something I had just accepted. It wasn't even just that I knew we couldn't have kids together, but it was also the fact that I was never really sure I wanted them.

I knew Dimitri did, and I had always felt a little guilty that I was taking that option away from him. I knew that he would be a great father, but I wasn't always sure that I would be a good mother. I had never really had one of my own. I had grown up at the academy and very rarely seen my own mother, and I knew that there was no way I could do that to my own child. But I also wasn't really sure how to be a mother.

"It's kind of surreal. I know I'm going to, but at the same time it's hard for me to imagine my life after it gets here." I said.

I sat down in the middle of the meadow and he came to sit beside me. "What do you mean?"

I looked up at him, "Last time I was here Abe told me that this wasn't my home, and I know it's true. I mean, I love the Belikovs, but I can't just be a housewife or a mother with a part-time job. It's just not who I am. My whole life has been training to be a guardian and learning how to kill Strigoi. I can't imagine not doing that in some way."

He nodded, "I can understand that. It's kind of hard for me to picture you in any kind of role that didn't include protecting people. It's just what you've always done with both Lissa and Dimitri."

I flinched and the use of his name. It was something I tried to avoid, but it was almost impossible. Everything about my current life reminded me of him and it seemed like no matter where I went in Baia there was someone or something that made me think of him.

We sat there silently for a few minutes before he said, "I saw Lissa again today. She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry again, and she wanted me to tell you that she would really like to see you. She tried to get me to tell her where you are. I know that both she and Dimitri are looking for you."

I sighed, "I'm not ready to see her and I don't know why he thinks he has any right to look for me. He made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me. Why does he think that when I disappear he can just suddenly decide he needs to see me?"

"Maybe he was just pushing you away, maybe he does really love you. He seems miserable without you here."

I groaned and laid down in the flowers, "No, he doesn't. He's told me that repeatedly and it's about time I listened. Even if he did, I don't know that it matters anymore. He's hurt me so much more since he became a dhampir again then all the time that he was Strigoi. It's easy to forgive him for all of the pain he caused me when he wasn't himself, but all of the things he's said to me since then came from him and he knew what he was saying."

He laid back with me, "Maybe it was his way of trying to protect you from himself. Maybe he really thought that you were better off without him."

"I'm not a child anymore, Adrian. If that is what he was doing then it's the same as if he was treating me like one. I can make my own decisions about what I want and who I want in my life. He can't decide that for me and he can't make me want something or someone else."

It was quiet again for a few more minutes until I gasped as I felt a small kick in my abdomen. I grabbed Adrian's hand and laid it over my stomach. I wasn't completely sure if it was even possible for him to feel the baby kick in one of these dreams, but a few seconds later it kicked again and Adrian looked over at me amazed. I smiled, "I wasn't really sure that would work."

He laughed, "Well, considering that this kid is the offspring of two of the most bad ass guardians out there I imagine that this is only the beginning."

I couldn't help but laugh with him at that. "You should come see me. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of days and I get to find out if it's a boy or a girl."

He looked surprised, "You want me to go with you?"

I smiled, "Yes. I know it's not really the relationship you want with me, but I still think of you like a brother and I would love it if you would be here with me."

It was hard for me to know that Adrian loved me and that I would never be able to return those feelings. I wasn't sure that I would ever truly be able to get over Dimitri and even if I could find a way, it was even harder for me to think about giving my heart away again. The only thing I had ever gotten out of our relationship was pain, and we had never even truly had a moment where we were able to just be happy being together.

He leaned over and brushed away some of the hair that had fallen into my eyes and said, "I know, Rose. It was unfair of me to ever try to make you be with me. I knew from the moment I first saw you with him that I didn't stand a chance." He paused, "I don't really have anything planned for the next few days. I have to be back by the end of the week though. Christian asked me to teach spirit at the new school they're starting for Moroi. They've found several new spirit users that need to be taught how spirit works."

"So you'll come?" I asked excitedly. I missed being around my old friends and the thought of actually seeing Adrian outside of a dream made me realize how much I really missed him.

He laughed at my excitement, "Yes, little dhampir, but I need to leave you and get ready if you want me to come."

I laughed and started push him away, "Then go, I'll see you in a day or two."

He smiled again and the dream began to fade, "I'll see you in a few days."

As he disappeared, I felt a happier than I had in months as I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

It was two days later when he finally arrived. I was babysitting Paul, Zoya, and baby Natasha while Karolina and Sonya were both working. After I'd first arrived I had tried to get a job of my own but since I wasn't fluent in Russian it had been impossible. Instead I watched the kids whenever Karolina or Sonya needed me to and worked with Viktoria on learning Russian.

Viktoria had just returned home from hanging out with her friends and I was getting ready to go for a run. It was the closest I could get to training since my doctor had refused to allow me to do any type of hand to hand combat while pregnant.

I shouted at Viktoria to get the door and finished changing into my jogging shorts and a loose t-shirt I had found in one of the closets. I tried to tell myself it was Paul's, but due to the age I was almost certain it had to have been one of Dimitri's from when he was growing up.

When I made my way to the living room I almost laughed at loud at what I saw. Adrian was standing there with Viktoria looking speechless. I walked up to him and gave him a quick hug before asking, "Are you two okay?"

Adrian smiled but his eyes never left Viktoria, "Little dhampir, who is this beautiful creature?"

I almost laughed again because to my delight a blush rose to Viktoria's cheek. It seemed like it had been forever since I'd heard Adrian flirt with anyone other than me, and I knew Viktoria hadn't dated anyone since her horrible romance with Rolan. "This is Dimitri's youngest sister Viktoria. Viktoria this is Adrian Ivashkov."

Her eyes widened a bit has she heard his royal name, "It's nice to meet you Lord Ivashkov."

Adrian laughed, "No, just Adrian. I try to avoid being royal whenever possible."

The blush was still on her cheeks and I could tell that she was checking him out and to my surprise he was doing the same. I smiled to myself and turned to him, "I was about to go for a run, will you be okay here with Viktoria for a little bit?"

"I'll be fine, I'm sure that Viktoria and I can come up with plenty of ways to stay occupied."

I laughed at his obvious flirting and left them alone. As I walked out the door I put my earphones in my ears and turned on my iPod. The music filled my ears and my legs began to jog and I slowly felt the stress leave my body. I wasn't used to not being in constant motion and being unable to train or even spar had made me a bit restless. The only time I really seemed to relax was while I was running.

Unfortunately running also reminded me of Dimitri and how our relationship had started. Everytime I started running I would think of the constant laps he made me do or the times that he would run along with me and I would push myself to be faster than him.

I wondered what Dimitri would think of Adrian possibly having a relationship with his sister. I knew that Dimitri had never liked Adrian, but I had always assumed that it was because of how obvious he was with his feelings about me. If it wasn't for the fact that he had been in love with me, I always thought that the two of them would get along. Of course, that was before Dimitri had hurt me so badly. Now it was probably Adrian who would have problems being in any type of relationship where Dimitri was involved.

I ran for an hour before returning to the house, and was pleasantly surprised to see that Viktoria was practically sitting on Adrian's lap on the sofa. I laughed as the jumped apart when I entered, "Don't worry about me; I'm just passing through to the shower."

As I took a quick shower I couldn't help but be happy that Adrian had an obvious connection to Viktoria. I had felt guilty even inviting him here because I couldn't help but wonder if he was still holding out for a relationship with me, and although I knew that I had told him over and over that I would never think of him as anything other than an older brother, I knew that he still had some feelings for me. I wanted him to have a chance to be happy. I didn't want to hold him back from having his own life. I had done that for far too long just by dating him when I was never really over Dimitri.

I dried my hair and let it fall down my back then threw on a pale yellow sundress that clung to my body and showed off my growing baby bump. It was lucky that Sonya had just had Natasha and that we were close to the same size. I'd been able to take all of her maternity clothes and hadn't needed to buy any new ones.

I walked back into the living room and I could smell the smell of Olena's cooking which made my stomach growl. Considering I ate a lot before I got pregnant it was ridiculous how much I ate now and it seemed as if I was constantly hungry.

"There you are Roza. Could you set the table for me? I think dinner should be ready in a few minutes." Olena's voice came from the kitchen.

I quickly agreed and put out all the plates and placemats before going in to see if she needed any more help, I figured I'd give Viktoria and Adrian a little more time to get to know each other.

I swiped a piece of black bread as I watched Olena work, I knew better than to offer her help. She took pride in taking care of her children and she loved to cook for all of us. If she needed my help she would ask for it.

"Should I be worried about your friend?" She asked quietly.

I was confused at first about what she was asking me, but then I quickly realized that she must have noticed the attraction between Adrian and Viktoria just as I had. "No, Adrian's one of the best guys I know and he took care of me when I didn't really have anyone else. He would never hurt Viktoria."

She smiled, "Good. I was beginning to wonder if she would ever date anyone again after being hurt by Rolan, and if you say he's a good man then I believe you. How long is he staying with us?"

"Just a few days, I invited him here to go with me to my appointment in the morning."

She nodded, "I'm glad he came for you, I know how you have missed your old friends."

She motioned for me to start putting food on the table and I shouted to Adrian and Viktoria to bring the kids to eat. They came in a few minutes later. Paul sat in his seat and instantly started eating, Viktoria brought in Zoya and loaded her into her high chair, and Adrian walked in carrying little baby Natasha.

It was ridiculous but seeing him holding her made me think of how my life should have been. How it should have been Dimitri here with me and our baby and I felt a familiar ache inside of me. It seemed as if no matter how far I got from Dimitri and no matter how long I was away from him my soul still called out to his. I still wanted him, I still needed him, and I still loved him.

I felt Olena's arm go around my shoulder and I knew that she understood what I was feeling, "It will be okay Roza."

I knew she was trying to comfort me, but I couldn't think of any way that any of this would ever be okay again. I might want him and need him, but he didn't want me and he didn't need me. He'd told me so more times than I could count, and I now knew that I wouldn't be getting over him. It was impossible, he was too much ingrained in me and too much a part of me whether he wanted to be or not.

I wiped away the tears that had slipped from my eyes and tried to smile as we sat down to eat.