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Chapter 6: The falling apart.

"I never dreamed the sea so deep,

the Earth so dark, so long my sleep;

I have become another child,

I wake to see the world go wild".

Allen Ginsberg.

"Now, you start leaving the subconscious level… You regain awareness of your own body… of the clothes on your skin, of the surface beneath you…" Jean's voice was soft and clean through the hazy fog Rogue transited, on her way back: "You remember it's Friday… It's almost six p.m… and you open your eyes."

It always blinded her a little, the white lights of this narrow room.

"Everything all right?" Jean smiled, sitting straight on a metallic chair at the feet of the cozy armchair where Rogue laid.

"Yeah…" As usual, her joints felt so numb and rusty, like she spent ten hours in a car trip without stretching her body. The telepath, on the other hand, looked as squeaky neat as usual:

"Well Rogue, I have to tell you that we have made great progress lately. So much… I think tomorrow might be our last session."

"Really?"

"Sure. See, your prefrontal cortex…" Rogue always got a little lost at this part, especially when her head was still this dozy: "…so we pretty much deactivate the psyches and when all of them are gone, we erase the level where they used to exist and they won't bother you again anymore… Rogue, are you okay?"

"Yeah…" she stood from the armchair, running her hands through her hair in a failed attempt to put it in order: "Why?"

"You just seem… unquiet today."

"Yeah, maybe 'cause we didn't have much sleep last night, right?" her eyes searched for the door: "Ah'm gonna go… do somethin'. Thanks Jean."

The redhead stayed sitting there, a digital pad on her lap. After taking a couple of notes in it, she sighed:

"I wish I could tell you. But it's better this way."

(…)

She really wasn't paying attention to the movie.

Everyone else indeed was, and Rogue saw them sipping Coke, chewing pop corn and whispering things at each other's ears, like in slow motion. The huge TV screen on the lounge room's wall, was just a shiny square in the darkened place. But she didn't care if the zombies ate the main character or not, because since that morning (or noon) when she woke up after the mission, she felt empty, tired, disoriented.

Why?

She kept going through all the things she had done the previous day, anything different that could affect her. But no, it was just another regular night at the office (well, at the government's office); just another cocky, smart mouthed guy, the one she had met; just another therapy session that afternoon… then what?

"Oh my God! That's so gross" Kitty gasped, while two zombies gnawed on a guy's flesh like it was turkey. Evan and Kurt just laughed at it.

But yes, it must have definitely had something to do with the darn therapy being finally over. It was like Jean had closed the door through which all those faces, voices, memories and personalities showed up. They were gone, locked somewhere and that's why she felt different today.

Yes, that was it. And she was sleepy, also.

So without saying good night and luckily without anyone asking her to stay and enjoy the butchery, she sneaked out of the room towards her bedroom.

(…)

After blinking several times, Rogue could focus her vision and recognize the familiar drapes: morning light coming through them and the mint green wall. She buried her face in the pillow, ready to get some five, ten or forty more minutes of sleep, when it hit her: Remy. He had disappeared the previous night. So this wasn't real; it was still a dream in this world Jean had been erasing.

Rogue jumped out of bed and made her way out of the bedroom. Why hadn't she remembered about the therapy sessions, while she was in here, like they didn't exist? Maybe she hadn't wanted to? Unconsciously, that is. Maybe she had hid from herself the fact that he would be gone at any moment, clinging on to something that would be gone anyway.

But she had to find him. This was her brain and she should be able to decide what was in it and what no, right?

But the hallways of the mansion, so many times bubbling with people coming and going, were empty, filled with a deep silence that was almost hard to bear.

"Hello?" she yelled. Not even the echo replied, like something had swallowed her voice. She knocked on the first door she found:

"Logan?" This was his bedroom: "Logan?!" But then she remembered: he had been gone some time ago. It was useless to call for him.

Then she started rummaging around the house: behind every door, looking out of every window. There must have been someone left, just someone… Remy… he had to be somewhere…

She stopped right on her tracks and her heart jumped from her chest to the ceiling:

"Kit?" she uttered in a whisper.

The younger girl was lying on the metallic floor of the gym.

"Kitty?!" Rogue shook her by the shoulders repeatedly, but it was just as she was in a very deep sleep.

"Kit? Oh Gawd…"

She stumbled and fell for a moment but managed to put herself back on feet.

"Ah gotta…" she left, not daring to look back at her friend.

The medical area of the mansion wasn't far, so, whether it made sense or not in this situation, Rogue headed that way. The hallways were equally empty, and there it was: that metallic door, the thing she used to see last, every time she submerged in therapy. It seemed so strange to enter this room from here, from the place they were trying to erase.

"Jean?" Rogue pushed the door open and Jean was there. Eyes closed, lying all twisted on her chair.

She took a couple of steps backwards and got out of the room.

Were they dead, the psyches? Could they die, anyway? Had she and Jean killed them or just put them to sleep? Did it even matter? They weren't real, they… glancing out through a window of the living room, Rogue spotted something that made her run out of the house.

When she was closer, she approached slowly, fearing he could vanish in the air like everyone seemed to be doing lately. But he just remained sitting there, the swing hardly balancing at all, his shoulders a little hunched.

"Kurt?"

"Hello, Rogue" he just said sadly, his hands resting on his lap.

These were the swings where she and Remy first met.

"Where's everybody?" she continued, sitting on the swing besides his.

"Gone" he shrugged slightly: "I'll be gone too, very soon".

"Ah…" what could she say to this? "Ah'm… sorry". He stared at her with a sad smile on his face:

"Don't be. Ve all know all diz people buzzing around your head drove you nuts." The baseball field seemed abandoned, like no one had played in it in ages; she then realized that the swings were rusty: "Besides: I'm out there, watching a movie or playing video games somewhere. Right?"

Rogue nodded: "Yeah… it's just… yah seem so real here. Yah all do… did. "

Kurt balanced a little in the swing, which squeaked loudly.

"Listen, Kurt: Ah'm sorry to ask yah this but…" she had to do it: "Yah know that guy Ah've been… hangin' out with recently…"

"You mean, making out with?" Rogue's eyes widened and Kurt finally laughed genuinely: "It's okay sister, but if this was real life he'd have to go through my approval, you know? As your brother, I have to…"

"Yeah, Kurt" she laughed nervously too, trying to rush him: "It's 'kay but, have yah seen him?"

"No" he shook his head. But then continued: "But I zink I know where you can find him".

"Really?" she gasped.

Kurt nodded: "You just stumbled over Jean and Kitty, didn't you?"

"Yeah…?"

"Where?"

"In the mansion."

"Where in the mansion?"

"In the gym an'…KURT!"

The swing was empty now, still balancing a little in the still air.

Rogue stood up and pushed the seat of her swing away, walking with no direction. Her throat was burning as it started to get cold outside. This had to be the loneliest place on Earth now.

Struggling against her tears, she tried to focus. She had found Kitty in the gym and Jean in that room besides the lab, so what? They were asleep anyway, if you can use that term when you already are in a dream.

"Think, Rogue", she forced herself. Where could Remy be? Anyway he'd be asleep like the others, but she still wanted to see him. To say good bye, at least.

"Kitty in the gym. She hates the gym" Rogue chuckled weirdly to herself: "Ah've only seen her in the gym few times, like the day Ah… the day… Ah… absorbed her."

It was about a year ago. Kitty was on the treadmill but it suddenly started to go too fast (let's thank Evan for the little prank) making Kitty stumble and jump out of the machine, one of her hands landing right on Rogue's face as she desperately tried to find balance. No matter how many times Evan apologized to the both of them, it still resulted in Kitty spending five hours knocked out and Rogue having a new guest inside her head. Jean's was different: it was on purpose, as the telepath was trying to determine how the therapy affected Rogue's powers. Well they still worked, that was for sure, as just a slight finger to cheek touch made Jean faint on her seat. On her seat…

So that was it: they couldn't walk or speak or be… awake anymore, they just stayed like dead in the very place where Rogue absorbed them the first time.

Rogue started running again, going away from the mansion's limits and passing by streets and houses, parked cars and stores. Everything was quiet, like a ghost town, and she didn't even want to look when, with the corner of her eye, she perceived a body lying somewhere. She didn't want to think on who it would be. Only the wind got colder and stronger, and she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to protect herself inside the jacket she didn't remember to be wearing when she was talking to Kurt.

"'kay, this ain't normal" she accepted, when she had to enter a narrow alley to hide from the wind just for a little while. She covered her head with the hoodie and leaned against the wall, when she saw it:

"What the hell?! Oh Gawd…"

The trees, out on the street, had their leaves ripped off within seconds, right before her eyes and random objects, from pieces of paper to plastic bags to shoes, were also being swept on the street by the wind.

"Okay… all right" she came out of the alley and continued down the street as fast as she could, the wind against her. That house they went to, the day of the mission on which she absorbed Remy: it wasn't far. In fact… it could be as close as she wanted it to be, she realized suddenly. She ran this place, as Remy had said, so she could make it appear…

"Right there".

She climbed up the black fence and landed on the front yard, and then she looked back: it was like a hurricane or a tornado was approaching to her, destroying everything on its way: window glasses were broken, doors were ripped out of their frames, all sorts of things flying in the air that blew and roared.

But she turned back to the house and went straight to the huge backyard, ignoring the chaos around her.

She remembered the place well, the marble stairs, the path that led from them to a fountain, the trees…

"Remy?" she knew she'd get no answer, but it didn't matter: "Remy?!"

There he was, like he was just asleep or passed out because of drunkenness. He wasn't wearing casual clothes like the other days, but the clothes she had seen on him when they met in real life, at the government's building; he must have been wearing them as well the day she absorbed him: his combat clothes, or something.

"Rem," she kneeled by his side and ran her fingers through his hair. There were almost no leaves left on the trees, and a horribly harsh noise behind her made her shiver, but she didn't turn towards the house to see.

Fine, she had been looking for him. Now what?

"Wake up" she ordered, cupping his face between her hands: "If this is mah damn head an' Ah do whatever Ah want, wake the hell up before Ah kick your butt, Swamp Rat! WAKE UP!"

A log passed flying inches away from her; the whole world seemed to spin. But Remy didn't move.

"Remy…" she pressed her cheek against his, her tears touching his skin.

And all of a sudden, there it was again: that empty silence that had filled the mansion some time ago. The roar was gone and she could feel warm, still air around her, but she didn't dare to move.

"Remy likes dis…"

She couldn't help to smile, her face still buried in the mixture of his and her hair. Finally, she straightened up.

The world had indeed stopped moving: leaves, pieces of land, wood, metal, and any other material existent, were suspended in the air, motionless, like glued to something invisible.

"How weird is this?" was all she could utter, while he sat besides her.

"I know, right? I mean, Remy knew y' were a bit coocoo but dis be ridiculous".

"Ha ha" she laughed sarcastically: "Should have let yah here for the tornado to blow you up."

"But it will, chère" he held her hand: "ol' Remy an' dis whole place will be gone in a sec."

She squeezed his fingers: "Can't we do anythin' 'bout it?"

"Non" he sighed: "Well, yes, dere be one thing."

"What?"

"Chèrie: y' have to find me. Out dere."

Rogue frowned. She didn't even remember about any of this when she was awake, how could she intentionally look for him, find him and tell him they were in love in another reality inside her head? Too much for a first date small talk.

"But…"

"No buts. I know we won't remember dis, neither of us will…" it seemed like such a… waste, like such a lost, to have something like this and lose even the memory of it: "But we can start over. Don't y' think so?"

She bit her lip. It was easy in here, where she could be open about what she felt and wanted, where she could touch. But out there, things were rough. Real. Too real.

"Ah guess…"

"Don't guess: know it, like I do."

"Ah'll miss yah" she whispered, her eyes strained with tears.

"Y' won't, chère, trust me," he placed his forehead against hers: "'Cause we'll see each other soon. I promiss."

He kissed her and the last thing she could hear before the roar and the gusts were back to destroy it all, was:

"Remy loves y'".

Note: Oh my! My heart is all twitchy now. I had written this chap until the part when she goes to bed in reality and then I went traveling, that's why I hadn't updated. But I'm back and this afternoon, I managed to churn out the whole dream part in about three hours. Woot! I just couldn't stop writing; it feels so good when it's that way and everything flows. Well guys! Please tell me what you think of this chappie. Thanks for reading (and reviewing hehe!) and have a nice week!