Chapter 5
Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns characters, world, yada yada yada...
Alanna stood in the hallway far enough from the ballroom that Jonathan wouldn't see her if he came out. She felt a bit like a coward. Usually, she didn't run away from the things she was scared of. But this was different. It was Jonathan.
She feared what he had to tell her, how he would explain, what he had done to her. She did not want to hear lies and excuses. It would be like rubbing salt in the wound, if he could just lie to her like that. But that wasn't why she was afraid. What she feared the most, was that he would tell her the truth.
If he had done it for the reason her uncle had said; that a woman should not be fighting, he would have told someone back when he found out, at the black city. That she could have understood – respected even. She had lied to them all and broken the rules. He had every right to tell on her then.
But he hadn't done that. He had kept her secret, thinking her worthy of becoming a knight.
So what other reason could there be for him to tell her uncle the truth? Alanna could only think of one. He had gotten tired of her. He didn't love her anymore, maybe he never had. It would make sense then, getting her sent away. Other ladies he tired of could easily be avoided. She couldn't. She was his squire, lived right next to him. After breaking up with her, she would have been a constant nuisance.
The thought that not only did he not love her, he had been ready to destroy everything she had dreamed of, just to be rid of her, was too much to bear. She wasn't nearly ready to hear that. Better not to know.